Friends and Lies...

I have been on either side of this situation and its hard. When you are in the middle, you are trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy, and its difficult to do when you have two sets of friends that flat out don't like each other and you are still friends with both. I do like the suggestion of commenting on the picture so she knows you saw it.

In that respect, Facebook is the devil. Its sad we have to know so much and consider so much prior to posting stuff, but its true.

I have "hidden" certain friends the past few months just so I don't have to see their snide comments and pictures and such, and the supposed glorious life they present to others when I know how they truly are inside. Its easier than deleting because that ruffles feathers.

I know everyone else said she was probably just trying to spare your feelings, but my HONEST first reaction was that IF IT WAS ME, "Sick all weekend" means Saturday and Sunday....so even if she went out Friday night, she may have woke up sick on Saturday and spent Saturday and Sunday sick. But thats just my initial reaction. It may have just been an innocent comment she made, not trying to deceive you either purposely or to spare your feelings.


But then again, I might be wrong, wouldn't be the first time! :0)

Yeah I'm voting for "trying to spare your feelings" too. I dont think she did it with the intention of being mean. My friend and I have someone that we both used to hang out with, I personally no longer care for her, but my friend still hangs out with my "used to be" occassionally. You get used to it after a while and it wont feel like such a big deal, some people just grow apart and are better off without each others friendship.

Whilst I think she may have been trying to spare your feelings, a small voice in my head is asking 'why post about it on fb where you're gonna see it anyway' and then you have (possibly, in her eyes) two issues: 1. That she was socialising with the friend you're no longer friends with and 2. She lied about it, knowing she'd put it all over fb.

Middle Friend didn't need to lie. You can post a note on one of the pictures, if you want to be snarky. There's really no need. I had a similar situation. After a couple of years of BS, Middle Friend had the same problems that I had with Original Friend and they parted ways. Middle Friend and i bonded over it and are closer than ever. Time is on your side.

All I would do is post a comment on the picture. Something like, "That looks like fun!" Your friend will realize she's been busted and can decide to come clean if she cares. Otherwise, strike it up to proximity. They live closer, they're more likely to do things together.

This!

I think that she was trying not to hurt your feelings, but like you said...you couldn't care less that they hang. You are all grown women, if you must say something to her I would just let her know that YOU know what she did on the weekend and let her know that she didn't have to lie about it and that she never has to lie about something that trivial again. After making her understand that you are too grown for childish games, if she still wants to lie then you might want to take that into consideration. Good friends are hard to come by, if she falls into that category don't be so quick to right her off. I hope everything works out for you!

I can understand the "middle" friend not wanting to hurt your feelings, but I feel that there is NEVER an appropriate reason to lie to a friend. If a surprise is being planned, then of course it's okay to keep it from them, but if someone flat out asks me something, I'm not going to lie to them. I feel it's a severe form of disrespect to be lied to and have left many friendships in the past because of it. If she's going to lie about something as stupid as that, then what else is/has she lied about?

have you considered that middle girl really didn't think all that much of it and thus said she was sick all weekend. If she was sick the sickness probably was in thr forefront of her mind and that is all she really remembered...she might not have really considered the outing with the used-to-be of significant importance thus her not mentioning it to you. You may be reading more into it because it is important to you.

I say this because as a similar situation with what is important to me and not to others situation...I went on a cruise and was having a great time but then I got really sick. All I really remember now is that I got sick (near the end of the cruise) and when people ask me if I had a good time I say, "well kind of, I spent most of the time sick."

She was probably just trying to spare your feelings. I wouldn't approach her all angry because you'll sound bitter. Just nicely tell her that its completely fine that she hang out with your former friend and she should never feel the need to lie to protect your feelings. She's caught in the middle.

I'm in a similar situation which really hurts because I miss my "used to be" best friend. And now that we're not friends, the women in my workplace no longer invite me to hang out. One lady in the middle would always act like she wasn't close to my "used to be" and lie about thigns they did together when I could see their stuff on fb and sit right next to her so I can see when the chat window pops up for them to chat. I kept calling her on it, because I hate liars (why do you have to bring it up just to lie to me? just dont say anything!) and eventually discovered she was in the middle of causing the drama that cost me the friendship.

I personally don't think lying is the right answer, but knowing that people hate to tell the truth if it means hurting feelings, I would probably say something to her like, "I saw you had a great time Fri. Too bad you got sick the rest of the weekend. You know, it must be awkward to be in the middle of my and so-and-so's situation, but I want to let you know I have no problem with your friendship and you never have to hide it from me.

And if she did continue to hide it from me, I would consider cooling our friendship. Deceit isn't cool.