probs w/ hubby. idk who to turn to need others opinion.
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Honestly, the best thing you can do in regards to your relationship is to put a counselor between the two of you and talk it out. Put an unbiased, third party there to help discuss these issues and diffuse the situation. Have your husband tell another person that he thinks you're a slut and watch how he realizes how completely foolish he is. Better yet, tell him that you'd rather move on that to live with that. He'll change his tune.
I've been through some ups and downs and I can say for certain, the best thing you can do is to put this stuff out on the table. Don't stew, don't let it fester, don't wait until it's unbearable. This is a guy you loved dearly once, so much so that you pledged your entire life to him. Likewise, he chose the same when he offered you that ring. Ask yourself if that's something you are ready to give up.
Nobody is perfect, we all have our weak moments. I'm not excusing your husband's poor behavior but life throws us all curveballs. There's a reason for his insecurity. He needs to attack that, not you. Help him see that.
WELL PUT
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I know what Dan Savage would say.
DTMFA
And he'd be right.0 -
I think it's time to say goodbye to an abusive relationship.
{waves bye bye}
Life's too short.0 -
He sounds like a guy I was with for 3 years, once I finally ended that relationship it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I never looked back. If he hits you as well as the verbal abuse, like my guy did, then you need to get out of that. It won't get better.0
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Has this behaviour increased as you have lost weight? Is he insecure now that he perceives you as more attractive to other men?0
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perhaps he's jealous of you and has internal issues he needs to work on.0
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Who can say for sure, but if he is calling you a slut and being accusatory, then he is probaly the one that is cheating. Karma is a mother-bleeper thou. Good thoughts coming your way....take care.0
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my hubby has grown more insecure with each losing pound so I can feel your pain........0
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Having just left a 20 year marriage with a controlling *kitten*, I recommend you get the unfortunately titled book "Ditch That Jerk." It illuminated for me all of the emotional and verbal abuse that I had endured. The physical abuse was easier to know it was wrong...but the other stuff is also wrong. Learning that I wasn't crazy to think how he was treating me was wrong really helped me make the best decision for myself and my kids.
Run.0 -
No matter you are wearing, your husband calling you a slut is unacceptable. It doesn't sound like you were wearing anything inappropriate, but if HE felt it was he still didn't have the right to call you a slut.
I don't dress revealing at all, but I am a busty lady and my husband celebrates that both at home and in public. I can't imagine how it would feel if my husband called me something so hurtful and filthy. I think there are some deeper rooted issues at play here0 -
And frankly, having to keep how he treats you a secret from the real people in your life is a HUGE red flag that things are very wrong.0
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do you guys have children? If not, its easy to say goodbye. In the past when I was young and dumb I stayed in a relationship for 4 years with a guy that treated me like garbage and was a drunk who called me all kinds of names I cannot say here. I think back about the time I wasted with his crap. I should have left a long time ago.
Leaving a marriage is easy. People make it hard. I would get everything lined up and explain to him that you arent gonna be talked to that way and if he keeps it up you are gone. if he doesnt change then adios. Life is way too short and there are too many men out there.0 -
That's totally unacceptable. You guys need to go to marriage counseling. I only say that because I noticed you had a child. Otherwise I would say dump the guy.0
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There are two sides to every story and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. I think you need to talk to someone who knows both of you and knows how you interact with each other.
All you will get here is people giving biased opinions that are based on a minute sample of what your relationship is like.0 -
do you guys have children? If not, its easy to say goodbye.
Leaving a marriage is easy. People make it hard.
This. There are plenty of fish (no pun intended) in the sea. With kid(s) it sucks something major... but without kids, just drop him and move on. It really isn't that big of a deal at all.
On the flip side ('cause I'm only hearing one side of the story) if you are flirty or whatever - that's cool, but maybe a relationship isn't something you should be in. Divorce him and just live single until you're through the phase and sooner or later the right one will come down.
But, no one deserve to be called a name - no matter the situation. Divorce and move on - no need for a counselor (unless their are kids involved).0 -
I'm not trying to be mean, but do you really have to ask this question?! What do YOU think of this behavior and him calling you a slut? Do you think you dressed like a slut? Have you cheated on him? Have you given him any reason not to trust you?
