Friends with a girl

Espressocycle
Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
edited November 8 in Chit-Chat
So two years ago, I was dating around and I had a fling with this pretty darn awesome woman.Let's call her Marge. We had loads of fun, great physical connection, but she flaked on me and then went on vacation. The following week, I met the woman I expect to spend the rest of my life with (or the rest of hers, whichever comes first). My fiance and I share a bond I never thought possible. We just fit together. If I hadn't met her, I'm pretty sure I might have managed to make a go of it with Marge and been very happy, just not AS happy.

Now, I think I would like to hang out with Marge as a friend now, because we share certain interests, such as eating organ meats in sketchy ethnic restaurants. However, the only time we have hung out together was in the context of a sexual fling and she is as attractive as ever. It's not that I think there would be any chance of me cheating - I can keep it in my pants, thank you. But I just don't know how to make a good transition from fling/potential girlfriend to platonic friend I want to eat tripe soup with. I feel like she would be like my food girlfriend. Any advice?
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Replies

  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    eh... STAY AWAY!! Though I believe you when you say you can keep your pants on.. to me, it's not worth the stress trying to figure out how to do this or that. Eh.
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
    Dude... that's fire!

    No Marge = Happy Fiance

    Marge = Marge (No Fiance)

    If Marge isn't as committed to your fiance as you are (and she won't be), then she'll be trying to revert to sex with you.

    Option 1: Wait till Marge has a significant other that she's committed to. you stand a much better chance of keeping your Fiance under those conditions.

    Option 2: Bye bye Marge. Have a good life.
  • atashby14
    atashby14 Posts: 14 Member
    Stay away from her! That can only cause trouble.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    I didn't even read the post. I just know the topic is not possible.
  • ashleynicoleb
    ashleynicoleb Posts: 376 Member
    I would DEFINITELY stay away. Sounds like a creation for a firestorm!
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
    I think the fact that you wrote a post about it kinda proves that you KNOW you can't be friends with Marge, but need to hear it from other people. The basic question is who is more valuable to you? Marge or Fiance?
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
    eh... STAY AWAY!! Though I believe you when you say you can keep your pants on.. to me, it's not worth the stress trying to figure out how to do this or that. Eh.

    This.
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
    Dude... that's fire!

    No Marge = Happy Fiance

    Marge = Marge (No Fiance)

    If Marge isn't as committed to your fiance as you are (and she won't be), then she'll be trying to revert to sex with you.

    Option 1: Wait till Marge has a significant other that she's committed to. you stand a much better chance of keeping your Fiance under those conditions.

    Option 2: Bye bye Marge. Have a good life.

    I AGREE. I would say no Marge though. It's done, enjoy your fiance not her.
    If you love your fiance and the life with her, leave Marge out of it. I personally would find it disrespectful to your fiance.
  • rammsteinsoldier
    rammsteinsoldier Posts: 1,552 Member
    Speaking from a woman's perspective I say don't do it. If I were your fiance I would not be happy knowing the history you had with this other woman.
  • lakersfan4life
    lakersfan4life Posts: 322 Member
    I didn't even read the post. I just know the topic is not possible.

    thats not true at all.

    i have a friend that is absolutely gorgeous. Phillipino, great figure, big ra... , well anyway. Im physically attracted to her, but I prefer more of a girly girl personality were she is more tomboyish. We go boarding, watch laker games, etc. Not once have we crossed over that line and we've been friends for many years.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Not a good idea given previous relationship.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    My fiance would be totally cool with it - hell, she thinks I should hang out with my ex-wife, and she has several friends she used to date. But as for me, I just don't know if I can be friends with someone I still kinda want to sleep with. I mean, I could certainly hang out with my ex wife... we never had sex while we were married, no reason why we would start now! Come to think of it, I have other female friends I've slept with and I don't even think about it even though they are totally hot. More reason to stay aweay in this case!
  • HeelsAndBoxingGloves
    HeelsAndBoxingGloves Posts: 916 Member
    I think the fact that you wrote a post about it kinda proves that you KNOW you can't be friends with Marge, but need to hear it from other people. The basic question is who is more valuable to you? Marge or Fiance?

    This!
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    Dude... that's fire!

    No Marge = Happy Fiance

    Marge = Marge (No Fiance)

    If Marge isn't as committed to your fiance as you are (and she won't be), then she'll be trying to revert to sex with you.

    Option 1: Wait till Marge has a significant other that she's committed to. you stand a much better chance of keeping your Fiance under those conditions.

    Option 2: Bye bye Marge. Have a good life.

    This.
  • tehzephyrsong
    tehzephyrsong Posts: 435 Member
    Even if you manage to keep it in your pants, even if Marge respects the boundaries created by the fact that you're engaged, even if you start hanging out with her and pretend like you have no history...there's just something that doesn't sit well with us women when it comes to our SO's hanging out with their exes. It could be the most platonic thing in the world; she could have been like a sister to you before you started dating; it doesn't matter, jealousy is a powerful thing.

    Just let bygones be bygones. Cherish the memories you have, think of her next time you chow down on a skewer of chicken hearts, but it's probably best if you don't try to hang out with Marge again.
  • PaLawDog
    PaLawDog Posts: 56
    Trust the woman on this one. they are defiantly better then us with relationships
  • tig_ol_bitties
    tig_ol_bitties Posts: 561 Member
    If you have to ask...you already know the answer.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    My fiance would be totally cool with it - hell, she thinks I should hang out with my ex-wife, and she has several friends she used to date. But as for me, I just don't know if I can be friends with someone I still kinda want to sleep with. I mean, I could certainly hang out with my ex wife... we never had sex while we were married, no reason why we would start now!

