Question for the ladies (or gentlemen)

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Replies

  • Hecnotha1
    Hecnotha1 Posts: 200
    :love: ^^^^^^^
  • aamon17
    aamon17 Posts: 54 Member
    -2 attractiveness points for the hot chick complaining about the attention that being hot gets her.

    Just talking a wild guess here... does your profile page have like, eight or ten pictures of you in skin-tight workout gear with a bared middrift? Maybe a couple of those over-the-shoulder cell-phone-in-the-bathroom mirror pics of your back muscles with only a tiny bikini top or no bra? None of that is by any means an invitation to "stalk," but it is enough to get the average guy interested enough to say "hi." heck, your current avatar would be enough for the 24-year-old, previously-unmarried version of me to say "hi" in a PM and maybe send a friend request. So if you've got a bunch of "progress pics" that are similar to your av then, well... yeah. Of course dudes will try to talk you up. Be gracious in deflecting their attentions and they will eventually turn elsewhere. Those that don't are behaving improperly and should be dealt with accordingly (alert the Moderators).

    MFP isn't a dating site and doesn't have dating profiles, but people are still people whereever you go (even on the internet). Just like in a bar or a coffeeshop, no one knows your boundares unless you establish them. In fact, it's harder to sense the limits on the 'net because there is no body language to read - avoiding eye contact, defiant posture, closed-off set of the shoulders, etc... I can't see that from my monitor. You have to post it in clear langauge if you want to establish a limit. If you lay out that you are in a relationship or aren't interested in contact beyond diet and fitness advice and they cross that line, by all means shut them down. If your profile doesn't establish that, well... you can't fault a guy for trying.

    ^^^^^^ Rousing round of applause!!!!!
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    -2 attractiveness points for the hot chick complaining about the attention that being hot gets her.

    Just talking a wild guess here... does your profile page have like, eight or ten pictures of you in skin-tight workout gear with a bared middrift? Maybe a couple of those over-the-shoulder cell-phone-in-the-bathroom mirror pics of your back muscles with only a tiny bikini top or no bra? None of that is by any means an invitation to "stalk," but it is enough to get the average guy interested enough to say "hi." heck, your current avatar would be enough for the 24-year-old, previously-unmarried version of me to say "hi" in a PM and maybe send a friend request. So if you've got a bunch of "progress pics" that are similar to your av then, well... yeah. Of course dudes will try to talk you up. Be gracious in deflecting their attentions and they will eventually turn elsewhere. Those that don't are behaving improperly and should be dealt with accordingly (alert the Moderators).

    MFP isn't a dating site and doesn't have dating profiles, but people are still people whereever you go (even on the internet). Just like in a bar or a coffeeshop, no one knows your boundares unless you establish them. In fact, it's harder to sense the limits on the 'net because there is no body language to read - avoiding eye contact, defiant posture, closed-off set of the shoulders, etc... I can't see that from my monitor. You have to post it in clear langauge if you want to establish a limit. If you lay out that you are in a relationship or aren't interested in contact beyond diet and fitness advice and they cross that line, by all means shut them down. If your profile doesn't establish that, well... you can't fault a guy for trying.


    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    As in my case, I get more private messages from guys and and some women who are NOT on my friend list than people who are. I think that is creepy when they start asking personal info.
  • aamon17
    aamon17 Posts: 54 Member
    -2 attractiveness points for the hot chick complaining about the attention that being hot gets her. . . .

    Okay. i looked at the profile pics! LOLOLOL! C'mon now. You can't say, "Oh look at me in my skimpy Batman outfit with knee-high boots! But, please, Mr. Creeper, don't send me a private message! I know I'm half naked. But, it's my page and i can entice the visually stimulated male any way i darn well choose! And he BETTER not respond accordingly. Because, well, that's just creepy!"

    Reality check: The response you get is directly related to the vibe you give off. if you dont want "creepers", don't give them ammunition.
  • aamon17
    aamon17 Posts: 54 Member
    As in my case, I get more private messages from guys and and some women who are NOT on my friend list than people who are. I think that is creepy when they start asking personal info.

    mznisaelaine . . . You get messages 1.) because you, too, are an attractive woman and 2.) You're attractive AND fully clothed and 3.) The mystery of your possible hidden pics & persona is intiguing to those wanting to find out more about you.

