Do you mind when....?
This has nothing to do with weight loss...just wanted some opinions..So I wanted to take a survey.....who of you who are in a relationship mind when your partner has a relationship with someone of the opposite sex? Like texting, calling just to talk. Bored or whatever. And as a side note you are not friends with this person nor to you even know anything about them.
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There are so many variables, but if the relationship with the other woman interferes with OUR relationship (like he talks to her more than to me or talks to her about things he won't talk to me about), it's a problem. And, yes, if he won't even really tell you about her, THAT is a major red flag. Especially if it's a new friend, not someone he's known since before we met.0
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There are so many variables, but if the relationship with the other woman interferes with OUR relationship (like he talks to her more than to me or talks to her about things he won't talk to me about), it's a problem. And, yes, if he won't even really tell you about her, THAT is a major red flag. Especially if it's a new friend, not someone he's known since before we met.
I like this. and you are right there are a lot of variables...I tend to think that if you have a good relationship and you have healthy friendships that don't hurt your marriage already and it is that hard to define the other relationship, why have it at all. I mean just avoid it all together if it is a risk at all...right? No new friendship is really worth it to me if it risks negatively affecting my marriage. He is way to important to me.0 -
Nope. If I had a problem trusting my wife, I wouldn't have married her.
She is not with me, because I have her on a leash. We're together, because we choose to be. Want to be.0 -
For me, it depends on three things:
- the other woman's perception of their relationship (Does she understand that they are just friends and/or does she have any interest in something more than friendship with him?)
- how much time they spend together (If he's seeing her as much as he's seeing me, she ain't "just a friend.")
- how open he is about his relationship with her (If he's secretive or dishonest about the time he spends with her, again, she's more than just a friend.)
The man I'm currently dating has an ex-girlfriend with whom he still communicates from time to time. They don't see each other because she lives in a different state now, but he was upfront with me about her still being in contact with him on occasion. I told him then "You're a grown man, and I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't talk to." And I meant it.
But I also draw a line at him being "friendly" with someone who doesn't respect boundaries. It is his responsibility to make sure she knows that he is involved with someone else and that there will not be anything but friendship between the two of them. If I ever find out she is not clear on that, then we are history. I have no tolerance whatsoever for lying, cheating, or manipulation. I'm not willing to risk being with a guy who doesn't care about me enough to put a stop to someone trying to sabotage our relationship.0 -
My husband definitely:sad: minds, and I'd LIKE to say truthfully that i wouldn't, but i am really insecure right now, so I would mind.:explode:0
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My husband has no such relationships. And yes I would have a problem with it.0
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While I do trust my boyfriend and don't think he would ever cheat on me, I do think I would mind if he was spending time with another woman and calling and texting her. Especially since it would likely cut into the time he spends with me. I do not have any male friends either anymore, although I had several when we started dating almost 3 years ago.
ETA: I tried to be friends with a guy at work recently, but he didn't understand we were just friends and wanted me to go out to eat with him just the two of us which I felt was inappropriate. I now believe it is nearly impossible to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex.
Now, if my bf had been friends with a girl for many years I would not make him stop being friends with her because of me. Childhood friends are different IMO.0 -
Truthfully.. I think I would have a problem with it.. especally not kowing her. Friends that you see at work, school and so on are fine.. but I think calling, texting and stuff are alittle uncalled for.. in MY BOOK. I think he would also agree with me. Its just asking for trouble. Its not becasue I dont trust him, its just an uncomfortable situation to be in. Having a "Personal" relationship with the opposit sex could potentially lead to further feelings and attractions, and im not willing to risk that. Im only human, I have feelings!0
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my boyfriend (who will be my husband by the time this happens) is going down to London see the olympics with a girl he used to work with - he is staying at hers overnight. i dont know her, have never met her, but i am not at all worried. i wouldnt be marrying him if i didnt trust him....0
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My ex had friends of the opposite sex, I recall a few times arriving at his place and he happened to be on the phone with one of them. It was never a problem for me, cause I never felt like he was hiding anything...he would talk while in my presense and would pretty much always tell me who he had been talking too. I never had to ask, "who was that?"...he would disclose all. Even a simple text or email, which he got a lot of because he was self employed. I guess it just depends when whether your partner is being sneaky about it.0
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I didn't ever mind until I found pictures and read some of the secret messages.... If he tells you about them and is open and lets y ou read messages or even talk to that person lets you in on whats going on I don't think it should be a problem but like it's already been said its a problem when they don't share.. My soon to be ex husband was cheating and wouldn't tell me anything about the girls he was talking to.. I was never allowed to konw who he was texting or talking to. It was his "private life"... I think the only "private life" he should have had would have been the one with me in our bed in our room and what we did there... lol0
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Neither me nor my wife do such things with anybody of the opposite sex.
