Do you ever feel like it's not good enough?

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ninakir88
ninakir88 Posts: 292 Member
in Motivation and Support
I wasn't sure where to post this thread, this is my first time creating one on here.

One issue I come across (not really an issue, just what goes through my head once in a while) is when I read success stories, like from people that started out at 300lbs and then ended up at ..for example, 140lbs or something, I feel like my success is so minor compared to theirs, even though I've struggled with weight my whole life.

I started at out at 160lbs (at 5'4 it was considered overweight) and over the years I've battled back and forth with this weight, always losing and putting it back on. Finally as I aged I realized how to manage my food better and what staying healthy is really about. I am now around 121 pounds and I've never been this thin my teenage/adult years.

When I read other peoples stories though (that were morbidly obese), I feel like my success is so minor and I didn't go through such a big journey like they did.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.. but all of the people that started our "smaller", do you ever feel this way?
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Replies

  • patheticgit
    patheticgit Posts: 31
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    A bit yeah. Cause i'm 5ft 7 and am 160lbs and want to lean up so to get rid of my fat and look athletic. So in comparision to some of the big losers you feel like crap.

    Moreso when you can't seem to lose the weight as easily as them.

    So yeah I and amillion others feel exactly the same you do mate. Well done that does sound like an awesome success.

    Mick
  • MrsSpinks
    MrsSpinks Posts: 274 Member
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    I usually look at those sorts of posts and get 'weight loss envy' (also getting it with your pic by the way!!) I too am 5ft 4" and my heaviest weight was 171lbs and my goal is 115-125lbs (depending on what I look like when I get nearer), I have lost nearly 40lbs after starting my weight loss journey in August 2011 and so have a total of about 55lbs to lose, so I get really jealous when I see people who have lost that amount of weight in a shorter period of time than it has taken me to lose the first 40lbs!! I know that the more you have to lose the easier it comes off in the beginning, so in that respect, I think it can be a lot harder for people with less to lose and I am often very much more impressed with the success stories of those who have done what you have as I believe it is much harder!

    But of course well done to all those who have lost 100lbs plus! :smile:
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    When you start to feel like, look at the accomplishments you have made and not the number on the scale. Or you could convert the number on the scale to %. You may have only lost 40% of your body wieght, but realize that you didn't have 50% to lose. A person the goes from 300lb to 140 lost more weight, but not too much more %, but also had that percent to lose.

    It's all relative, and we all have our own struggles. No one can take your away but you, so when that nasty monster gets in your head and tries to take it away kick him out. You deserve your success too.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    No matter where you started, losing weight is HARD and frustrating. Success is success and we should all be proud.
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    It depends on how you define success. I'm 35 yrs old and, like you, I'm about 5'4". I've struggled with weight my whole life as well. In high school my max weight was 190lbs. My junior year, I dropped 45lbs and maintained that for about two years. Long story short, my weight went up and down for the next 17years, and every time I gained weight back, I ended up 10-20lbs heavier than I was before. In November of 2010 I topped out at 297lbs. It's taken me since May of 2011 to lose 45lbs. And believe me, I've been busting my hump for that little bit of success...just ask anyone who works at my gym. Your success comes from never letting yourself get any heavier than 160lbs to begin with, and everyday you maintain your current healthy weight/lifestyle is a successful day. Instead of feeling down because you didn't lose 130lbs, be grateful that you never had to go through that in the first place. If you still struggle with it, I encourage you to find a way to carry around 130 extra lbs. (even during your workout routine) for just one day. That might give you a very small idea of what it's been like to be me and the countless others who are fighting the same battle. Trust me, it's NOT fun.
  • ninakir88
    ninakir88 Posts: 292 Member
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    Thank you for your inspirtation post!
    It's not that I feel down on myself, I was just raising a topic that I thought some people could relate to.
    I think people also gain weight because of other factors such as picking up on bad habits, stressful life sitiuations, having children, health issues, among others. Good luck on your journey.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    I wasn't sure where to post this thread, this is my first time creating one on here.

    One issue I come across (not really an issue, just what goes through my head once in a while) is when I read success stories, like from people that started out at 300lbs and then ended up at ..for example, 140lbs or something, I feel like my success is so minor compared to theirs, even though I've struggled with weight my whole life.

    I started at out at 160lbs (at 5'4 it was considered overweight) and over the years I've battled back and forth with this weight, always losing and putting it back on. Finally as I aged I realized how to manage my food better and what staying healthy is really about. I am now around 121 pounds and I've never been this thin my teenage/adult years.

    When I read other peoples stories though (that were morbidly obese), I feel like my success is so minor and I didn't go through such a big journey like they did.

