Sabotaged at home

Options
2»

Replies

  • AMummysLife
    AMummysLife Posts: 264 Member
    Options
    I am a bit by my husband.

    While I do the shopping etc and I respect that he isn't ready to loose the weight he has also put on and will buy him the treats that he likes, he quite often tries to force me to eat the stuff he is as well.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
    Options
    I am a bit by my husband.

    While I do the shopping etc and I respect that he isn't ready to loose the weight he has also put on and will buy him the treats that he likes, he quite often tries to force me to eat the stuff he is as well.

    So you buy him treats he likes and rather than respect you for doing so, he tries to force you to eat it too???

    I would stop buying him the treats.
  • GoCanada
    GoCanada Posts: 92 Member
    Options
    Yes! Well not at home cause we don't live together, but my BF's attitude towards food is SO different from mine. I will do so well at home with my own food, but whenever I'm with him it's fast food all the time! He doesn't cook, and I don't feel like putting the extra time in cooking for both of us and trying to figure out meals.

    The most frustrating thing is he doesn't gain weight from eating like that! He has the best fricking metabolism and can eat what he wants, unlike me. Since he's also not in the same frame of mind as me, I think he's getting annoyed with my obsessive weighing (of food) and logging (especially when sitting in the middle of a restaurant) :P.
  • etromb50
    etromb50 Posts: 20
    Options
    Yes I feel that way. I think some people fear changes, that somehow you will change. Hopefully you could encourage your wife to make the same healthy choices and you both can make the changes together.
  • Gracestar12
    Gracestar12 Posts: 46 Member
    Options
    I was listening to an audiobook the other day where the person suggested unbuttoning your shirt and talking pointedly to your stomach while jiggling it with your hand and ask your stomach in a sing song voice 'Does jelly belly want some <insert food name here>. I don't think so'. Apparently it only takes one public instance of that and your nearest and dearest will stop with the food pushing...
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
    Options
    Does anyone else feel like they are being sabotaged by the people they live with? My spouse just does not seem to get that I am trying to lose weight, she keeps buying the unhealthy stuff and the candies and junk food, even when I have asked her not to and to try to help me eat better. Anyone else having this problem and how do you deal with it?

    When you make a major lifestyle change, you are often the only one who "gets it."

    Even the most supportive people in my life right now, aside from my wife, will do things like, have a dinner and bring out a cake and offer me a piece. I have to say no now, and people are shocked. Why? Because a year ago, I would have eaten two or three pieces and taken the leftovers home, if asked.

    I would not risk introducing stress into your marriage over this. Just drop the subject, and strengthen your will to eat well. Temptations will be around you everywhere you go, and if you can't resist it at home, you won't last long anywhere else, either. I'm certainly not saying it's easy, but it's really the only way.

    In my own life, I've tried to get healthy multiple times over the past 10 years or so, and every time I failed after just a couple weeks or a month. People have seen that, and now they expect me to fail and don't take me seriously. Even now, I've been on the right track for 9 months, and people still offer me crap and don't think I can do it. That lack of faith in me actually fuels my drive and fortifies my willpower, for some reason.

    It takes time for people to adjust to any change, and you can't and shouldn't force anyone else to change with you. If you are too tempted, start by setting a small, achievable goal, such as have one small "bad" thing per day. Then when you feel ready, drop that down to every two days, then every week, then once a month, etc. This really worked for my wife when she was changing her eating habits, and now she rarely ever eats crap food. Myself, I found that I naturally, quickly, progressed away from even desiring bad food (most of the time) in order to protect the time and effort I have invested into exercise. And a good tip (at least it worked for me) is, after a while of eating clean, overindulge in junk a day to the point where you feel sick. The resulting nausea, stomach pains, cold sweats, and jitter is sure to put a stop to your temptations.

    Just do your own thing. It's going to be hard, but you'll be better for it in the long run.
  • AlabasterVerve
    AlabasterVerve Posts: 3,171 Member
    Options
    Try crying. lol When I first talked to my husband about changing our diet he got all pissy about not eating whole wheat pasta and how he wasn't going to do it. I cried, he shut up and now he's all gung ho about losing weight and even joined MFP tonight. It does help that I make up the shopping list and am spending a lot of time finding (and cooking) new healthy, low cal dinners that taste great instead of trying to remake all of our old favorites.

    That worked for me but a more mature approach might be to have another talk with her and let her know how important it is to you and then get involved with the shopping and cooking. If your schedule doesn't allow for that you can do small things to involve her like start looking for healthy recipes online and ask your wife what she thinks. When you find something that both of you would enjoy make a list and add those ingredients to the shopping list and cook dinner together on your day off. The same thing with snacks--there are tons of stuff that are more appealing than a bag of chips or what have you--see if you can find something you can both enjoy. Since this whole crazy eating-right-losing-weight thing is your idea the burden is going to be up to you to turn your wife onto it.
  • JackKsavestheday
    JackKsavestheday Posts: 182 Member
    Options
    Mom brought home krispy kremes tonight while I was at the gym busting my *kitten*. I came home to half a box left. If they're still there in the morning I'm throwing em away!
  • runnercheryl
    runnercheryl Posts: 1,314 Member
    Options
    My fiance is morbidly obese and an on-off dieter. He gets inspired, signs up to the gym, goes for a while then gives up, Each time, he keeps at it for longer but then the takeaways return to the house, as do the unhealthy snacks and large portions.

