LOVE HIM OR LET HIM LEAVE???
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Hello! You are RIGHT you can only make is decision but let me give you some advice that someone once gave me.
First this is your life and you only get one chance at it, So always remember that.
2nd.this may sound funny but get in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes and ask yourself these ?'s
like if you chose to leave would you be able to look at you and say I did everything in my power and it is time to leave?
I was with my ex-husband for 16years and that is how long it took me to say I gave my all and I don't have any regrets to this day.
But first you need to write your feelings down and sit down with him alone and talk about your feelings I am sure he has some things weighing on him aswell if he is acting different. And I can say Midnight shift STINKS I worked it for almost 4yrs.
I really wish you all the strengh and encouragment in the world.
Good Luck to you and your family!!!0 -
Tell him to put his big boy pants on. The bills don't get paid unless you work. And in this economy, just having a job is a blessing. If he doesn't like your hours, he should deal with it or find another job where the hours are like yours. Maybe you could be looking too at the same time. But when you have kids, sometimes laying around and holding hands isn't an option (as I'm sure you well know).
And did u mention infidelities? THAT, by itself, would be enough to make me walk. A man who cheats is abusive to you. So, my bet is that he isn't very supportive with ANYTHING you do, not just your job and it's hours.
Lose him. You will be better off. There is a man out there who will love you for who are are, which seems to be a beautiful person.
I speak from experience, not shooting from the hip. Good luck to you girl!0 -
Quit making excuses for him and look at the situation for what it is. From an outsiders perspective, it seems you were the one to find the job to make ends meet, and now you are the one who is supposed to make more time for him. Why are you the one who constantly has to be flexible? I would gladly give up sleep to spend time with my family! As far as his abandonment issues go, you are not responsilble for what happened to him as a child! HE is responsible for resolving those issues, especially if he knows they exist. It is nobody's fault but his own for not fixing them!!! Just because you love someone does not mean that they are good for you, but only you can ultimately decide if it is better for you to leave or stay. Good luck!0
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"I have loved this man through countless infidelities"... sounds like he can find time for other people.
I say bye-bye.0 -
Hello-
I read your post. First let me say that your little one is a cutie. Congratulations!
Secondly, I have been in a relationship with a man who works 11P - 7A for the past 11 years. It is a grueling schedule for anyone, for any relationship, for any family.
That being said, I will leave you with a few comments for you to think about:
1. No GOOD job, in this economy, is worth leaving UNLESS it's a matter of health, life, or death. If any one of these fits your dilemma, please try to make sure you have clearly defined what the problem is. If none of them fit, proceed to numbers 2 or 3.
2, I am not so sure there isn't something else going on in your boyfriend's head. A little gentle prodding might help to bring the other issues out in the open.
3. If he says there's nothing else going on, then you need a clearer understanding of why he is so determined to to make a permanent decision in response to a temporary situation regarding your work commitments.
4. I am a great believer in couple's counseling. A trained professional can usually put you on the right track in 5 sessions.
5. I do not believe in ending something before you have exhausted everything avenue, gone down every road so to speak. Can you say with certainty that you have? Can your boyfriend say that he has?
Good luck!0 -
Sweetheart, your boyfriend isn't the problem here! What I hear from your post is that you and only you, are not sure of what your standards are and you are trying to hold someone accountable for standards that you don't believe fully yourself. You need to be 110% sure of what you want for your life and your children's lives. You are always going to be responsible for what you choose to except in your life, not your boyfriend. You need to define and follow through on what you will and will not put up with. We teach people how to teach us, and you have unfortunately taught your man to behave the way that he does with you. His behavior has nothing to do with his past issues and hangups in life, and this latest situation about your work schedule is irrelevant. It's beautiful that you can be there for him, but you MUST put yourself first. I am not telling you to leave your man, I just want to bring to your attention that you need to really reflect on your life and sort out what you really want from it all, and stop questioning yourself so much. Being decisive, focused and confident, is the best thing you can do for yourself, your kids and your relationship with your boyfriend.
Take the time to listen to your inner voice and become in tuned with it. Also, it never hurts to find your way back to the good Lord and cast your cares onto him. He will never let you down, as long as you seek him he will be there to hear your worries. You have have the power...use it!0 -
Hello-
I read your post. First let me say that your little one is a cutie. Congratulations!
Secondly, I have been in a relationship with a man who works 11P - 7A for the past 11 years. It is a grueling schedule for anyone, for any relationship, for any family.