    I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.. but all of the people that started our "smaller", do you ever feel this way?

    It's always impressive, the end goal is the same for everyone. Just different paths to get there. It's like going to Disney world, we all want to go there, some of us just have to drive or fly from further away. The end result and experience is the same for everyone. You should be proud of what you did. I don't care if it's only 5 pounds, it takes work and effort. You did it, you changed your mindset. You deserve to feel good inside. These are OUR TIMES and OUR YEARS. Lets rock them! We can all do it!
  • pupcamper
    pupcamper Posts: 415 Member
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    Not quite the same but I started out at over 200lbs, I am hoping to get down to 135-139, I'm 5'4"! I think it is a weight that I will feel comfortable at without having to obsess about everything thing I eat - just live a healthy lifestyle! Like you now that I am older I feel a bit wiser and am hoping that this end the yoyo dieter I have become! Sometimes I almost feel like I am not trying hard enough to lose enough weight, some people set goals at 110-115! The I remember that this journey is about me - how proud I am of myself now and how proud I will be when I am done, I'm not usualy one to compare myself to others but this site kinda brings it out in people! You look amazing by the way!
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    I have a similar issue, though from a slightly different angle. I'm just under 5'8", and built like the proverbial tank. My shoulders are wider than many mens', and my ribcage is vast. I gain muscle easily, and retain it. My starting weight on MFP was 111kg/244lb, my highest-ever adult weight. Even at that weight, I was not 'out of proportion' - I doubt anyone I know socially would believe me if I told them my actual weight - and I am lucky enough to have an hourglass figure that simply increases overall or shrinks overall as my weight fluctuates. However, no matter what I do, even if I were to starve myself, I will never be any smaller than a UK size 14.

    Realistically, at a comfortable, maintainable weight (I'm aiming eventually for a 30-35kg loss, though my first goal is 24, I'll see whether another 12-15kg is viable at that stage) I'll be a 16. Even at the smallest size I could physically be, I would still be 'plus size', still be 'overweight' in the BMI charts, with all the reduction in choice, negativity from a society that prizes thinness above all things, and medical disapproval that goes with that. Essentially, no matter what I do, I will never be "good enough" for the clothes designers, the number-bound doctors, society at large and even some of the administrators in my field, simply because of the way I am built.

    Sometimes, that makes me wonder whether it's even worth trying? Right now I'm a comfortable UK18, essentially healthy, pretty fit, with visible collar bones, defined limbs and no double chin. Is it really worth going through all of the effort to drop another size, maybe two if I'm lucky, and *still* be inadequate, because I don't fit the perfect-10, or have a 'normal' BMI? On the good days, I know it's worth it, for feeling better about myself, for increasing the chances of finding a man who will find me 'desirable', regardless of how much I weigh and what size clothes I wear, for improving my career chances, and for getting the medication to treat a small, but humiliating and embarrassing, medical issue that my doctor won't give me unless I lose another 12kg. On the bad days, I'm not sure I really see the point.
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I have a similar issue, though from a slightly different angle. I'm just under 5'8", and built like the proverbial tank. My shoulders are wider than many mens', and my ribcage is vast. I gain muscle easily, and retain it. My starting weight on MFP was 111kg/244lb, my highest-ever adult weight. Even at that weight, I was not 'out of proportion' - I doubt anyone I know socially would believe me if I told them my actual weight - and I am lucky enough to have an hourglass figure that simply increases overall or shrinks overall as my weight fluctuates. However, no matter what I do, even if I were to starve myself, I will never be any smaller than a UK size 14.

    Realistically, at a comfortable, maintainable weight (I'm aiming eventually for a 30-35kg loss, though my first goal is 24, I'll see whether another 12-15kg is viable at that stage) I'll be a 16. Even at the smallest size I could physically be, I would still be 'plus size', still be 'overweight' in the BMI charts, with all the reduction in choice, negativity from a society that prizes thinness above all things, and medical disapproval that goes with that. Essentially, no matter what I do, I will never be "good enough" for the clothes designers, the number-bound doctors, society at large and even some of the administrators in my field, simply because of the way I am built.

    Sometimes, that makes me wonder whether it's even worth trying? Right now I'm a comfortable UK18, essentially healthy, pretty fit, with visible collar bones, defined limbs and no double chin. Is it really worth going through all of the effort to drop another size, maybe two if I'm lucky, and *still* be inadequate, because I don't fit the perfect-10, or have a 'normal' BMI? On the good days, I know it's worth it, for feeling better about myself, for increasing the chances of finding a man who will find me 'desirable', regardless of how much I weigh and what size clothes I wear, for improving my career chances, and for getting the medication to treat a small, but humiliating and embarrassing, medical issue that my doctor won't give me unless I lose another 12kg. On the bad days, I'm not sure I really see the point.

