People trying to sabotage you
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you have to forget about what others are doing. unfortunately, you live with him? is it his house? for me, i can tell my husband he can have fast food but not at home.. because it's our house.
it sucks when you constantly see it but that is real life, you'll see fast food all the time. just don't give in. you'll feel better that you don't!0 -
Is it his house, or yours? If it's his, then he has a right to eat fast food whenever and wherever he wants.
As for respect... it goes both ways. Sure, it would be nice if he was a bit more sensitive, but you need to respect HIM and respect HIS wishes too, even if they inconvenience you.
And 99.9% of the time, nobody is trying to sabotage you. They just want to eat what they want when and where they want to eat it. Sometimes they try to be nice and offer to share (even if we don't want them to offer).
Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean everyone else is. Just because you don't want KFC, doesn't mean he doesn't.
Bingo0 -
People who "care" about me try to sabotage me all the time
- my dad saying that it's okay to take a splurge day every time I talk to him (despite the fact that I've already told him that I do this)
- my mother in law sending us home over Xmas with pie and cookies
- family members at xmas time giving us candy for presents.
Most of it I ignore, the candy I threw 1/2 of it away and next year I'm going to send out an email asking them to not give it to us. I know that may seem rude, but I'm literally throwing their money away.
Boy, if ever there was a case for the death penalty...0 -
You have made a choice to change your lifestyle and that is an awesome thing to do, but to expect those who live with you or surround you to change their ways is simply unrealistic. As you progress in your journey you will find it much easier to simply ignore what everyone around you is doing/eating - and resist the temptation.0
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It is his home and he can do as he likes. I understand that you want him to be more sensitive of your desire to diet. Your old enough to know that ONLY YOU decides what to put into your mouth. It is his home and he can do what he wants whenever he decides to do so. He is not trying to sabotage you. He doesnt give his lifestyle choices as much thought as you are doing right now. Your decision to diet was not his decision to make.
I have an Italian husband that loves pasta and breads. I have two teenage daughters. One eats take out every day and yes brings it home. The other works at a donut shop and she brings them home for the family. Yes.. at first it wasn't easy to turn away. It smells good. It looks good. But, if I don't want to eat it... then I wont. I have a variety of foods available and choose not to eat certain things. I have purchased foods that they wont eat. Life isnt fair.
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter0 -
Why do people close to you try and sabotage you, for example my father. I have asked this man to please stop bringing fast food into the house, if he wants to eat it he can just not around me. Sunday it was Mcdonalds, yesterday chinese food, tonight KFC, even if its not fast food its chocolate cake, giant cookies, ice cream and on and on and on...I just dont understand it why someone close to you woluld not support you and respect you enough to do what you have asked them to do.
Why should he have to stop eating that stuff? This YOUR lifestyle, YOUR decision to lose weight and make your health better. NOT his. Just because he decides that he still wants to eat like that, doesn't mean that he doesn't support you or that he's trying to sabatoge you. Also, I'm assuming that you are living with him? So I am going to assume that it's his house. His house=he can eat whatever he damn well pleases.0 -
Why do people close to you try and sabotage you, for example my father. I have asked this man to please stop bringing fast food into the house, if he wants to eat it he can just not around me. Sunday it was Mcdonalds, yesterday chinese food, tonight KFC, even if its not fast food its chocolate cake, giant cookies, ice cream and on and on and on...I just dont understand it why someone close to you woluld not support you and respect you enough to do what you have asked them to do.
Why should he have to stop eating that stuff? This YOUR lifestyle, YOUR decision to lose weight and make your health better. NOT his. Just because he decides that he still wants to eat like that, doesn't mean that he doesn't support you or that he's trying to sabatoge you. Also, I'm assuming that you are living with him? So I am going to assume that it's his house. His house=he can eat whatever he damn well pleases.
^^^ this!0 -
you're forcing him to do something he is used to....if anyything the sabotage is backwardsWhy do people close to you try and sabotage you, for example my father. I have asked this man to please stop bringing fast food into the house, if he wants to eat it he can just not around me. Sunday it was Mcdonalds, yesterday chinese food, tonight KFC, even if its not fast food its chocolate cake, giant cookies, ice cream and on and on and on...I just dont understand it why someone close to you woluld not support you and respect you enough to do what you have asked them to do.
he's not putting it in your mouth and putting a gun to your head0 -
I read what those who believe it's your dad's home so he should be able to do what he wishes.
