Chubby Chaser or Truth? GF says enough already! stop losing

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  • harley0269
    harley0269 Posts: 384 Member
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    I can tell you exactly that she is projecting her own insecurities onto you!

    she likes you big because she is bigger. you were her cheating partner.
    she could eat what she wants & you wont say anything because you were the same way.

    but now things are changing & she is scared.

    She is scared that you will not find her attractive when you are fit & she isnt.
    she is scared that you will be healthy & preach to her about being healthy & she is not ready for that.

    you were her comfort zone.

    if you get all thin & trim she wont be, it will be in the back of her mind that "jack sprat could eat no fat & his wife could eat no lean".

    get it?

    it will be in her head that other people are thinking "why is he with her? he could do so much better." blah blah blah

    & if you get healthy & get off your meds, you won't need her anymore.

    its not so much about you as it is her, in a subconscience way.

    But then again, I could be totally wrong.

    PS. get healthy, keep going, get off those meds! either she will come around or she wont. But thats on her, not you. Don't let someone elses insecurities stop you from being healthy & living longer.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    talk to her just as you did here
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
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    I'm not going to try to play shrink to your wife, but I can tell you that I love teddy bears and lots of other women do, too. So sue me for never growing out of attraction to stuffed animals and fluffy pillows. Guys with a little belly are cute and cuddly. They keep you warmer in the winter. :smile:

    I bet your wife will be attracted to you one way or another, but you should do whatever you feel is healthiest. That said, I don't think BMI is necessarily an indicator of health, and many doctors will say the same thing. Some elements of health that are excluded by BMI are build, where you hold your weight and how much cardio exercise you are able to do. In the end, you want a strong heart and muscles, but BMI is too general a number to get hung up on.

    This^^^ I like big guys I said it before, she is probably like me. I need him big and strong so he can handle me the rite way :wink: :wink: and that is probably what she is concerned about. I said what I would do in your place above, and I hope you do it cause I think you are so cute and if you bulked up a bit you would be even more hot!!! food for thought :flowerforyou:
  • For_the_Last_Time
    For_the_Last_Time Posts: 136 Member
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    That if I get to the 190 I will just gain all my weight back and then be sad

    This part bugged me. Telling you that you are just going to fail isn't being very supportive. This is coming from someone who has done it a couple of times and yes I have failed and put the weight back on but if my husband said that to me I would seriously stick my foot up somewhere.

    Unless your relationship is based purely on your size she will adjust to the new you. Like others have said its probably more of her insecurities talking and not actually talking as a health professional.
  • cPT_Helice
    cPT_Helice Posts: 403
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    I agree with what pretty much everyone has said here. She may just like big guys or she may be afraid of losing you if you look "too good" or she may just be jealous of your success. My ex got so p-o'd at me when I quit smoking. SERIOUSLY!! He said I did it behind his back, blah, blah, blah. He couldn't quit and didn't care about my health, obviously.
    190 sounds like a good weight for you. She should KNOW that your weight is not yet in a healthy region and that should be her main concern.
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    It's a tricky one, because obviously I don't know you, or your GF. That said, I have three comments:
    1) I applaud your wish to lose weight in order to get off medication, but could this not also potentially be achieved by focusing on toning up and getting fitter, rather than solely weight loss?
    2) Many women do find someone 'bigger' than them attractive - no matter how 'evolved' we are, most of us still want to feel that the man we're with could 'protect' us physically, if the need arose. We also like to feel feminine and petite next to you. My guess would be that your GF would still feel protected if you gained some extra muscle, and were still physically bigger than she is (but probably in better health!), and would consequently be less inclined to object. I can't see your body in your photo, so I'm speculating here, without knowing what your physical tone and fitness is like right now.
    3) Don't get too hung up on the BMI scale - it's notoriously over-general and was designed to measure populations rather than individuals. What is healthy for your body may, or may not, reflect what the BMI chart says is 'healthy'.

    As I say, speculating in the dark, but that's my 10 cents...
  • grapenutSF
    grapenutSF Posts: 648 Member
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    talk to her just as you did here

    I agree. I would be concerned. Something's amiss, and I'd want to resolve it with her. Nothing wring with getting advice, perspective, and ideas, but ultimately the two of you need to learn what's behind this odd idea that you ought not to aim to be healthier. I won't interpret what's behind it, but I can certainly verify it is odd (esp for a trained RN) and would not be OK by me.
  • epoeraven
    epoeraven Posts: 458 Member
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    I too am attracted to a more "chubby" type of guy. That being said.....I would never disagree with what a doctor says, especially when there are health issues to consider. What does your doctor say is a good weight for you? If he agrees with 190 then I say go for it and tell your girlfriend to deal with it.
  • JohnnyResets
    JohnnyResets Posts: 177 Member
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    Hey buddy, I'm chasing a lower weight too. Currently at just under 283 but shooting for 195 to 200. My doc says I should be happy is I can get down to 220 - 230, but I really want to try because that 195 weight is a healthy BMI for me (based on what the calculator says).

    My wife has been pretty supportive. Sounds like you're girlfriend is lucky to have you Possibly subconsciously, she sees your success as a possible threat to your relationship? You know, "once he gets really thin he'll maybe want to shop around" .

    Change is hard for everyone; the person making the change and the people surrounding/supporting you too. Your journey is your journey though. I bet as she sees your success slowly and you keep "sneaking" a little healthy activity in for the two of you, she'll come around. You'll succeed and motivate her into starting a similar journey and you'll enjoy the benefits together for a really really long time :)
  • Horskrzy
    Horskrzy Posts: 71 Member
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    People who are used to seeing you at a certain weight have a hard time accepting that you will still look good at a lower weight. They just need time to get used to it.