    This is precisely the reason that I CAN'T STAND BMI charts! They only consider height, weight, and age. They do not take into consideration bone structure/density, musculature, etc... I MUCH prefer having my BMI measured with calipers by a health/fitness professional. Those numbers are much more accurate and are measured specifically for my body type.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
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    Don't compare yourself to other people. We all have our own goals, and our own needs. A victory is a victory, regardless of how long it took or how hard you worked to get there.

    If I posted a thread saying how happy I was that I'd lost 28 pounds, would you jump in and say, "Well, that's nice and all, but you know, there are some people who have lost well over 100 pounds. Don't be too proud of yourself." You wouldn't say that. If you said anything, you'd be supportive and happy for me that I'd achieved my goals, right? So do the same for yourself.
  • JulieBoBoo
    JulieBoBoo Posts: 642
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    People make a big deal about the fact that I've lost 100lbs and I often feel I am cheating in some way because it wouldn't BE a big deal if I hadn't let myself get 170lbs overweight. I know in my heart that the bigger inspirations are the people who've managed to eat responsibly and exercise their whole lives.

    That's not to say that people who lose 100+lbs are not inspiring or accomplishing big things... just for ME the bigger accomplishment (though admittedly the less visually dramatic) is being able to stay a healthy weight for decades.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    No, if you compare the weights properly, like percentages it usually ends up being around the same. They've got a lot more weight to lose than you do. Try reading the posts that relate more to your height or weight loss needed, not that you need to lose any more. You've done an amazing job and should always keep in mind the hard work and dedication that led to it.
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
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    I sort of feel the same way. I was never obese, just carrying around up to 23-30 extra pounds.I know that I will never get the same level of kudos as someone that's lost much larger numbers, but I'm alright with that since I know they have to work longer and harder than I am and IMO deserving of the glory!

    And the end of the day we should be working on ourselves FOR ourselves, not for the level of accolades we'll get when we reach our goals.
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
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    No, I don't think I've ever felt that way. It hasn't ever mattered to me what weight anybody else started at versus where i started; but rather, I focused on the fact that we all have started with the realization that something needed to change. We have or are taking steps to be healthier by eaiting better and being more active. Whether you start this at 100 lbs or 400 lbs, we all start with the same overall goal: To make ourselves the best version of us that we can. It's not a game to see who can lose the most weight, but a collective effort to just be healthy and in that we can all succeed.
  • jellybaby84
    jellybaby84 Posts: 583 Member
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    why would you feel like you're not good enough? If you don't have 100+ pounds to lose then it means you never gained it - never having been obese is hardly something to be ashamed of!!
  • barefootbeautiful
    barefootbeautiful Posts: 144
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    I've come to the realization that it's not about "how much", it's about "how". I actually started on the flip side (5'4", 230) with a lot to lose, and always felt a little angry and even intimidated by those who had less to lose. I have a girlfriend who is my height but is was at 130 and wanted to lose 10lbs. I never understood how she could compare her struggle to mine, and it frustrated me. But I've watched her fight those 10 pounds as long and as hard as I fought my 80, and realized that it's more about the struggle. We each had our own factors to deal with, and I began to understand how unfair it was of me to begrudge the fact that she didn't get as big as I did.

    So she fights and so do I; it's all about the "how".
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
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    Yes I feel this way sometimes - I'm 5'7" and have 10 lbs to go (at 145 now, started at about 150). I get a lot of flack from people at work or in my personal life where they ask me why I need to lose this weight - just because we have a little less weight to lose compared to some other folks, doesn't demean or belittle our desire to be healthy, fit and happy in our skins.

    So I know it's a lot harder to have support in this instance (I have a few co-workers and a sister in law who are very supportive). But really, we're doing this for US. Everyone is. We just need to filter out the negatives and just focus on what makes us happy when we look in the mirror.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I've lost about 27 lbs which exceeded my original goal. When I read the posts of those that have lost the huge amounts I feel a disconnect, as I realize that losing 100+ lbs is a very different journey than just dropping a couple of dress sizes. But I don't really think that makes what I've accomplished not good enough.
  • rikkeeroos
    rikkeeroos Posts: 28
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    Everybody has different starting points and different goals. Your success is no less significant than those of us who are starting from a much heavier weight, and have a longer road to travel. You have set a goal and you are following a plan to reach that goal, and that is awesome.

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