There are two sides to every story. You've given a very short tale of working in a wife beater (which really is inappropriate no matter how you spin it) and made your husband sound like an evil prick. If that is the case, you know what your answer is and you don't need 50 random strangers to validate your feelings.0 -
This sounds like he is getting worried that the more and more weight you lose and the better you look, less chance he has that you will stay with him. So you are telling me that when he is out with his buddies and there is a girl in a bikini...he calls her a slut. ummm NO!!! Sure he stares at her like every other man! Or at least a quick glance..lol. Are you supposed to wear turtle necks during the summer? He should be proud that you are his wife and starting to look good...not jealous. He has some major issues that and i think counseling will not even fix. You need to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't respect that and change, you need to leave. and chances of him changing are very little. if you are so fed up you are willing to talk on a message board about this...then this is toned down (most likely) and not the first time he has done something like this.0
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So it's come to a point where there are daily arguments. Usually financial. But then he's been really controlling and jealous. Last night I worked a graveyard shift and went in uniform ( we didn't have to but I didn't know cuz I have never worked that shift) so it's stocking all night and I took off my uniform shirt with my reasons aside, let me tell u I had a black spaghetti strap under a white "wife beater" no bra was showing, no chest nothing but arms . So he shows up w his buddys to c if I wanna "eat" and sees me thru the window and calls me to tell me I look like a slut... A SLUT... Wtf a slit because I have nothing but an undershirt on working .... (with 3 guys and 1 other girl)
I honestly don't c anything wrong with what I was wearing... But I could just b wrong. So I'm asking for others honest opinions please
Your husband has issues that go deeper than the surface of calling you a slut. He has issues that may not have anything to do with you, but he ends up spending his anxiety or fear on you (the closest thing to him).
I am no marriage counselor, but I've seen this kind of behavior before. I don't know the whole situation so I cannot give you advice. Besides I've never been married before so I'm not sure I'm too qualified to help!0 -
Sharing your marriage issues on a public forum on MFP is not really a way to get help for your marriage. We are only hearing your side also so thats not really fair to your husbands side of the story. If what you want is people to tell you to leave your marriage because thats really what you want to do why do you need to come here to have strangers tell you to leave. Im sure you have more than MFP in your life. Ask the people who know you and know your marriage a lil better than a group of random strangers.0
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You are losing weight and becoming healthy. So I'd bet that you look much better now in a wife beater than you did before. Keep in mind, that even though people may INITIALLY support you in your efforts to live a better life, that encouragement can quickly turn into jealousy when you're actually successful at it. Because you two are married, I suggest you two communicate with each other and really get to the root of the problem and reach some sort of a compromise. If that doesn't work, than it may be time to let go and move on.
^^ this. Without a doubt.0 -
I concur for the most part with mollyjackson8 and losingtwenty4. Is this recent behavior from your husband? You are making great progress. He watches that progress and realizes the more in shape you get, the more attention you will receive from other men. That makes him nervous - it suggests the possibility that you could leave him. The rational reaction to that should be to show you more attention and kindness - however we men are often irrational. He reacts to the perceived threat by being over the top defensive.
Problems in marriage are rarely one sided. As most have stated, communication is the key. Perhaps just simple reassuring him that you are committed can help. Likely, you'll need a marriage counselor to help referee those conversations. Nothing wrong with that.0 -
Respect issues mixed with jealousy , you need to have a long talk in private to work through the issues and possibly counseling before the loss of respect on both sides puts your marriage in jeopardy .0
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You are losing weight and becoming healthy. So I'd bet that you look much better now in a wife beater than you did before. Keep in mind, that even though people may INITIALLY support you in your efforts to live a better life, that encouragement can quickly turn into jealousy when you're actually successful at it. Because you two are married, I suggest you two communicate with each other and really get to the root of the problem and reach some sort of a compromise. If that doesn't work, than it may be time to let go and move on.
^^^ Agreed He might be insecure and unsure how to handle your new look especially if he is not changing as well.0 -
You are losing weight and becoming healthy. So I'd bet that you look much better now in a wife beater than you did before. Keep in mind, that even though people may INITIALLY support you in your efforts to live a better life, that encouragement can quickly turn into jealousy when you're actually successful at it. Because you two are married, I suggest you two communicate with each other and really get to the root of the problem and reach some sort of a compromise. If that doesn't work, than it may be time to let go and move on.
^^ this. Without a doubt.
Yup ^^ I agree. I would suggest counselling, at least you'll have a mediator present to try to work things out.0 -
Sounds like you need to change some things up, get out of your routine
This is excellent advice. Perhaps you should drive a different way to work or eat more veggies.0 -
Anyone that calls his wife a slut needs help...0
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Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.0
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Someone passed out at a house party once so i drew a cat on the strangers face and said meow while poking him with a broom stick. Everyone thought it was funny at the time except my bf who had the same reaction. My reply was you cannot flirt with the unconcious expecially when your not touching. 8 years later Hes gone and the cat is a good buddy of mine.
Do what makes you happy. If you find that changing to avoid fights...seek councelling or leave.0 -
Sounds like you need to change some things up, get out of your routine
This is excellent advice. Perhaps you should drive a different way to work or eat more veggies.
hahahahah0 -
do you guys have children? If not, its easy to say goodbye. In the past when I was young and dumb I stayed in a relationship for 4 years with a guy that treated me like garbage and was a drunk who called me all kinds of names I cannot say here. I think back about the time I wasted with his crap. I should have left a long time ago.
Leaving a marriage is easy. People make it hard. I would get everything lined up and explain to him that you arent gonna be talked to that way and if he keeps it up you are gone. if he doesnt change then adios. Life is way too short and there are too many men out there.
It doesn't matter if you have children or not. You should give that d'bag the boot! Especially if you have children... good learning experience for them on how NOT to act! What if they hear him calling you these things? Get out now!0
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