probs w/ hubby. idk who to turn to need others opinion.

You are losing weight and becoming healthy. So I'd bet that you look much better now in a wife beater than you did before. Keep in mind, that even though people may INITIALLY support you in your efforts to live a better life, that encouragement can quickly turn into jealousy when you're actually successful at it. Because you two are married, I suggest you two communicate with each other and really get to the root of the problem and reach some sort of a compromise. If that doesn't work, than it may be time to let go and move on.

^^ this. Without a doubt.

Yup ^^ I agree. I would suggest counselling, at least you'll have a mediator present to try to work things out.

I agree. If you are involved with a church maybe see if he would be willing or open to marriage counseling. I hate the word and thought of divorce (I believe it should be used as a last resort for issues that can NOT be worked out/worked on) and pray very hard that maybe he see the error in his ways & can appreciate you the way you are meant to be treated. Too often people jump right to the word divorce or what-not because it's the easy thing to do. Just my two cents: Seek counseling first. Put God first always in your marriage.

NO man should call his Wife a slut (unless you like that kind of foreplay talk). He is def out of control and by using those words he doesn't look at you as an equal and does not respect you. Not sure if there other issues but If you want to save the marriage I suggest getting counseling

That is a very harsh thing to say to your spouse. Jealousy issues are very tough to handle and can end up being very harmful, both physically and emotionally, if they are not handled peoperly. Good luck to you.

Nicely said.

My sentiments exactly but he also needs to be willing to take that step and work through his problems with a counselor. Marriage isn't always going to be perfect but it will not be healthy if these issues are not worked out.

Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.

Honestly, the best thing you can do in regards to your relationship is to put a counselor between the two of you and talk it out. Put an unbiased, third party there to help discuss these issues and diffuse the situation. Have your husband tell another person that he thinks you're a slut and watch how he realizes how completely foolish he is. Better yet, tell him that you'd rather move on that to live with that. He'll change his tune.

I've been through some ups and downs and I can say for certain, the best thing you can do is to put this stuff out on the table. Don't stew, don't let it fester, don't wait until it's unbearable. This is a guy you loved dearly once, so much so that you pledged your entire life to him. Likewise, he chose the same when he offered you that ring. Ask yourself if that's something you are ready to give up.

Nobody is perfect, we all have our weak moments. I'm not excusing your husband's poor behavior but life throws us all curveballs. There's a reason for his insecurity. He needs to attack that, not you. Help him see that.

Agreed.

Not to side with your husband or you: but does he know what your profile picture looks like on here? Is he "jealous" over that as well? I know my fiance would not like me posting my boobs all over here, Facebook, or Twitter.

Just throwing it out there....

husbands that call their wife unkind, hurtful names for ANY reason have serious problems. a loving husband would cherish his wife and give her the freedom to let her dress, act, and be the person that she is, without control, angery outbursts, name calling, etc. you need help.

Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.

they do not know what they would do if there in that position??? Um... yes, I do know EXACTLY what I would do. He crossed the line and disrespected you. You don't do that to someone you care about. Ditch him and look out for number 1 and your kids if you have any.

OMGZ like YES, he called you a slut ONCE, instead of working things out and seeing what's going on, ditch that fool and those stupid vows you took at your wedding. Like, fer sure 'n' stuff.

Seriously OP? Do you see what you've opened yourself up to? These people are NOT marriage counselors and half of them could care less about the vows you and your husband took. I don't know what's going on with you and your husband now, but try and think back-at one point you vowed to love him, honor him, cherish him, and he you-until death do you part. Talk to *him* to see what's going on with him, not MFP. The people on here can't help you try to fix what's going on, and most of them are just going to call your husband names and tell you to leave anyways.

I'm not trying to be mean, but do you really have to ask this question?! What do YOU think of this behavior and him calling you a slut? Do you think you dressed like a slut? Have you cheated on him? Have you given him any reason not to trust you?

There are two sides to every story. You've given a very short tale of working in a wife beater (which really is inappropriate no matter how you spin it) and made your husband sound like an evil prick. If that is the case, you know what your answer is and you don't need 50 random strangers to validate your feelings.

