Totally hateful comments by extended family members...
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I am 30 and Have lost 60lbs in a yr and a half ...Just turn that frustration into motivation that's what I have done. Make him eat his words success is the best revenge!0
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I think it's pretty obvious by this site's success section alone that your age isn't going to keep you down. This guy can go to town on himself for all he's worth; you don't need his opinion, and you be sure to wear that snotty smile when you waltz back over weighing less than he imagined you could.
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My dad one time took me to the Y (when I was 30) where I did a totally kick but 3 mile run. Afterward he gave me 30 pounds in weights and told me to hold them. Then he told me that was the extra weight I was carrying around and that I needed to lose it. Wow, I was humiliated. I didn't know what to say and was shocked. I have never forgotten it. It hasn't inspired me to lose weight (I think I could have lost 15 more pounds and would have called it good, 30 would have put me way skinny - which would be nice if I wanted to be a size 0). It is humiliating when family members butt in, and especially when they are so insensitive. Just prove him wrong. Ask him to go for a run or something, I bet you will smoke him. Don't give up!!! You can do it!!!0
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You are a better person than I am I would have sent the kids to the car or to another room and told him off!! That is so rude and he deserves to be put in his place. Was you mom there for this? If so did she say anything to him? And if she was not there or didn't say anything I would suggest letting her know what happened.0
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We moved half way across the nation, and we visit every other year - PERFECT!I have learned long ago that my family is NOT a good network of support in my life for anything.
That ship sailed, and when I finally shrugged off the shackles of family once and for all, it was liberating.
amen!! i just realized this a few months ago..im done with my family
And believe me, nature abhors a vacuum. Once the toxic people were OUT OF OUR LIVES....
...we met new people, positive people that are a great support for us in every way.0 -
Mean people suck!!! I feel your pain! I have completely hateful in-laws. I avoid conflict with them by avoiding them. I also get a little joy by knowing I'll be the one picking out their nursing home :blushing:
Ooooo! Well played!!0 -
You did the right thing and behaved in a way that was a great example to your children. Your mother's husband is a PIG and you do deserve an apology from both him and your mother because she should have put a stop to his behavior as well. Its a very hard thing to stand up to your family (I'm learning this one myself), but it is ok to do so and you are in the right.
And lets face it, you will lose the weight, you will look fantastic, you will have your wonderful husband and kids, and he will still have that lousy personality. At which point it is perfectly acceptable for you to cut him out of your life and your kids lives since he does not display behavior that you want around your kids.0 -
I think you handled it just fine. He behaved like a 10 year old bully, you behaved like an adult.
I would like to add, though, that if he EVER talks that way to one of your children, you tell him off in no uncertain terms no matter who is around, then walk away. It's as important that your children know you have their backs as it is for them to see you not be bated into an argument.0 -
You walked away with your dignity intact. Well done.
^^THIS!^^0 -
My step dad does this too. He has actually said I am as huge as a house. He's said, "Man you need to lose that weight you are twice my size."
Who are YOU to tell me how much I should weigh? I have a step sister from his side and he doesn't even claim us half the time. He says his son in law is his only child. If that's the case, lay off the comments about my body. The more people insult me the more I eat!0 -
we can always lose the weight, but he will ALWAYS be a stupid fat-head!
dont let it get to you.
ps. know you will out live him. & then laugh maniacally :devil:0 -
You did the right thing, best to get out of there before the situation deteriorated further.
My best piece of advice from this though, take a mental note of how he made you feel, and next time you are struggling for motivation to get to the gym etc, use it! Prove the fat little *kitten* wrong, then go back and kick his *kitten*! :P
I soooo agree!!!0 -
Please, please, PLEASE always remember - you are not doing this for anyone else, you are doing this for YOU. There will be comments galore from everyone. None of them matter, don't let a single word bother you. Don't let it piss you off, because then, they've won. Laugh in their face, if you have to (I've done it, it feels great!).0
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By you not saying anything makes you the more wise and considerate person.
Yeah, who wants to be that person right? The 'understanding' and 'reasonable' and 'sane' person?
You reacted the way that everyone should aspire to. You are a better person for it. Don't second-guess yourself.
As for the hateful comments, I want you to think about how much words have the power to change your resolve. If the sounds that come out of people's mouths to form what we call 'speech' has an ability to change the person you are and who you want to become, then your resolve must be stronger.
