Are unhealthy food diaries open to criticism?

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Natihilator
Natihilator Posts: 1,778 Member
in Food and Nutrition
I'm new to MFP and how it all works. Do you say something when someone is clearly under-eating, going by their diary? Is that the point of having food diaries open to friends? I know that some people have ED's, sometimes people get sick and barely eat anything, other times you don't input everything you eat that day, and I'm not talking about people eating junk, we all slip up and have bad days.

But when someone is eating under 1000 calories a day, that's a danger zone. I don't really feel comfortable calling people out on it, it feels like overstepping, but I kind of want to...

Thoughts?
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Replies

  • issyfit
    issyfit Posts: 1,077 Member
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    Personally, I wouldn't say anything unless they ask for advice.
  • kymdarnell
    kymdarnell Posts: 101
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    I do ! When I accept/send a friend request I advise them that I will be straight up - if they don't want to hear it don't accept me as a friend.... oh, but I do put it in 'nice' way....
  • Pandorian
    Pandorian Posts: 2,055 MFP Moderator
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    Best to do so through a message to the person rather than publicly on the forums, some people are eating less than 1200 but are doing it medically supervised / Dr's orders but they may not want to announce to the world their extreme diet/ restrictions etc.

    I check my friends diaries (if open) and if they are way under calories I will avoid empty congratulations as we should be aiming for our calorie goal daily, and if it's full of fastfood etc I probably won't "wtg" etc
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
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    I wouldn't say there's any harm in approaching it once in a private message. If they don't take it well, don't bring it up again. If you feel that it's really that bad you can always 'unfriend' them.

    Edit: Oh, and don't forget the power of positive reinforcement. When you see an awesome diary, make sure the person knows how great they did!
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
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    I keep my diary closed as a polite way to say 'I'M NOT OPEN TO CRITICISM' so, I would say someone who has their diary open has it open for a reason and is looking for suggestions/comments.

    One of the hardest things I've had to do so far was learn how to eat and I've had friends ask me to look at their diary whilst complaining about mine being closed. lol
  • kyrstensmom
    kyrstensmom Posts: 297 Member
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    Agreed...open food diary is not the default setting, so if you open your diary, you open it up for criticism and/or praise. If you don't want people looking, make it private.
  • HeelsAndBoxingGloves
    HeelsAndBoxingGloves Posts: 916 Member
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    Depends on how well you know that person and how well you know their plan/goals/issues their working on
  • sweet110
    sweet110 Posts: 332 Member
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    I concur with the above...only if they ask. I know some folks think, hey, if its public, they must *want* me to comment. But being on the boards for a while, I can say...though it may seem like a reasonable thought, its not really true in practice. You're safer just to wait until they directly ask for your help. Unsolicited advice will eventually hurt someone's feelings, and really, you're not on here to get involved in someone else's mental drama, right? Who needs that! You may be "right" but, in the end, who cares. You just want a drama free experience, right?
  • Natihilator
    Natihilator Posts: 1,778 Member
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    Oh I would never dream of making a public forum post directly addressing said person, but would reply to them on their wall/in a pm. I guess it just struck a chord because I used to severly restrict my calories and remember how unhealthy it made me, hate to see other people doing the same thing.
  • applebobbrush
    applebobbrush Posts: 235 Member
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    I opened my diary for that reason. I want input! Of course not on every little thing every day, but I think you and I are on the same page. If someone is purposing eating under a 1000 everyday and doesn't see it as a problem, maybe they don't really realize it has become routine. I would send a private message to them and ask if they wouldn't mind if you gave your opinion about their food diary.
  • MarkT112
    MarkT112 Posts: 1 Member
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    ...Maybe criticism is the wrong word... more a case for support.. eating 1000 calories daily over a period of time is dangerous.. this can lead to rapid weight loss that can send the body into crisis..

    Try this link to get more info.. http://www.b-eat.co.uk/get-help/about-eating-disorders/worried-about-someone/

    Maybe that will give you a better idea about if you should be concerned..
  • MamaBear57
    MamaBear57 Posts: 336 Member
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    I think it depends how long you have been friends. The longer you work track with someone the better you will know what is normal. If you cannot be honest with them then it is not really true support. Empty WTG's do not do much and I feel that honesty is the best. Even when we have terrible times we support and do not down each other but do question what the others are doing.I was just called out for my diary for under eating. (did not feel well) But my friend did not know I was under the weather. She did it by personal message so the whole board did not see but we talked about it all the same. I did not see I was undereating because of being down however when it was pointed out I thanked her and corrected it.