^^^^^ THIS!!!

What your husband said wasn't nice, but a black bra under a white tank isn't the most refined look.

my advice may seem extreme, but get your ducks in a row and get out. when a person wants to control your actions and how you look by throwing degrading insults, your self-esteem will slowly sink and then you will depend on "his" approval. he will give you his approval just enough to keep you thinking he loves you. in the end you will do something that will set him off and then he will get physical. and on.. and on... you could get counseling, but "he" has issues that have nothing to do with you. he sounds insecure and bullies to cover it up

This advice is not extreme at all. His bullying is going to escalate. Take care of yourself and end it now.

You know in your heart you deserve better than this. Once someone shows you who they are believe them don't make excuses. Take charge of your mental health and do what is right for you...now.

Not to side with your husband or you: but does he know what your profile picture looks like on here? Is he "jealous" over that as well? I know my fiance would not like me posting my boobs all over here, Facebook, or Twitter.

Just throwing it out there....

My husband is EXTREMELY passive and if I had a pic online of my bustline without even my face showing I *know* he would ask me what the purpose of that pic was. I can't think of any reason for posting that besides negative attention seeking.

I just read these comments so I had to go look at your other pics as well. Hmmmm, maybe you are giving him legit issues.:noway:

Given the fact that I have a penchant for picking some real "gems", I can provide several examples of insight into what may be going on:

Ex #1 - was sweet when we met, but then became possesive and controlling. It escalated to him locking me up in a shed keeping me locked prisoner. The physical and emotional abuse became so bad that one day I managed to muster all my strength, throw myself against the door and break it down. Obviously your case is much different, but the point is that it turned out that he had deeply rooted emotional problems. Apparently he did eventually get help and apparently has a normal relationship with his new wife.

Ex #2 - also sweet when we met, but his depression eventually took a toll until he was so self-loathing that it turned outward towards me. When he refused to get help, I had no choice but to leave. Later he told me he often felt like I was too good for him and it just made his depression worse (self-fullfilling prophesy)

Ex #3 - Turned out the jerk was treating me like crap because he had a gal on the side. Between that and the "tomato plant" in the garage that I found out was not a tomato plant (I'm not a big expert on all things narcotic and I never went out there anyway), I was done.

I have various other experiences, but from what you described he either has 1. Self esteem issues, 2. depression issues, 3. A woman on the side.

It is up to you to determine that if the marriage is salvagable through counseling, etc. If not, then cut your losses and move on.

I kinda have an issue with this thread.

@the original poster, im sorry you going through financial hardships and marital problems. I know its very tough. I do believe that its not fair that you have character assassination your husband on here because he is not here to defend himself. He probably is a good guy, thats why you married him, if you knew he wasnt then this is your fault for marring a non good guy. Its best to keep your problems within your marriage and communicate and never give up. Anyone you tell is going to give you flawed advice because they only know one story and by the time you have finish telling them, by then they think your husband is monster in fact he might not be.

He might just be going through alot and losing his life. Lets face it, it seems, he is losing his financial stability, his marriage is falling apart, and probably feels alot of stress. The number one reason for divorce is financial. Please, if he is a good guy, try to work it out because you seem like a good woman and trust me, the grass on the other side is just more grass. You husband should never call you names or be controlling period, actually no one should ever be. You need to make him seek help and both get counseling because its worth it to save your marriage. Hang in there and I agree with some on here, see help. Ill keep you guys in my prayers.

@some other people who posted. Dont be too judgmental. You dont know him nor is he here to defend himself and there are always two sides to every story. How many of you can be controlling at times or get mad and call someone a jerk, a**hole, or dueshbag? This something she will have to figure out for herself and you telling her to leave him could be a mistake and breaking up a marriage is never a good idea. If they can make it, it will make them stronger. Moving on to a new guy every time there is a problem is not always the answer. Im not defending him, he should never call her names and be controlling but hopefully he will stop and they both work on things.