Help! My one of my kids doesn't want me to lose weight!
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Sounds like a good way to talk about it... but I would also encourage you. He's not going to really notice the day to day changes except in your diet and habits. Then one day he's going to realize that you can keep up better, or your lap is bigger, or whatever, and there might be more questions, but he'll be seeing the good things by then as well. I don't think you should worry too much about it - 7/8 year olds are constantly thinking and they are also emotional divas on occasion ... both boys and girls... lol Stay positive and just don't talk about the weight side of things with him right now.
Exactly.
He's not going to wake up one morning and see that his mom suddenly weighs 120 lbs. It'll be a gradual process that he probably won't notice much.
Also, since when does a kid get to dictate whether his/her parent *GETS* to lose weight? Sounds like you're pandering too much to your little guy. He's a kid. He'll get over it.
I highly doubt that in 20 years he'll be wailing to his therapist about how the fact mommy lost weight when he was 8 years old scarred him for life....but his therapist would probably hear about it if you suffer from an obesity related illness or are unable do important things with him. I think it might help if you keep things in perspective.0 -
Kids are funny and are sometimes afraid of things for reasons they can't explain. Do your best to comfort him, but obviously you should continue on your path to good health. Our 7 year old freaks out if we ever suggest her dad might cut off his beard. She's horrified over the idea of him with no beard. Not exactly what I would have a nightmare over, but...kids are kids. She also said she doesn't want me to have long hair again because she doesn't remember me like that. She only remembers me with short hair. (I cut it 2 years ago.) I think in her case it scares her just because it's different. Maybe there's some other deep reason, but if they can't explain it, I don't think we're going to figure it all out. Don't over-talk the weight loss thing, and I would suggest you avoid the subject when around him. I don't think that's hiding anything, it's just avoiding something that's upsetting him. There's all kinds of things we don't come right out and say in front of our kids. If he's upset about it right now, don't talk about it right now. You can still lose weight without talking about it in front of him. You'll be losing weight gradually enough that he probably won't notice as it happens. As he grows out of whatever is causing the fear, it'll become a less touchy subject, and the problem will most likely go away. Good luck!0
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Don't let this discourage you, he probably just doesn't understand that it's a positive change. He'll love you for who you are no matter what size you are.
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I do think a little sympathy for the kid is in order...not that he gets to make any decisions. I have a friend who did daycare. She is quite obese, but the kids LOVE her and I bet if she talked about getting smaller it would freak them out, too.
Right now mom is warm and soft and gives good squishy hugs, probably does a lot of baking, is home to be counted on... he might be envisioning one of his friends' moms who is skinny, cranky from lack of carbs, always at the gym, and feeds her kids soybean-crunch cookies. You never know.
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I know this isn't exactly the same thing: But I suspect that my dog doesn't want me to lose weight.
I can tell by the way that he whines when I make him run through the snowy streets as I go promote my health and live to be around longer for my family.
Or maybe his paws are just cold, it's hard to say!
I made the joke, because this is a fitness site and this topic makes it look like you are throwing a kid under the bus for an excuse to quit. I wish you well, but this topic post is unusual.0 -
I know this isn't exactly the same thing: But I suspect that my dog doesn't want me to lose weight.
I can tell by the way that he whines when I make him run through the snowy streets as I go promote my health and live to be around longer for my family.
Or maybe his paws are just cold, it's hard to say!
I made the joke, because this is a fitness site and this topic makes it look like you are throwing a kid under the bus for an excuse to quit. I wish you well, but this topic post is unusual.
OK, I have to say the joke made me laugh, but I don't really think she's looking for an excuse to quit. She asked "how do I deal with this and make him feel better about it?" I don't think she's asking people to tell her "Go ahead, quit! It'll make your son happy!"
Oh, and if you think this post is unusual, you haven't been around here very long! :laugh:
Cheers! :drinker:0 -
Guess you really wouldn't like my advice get rid of the kid its the only obvious thing to do hereSorry, but I disagree completely with the ladies suggesting that the way forward is to include the child in the weight loss exercise program. If he is distressed enough to cry himself to sleep then I would take a step back. Radical dietary changes are hard to hide, of course, but I would emphasise health and forget about the weight loss aspect.0 -
Really? I was under the impression that when parents act like things don't bother them - their kids then respond accordingly, like skipping off to play with anything more interesting than sweaty parents. I do have both a 9 year old and a 7 year old, neither cry that I'm hoping to get fit and live longer. But then, I don't have devotions about it so maybe that's different.
Re: being "around" I've only been on here less than 90 days. I've lost some weight and my kids love me even more since I can keep up with them.0 -
You could tell him he can have a healthy mommy for a long time, or a chubby mommy with a chance of a shortened life.
Too harsh?
Perhaps so is telling him you're trying instead of just doing it.0 -
Really? I was under the impression that when parents act like things don't bother them - their kids then respond accordingly, like skipping off to play with anything more interesting than sweaty parents. I do have both a 9 year old and a 7 year old, neither cry that I'm hoping to get fit and live longer. But then, I don't have devotions about it so maybe that's different.
