MFP Friends That Aren't Being Very Healthy.

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silverchick
silverchick Posts: 42 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm having some struggles with some of my MFP friends. So many people have really unhealthy habits. They are often eating REALLY low calories each day, wanting to go on silly fad diets, posting on their status how they ate a cookie and now they want to purge.

It's really hard because I know I'm no expert in weight loss but it's also frustrating too. I've tried to offer some helpful advice, but no one wants to listen to other opinions. I mean, I know I'm not perfect, but when people are eating only 600 calories a day and working out for an hour, I know that cannot be healthy!

I don't want to not be friends with anyone on MFP just because they aren't being completely healthy because I know I'm not doing everything completely right in this whole weight loss journey. It's hard though because I want positive inspirations and motivation around! During this journey, I really want to be surrounded by positive people!

I don't know, what does everyone else do in these type of situations? Keep your mouth shut? Try to be supportive as you can? Only be MFP friends with the positive, healthy individuals you want to see on your news feed? Lemee know.
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Replies

  • Amalthia79
    Amalthia79 Posts: 38
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    I think it is always best to surround yourself with people that support you in a healthy way. In real life and on the internet. So if they are not willing to make healthy decisions then you can to make a healthy one and unfriend them. You don't have to hate them or say anything mean but you need all the help and support you can get and if that is not what they are about then you can do better.
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
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    Here's the thing, are you certain THEY know it's not the "right" way to lose weight?

    Losing weight/getting healthy/being fit, whatever you want to call it, is hard for those involved AND for those supporting them. People often fail and have to pick themselves time and time again. In the end, THEY are the ones that have to make the choice to eat right, make better choices, eat healthy, etc. And sometimes, as their friend/support person, you have to let them fail in order for them to see that it doesn't work. It's difficult to do, but sometimes it must be done.

    Was there a time when you didn't/couldn't/weren't ready to hear unsolicited advice about what to eat/how to exercise, etc? They're just not ready yet. And that's okay. They'll let you know when they are.

    Until then, you have a choice to make - you can support them or you can choose to step away until they're ready to do things the way you think is "right".

    EDIT:
    On another note, when I began my weight loss/getting healthy journey, after a few months I had a lot of people come tell me that they had been watching my good habits and it had inspired them to do better themselves. Just by virtue of being a good model, you could be a support for them and a model for when they're ready. Just my two cents.
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
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    Everyone is entitled to track their exercise and eat the way they want and they're free to join MFP to track their progress.

    But just because someone's your MFP friend on the site doesn't mean they are looking to change their lifestyle. A lot of people join this site just to feel like they're doing something positive in their weight loss, but the reality is that their first step is taking stock of their lifestyles in the healthiest way possible.

    If they feel what they're doing is right, let them feel that way. You're on this site to better yourself and as selfish as that sounds, it's the same goal for anyone here. MFP friends make it 'that little bit easier' but you are still doing all the work.

    My advice: Let go of the friends that aren't motivating you. But keep in mind that they're just doing what they feel is right and your motivation should be coming from within, not from your MFP friends.
  • KareninCanada
    KareninCanada Posts: 795 Member
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    I'm struggling with the same thing... although most of my MFP "friends" are on a healthy track there will be a person here or there who makes me want to cry or scream or throw things. Really all you can do is set a healthy example, post lots of things on your profile and hope they read them, comment once in a while on their profile with encouragement... and at some point I think you will know if that person has to go.
  • PinkEarthMama
    PinkEarthMama Posts: 987 Member
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    These people are not friends.

    They won't help you move. They won't hide bodies for you. You didn't go to University with them, you didn't name your children after them, they didn't come get you when your car breaks down.

    If they aren't being healthy to themselves, they are not being good friends to you. Surrounding yourself with destructive people leads to destructive habits.

    Anyone on my friends list who is eating under 1000 calories a day gets booted, with one exception.

    I read diaries. No fruit? No veggies? No friends.

    Not supportive? GONE

    Don't sign in? Gone for a week? BYE BYE

    I am serious about this, and I want to surround myself with serious people.
  • chuckmcm
    chuckmcm Posts: 16 Member
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    If your using the site for your own motivation, then you should choose those who are supportive and inspirational to you. But also know that you might take comfort in modeling positive behaviors to inspire others.

    Take care and proceed wisely.
  • Jennieam
    Jennieam Posts: 300 Member
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    My suggestion is to only comment on their progress, when you feel comfortable doing so. I try not to post "negative" comments, however sometimes I feel that I must express my concerns if I think that somebody is not eating enough.

    If your friends feel that you aren't contributing to their journey through life, then they will drop you.
  • ahadj
    ahadj Posts: 257 Member
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    My instinct when I saw this thread was "DELETE THEM!" After reading it I have the same response. You are on here for you, not to teach others who have no desire to be healthy about the virtues of doing so. Find healthy friends, friends with similar goals, a similar outlook, friends who motivate you, and who you want to motivate. Then stick close by 'em.
  • JayPeazy
    JayPeazy Posts: 89 Member
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    Just want to chime in here. make sure you know what is going on with them before you cut them off. Over the last couple of weeks I have not been healthy AT ALL. But, that is about when my wife told me that she is thinking of leaving me. I am struggling to get back to a normal calorie amount. I would hate to be written off by some MFP friends for my rough spell.