It'd be just a matter of time before we both would end up knocking boots with somebody else.
That's nature.
It just can't be helped.
You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
That's reality.
I just will not expose myself to such risks, and neither would my wife.0 -
Have you never watched When Harry Met Sally???0
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Neither me nor my wife do such things with anybody of the opposite sex.
It'd be just a matter of time before we both would end up knocking boots with somebody else.
That's nature.
It just can't be helped.
You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
That's reality.
I just will not expose myself to such risks, and neither would my wife.
this
If I found out otherwise he can kiss my butt goodbye.0 -
You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
That's reality.
i can guarantee you i wouldn't touch pee wee herman with a 10 foot pole. i'm just not that randy
there's a few people you can throw in there and i wouldn't touch them.0 -
I don't think it is a wise decision to have a friend of the opposite sex. I was in your shoes a few years ago. He had friends that were girls and it didn’t really bother me until they started texting each other all the time and he started not answering the phone when I was with him and stuff. Of course started not trusting him and I found out it went way beyond that.. I hope it's not like that for you. Good luck..
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And as a side note you are not friends with this person nor to you even know anything about them.
If you mean "know anything about them" in the sense that I've never met this person, but I know that he is friends with her, I'm okay with that, as long as he has established very clear boundaries with her. But him having a female friend who he texts and calls on a regular basis, and I don't even know she exists? Absolutely not. There's only one reason a man would not want you to know about a female "friend."0 -
While I do trust my boyfriend and don't think he would ever cheat on me, I do think I would mind if he was spending time with another woman and calling and texting her. Especially since it would likely cut into the time he spends with me. I do not have any male friends either anymore, although I had several when we started dating almost 3 years ago.
ETA: I tried to be friends with a guy at work recently, but he didn't understand we were just friends and wanted me to go out to eat with him just the two of us which I felt was inappropriate. I now believe it is nearly impossible to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex.
Now, if my bf had been friends with a girl for many years I would not make him stop being friends with her because of me. Childhood friends are different IMO.
I agree with you on this. I too trust my boyfriend and all, but there is always that 1% of jealousy or fear that another woman might want a friendship to turn into something more. I dont trust women these days, they are awful LOL0 -
While I do trust my boyfriend and don't think he would ever cheat on me, I do think I would mind if he was spending time with another woman and calling and texting her. Especially since it would likely cut into the time he spends with me. I do not have any male friends either anymore, although I had several when we started dating almost 3 years ago.
ETA: I tried to be friends with a guy at work recently, but he didn't understand we were just friends and wanted me to go out to eat with him just the two of us which I felt was inappropriate. I now believe it is nearly impossible to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex.
Now, if my bf had been friends with a girl for many years I would not make him stop being friends with her because of me. Childhood friends are different IMO.
I agree with you on this. I too trust my boyfriend and all, but there is always that 1% of jealousy or fear that another woman might want a friendship to turn into something more. I dont trust women these days, they are awful LOL
I agree with you on this. I too trust my boyfriend and all, but there is always that 1% of jealousy or fear that another woman might want a friendship to turn into something more. I dont trust women these days, they are awful LOL0 -
My guy tends to attract a lot of female friends because he has this big brother complex, he likes to treat them as little sisters and help them out. I don't mind since I trust him to tell the girl to back off if she's doing something inappropriate and they don't take up his time over mine. He'll shoo them off or, online, pretend to be offline while he's talking with me.
The only time there was a problem was when we first got together, he had a female best friend that did everything short of arriving on his doorstep naked. She threatened me, seemed fine for a month, then had some fit because he was spending more time with me than her and she couldn't handle us even subtly flirting.
But really, I don't see issue with someone being in a relationship and having friends of the opposite sex as long as it's established there is no attraction and the friend is not going to be top priority. You can still be a good friend without blowing off dates or just general time with your loved one. That aside I know some people have poor self esteem or problems that make them insecure or paranoid or something similar and if that's the case, that's something you have to work out with your partner. If my guy minded my guy friends and there wasn't a way to get around that, then we would compromise. I'd rather have him chaperone me than lose his trust by sneaking behind his back. Not worth it.0 -
Neither me nor my wife do such things with anybody of the opposite sex.
It'd be just a matter of time before we both would end up knocking boots with somebody else.
That's nature.
It just can't be helped.
You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
That's reality.
I just will not expose myself to such risks, and neither would my wife.
I could not agree more. Not that I dont trust him... I dont trust the facts of nature.. and chemicals between people... that happen sometimes when your not even looking!0 -
This has nothing to do with weight loss...just wanted some opinions..So I wanted to take a survey.....who of you who are in a relationship mind when your partner has a relationship with someone of the opposite sex? Like texting, calling just to talk. Bored or whatever. And as a side note you are not friends with this person nor to you even know anything about them.