I also read that you've struggled with weight for years.
As a parent myself, I'd take one for the team and not bring in the food such as she's described her dad bringing into the house so regularly. I get having your meal of choice.
However, if I had to choose between KFC and pleasing my daughter, my daughter would win.
I'm surprised that other parents who have responded don't see this from more of a parent's point of view.
OF COURSE he has the right to bring in whatever he wishes into his home. Sometimes having the right to do something doesn't make it the right thing to do.
I agree with a PP ... this is preparation for life.
I totally agree!! My mom has always supported me in anything I have done even if she didn't like it! It seems like he is being a bit mean. For those who say move out I am 26 and still living at home. I'm not happy about it but I can not afford anything else. I work a full time and part time job but still am not financially stable enough to live on my own. It is kind of mean to just say to someone move out with out knowing the circumstances.
I agree that sometimes people sabotage. My boyfriend is always asking to go to Chilli's or McDonalds when he knows I am watching. He's not really thinking about it and always apologizes when he asks with out thinking. People at my job are the worst they purposefully sabotage and admit that they do. I asked the one big sabatore to please support me and she apologized and said she would support me and no longer bring in candy especially sweddish fish my favorite!
Keep your head high. It's nice to have a place to vent and have some people understand and feel for you!0 -
Why do people close to you try and sabotage you, for example my father. I have asked this man to please stop bringing fast food into the house, if he wants to eat it he can just not around me. Sunday it was Mcdonalds, yesterday chinese food, tonight KFC, even if its not fast food its chocolate cake, giant cookies, ice cream and on and on and on...I just dont understand it why someone close to you woluld not support you and respect you enough to do what you have asked them to do.
Why should he have to stop eating that stuff? This YOUR lifestyle, YOUR decision to lose weight and make your health better. NOT his. Just because he decides that he still wants to eat like that, doesn't mean that he doesn't support you or that he's trying to sabatoge you. Also, I'm assuming that you are living with him? So I am going to assume that it's his house. His house=he can eat whatever he damn well pleases.
Agreed...
Only YOU can sabotage yourself. If you want to do this, then you have to suck it up and do it. Don't try to blame others! You do what you have to do for yourself... no one else. This is your life, your journey, and you have to have the strength to resist the temptations and continue on.0 -
i stick with my diet but when he has seen me struggle and cry and everything that comes along with the journey and i bust my *kitten* to have healthy food in the house, workout every day and do the right thing i just dont think it is very fair..i do get it is his house and he can do as he pleases but i am his daughter and i have had issues my entire life and would just like some support and not have him bring home "food for me" or eat it around me, like maybe he can eat it when im out of the house 10-12 hours at day at school and work and not when i come home and sit down to have dinner myself...i guess i can see it from both sides its just very frustrating...
I wasn't going to say anything, but this got me...."I just don't think it is very fair."
I hear this from my teenage son daily about something or another, but as I tell him, "If you don't think its fair, call a judge!"
As a parent I would never do anything to deliberately cause my son harm, on the other hand, my house, my choices, when he's big enough to make his own choices then he is big enough to live on his own. As long as he is under my roof he will not dictate to me what I can and cannot do. It doesn't matter what his age is...my house, my choices.
If he can sit down and discuss with me a different way of doing something, then yes, I listen, but in the end I will still be the one making the decision.
If my adult child came to me with this problem and said, "it isn't fair"...conversation over.
If my adult child came to me with this problem and said, "I though maybe we could try something different, and I would be willing to put in the extra work it involves.".....conversation started.
Have you tried to offer to cook? Have you given you dad alternatives other than saying "just don't bring it home?"0 -
Is it his house, or yours? If it's his, then he has a right to eat fast food whenever and wherever he wants.
As for respect... it goes both ways. Sure, it would be nice if he was a bit more sensitive, but you need to respect HIM and respect HIS wishes too, even if they inconvenience you.
And 99.9% of the time, nobody is trying to sabotage you. They just want to eat what they want when and where they want to eat it. Sometimes they try to be nice and offer to share (even if we don't want them to offer).
Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean everyone else is. Just because you don't want KFC, doesn't mean he doesn't.
BINGO.0 -
Have you guys always bonded over eating food together in the past? People express love in different ways and for some its giving and sharing food. If this is the case try and find time to spend fun bonding time with your dad that doesn't involve food. Or cook a healthy meal he would like and share it together.