    My friends list is not big so I can truly have time to help my friends. I feel truly connected to them and feel I can be completely honest with them.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    For me it is completely dependent on what I know about the person. If they say they're trying to recover from anorexia and eat more, I may call them out (gently) for not eating enough. But it really varies from person to person. I don't want people to judge my diary too harshly (even on my "not so healthy" days) so I try to make constructive comments that I would want to hear. I mostly read other people's diaries as a way to get ideas for new and healthy foods or recipes, and I don't read everyone's diary every day, but if someone asks for help I will try to help them.
  • Cfkearney
    Cfkearney Posts: 184 Member
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    If it's someone I've established a connection with and feel comfortable talking to them about it then I might bring it up. Otherwise I don't say anything until they post something along the lines of "I'm not losing weight and I have no idea why" Then I would say something as neutral as possible like "I just checked your diary and it looks like you haven't been taken in very many calories. You gotta have calories to burn em silly" I attempt to use humor because the last thing I want to do is sound like a know it all. For all I know they have talked to their doctor and are doing what they are supposed to be doing. It can be very touchy. But it can also be unintentional. I know I have to log because when I think I'm being "healthy" and eating good things it turns out I wasn't eating nearly as much as I should have been. Which eventually led to binge eating because...well I was starving. It's hard to tell. Just keep an eye out and be ready with friendly advice if you are ever asked for it.
  • runnercheryl
    runnercheryl Posts: 1,314 Member
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    I keep my diary closed as a polite way to say 'I'M NOT OPEN TO CRITICISM' so, I would say someone who has their diary open has it open for a reason and is looking for suggestions/comments.

    I'm different on this one. I wouldn't criticise anyone's food diary, and I wouldn't appreciate mine being criticised, but I do have mine open for people to view.

    I figure, we all do things differently. I'd like food diaries to be a discussion point. Maybe I could comment if someone has an interesting collection of ingredients and I can't work out what they were making, but it sounded nice, and maybe they could comment on mine, but I'd be a little irritated to be receiving criticisms.

    I've opened mine in case anyone wants to learn how I do things, that's all.
  • rieson
    rieson Posts: 16 Member
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    I wouldn't say anything unless they are asking for help. I know there are times when I try to upload from my phone and only get partial information in before it stops or I can't find a food in the database, eat it but forget to go back & update. I've also entered foods just to see what their values are, but didn't actually eat them ... of course I've forgotten to delete these.
  • jdhosier
    jdhosier Posts: 315 Member
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    That is a reasonable question. My view is that I accept and request friends to hold me and them accountable. I try to be gentle with my suggestions and concerns because many can't handle rebukes or harshness. I had one friend who declined to share her diary. When I asked about it, she explained to me that she got tired of people raising questions about her 1200 calorie goal. She said that she is under 5' tall and her requirements are waaaaaay different from mine at 6'4" tall). So, we never know where someone is, but if all I see is junk, I will say something. I have had the same kind of bad days and I appreciate a gentle reminder (or even someone calling me out) to help me get back on track. That is what accountability partners do.
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
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    I think the reason a lot of people lock their diaries is because of some of the really harsh things people say. I mean, there's a difference between caring about someone's well-being and just blatantly trying to punish them with words. I generally don't say much on those that have them open, unless I see something tasty. But I also know that a lot of people are out there doing various diets like the HCG diet or whatever it is that calls for something like 600 calories a day at most. I couldn't live on it, but if they can, more power to em. Just hope they are happy with the end result and can stay there without slipping into an ED.
  • eliz_in_pink
    eliz_in_pink Posts: 278 Member
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    My diary is an open book! Friends read my diary, check on my progress throughout the day. I appreciate the open feedback. BUT, I do have a hard time when people who like to just 'slam' or critize my diary will not open their diary up for friends or what-not. If I allow you to see what I'm eating, I'd like to see what you are eating (or how much or little you are eating).

    I was in the 'danger zone' as you referred to it as for quite a while. Eating under 1000 calories, and I appreciated the open and honest feedback and worries I was getting from my friends on here, then I kicked up my calorie intake.

    :)
  • tsimpson84
    tsimpson84 Posts: 35
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    I make mine available so people can read it and offer advice/criticism and whatnot. My personal opinion is that hiding my eating habits got me here in the first place :) You would think that if it bothered someone, they would make it private.

    I do offer advice to some of my friends who have their diaries public, but I try to do it in a way that's not rude. For example, I noticed that one of my friends was intaking alot of sodium (a similar problem of mine) and I noticed she was eating the "regular" version of what I eat for lunch. I suggested that she might want to try the lower sodium variety, that I have the same issues, and that I really like the taste of it, etc. I think it all really depends on how often you and the person talk, how open they are to suggestions, and how politely you do it :)

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