Re: being "around" I've only been on here less than 90 days. I've lost some weight and my kids love me even more since I can keep up with them.
So, every child in the world will respond the same way your children do? Because all children are the same and will act the same?
And a woman asking for advice, on a site meant for support, for how to explain to her child that things will be okay is trying to find an excuse to quit?
Rather presumptuous, isn't that?
No wonder I stopped posting here so long ago...0 -
Well Done!I have 5 kids - all boys.
My 2 youngest are 8 years old. Twins.
In my wildest imagination I can't imagine them sniveling and crying over my weight loss.
I suspect you might not like this, but stop pandering to the absurd notions of a child.
Just ignore him; let him cry and then forget all about it.
And lose the weight; he'll get over it.
Dam!!! you are so lucky, i just find out today, that my twins are girls...5 girls total + my wife0 -
I can't even imagine one of my kids being distressed about weight loss. Sounds like there's something underlying that's causing him to act out like that.0
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What a delightfully eccentric and sensitive child! He'll get used to the new you, especially once he sees all things you are able to do.0
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Well thank goodness you didn't just post again or anything.Really? I was under the impression that when parents act like things don't bother them - their kids then respond accordingly, like skipping off to play with anything more interesting than sweaty parents. I do have both a 9 year old and a 7 year old, neither cry that I'm hoping to get fit and live longer. But then, I don't have devotions about it so maybe that's different.
Re: being "around" I've only been on here less than 90 days. I've lost some weight and my kids love me even more since I can keep up with them.
So, every child in the world will respond the same way your children do? Because all children are the same and will act the same?
And a woman asking for advice, on a site meant for support, for how to explain to her child that things will be okay is trying to find an excuse to quit?
Rather presumptuous, isn't that?
No wonder I stopped posting here so long ago...
The child is jealous of you and wants to sabotage you. :drinker:0 -
My youngest is like that. I tried to focus on "healthy" and eventually she would look back and admit I look much better. I'd have to tell her we want her Dad to live a good long healthy life to be with her as she grows up, too. I had 2 kids that were really adverse to any change. I'd just comfort them and go forward. Eventually they are happy with the new.0
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Maybe the kid's right.0
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Well thank goodness you didn't just post again or anything.Really? I was under the impression that when parents act like things don't bother them - their kids then respond accordingly, like skipping off to play with anything more interesting than sweaty parents. I do have both a 9 year old and a 7 year old, neither cry that I'm hoping to get fit and live longer. But then, I don't have devotions about it so maybe that's different.
Re: being "around" I've only been on here less than 90 days. I've lost some weight and my kids love me even more since I can keep up with them.
So, every child in the world will respond the same way your children do? Because all children are the same and will act the same?
And a woman asking for advice, on a site meant for support, for how to explain to her child that things will be okay is trying to find an excuse to quit?
Rather presumptuous, isn't that?
No wonder I stopped posting here so long ago...
The child is jealous of you and wants to sabotage you. :drinker:
Yes, thank goodness for that.
A rare moment of not thinking before I post. I realize my post wasn't helpful, and I apologize for my lack of decorum.
To actually add something to the discussion; As a child my view of my father was very much tied into his appearance. I thought of him as a big, cuddly, protective bear and I imagine the thought of him being thin would have distressed me. But as others have said, if you've explained it to him and he's still upset then I think you'll just have to wait for him to get over it... and maybe keep an eye out for an underlying cause to his extreme reaction.
Now... back to my habitual lurking.0 -
Sometimes change, especially in a parent, makes kids uncomfortable. He will get over it. Try not to make your weight loss plans a big issue around here, and involve him in the things you're doing to get healthier without saying you're doing it because you want to change. What you're saying might be, "Mom's trying to lose weight because she wants to be healthier and do more things" but what a child can hear is "Mom is unhappy and wants to be different." That's a pretty scary concept!
Try to normalize what you're doing. Feed your family the same food you're eating. Take your kids for walks or have them do pushups or jump rope with you, or whatever activities you're doing that he can join you with. He will adjust. Your loss will be gradual (if you had a larger than average initial loss that he noticed, that will probably even out) and he might not even notice it much from here on out. He will get over his anxiety.
Edited because I just realized in your first post that you said he likes you the way that he is. Is your son overweight? Because if so, he may also be taking your weight loss personally, and thinking this will make you guys too different from eachother, or if you have to change yourself because you're overweight, you'll also have to make him change, or that you are judging him for being overweight.0 -
You mentioned you've changed the way you cook. Any money says he's displeased with the "new healthy" food and misses the "old days" (whatever you ate before). In which case, you should find substitutes for the food he does like or moderate the servings. There are many ways to alter recipes to make them better for the family without them being aware of it. He may also struggle with esteem issues, so it'd be best to keep your cool and continue what you're doing. This will benefit you all in the long run, BUT don't restrict foods or deprive them of their favourite foods either; it's a life change after all.
Good luck.0 -
Those who live with me barely even noticed when I lost my first 20 or so pounds. But, when I went to visit friends and family that's when all the fuss began. They noticed for sure! 90lbs later EVERYBODY noticed. :blushing: :blushing: :blushing:
He won't really notice the gradual weight loss. 0
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