probs w/ hubby. idk who to turn to need others opinion.
Options
Replies
-
I agree with other posters that there are other underlying problems that need to be addressed. Please do what is right for you and any children you might have. My parents stayed together for 45+ years when they shouldn't have. I have a messed up idea of what a marriage is because of what my parents modeled - something that I have to actively work at to avoid becoming like. Think about how you want to be treated. Think about how you want your children to be treated in their current and future relationships. It may be stepping into the unknown but the unknown is better than where you're at now.
Good luck to you!!0 -
How can we take this serious when your profile picture is your breasts??? Seriously??? :grumble:
Thank you! I was thinking the same thing. I would NEVER let my husband talk to me that way. Id be out of there! Saying that, with your profile picture the way it is, maybe there is more to this story then your letting us know. To me, girls who show their breasts and certain body parts are craving sexual attention from guys or girls depending on their preferences. A black bra under a white wife beater...not such a great clothing choice because you could probably see right through it. If I wore that, my husband wouldn't be happy, but he wouldn't call me a slut either.
Just saying
I just looked at the pics on your profile...yeah....was I right, or was I really right?
0 -
Abusive relationship much? I'm not talking physical abuse, but emotional. My husband and I have only been married right around six months now, and we had a ton of fights right after I moved up to Maryland with him (So much for being the happy newly weds...). Eventually, one of the fights got so bad that someone called Security Forces....That really opened both of our eyes to how cruel we were being to each other. I really REALLY suggest that you try and open your husbands eyes to whats going on before things get worse! And if they do get worse, don't hesitate to get out.
EDIT: And by "Get Out" I don't mean divorce. I mean, go stay with family or friends until your husband is willing to cool his jets and work things out.
, Hugs and best wishes....I really hope things get better for you! 0 -
Before throwing in the towel Try counsleing and see if that works or if things changes. There are bigger issues here than you in a wife beater. Some ppl on here are saying leave him or if i was ever talked to like that etc...they do not know what they would do if there in that position. So before giving up try counseling and see if that helps. Exhaust all means before Divorce. my response is based off just what you have said , obvisouly, ido not knwo all the details.
they do not know what they would do if there in that position??? Um... yes, I do know EXACTLY what I would do. He crossed the line and disrespected you. You don't do that to someone you care about. Ditch him and look out for number 1 and your kids if you have any.
^^^^^^^^^
NOT THIS - absurd
The only reason for divorce is unfaithfulness or abuse.
You should see what my wife and I call one another - :devil:
We've been together 31 years, and we've been through the entire English and Italian slang language in our withering insults.
We both need to learn a 3rd language to keep this going. She gives as good as I can - believe it!
That's no reason to break up a marriage.
Divorce? NUTS!0 -
sounds like he is intimidated by your success.......I hate when people are supportive of reaching goals.... It must boil down to Jealousy....0
-
I wouldn't call my wife a slut, if she had it tattooed on her bare left breast. Never have and never will disrepect my wife, kids of friends with name-calling.0
-
Yeah, hun, sounds awful, and I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour, the other day I was trying clothes to go out, and found my civil wedding dress, short tight red dress, so I tried it on, just to see if it fits, as it's one of my goals, it did!! NSV!! But it was a bit too tight to go out and fee comfortable with it. However I went downstairs to show him "it fits", first he had a delighted face, but then changed to "no, you're not wearing that", one of his daughters was in the lounge too, I said "no, I'm not planning to wear it for tonight" him "good" me "why good? don't I look good in it", he "far too sexy to go out without me, people that rape girls would look for an easy prey like you with that dress"
I said, well, it's still too tight anyway, so I wasn't planning on wearing it, but when I lose some more tummy I'll wear it and YOU'RE NOBODY TO TELL ME WHAT TO WEAR AND WHAT NOT TO", he had to low his head down and submit, as he knows I'm more than able to prove it to him, lol.0 -
