Question for the ladies (or gentlemen)

Stick with your gut. It knows what it's talking about. If you feel akward or creeped out, then definetly unfriend!

If it doesnt feel right chances are it isnt !!!!!!!!!!!

Ladies, I need some input.

I usually get about 50/50 male/female ratio for friend requests. I generally accept them all.

Buuuut, the first "red flag" I feel, I usually unfriend.

Here's my dilemma. I don't like private messages. When I've added a new male friend, and the first thing I get is a message asking for my real name/ other personal info/ just literally the word "hi", I get a little creeped out. (This has never happened with a new female friend-but happens with guys about once a week)

I can't help it, it's that feeling in the pit of my stomach (like, did I just walk into a college bar?)
Am I being paranoid/judgmental? Or should I keep "sticking with my gut"?

So someone saying "hi" creeps you out? Not sure I understand...what else are they supposed to say?

not had this problem on here so far but boy is it a common one on facebook! I'm very careful on there... do what your instinct tells you, everyone else has it about right here... :-)

ALWAYS trust your gut! Intuition never fails you!

I AGREE (and agree w/a lot of the other posters) -- your gut instinct is your best bet. We're the only animal species that "overrides" our gut instinct with rational reasons why we shouldn't listen to it ("It's not nice", "Maybe I'm paranoid", "I'm being silly."). Especially us women who are taught to be friendly and accommodating as much as possible.

As someone who studied this phenomenon wrote, "No other species of animal would get into an enclosed metal box (elevator) with a stranger, especially if alarm bells are going off. But we (especially women) do it all the time because they convince themselves they're being irrational. They're not." This same guy wrote "The Gift of Fear" and studied 10's of 1,000s of crime victims (male and female) who all had some kind of bad feeling right before an attack. I can't remember his name, but it's a great book.

Too much babbling, but that's just to say again -- Do what you feel good about. No one else can tell you what's good for you. :flowerforyou:

Seriously, perhaps you need to rethink your acceptance policy. Why accept them in the first place if a simple Hi sets off alarms?

In addition, imagine the land mine guys walk through?

If you send a request, send a message. Make sure you have the right ratio of males to females or you might look like a creep
Make sure you have the RIGHT friends
Don't send messages and try not to be overly friendly

yeah. I prefer not to send friend requests. I also don't worry about that crap. I am an acquired taste and I don't want to blindside someone. I am who I am and I actually encourage people to delete me. Weeds the weak ones out.

No to mention, I bet after I have friended people, about 75% of them pm me and say thanks, hi, and their name

Not like they ask for my last name, my ssn, and my first born lol

But then again, I dont accept blank requests

Hi...don't mean to offend, but might be your pictures? Pretty sexy poses....you know how guys are...lol. Sometimes, the pictures I see on mfp make me wonder if people are actually looking for dates....just sayin'. Course, everyone wants to show their results. Problem is sometimes those results might bring out the pervs.

I bet there are guys who look at a profile of someone in a burkha who states she is blissfully married and has 72 children, but will still send a PM with something like "c'mon baby, show me an ankle"

If it is literally just the word "Hi", then that would seem a little odd to me. A nice brief intro seems reasonable - "Hi, I'm John. Thanks for adding me.". i would be wary of requests for personal information, other than first name, right off the bat. That can wait until there has been a bit more interaction.

Hi...don't mean to offend, but might be your pictures? Pretty sexy poses....you know how guys are...lol. Sometimes, the pictures I see on mfp make me wonder if people are actually looking for dates....just sayin'. Course, everyone wants to show their results. Problem is sometimes those results might bring out the pervs.

I bet there are guys who look at a profile of someone in a burkha who states she is blissfully married and has 72 children, but will still send a PM with something like "c'mon baby, show me an ankle"

Thus the ankle fetish was created.

Stick with your gut.

^^^^^^^^This

alot of gut references... *ponders*

I'm glad to hear see this post. I had no idea a message with a friend request might offend someone or suggest anything more than than what was on the surface. I actually thought I was being polite to point out something we had in common if I had time, but I suppose that might be a generational thing about the changed definition of "friend." That said, I know that messages to some of you makes you feel uncomfortable. What's the harm of ignoring the message if you don't like it?

-2 attractiveness points for the hot chick complaining about the attention that being hot gets her.

Just talking a wild guess here... does your profile page have like, eight or ten pictures of you in skin-tight workout gear with a bared middrift? Maybe a couple of those over-the-shoulder cell-phone-in-the-bathroom mirror pics of your back muscles with only a tiny bikini top or no bra? None of that is by any means an invitation to "stalk," but it is enough to get the average guy interested enough to say "hi." heck, your current avatar would be enough for the 24-year-old, previously-unmarried version of me to say "hi" in a PM and maybe send a friend request. So if you've got a bunch of "progress pics" that are similar to your av then, well... yeah. Of course dudes will try to talk you up. Be gracious in deflecting their attentions and they will eventually turn elsewhere. Those that don't are behaving improperly and should be dealt with accordingly (alert the Moderators).

MFP isn't a dating site and doesn't have dating profiles, but people are still people whereever you go (even on the internet). Just like in a bar or a coffeeshop, no one knows your boundares unless you establish them. In fact, it's harder to sense the limits on the 'net because there is no body language to read - avoiding eye contact, defiant posture, closed-off set of the shoulders, etc... I can't see that from my monitor. You have to post it in clear langauge if you want to establish a limit. If you lay out that you are in a relationship or aren't interested in contact beyond diet and fitness advice and they cross that line, by all means shut them down. If your profile doesn't establish that, well... you can't fault a guy for trying.

Always trust you gut. better to be safe then sorry. And unfriend the creep.