People can sabatoge you and it isn't always due to jealousy, sometimes it a unconscious reaction to the change you are creating in their lives with your decision to live healthier.
We don't live in a vacuum and the people who are around us are a huge influence.
I think alot of fast food stuff is highly addictive and some people feel threatened when something challanges that addiction.
Its like going to the pub and being the only one not drinking alcohol, there always seems to be a few who can't feel comfortable with the beer they are holding in their hand until you have one too.
There is alot of power in making a decision to change. Keep going, others have done it, I am sure with similiar challanges and you can too.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe0 -
In my opinion, you can't force others to eat things they don't want to or stop eating the things they do want to just because you are trying to be healthier. I totally understand the frustration, but I doubt anyone would try to "sabotage" you. Is it really fair of you to ask him to change the way he eats because you are trying to be healthy? Just my opinion, though :flowerforyou:
ETA: I have an example for you. I live, rent-free, with my fiance and his father. I do all the cooking, my fiance does all the finances, and the both of us do all the grocery shopping so he doesn't have to worry about any of it. Even though I'm the one that's cooking, shopping, cleaning up, etc. I would never ask him to stop buying junk food, because when it comes down to it, it's his house. He ALLOWS me to live here, and if he wants deep-fried butter for dinner, well, I guess I'd make that for him and make something else for my fiance and I. If you want respect, you have to give it. And since we do, he allows us to use HIS money to buy reduced-fat cheese or part-skim whatever, healthier versions of things we used to eat. We respect him, he respects us in return. And when he's in the mood for junk, he buys it or asks us to, and guess what? HE eats it, not us. He offers, but he is certainly not holding a gun to our heads. If you do not have the willpower to resist, then this will never work out for you.0 -
Some of my coworkers are complete jerk offs about any thing that doesn't involve drinking or being an idiot. Like it is such a problem if i like to eat boiled egg whites for a snack instead of whatever ****e they eat.0
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Would you stop eating heatly because he said he wants to have a calorie filled lifestyle?
I think it is being over sensitive....McDonalds isnt going to move from your shopping centres just because you want to eat healthy.
Unfortuntaely its all in our faces, we have to excersise will power... we cannot rely on anyone around us to make those steps for us, including keeping it out of our faces.
Sorry to seem blunt..0 -
>.>
Would you stop eating heatly because he said he wants to have a calorie filled lifestyle?
I think it is being over sensitive....McDonalds isnt going to move from your shopping centres just because you want to eat healthy.
Unfortuntaely its all in our faces, we have to excersise will power... we cannot rely on anyone around us to make those steps for us, including keeping it out of our faces.
Sorry to seem blunt..
true0 -
It is difficult, especially if your father doesn't need to lose weight.
My husband is reasonably healthy and only about half a stone overweight. He cooked chips last night and asked if I wanted any. I just told him I was ok thanks, he still made plenty and left some on the side....very tempting but I resisted.
I have found it's easier to make yourself busy and walk away when people close to you are eating tempting things.
Why don't you try planning fast food into your diet as an occasional treat? I am a big believer in treating myself sometimes, you just need to research it first.
Look at the chinese food. Some restaurants with take away menus have nutritional values on their menu.
If you look at the rice dishes avoid egg fried rice, avoid heavy sauces.
It's all about the planning. When I don't plan it's my downfall!
googling chinese food will help you see what you can have without wrecking your diet.
Good luck!0 -
I am 24yrs old and if i could move out i would be out, but i am still in school full time and work 3 different jobs right now i financially can not move out. He does need to lose weight weighing close to 400lbs and i cook dinner every night make more than enough so he can have it the next day for lunch and so on, my mom is on board with healthier eating all i want is him to do the same, 3 times or more a week with bringing in fast food is a bit extreme once a week i can deal with, i guess in a way im mad that he doesnt seem to care but on the other hand i dont want this man to eat himself to death..thank you to thoes who have understood where i am coming from for your kind words...i just needed to vent0
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Is it his house, or yours? If it's his, then he has a right to eat fast food whenever and wherever he wants.
As for respect... it goes both ways. Sure, it would be nice if he was a bit more sensitive, but you need to respect HIM and respect HIS wishes too, even if they inconvenience you.
And 99.9% of the time, nobody is trying to sabotage you. They just want to eat what they want when and where they want to eat it. Sometimes they try to be nice and offer to share (even if we don't want them to offer).
Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean everyone else is. Just because you don't want KFC, doesn't mean he doesn't.
I agree with this x100
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