    When this happens, I remind him I'd like my portions weighed out and he's fine with that (he cooks all my food, really, so it's in his control). If he has takeaway I sometimes say no, and sometimes I look for the best option and go for that. The unhealthy snacks, I just don't eat.

    He's been back on it lately, with his exercise and eating. This week, he's been paying attention to me working to eat back the calories I've burned doing exercise. Walking home from work yesterday, he commented on how he'd been online at lunch time to see how many calories he was supposed to be having. He's on just over 1000 yet is a very big man, and I'd told him in the past it was too low but he'd said it had been working. Seeing it there online made him change his mind, and he realised he should be aiming for around 3000 with the exercise he does, and 2000 as a base level. He's now wondering how he can eat that back, so I made him a deal that if he uses the MFP food tracker for a week and takes into account calories, fat and sodium, I'd pay for the extra food he needs. Of course, that means the snacks and extras in our house will have to be healthier, because I'll be paying and refuse to buy packets of chocolate bars and big bags of sweets.

    Also, I try and incorporate healthy options into our food. Last night, he had a mixed grill where I'd planned a chicken fillet, mashed potato and green beans. I bought one of those 'bake in the bag' flavourings for the first time, and we both loved it. 50p, and it makes my meal more interesting and will possibly encourage him to leave the rest of the meat aside in future and savour the chicken.
  • bexxgirl
    bexxgirl Posts: 260 Member
    Options
    I'm super lucky - my partner is amazing. He's really supportive of me and excited about the changes I am making. He is also grateful for anything I put in front of him for dinner.

    It was funny tonight - I made baked potatoes, chicken breast stuffed with spinach and feta, with stir-fried green veges and a red wine jus. He was like "man, this is so delicious, it must be a billion calories". I laughed and told him it was actually really well-balanced, with almost no fat, and he was amazed. I even had room for dessert and a hot chocolate!

    I'm grateful every day for my wonderful boyfriend, because I know that other people struggle with spouses who dig their heels in about food.
  • LemonSocks
    LemonSocks Posts: 238 Member
    Options
    My boyfriend is fantastic. We eat the same dinners and he would never expect me to cook anything else for him, we never have biscuits, crisps or chips in (we haven't had chips in the house for over a year but he prefers baked potatoes anyway, so that makes life easy). And when he cooks he makes sure our meals are healthy (or at least not too high on calories).

    He has a chocolate box which I avoid for the most part but it isn't fair for him to completely miss out. But he had enough respect for me to not sit there stuffing his face with treats in front of me.

    I know it's hard for him because he doesn't like seeing me go without, but he also knows how important this is to me. For my part I make sure our meals are fairly normal stuff (like fajitas, chilli, etc) but just low cal so we're both happy.
  • moerae159
    moerae159 Posts: 4
    Options
    I know exactly what you're talking about! I've been trying to cut fast-food and candy from my diet but it seems like that is all my boyfriend eats. It's so hard to resist the urge when the temptation is staring you right in the face!
  • lulabellabeauty
    lulabellabeauty Posts: 3
    Options
    I do find it frustrating that my family doesn't eat healthy or wants too, but that is their choice. I've learned now that since it's my choice, I can't expect them to change because it will make it easier for me to lose weight. When I was with my husband, he also would eat a ton of junk (and could since he was skinny and had a very fast metabolism) and sometimes, would purposely try to sabotage my dieting efforts. It's tough when people around you not only eat unhealthy, but they seem to want to ruin your efforts. Maybe they feel bad that you aren't eating "yummy" food, or they just are oblivious to your efforts.
    There will always be people around you though who will eat bad, and bad choices will always be around you. So it's up to us to make the smart choices and always be prepared. I think by being prepared, we are better able to stay on track. It's when you let yourself get too hungry that you will make bad decisions and it's much easier to do when there are bad food choices around you. Ideally, it would be nice for the people you love to be more supporting. I strongly believe that everyone should be eating healthy, and that we shouldn't let our loved ones eat junk, even if their metabolisms can support it; that shouldn't be an excuse for them to eat bad. But, it's hard to convince them of that and ultimately, it's their decision. By setting a good example, hopefully they will want to follow. Maybe if we encourage them to eat better, they will be much more supportive.
  • dee74
    dee74 Posts: 62 Member
    Options
    As an adult male I view weight loss as a solo journey. I cannot control my wife ad I will not try to. My house Is a mine field of chips, snacks, and ice cream. It is up to me to not eat them and remember who I am doing this for and that is ME! Yes I want to live longer for my family and enjoy activities with my daughter but those are all the other benefits of weight loss. The only person you can change is yourself and you definitely cannot use others as excuses or claim they are sabotaging you. Anyone that truly loves you will just be happy that you are happy. I do have one thing in my favor though. I do all the cooking at my house and I love to cook so for meals they have no choice but to eat what I make.

Categories