That being said, I will leave you with a few comments for you to think about:
1. No GOOD job, in this economy, is worth leaving UNLESS it's a matter of health, life, or death. If any one of these fits your dilemma, please try to make sure you have clearly defined what the problem is. If none of them fit, proceed to numbers 2 or 3.
2, I am not so sure there isn't something else going on in your boyfriend's head. A little gentle prodding might help to bring the other issues out in the open.
3. If he says there's nothing else going on, then you need a clearer understanding of why he is so determined to to make a permanent decision in response to a temporary situation regarding your work commitments.
4. I am a great believer in couple's counseling. A trained professional can usually put you on the right track in 5 sessions.
5. I do not believe in ending something before you have exhausted everything avenue, gone down every road so to speak. Can you say with certainty that you have? Can your boyfriend say that he has?
Good luck!
The "gentle prodding" would be a foot, right up his ....LOL!!0 -
Sounds like you already know what you should do. A dysfunctional relationship takes everything you have to try make it better. When it it comes time to leave. A person feels drained and scared because they gave all of themselves to this reationship. Be strong and do what is best for you. It will be what is also best for your family. God bless.0
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Plain and simple, u are two totally different people, so nothing will ever be perfect! That goes for any relationship, anywhere. Just talk about it and work on it together, u shouldn't be looking for other people's opinions on ur personal relationship. U guys obviously Love each other, and now ur having a child together, so u have no choice but to work it out, whatever problems may arise, u gotta deal with it and just be there for each other, and be supportive!! If he's had abandonment issues growing up, u'll have to be more sensitive towards him. But the same goes to him, he'll have to be understanding of u. Hope u two work it out, and don't let other people or things get in between what u guys have built. U've come to far, no point in throwing in the rag now. U'll just find urself in a different relationship with a whole set of new problems!!!
New person...new set of problems...that's probably what I'm most afraid of...Thanks for "listening" and commenting0 -
I cannot imagine posting THIS much about my personal life or marital problems on a public website. :noway:0
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Plain and simple, u are two totally different people, so nothing will ever be perfect! That goes for any relationship, anywhere. Just talk about it and work on it together, u shouldn't be looking for other people's opinions on ur personal relationship. U guys obviously Love each other, and now ur having a child together, so u have no choice but to work it out, whatever problems may arise, u gotta deal with it and just be there for each other, and be supportive!! If he's had abandonment issues growing up, u'll have to be more sensitive towards him. But the same goes to him, he'll have to be understanding of u. Hope u two work it out, and don't let other people or things get in between what u guys have built. U've come to far, no point in throwing in the rag now. U'll just find urself in a different relationship with a whole set of new problems!!!
New person...new set of problems...that's probably what I'm most afraid of...Thanks for "listening" and commenting
What if you worked on what you need for a bit and the new person is fantastic and ready for a commited relationship. What if it's amazing and wonderful and sexy and fun. And safe.0 -
I cannot imagine posting THIS much about my personal life or marital problems on a public website. :noway:
Shes crying for help. Its all good. We are a support group0 -
Kick him to the curb. You may have insecurities about ( insert random insecurity here) but don't let anyone prey upon them.0
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I cannot imagine posting THIS much about my personal life or marital problems on a public website. :noway:
This is a supportive atmosphere. If she wants to post her business then that is up to her.0 -
Countless infidelities? Sleeps away the weekend, then complains about having no time with his family? With all due respect, he kind of sounds like a dirtbag.
You can love someone, but still let them leave because you know in your heart that you deserve better.
I agree with this.0 -
I sooo agree with MANDAMAMA!!!!!!! I realize that there are two sides to every story. It sure does sound like you are putting a lot of effort into this and he is just complaining. If he really loves you he will use his brainpower to help you both be able to spend more time together. Unless, you are finding yourself hiding out at work so as not to deal with him and his complaining. That is a different story. I also agree with the fact that you already know in your heart what you should do. Believe me if you were to let him go it would probably be short lived. He would not be away from you and the family for long. Maybe it's just the little kick he needs.0
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Amen sista! We are here to support each other. If anyone is not supportive and on this site I pose this question.......WHY???0
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I don't think she ever said who was unfaithful. Either way...Nobody's happy. Either get counselling or get out.0
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I believe in sticking to the topic of the site....BUT....HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. You can drop a lot of weight by showing him the door.0
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Maximallife You Rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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