The journey is difficult but SO worth it. Things like this will happen. Don't let it control you.0 -
YOU WILL LOSE THE WEIGHT! Your actions showed your children the RIGHT way to deal with negative people. Keep your head up!0
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He's fearful because if you loose the weight, it will make him look fat.
My brother does this kind of crap to myself and my sisters. Yes, we are overweight, but so is he. Because he plays tennis from time to time, he feels he is in good shape.
Don't let it get you down. Instead, use it to motivate you by saying to yourself, "I'll show him", every time you are reaching a point in your exercise when you want to quit. You bet I do that when I am hitting a wall with my brother. It is a real motivator. Use it to produce a positive result.0 -
My father used to say this to me all of the time, but he was an alcoholic, who was 5'11' and 125lbs when he died. I would always just shrug my shoulders and say that I was happy being who I was, and when I was ready to lose the weight, I would.
Too bad he isn't around to see my progress so far....
It just really sucks that people have no decency sometimes. At my husband's birthday party that I threw for him almost 4 years ago, I was told I was "beautiful.... but fat" by a long-time friend's husband. I was shocked, my husband was shocked (he was within earshot), and my friend wasn't fazed by her husband's comment. Two days later on a Monday, I emailed her while she was at work and I let her know that I was a bit upset and pained that she didn't say anything afterwards. She simply replied back, "I'm sorry. (Husband's name) has told me that I shouldn't be associated with you, since you have low self esteem." WTF?!?!? Where did that crap come from??? So, I haven't spoken to her since.
You just never know what will come from some people sometimes.....0 -
Wow!! Sounds like my dad!! How does he talk to your mother? You handled that VERY well!! Good for you. Your children saw you take the high road and keep your dignity, that's the most important thing. And what a good teaching moment to explain to your kids when you got home that a real loving, caring man does NOT talk to ANY woman like that, but especially one he is supposed to be in any kind of relationship with. Friendship or family or partner. Just horrible, I'm angry for you!!0
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I think that you did the right thing by just walking away. Your weightloss will shame him and you can wear it with pride. If it doesn't he has no clue.
One of my biggest supporters on MFP is 61 and has lost 112 pounds. If she can you can. I can't tell you happy I am that my sisters/mom/borthers and husband and kids and in-laws have been so supportive of my weightloss. I am sorry that you haven't had that. Try to find the support you need here on MFP. Maybe you can avoid Mr. Toxic guy for a long time. Hugs0 -
Some people will never be happy with themselves/their lives---that is really sad. You are doing the best thing for you, your heart and your kids! Keep moving forward
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Use your anger as a source of motivation. He sounds like a mean spirited A-hole. You took the high road and I'm sure your kids noticed. Keep your head up. 0
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I agree with those who have said that you were right to take the high ground. While he was completely inappropriate and a complete jerk, you would have felt worse if you had stooped to his level.
I feel sorry for your mom...at least you can leave but she has that dead weight around her all the time. If he is willing to put you - her daughter down in such a mean and vindictive way, I wonder what he says to her.
On a side note, he probably hates his self-image so takes that poison out on others.0 -
That is terrible! You were the bigger person though. I know that doesn't make you feel any better. I HATE it when I figure out EXACTLY what I want to say and really dig in to someone oh, about 2 days later after I’ve stewed on it!
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I hope he treats your Mom ok. Doesn't seem like sensitivity and nurturing are his forte. Brutishness seems more his thing.
You did well to leave. Hope you don't have to spend much time around him.
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u get 5 pounds per inch taller you are than someone. and they dont know what they are talking about. just kno they are stupid and move on 0
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Hugs ... my father said the same thing. I too was 31 when I began my journey and I had a whole lot to lose. Good for you for taking the high road! I know you can do this!0
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I wouldn't even talk to him about this in the future. If he asks how much you weigh, tell him it's none of his business. What a jerk! It's better off just ignoring him. Get revenge by getting healthy!0
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What did your mom say? Lose the weight for you and shutting him up will be an added bonus.
Best of luck!0 -
I'm 46, down 20lbs on MFP, 42lbs total. My wife is 42, down 38lbs since joining MFP. We have kept this weight off for two years. Let your actions speak where your words did not. Show them how wrong they are. Use their words as motivation!0
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You had no obligation to tell him your weight. I would have said "why do you want to know" and "that is an inappropriate question to ask me"0
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