Not cool, don't do it to him, he does not do it to me.0 -
For me, it depends on three things:
- the other woman's perception of their relationship (Does she understand that they are just friends and/or does she have any interest in something more than friendship with him?)
- how much time they spend together (If he's seeing her as much as he's seeing me, she ain't "just a friend.")
- how open he is about his relationship with her (If he's secretive or dishonest about the time he spends with her, again, she's more than just a friend.)
The man I'm currently dating has an ex-girlfriend with whom he still communicates from time to time. They don't see each other because she lives in a different state now, but he was upfront with me about her still being in contact with him on occasion. I told him then "You're a grown man, and I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't talk to." And I meant it.
But I also draw a line at him being "friendly" with someone who doesn't respect boundaries. It is his responsibility to make sure she knows that he is involved with someone else and that there will not be anything but friendship between the two of them. If I ever find out she is not clear on that, then we are history. I have no tolerance whatsoever for lying, cheating, or manipulation. I'm not willing to risk being with a guy who doesn't care about me enough to put a stop to someone trying to sabotage our relationship.
She totally acts like she has a crush on him and he denies it. Says he does not see it. He is so clueless! She wants attention from him. I totally agree with this! It sounds like you are ALL on the same page as me on how I feel about this. I just wish he felt the same. He thinks you can have a platonic relationship with whoever you want and like some others have said....you put 2 people of the opposite sex together for long enough.....attractions start forming and all you see with this person is the attraction and the good...you don't have fights or things you have to work through like with your partner so things start looking better with this person....that saying "the grass is greener" came form somewhere people....0 -
I dont have a problem, even though my fiancee cheated on me. I trust him and always have, even though he cocked up, but that cant be said for other way round. he has very little trust for me, guess that's his insecurities .0
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Truthfully.. I think I would have a problem with it.. especally not kowing her. Friends that you see at work, school and so on are fine.. but I think calling, texting and stuff are alittle uncalled for.. in MY BOOK. I think he would also agree with me. Its just asking for trouble. Its not becasue I dont trust him, its just an uncomfortable situation to be in. Having a "Personal" relationship with the opposit sex could potentially lead to further feelings and attractions, and im not willing to risk that. Im only human, I have feelings!
exactly!0 -
See? That's just it. If my husband is that close with a person where they call and chit chat...then why don't I know them? That's the red flag right there.
The girl friends my husband has from high school, I've met them all. I've hung out with them once in a while. So I don't get upset when he talks to them. When there's secrets, when I don't know her, when they're being shady, RED FLAG and an *kitten* whooping!
I have some guy friends that are truly some of my BEST friends. Known him since we were kids. I was at his wedding, he was at mine. He has a baby now. So to say that nobody should have friends of the opposite sex, well that's just silly.
It's all about respect...0 -
Every guy I've been good friends with has decided he wants to be with me and loves me... Sounds big headed and I'm really not! This has lead me to believe that you can't just be great friends with the opposite sex, usually one of you ends up wanting more... So myself and my partner don't have close friends with the opposite sex... Although he gets along with my girlfriends and I get along with his friends. I'd be worried if he suddenly started ring and texting another girl... Even though I 100% trust him, feelings can develop from a innocent friendship. I've seen it first hand x0
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I now believe it is nearly impossible to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex.
^^^^ This............0 -
Nope. Although I usually know SOMETHING about the people my husband spends time with, male or female. Because, you know, it's normal to talk about your friends.0
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While I do trust my boyfriend and don't think he would ever cheat on me, I do think I would mind if he was spending time with another woman and calling and texting her. Especially since it would likely cut into the time he spends with me. I do not have any male friends either anymore, although I had several when we started dating almost 3 years ago.
ETA: I tried to be friends with a guy at work recently, but he didn't understand we were just friends and wanted me to go out to eat with him just the two of us which I felt was inappropriate. I now believe it is nearly impossible to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex.
Now, if my bf had been friends with a girl for many years I would not make him stop being friends with her because of me. Childhood friends are different IMO.
I agree with you on this. I too trust my boyfriend and all, but there is always that 1% of jealousy or fear that another woman might want a friendship to turn into something more. I dont trust women these days, they are awful LOL
I agree with you on this. I too trust my boyfriend and all, but there is always that 1% of jealousy or fear that another woman might want a friendship to turn into something more. I dont trust women these days, they are awful LOL
Oh yea! That's the problem....But really it is both sexes! What happened to a wedding ring meaning something? What happened to people not daring to even get close to that line with a married person. What happened to respecting a marriage....it seems not to many people care about that anymore these days...wether its the married person or the one trying to get the attention of the married person.0
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