    Also though, I know what you mean by the "I ate a cookie!" people too. The kind that make you wonder about whether they are even serious about this or if this is just facebook for fat people.
  • sarahness
    sarahness Posts: 80 Member
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    You can add me! I am always looking for new friends. And trust me....I eat cookies every day I just count for it! haha.
  • KatiD83
    KatiD83 Posts: 152 Member
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    I agree, you have to find friends with similar goals and motivations. I have deleted alot of people I added because their drama/lack of knowledge was too much for me.
  • MrsWife2011
    MrsWife2011 Posts: 28 Member
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    I usually ignore that type of behavior, and sometimes wonder if they are completely truthful (I don't know how you can eat 600 cals and workout 1 hour, I would faint, but that is just me), either way I wouldn't have them as friends, what's the point, they don't have the same goals or views as you.

    I have had unhealthy dieting habits in the past and its easier to continue when you see other people doing it. The best thing to do would probably to just ignore it and delete them as a friend, you aren't going to change them or there habits.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    Reach out to them once or twice. Then delete. Surround yourself with people who are inspirational, people who "get it", and people who are willing to learn.
  • EMarvie
    EMarvie Posts: 335 Member
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    I agree completely - I have been deleting some - but I wait - if they've had 4-5 unhealthy days and unhealthy comments - then i delete them -
    I've got lots to lose and i am really making an effort to change my life - I want to be surrounded by people who are doing the same thing..

    mind you - I do have friends that have had gastic surgery, and are on lower cal diets under doc's control - so, I am ofcourse keeping them and motivating them as they are doing the same to me..

    my advise.. surround yourself with people you feel can motivate you and you can lean on..
    stay healthy!
  • glennstoudt
    glennstoudt Posts: 403 Member
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    Don't be a judge or critic and all that problem goes away. Offer support where you can and want to. Cheers to your for your caring point of view. But sometimes you have to serve yourself first.
  • Crystal_Pistol
    Crystal_Pistol Posts: 750 Member
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    On my profile, I post that I take my friends list seriously and I really do. I tend to keep friends who see this journey the same way that I do. Losing by healthy means, whatever that might be is A-OK with me. I have pals who've had surgery and eat less than 800cals a day. I'd never delete them because they make healthy choices in the framework of what their body will allow. People who don't eat enough and who look for quick loss, I always end up deleting.

    I offer all of my friends feedback. They always know they can take it or leave it, delete me or keep me, but I'm going to be honest. Because this is serious to me, if you aren't about being healthy, I delete. If you don't communicate, I delete. If you don't log in regularly, I delete.

    I'd say delete anyone that makes you more concerned about them daily than you are about yourself, because at the end of the day, My Fitness Pal is about YOUR health. You may be more patient than I am, but I'm a therapist in "real life" and I don't come here for more of that.

    Don't let anyone distract you from your goal! I tell all of my clients that I'm willing to work as hard as they are; I don't drag dead weight around with me in any area of my life.

    Good Luck!
  • arsonsmom
    arsonsmom Posts: 234 Member
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    That's where I am deleting people...I feel I try to support all my friends and they dont always do the same for me that is frustrating...You know what they say if you can't change the people around you change the people around you!! :smile: and DELETE
  • Justjoshin
    Justjoshin Posts: 999 Member
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    Reach out to them once or twice. Then delete. Surround yourself with people who are inspirational, people who "get it", and people who are willing to learn.

    This. Those who do not will weigh you down and drain you.
  • MelissaAnn1983
    MelissaAnn1983 Posts: 149 Member
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    I completely know what you are talking about. People set their calorie goals WAY too low and they work on being low on that. They eat only 1 meal a day or 2. Never 3 meals. I have watched some and they are exactly what you say. I'm sorry but a piece of toast or a carrot is not a meal. When I wasn't able to eat I was pushing myself with soups and protein shakes and barely making 800 calories. I didn't loose a single pound. Now that I am able to eat again I am loosing weight. I try to put the message out there secretly but they get offended on little things. Saying something as little in a status about how you need to make sure you eat sends a frenzy. I am doing me and supporting my great motivators and when I see good out of some I will support that. I have finally got the WTG stopped when I was under my calories. It was really bad when I was only able to get the 800 a day. Too bad you can't be assigned a REAL nutritionist on here..
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    I just have a few personal rules I go by. I don't comment on closed diaries, I don't comment on people's diaries who eat really low. I WILL comment on their exercise seeing as that's good for health in general. When they lose weight, I rarely will comment if I know they eat very few calories and make comments sometimes about being hungry. I try to (not always) give advice, no we may not have a degree in nutrition, but my common sense is pretty spot on (*pats self on back*) :drinker:

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