Arguments over finances? Telling you that you look like a slut rather than just saying he isn't comfortable with you in your under shirt amongst guys you work with? Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it sounds like he is trying to control you. Ideally (in my opinion), spouses have some say so over one another. Would he be okay with you telling him how he can dress at work? (My husband is okay with it when I look horrified and say "That shirt is frayed at the edges! (or dingy, or has sweat stains that didn't come out...) Don't you have something else?" I never have suggested he was dressing like a slut, though, :noway: And I am okay with it if he suggests something I put on for Church would be more appropriate elsewhere. But again, he'd better word it respectfully. I don't deserve to be called names, and I wouldn't stand for it. Luckily , the worst thing he ever called me was my own name. )
If he is trying to exert more control over you than he willing to give you over him, then "Houston! We have a problem!". He definitely needs counseling. Maybe you both do. After all, you are married, and in this together.0 -
OUCH!So it's come to a point where there are daily arguments. Usually financial. But then he's been really controlling and jealous. Last night I worked a graveyard shift and went in uniform ( we didn't have to but I didn't know cuz I have never worked that shift) so it's stocking all night and I took off my uniform shirt with my reasons aside, let me tell u I had a black spaghetti strap under a white "wife beater" no bra was showing, no chest nothing but arms . So he shows up w his buddys to c if I wanna "eat" and sees me thru the window and calls me to tell me I look like a slut... A SLUT... Wtf a slit because I have nothing but an undershirt on working .... (with 3 guys and 1 other girl)
I honestly don't c anything wrong with what I was wearing... But I could just b wrong. So I'm asking for others honest opinions please
He crossed a line here.
Sure, I'd be uncomfortable if my wife were working late nights with 3 guys - darn right!
And she'd be the same.
We both talk openly about our attraction to others which is why we work hard to take measures not to be in situations where we're horny and alone with other people trying to work through our constant thoughts of sex.
If I am around any lady with any kind of beauty, I am thinking of sex. That's just reality.
And my wife is the same way.
And please, no self-righteous snarking. I know my wife and I are not the only 2 people like this.
So, sure I get his anxiety.
But he crossed a line calling you out that way.
You guys need to talk, affirm your love and sounds like he's very insecure, and sometimes that's a sign of projection.
Has he been unfaithful to you?
Anyway, good luck.
Take hold of this now before it ruins the bond.
@maximallife
I've read a lot of your posts and agree with many, but this is not one of them. I'm not sure where you've been working, but in all of my work experience (and most of my peers at work were men), any talk or innuendo of a sexual nature that would make anyone, male or female, feel uncomfortable is strictly forbidden.. by law. If you don't think companies take this seriously, you are wrong. I have seen people fired for off color jokes, leering, comments about someone's body, etc. You need to find an outlet for your sexual energy (besides the workplace) or you may find yourself facing an embarrassing situation or loss of employment.0 -
I don't think your pics factor into this, there is much more going on. He was out of line, period. First question I would ask you is,...
1. Do you want to save this marriage? If the answer is yes, then you both need to get some help starting with being honest about what you will and will not tolerate in your relationship.
2. Find a good marriage counselor and good individual counselors. This does not need to be long term, but a third objective party can help redirect cuurent behaviors and responses and then you guys can run with it from there if you want to continue to make thinsg better.
3. make sure you have a good support base available. all of us can only armchair the situation, but you need to protect yourself as well and it does sound like his anger is unchecked.
The movie Fireproof was an eye opener for me. Majke sure you are safe, but I would urge you to exhaust all possiblities before you throw in the towel. Good luck! God bless!0 -
If this incident is a one time thing that your husband regrets, its probably just a bump in your marriage that can be addressed by talking about it or possibly with counseling. But if it is an ongoing pattern of control, disrespect and verbal abuse, you may want to look into why you are tolerating such actions. You can't change him, but you have the power to decide what YOU are willing to accept or not.
I'm sending you a PM with a link to a support website that focuses on these sorts of issues.
Also, you are NOT to blame for another person's bad behavior. They have choices too.0 -
Don't question yourself. You know it is a d*ck thing to say to someone and you don't need us to tell you that. Your husband sounds like an awful person right now. Consider counseling, seriously.0
-
If my husband ever called me a slut I would be kicking his *kitten* that's for sure!!!!!!0
-
IDK.....it seems like if he saw you through the window, and then calls you.....he should have been saying something like "Wow....you look hot! I am a lucky man..."