    You have now changed your intentions a bit from the OP.
    This is not a friends only thing in your mind and you are hoping under that fib to have people justify in your mind doing it.

    Back away if your marriage to be means anything to you and get your feelings sorted out.
    I am not judging but just saying what I see.
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
    Honestly this happened with in my marriage with my husband several years back. And I thought I could be ok with it. I felt secure. But the more and more he would talk about her or things dealing with her, and he was just sharing not being cruel, I felt insecure, I would think "what if he eventually ends up enjoying her company more?" I suddenly felt like I had competition for his attention, and that was not like me. So my security left. Mind you it took a few years before I got to thinking that way. But even with all the best intentions and no line crossing there could be issues that pop up and can unintentionally hurt.
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    My fiance would be totally cool with it - hell, she thinks I should hang out with my ex-wife, and she has several friends she used to date. But as for me, I just don't know if I can be friends with someone I still kinda want to sleep with. I mean, I could certainly hang out with my ex wife... we never had sex while we were married, no reason why we would start now! Come to think of it, I have other female friends I've slept with and I don't even think about it even though they are totally hot. More reason to stay aweay in this case!

    I'm gonna be blunt. She's not okay with it. If she is, she was born with an additional copy of chromosome 21. No women in their right mind would be okay with their significant other hanging out with a previous SEXUAL partner. The way you explained it, all you guys did was have sex. What is the point?
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
    So two years ago, I was dating around and I had a fling with this pretty darn awesome woman.Let's call her Marge. We had loads of fun, great physical connection, but she flaked on me and then went on vacation. The following week, I met the woman I expect to spend the rest of my life with (or the rest of hers, whichever comes first). My fiance and I share a bond I never thought possible. We just fit together. If I hadn't met her, I'm pretty sure I might have managed to make a go of it with Marge and been very happy, just not AS happy.

    Now, I think I would like to hang out with Marge as a friend now, because we share certain interests, such as eating organ meats in sketchy ethnic restaurants. However, the only time we have hung out together was in the context of a sexual fling and she is as attractive as ever. It's not that I think there would be any chance of me cheating - I can keep it in my pants, thank you. But I just don't know how to make a good transition from fling/potential girlfriend to platonic friend I want to eat tripe soup with. I feel like she would be like my food girlfriend. Any advice?

    Sorry homey. Once you have feelings for someone, YOU ALWAYS HAVE FEELINGS FOR THAT PERSON, you can tell yourself that but deep down inside you know you still wouldnt mind a go at that.

    Just my opinion though
  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,069 Member
    My fiance would be totally cool with it - hell, she thinks I should hang out with my ex-wife, and she has several friends she used to date. But as for me, I just don't know if I can be friends with someone I still kinda want to sleep with. I mean, I could certainly hang out with my ex wife... we never had sex while we were married, no reason why we would start now! Come to think of it, I have other female friends I've slept with and I don't even think about it even though they are totally hot. More reason to stay aweay in this case!

    I think you and your fiance need to come to terms with the fact that you want to be swingers.
  • tangie82
    tangie82 Posts: 285 Member
    You can have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex, but not after you've seen them naked. Too risky, don't do it!
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    If you have to ask...you already know the answer.

    This.
  • kb455
    kb455 Posts: 679 Member
    You say you can keep it in your pants but that you find her attractive and "kind of" want to sleep with her. If you don't want to end up in bed with her, don't hang out with her. Sounds to me like you're looking for trouble.
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
    If you want to be friends with her because she is attractive, ask permission from the love of your life. If by some miracle she allows you to be friends with her, include her with your outings with Marge.
  • lglg11
    lglg11 Posts: 344 Member
    I didn't even read the post. I just know the topic is not possible.

    thats not true at all.

    i have a friend that is absolutely gorgeous. Phillipino, great figure, big ra... , well anyway. Im physically attracted to her, but I prefer more of a girly girl personality were she is more tomboyish. We go boarding, watch laker games, etc. Not once have we crossed over that line and we've been friends for many years.

    I agree with you because you never crossed that line .. He did .. different story .

    Stay away and rethink you're relationship with your fiance to make sure she really is everything to you . I'm sure you think she's cool and you love her but seriously, even thinking about this sends another message .

    And theres NO WAY she's okay with it . How many times have you asked a woman 'whats wrong?' and she says 'nothing' .
    See where I'm going with this ???
  • ffuunnnnyy__ggiirrll
    ffuunnnnyy__ggiirrll Posts: 431
    I never understood the whole guys and girls can't be friends nonsense.

    My advice? Don't take advice from people on the net.
  • mo_is_here
    mo_is_here Posts: 95
    But as for me, I just don't know if I can be friends with someone I still kinda want to sleep with.



    ^^^ You never mentioned in your first post that you still want to sleep with her. Dude do yourself a favor and forget it. It's a BAD idea.
  • a6ftdiva
    a6ftdiva Posts: 88 Member
    your basically asking for permission to light a match in a pool full of gasoline...

    only one thing will happen here... you will get burned...

    even if you dont sleep with her and keep her as a "food girlfriend" your REAL GIRLFRIEND will eventually get jealous and then angry and then POOF up in smoke...

    STAY CLEAR and eat your internal animal organs in solitude....
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