    As unfair as it may be, people can easily assign labels & make assumptions about a person with a bunch of revealing photos open for everyone to see.
  • InvictusPheonix
    InvictusPheonix Posts: 129 Member
    (from the responses so far- and my attempt at counting)
    I'm being irrational/judgmental/overreacting (or something along those lines): 15
    Unclear (couldn't tell which side): 15
    Stick to your gut/overreaction is ok: 35
  • aamon17
    aamon17 Posts: 54 Member
    (from the responses so far- and my attempt at counting)
    I'm being irrational/judgmental/overreacting (or something along those lines): 15
    Unclear (couldn't tell which side): 15
    Stick to your gut/overreaction is ok: 35

    i don't think you're irrational. Your gut feeling is probably correct because it's YOUR gut feeling.

    But, be mindful and somewhat appreciative of teh fact that as a beautiful woman, you will attract men & women who want to get to know you. Just set the limits on what you will & wont allow in this setting. . . . Maybe have a brief statement on your profile telling new friends that you prefer not to receive inbox messages and will not respond if received. Done deal!!! . . . Continue to be beautiful, successful, and well on your way to total wellness. ;-)
  • LaComadreja14
    LaComadreja14 Posts: 277 Member
    Stick with your gut.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    Wow, creepy. Yeah I'd defriend them and maybe even block them. I don't get guys being like that. I've only disclosed all my info to a couple people on here after knowing them for a long time on here. I'm too paranoid though.
  • piggamongrel
    piggamongrel Posts: 12
    There are just as many genuine people out there as non-genuine, say hello back, whats the harm. U never know u may end up speaking to someone who has the same myfitnesspal aspirations as you... that always helps doesn't it :) x
  • bigdaddycowgill
    bigdaddycowgill Posts: 120 Member
    It's a shame that the creepy stalker element is out there to give us men a bad rap. I'm a happily married man who is here to give/get support in my efforts to lose weight & get healthier. Anyone please feel free to add me for stalker-free support.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    Ladies, I need some input.

    I usually get about 50/50 male/female ratio for friend requests. I generally accept them all.

    Buuuut, the first "red flag" I feel, I usually unfriend.

    Here's my dilemma. I don't like private messages. When I've added a new male friend, and the first thing I get is a message asking for my real name/ other personal info/ just literally the word "hi", I get a little creeped out. (This has never happened with a new female friend-but happens with guys about once a week)

    I can't help it, it's that feeling in the pit of my stomach (like, did I just walk into a college bar?)
    Am I being paranoid/judgmental? Or should I keep "sticking with my gut"?

    Hi how are you?
    jack_nicholson_shining.gif
  • TheDoctor90
    TheDoctor90 Posts: 461 Member
    Some very uptight people on here.
    I prefer PM if I'm having a conversation with one of my MFP friends because 1) Sometimes we'll discuss something that they may not want their entire friends listing know, ie names. 2) Trying to have a conversation over profiles is a pain, you never know if they've replied and do you reply to the status or to the profile?

    It's quite simple, don't add men, we're all horrible, pervy animals.
  • rocketmouse
    rocketmouse Posts: 143 Member
    WOW. Wow. Came back here to check on this thread since it was my last post and I can't believe 3 separate people showed up to tell the OP that she was asking for it with her profile pics.

    Keep it classy, MFP
  • awoodwaring
    awoodwaring Posts: 90 Member
    I always go with my gut. At the ripe old age of 5 I learned to trust my instincts; I avoided being raped/molested by a "favorite" uncle because I went with my gut instinct. I found out later he did rape my cousin (she was 8) and tried to get to my brothers (they also trusted their instincts to stay away).
  • Movie_Geek
    Movie_Geek Posts: 21 Member
    I have always went with my gut feeling on everything in life and it has never let me down. GO WITH YOUR GUT and de-friend him. This site should not make you feel uncomfortable, it is for you to make friends and have healthy support fro others. Hope this helps! :)
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    Ya come here often? ;) Lol, stick with your gut hun. Lots of creepers out there...
  • secrets_out
    secrets_out Posts: 684 Member
    Is the issue the creepyness, or the private messages?
    we can just try it out in the open and see if that changes it for you.

    Hi, would you like to be my friend? What is your real name. I'm Bill, but I also go my Lucifer and Lord of the utratarians. I enjoy long walks down dark alleys and sitting in the park, people watching from afar. Would you like to come down to my work out pit I have dug in my basement? I'd really like to get to know you better. What brand of shampoo do you wear?
    Please include several samples of your hair, with follicles attached please and mail them to.

    Oh, I see why you would need to send this pm. . don't want to get too give my address out over the internet! Someone with ill intent might pick up on it and, well stuff me in a pit in their basement!


    Lol! I just died!
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