    I couldn't agree more to the above quote. In addition, I've noticed that the one's who insisted that I looked real good after losing just 20 pounds of the target of 57, also implied or outright said I should stop....... were also overweight.

    Insecure? Guilty over their lack of progress or action? Not sure, but it was disheartening as I expected just the opposite!

    My wife also initially expressed concern over my goal weight of 195 as she thought I might be "too skinny" (I was 165 when we got married, go figure!). After showing her that 195 was only 10 pounds under the "overweight" scale for 6' 4" and assuring her my body would decide when to stop, not the scale or charts, she relented.

    The past few weeks now have been great as she is now openly offering encouragement vs. discouragement, which I appreciate greatly!. Could it be that my success and significantly improved health/well-being has inspired her as she has now stepping up her weight loss efforts? Not my place to say but I'm certainly glad that we're now both headed in the same direction as I only want to share a healthier and more active lifestyle with her for another 35 plus years.

    So in closing I'd like to say that regardless of how we each do:

    "No worries Mate, you're mine for life!"

    :flowerforyou:
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    BMI is a good tool, but incomplete. What is your current body fat percentage? What would it be at your target weight, and would that be healthy for you?

    Also, is 190 maintainable for you long term? Are you willing and able to make the trade-offs in terms of diet and exercise?

    My goal puts me at the top of my healthy BMI range, at a weight I'd previously maintained for 5 years, and a reasonable body fat percentage. I am not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to get to the middle of the range, because I doubt I could maintain it long term.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    My goal in losing isn't just to get skinny but to get off my medications. She wavered a bit when I told her that, but I don't think she was sold.

    This is the sticking point. You aren't doing this for "how you look". You are doing it for health. I don't know why she is not supportive of that goal, but that is her issue, not yours. Do what you need to do so you can live a long, healthy life, without medications!
  • valerietoxii
    valerietoxii Posts: 93 Member
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    First off, congrats on your weight loss! That's awesome!

    Now. Oh man. Don't change your goals to keep someone else happy. Your health is much more important. It sounds to me, that she is just jealous and maybe even a little insecure about your weight loss. Who cares if she prefers heavy guys? You want to be healthy, yes? So do it. Maybe you'll break up, maybe you won't. But either way, you will be healthy and the only person who can take that away is you. In efforts to save your relationship, I think you need to sit her down and ask her to tell you what the real issues she has with your weight loss are. Go from there. Good luck!
  • neznarf0205
    neznarf0205 Posts: 46 Member
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    Wow what some great advise. I really appreciate and love this community. Here are my resolves:

    * Don't get hung up on BMI

    *Talk with my GF so she understands my goals and concerns and let her know I understand how she feels.

    *Talk with my personal doctor and cardiologist (again) about my weight and lifestyle goals and see what they think.

    *Start increasing my strength training now to keep my bigger body style but with muscle.

    *Stick with my diet and exercise plan because I need to get healthy.
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    Sounds like a great plan to me! Good luck!
  • JohnnyResets
    JohnnyResets Posts: 177 Member
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    Exactly what orpheus_chick said!! You're doing great anyway so keep to it!
  • frosty73
    frosty73 Posts: 424 Member
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    I can tell you exactly that she is projecting her own insecurities onto you!

    she likes you big because she is bigger. you were her cheating partner.
    she could eat what she wants & you wont say anything because you were the same way.

    but now things are changing & she is scared.

    She is scared that you will not find her attractive when you are fit & she isnt.
    she is scared that you will be healthy & preach to her about being healthy & she is not ready for that.

    you were her comfort zone.

    if you get all thin & trim she wont be, it will be in the back of her mind that "jack sprat could eat no fat & his wife could eat no lean".

    get it?

    it will be in her head that other people are thinking "why is he with her? he could do so much better." blah blah blah

    & if you get healthy & get off your meds, you won't need her anymore.

    its not so much about you as it is her, in a subconscience way.

    But then again, I could be totally wrong.

    PS. get healthy, keep going, get off those meds! either she will come around or she wont. But thats on her, not you. Don't let someone elses insecurities stop you from being healthy & living longer.

    I totally agree with this. It is very nerve-wracking as a woman when your SO starts losing weight, and the woman feels like she is being judged all the time for being a fattie. :^( It is possible that she likes you being a cuddly teddy bear, but I think the real reason is her own insecurity and unwillingness to change her own weight right now.

    Please do what's best for your health! Unless your GF is extremely insecure, she will stick with you even as you lose more weight, especially if you reassure her that you love her no matter what (and is there a ring in in for her?) :^)
  • neznarf0205
    neznarf0205 Posts: 46 Member
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    We both have rings that we gave each other. I always kid that we are a domestic partnership and we will have a commitment ceremony someday. We both had problem spouses in previous marriages that ended early in 2008. Our divorces both were finalized in 2009. Since we are done having kids we have both agreed that marriage wouldn't be in our best interests. Sometime one of us will waiver and think about getting married but normally the other says no. Hopefully we never waiver at the same time. LOL She is my best friend and partner in crime, I can't imagine being without her.
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    BMI says i'm supposed to be 175-200 lbs. Yeah probably not gonna be doing that. Lol. Do what feels right for you though. Talk to her about it and bring up why she really is doing this. And if she really is a chubby chaser...ask her if she has any friends in Florida. Lewlz

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