Something to that effect......calling you a slut.....completely unacceptable, total lack of respect....and even more so that he did it in front of his friends, completely ridiculing you in front of them....0 -
it sounds like he is jealous of your weight loss. only you can know when you have had enough. usually if they accuse you of something or talk down to you, then they are doing something wrong themselves. good luck to you kiddo, sounds like you are going to need it.0
-
Wow... Ive been married almost 8 years and would NEVER tolerate my husband calling me that.0
-
Life is too short to be miserable, and you're too young!
If its something think you can work through and you REALLY want to make things work with this guy, then try talking it out, or getting counseling.
Honestly, the name calling thing makes it sound like its already gone too far and probably won't get better. If this really is the last straw, then cut your losses and move on with your life. You'll be better off in the long run, and so will your little girl (and you will set an example and show her that women should choose to be with men who respect them).0 -
I am quite certain that you are not a slut for wearing clothing like that or any clothing that you choose to wear. I can also tell you probably should not be putting up with him treating you that way. It sounds like you have a very difficult relationship. I would offer counseling to him as a last resort.....but I can tell you that due to past experience, counseling often can complicate things further at first.
I am not certain how safe you are from what you described earlier. You stated that he is increasingly controlling and jealous....be careful to place your safety (that includes emotional and mental safety) first before anything else. Hope you are doing okay.
Lizzy0 -
OUCH!So it's come to a point where there are daily arguments. Usually financial. But then he's been really controlling and jealous. Last night I worked a graveyard shift and went in uniform ( we didn't have to but I didn't know cuz I have never worked that shift) so it's stocking all night and I took off my uniform shirt with my reasons aside, let me tell u I had a black spaghetti strap under a white "wife beater" no bra was showing, no chest nothing but arms . So he shows up w his buddys to c if I wanna "eat" and sees me thru the window and calls me to tell me I look like a slut... A SLUT... Wtf a slit because I have nothing but an undershirt on working .... (with 3 guys and 1 other girl)
I honestly don't c anything wrong with what I was wearing... But I could just b wrong. So I'm asking for others honest opinions please
He crossed a line here.
Sure, I'd be uncomfortable if my wife were working late nights with 3 guys - darn right!
And she'd be the same.
We both talk openly about our attraction to others which is why we work hard to take measures not to be in situations where we're horny and alone with other people trying to work through our constant thoughts of sex.
If I am around any lady with any kind of beauty, I am thinking of sex. That's just reality.
And my wife is the same way.
And please, no self-righteous snarking. I know my wife and I are not the only 2 people like this.
So, sure I get his anxiety.
But he crossed a line calling you out that way.
You guys need to talk, affirm your love and sounds like he's very insecure, and sometimes that's a sign of projection.
Has he been unfaithful to you?
Anyway, good luck.
Take hold of this now before it ruins the bond.
@maximallife
I've read a lot of your posts and agree with many, but this is not one of them. I'm not sure where you've been working, but in all of my work experience (and most of my peers at work were men), any talk or innuendo of a sexual nature that would make anyone, male or female, feel uncomfortable is strictly forbidden.. by law. If you don't think companies take this seriously, you are wrong. I have seen people fired for off color jokes, leering, comments about someone's body, etc. You need to find an outlet for your sexual energy (besides the workplace) or you may find yourself facing an embarrassing situation or loss of employment.
I think you misread his response. He was saying that he and his wife talk openly, not that it is discussed at work. I personally am happy to see honesty on this topic. My ex would vehnemly deny sexual attraction to other women despite the proof in his pants. I didn't really care quite frankly, because sexual attraction is an involuntary response. The fact that he and his wife are so open to each other with the subject is quite refreshing.0 -
If your husband is calling you names like that then ur marriage has bigger problems than what you were wearing that night at work. Respect is an ingredient a marriage cannot be without.
I agree with this^0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 398 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 976 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions