Ex Wants to Talk on Daily Basis But Drops Me Immediately Whe

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Replies

  • jfinnivan
    jfinnivan Posts: 360 Member
    What advice would you give your daughter if she was in the same situation?
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 650 Member
    He's got ALL of the power, and you are allowing it. Cut this cat loose and MOVE ON. You deserve better.....once you believe that, you'll be alright.
  • unionironworker
    unionironworker Posts: 9
    you waste to much energy. thought this site was about weight. this refers to the first rantings
  • RAFValentina
    RAFValentina Posts: 1,231 Member
    I had a similar situation...always on his terms. Tale control. Have a serious FRANK chat with him as to why and let it be known your sentiments on the situation. Let it be known that if it happens again you will cease all communication with him.

    Also, have a frank chat with yourself as to why you allow it to happen. What do you get out of this "pseudo-relationship"? Is it a deep need to cling on to this relationship or someone you've shared intimacy with? Do you secretly hope the relationship will reignite?

    He's using you for emotional support when no-one else is around. This is normal in most friendships, but to drop you the moment something that catches his eye comes along, isn't what friends do.

    He sounds really needy and to be honest, I'd get shot of him.

    Just my two cents.

    I ended up blocking the guy I had similar issues with, on my cell/mobile phone, on my e-mails, twitter, facebook, WORK e-mails etc etc. It was hard but it gets better after a while. Hard because you too have become a little reliant on their companionship. But it is an entirely materialistic thing really in the end.
  • RAFValentina
    RAFValentina Posts: 1,231 Member
    you waste to much energy. thought this site was about weight. this refers to the first rantings

    It is but there is also a chit chat bit!!! chill! people just venting and sometimes, half these issues can be the reason someones self esteem plummets and motivation to lose weight etc is stalled!
  • Dynette789
    Dynette789 Posts: 4 Member
    I don't know you BUT it seems like you are giving him ALL of the power ???? WHY??? Don't let him make the decisions 'when' to contact you! Matter of fact - why are you still even talking to him? This just prolongs the break-up period... why don't YOU take control of the situation and let him know that you no longer want contact with him - so you can move on and hopefully meet a man that truly cares about you - not a man that just contacts you when 'he' needs to talk to someone... or is between girlfriends...
  • Emancipated_Tai
    Emancipated_Tai Posts: 751 Member
    It’s a simple as this: A REAL MAN will never play with your emotions. Further, you’re making it too easy for him. If he wants to be in your life and be committed to you, you need to be the one to put your foot down and say you have had enough of the mind games. A man will only do as much as you let him.. right now, your letting him dictate your happiness. He knows that he can come crawling back to you any time that he wants to because you let him. He knows that the can stop talking to you for weeks on end and then call you like nothing ever happened.. BECAUSE YOU LET HIM.

    Self-esteem is "esteem of one's self". Which means you need to take control of your own happiness. Move on, because obviously, from what I read, this will never work out the way you want it. You will continue to get your heart broken, and he will continue to not give a damn. I guarantee if he really wants to be with you, he will change. However, that will only happen if you stop accepting his nonsense.
  • Katiemarie4488
    Katiemarie4488 Posts: 242 Member
    I don't know if this will make you feel better, but at least maybe you will know someone else has been in your shoes and made it through!
    I had an ex who I was 100% going to spend the rest of my life with. He chose drugs over me. (Repeatedly) - and the only times he would "quit" using drugs was when he thought he was actually going to lose me. I realized that while he did love me in his own way, he also didn't want JUST me. He wanted me. He wanted his drugs. He wanted to run around with little girls when he was "messed up" and try to cry his way out of it.
    So where am I going with this? Hah
    Well, long story short, I finally (with much heartache) had to accept that while he loved me in his own way, he also wasn't treating me the way I deserved to be treated. I know it is taxing on your self esteem to be with someone like that, but TRUST ME (please) when I tell you that you will find someone down the road who makes you realize how long you put up with BS when you shouldn't have.
    I'm in a relationship now with a man who respects me, thinks I'm gorgeous no matter what, doesn't check out other girls in front of me, would neverrrrr even consider leaving me hanging, etc. I can't believe I wasted so much time trying to get this other ^ dude back.
    Love yourself and let yourself be loved. You deserve respect and happiness no matter what.

    Did we date the same guy? LOL Same story
  • msdizliz
    msdizliz Posts: 10 Member
    You need to move on and find a guy that will treat you like a queen. This guy is keeping you on the sidelines for when he has nobody. Loaning you the money ties you to him, to make you feel obligated to keep him in your life. Get rid of him don't let him treat you like a doormat. this is not a healthy relationship.. A relationship is supposed to be one were both people are happy. And it seems you are not!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Safety Net. Booty Call. Reserve. Just in Case.

    Tag it any way you want, but he's keeping you around as an alternative. Get over him!
  • billgiersberg
    billgiersberg Posts: 163
    To be honest, I stopped reading your post after the first paragraph because the rest is irrelevant.

    Stop taking his calls.

    The rest is just drama.


    I agree with this post. Look... I try to put myself in the place of a guy and then try to give the guy's perspective but in this case it's really hard for me because I'm trying to put myself in the place of an *kitten* who uses women. You ex sounds like the kind of guy who shows up in a grocery store parking lot with a gun and an attitude of "if I can't have her, ain't nobody gonna have her." All that to say that you seriously need to cut all ties with this loser which means pay him back that money and then block him.

    Second, you need to lose that weight you want to lose. My guess is, and it is only speculation on my part, that if you will lose the weight, your self esteem will return and you will recognize you ex for the worm he is. It sounds like those younger women/girl friends he has been seeing have recognized him for a worm after only a brief time. Why is it taking you so much longer? Answer: Because your low self esteem is telling you this piece of crap is all you deserve. Lose that weight, raise your self esteem and let some other decent men take in interest in you and throw your ex into the trash pile of mistakes you have made. We all make them. When we recognize them as bad choices, then we learn and move forward.

    Move forward. Don't move backward.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    You are worth more as a person then this guy is treating you.
    Don`t let him put you in that place any longer. :flowerforyou:
  • therealjanelle
    therealjanelle Posts: 41
    Great advice given to pay his money back and cut ties completely.

    If I may add to the advice...

    Next time he calls, answer like you were on another call and say, "Can I call you back? I was just talking to (insert guy's name)'. Even if you aren't off the market it gives him the idea that YOU are moving on and aren't his pawn anymore.

    Or you could just say "back off, I'm not your pawn anymore."

    Frankly, I'd be talking to Sergio when he called. Sergio is such a sexy name.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    It sounds like you needed to vent more than anything.

    You know the score, and understand what's happening. You're being used as a safety net. You need to decide for yourself when you've had enough, and at that point cut ties with the guy. It's easy for us to say do this or that since we're not in the relationship; it really is on you. It can be rough completely cutting ties with someone, particularly if they're as controlling as it sounds like this guy is. Good luck sorting through everything.
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
    It's one of 2 things... He's manipulating you, or he does not know what it is to truly love someone.
    Either way, you can't fix him, it's over. :brokenheart: Do not waste your time. Let your heart break and let it heal so you are ready for a real man. You deserve a man who can show you what it is to be truly loved. :smile:
  • DarkAngel525
    DarkAngel525 Posts: 135
    It shouldn't be like that if you guys either want to be together or be friends. I've remained friends with most of my exes, but my first true love is probably one of my best friends/family. It was difficult the first time we talked about our new crushes or sexual experiences with other people, but we knew we had a good friendship, and ultimately, that is what our relationship had turned into. If he wants to be in your life in a healthy way...it shouldn't be this hard.
  • lmalaschak
    lmalaschak Posts: 346 Member
    Pay him off.
    Don't answer his calls.
    Change your locks too.
    If you can't do these three things, then you don't want to be rid of him.

    Yup.
  • hitmewitdarock
    hitmewitdarock Posts: 31
    to quote harry stamper.. "get him paid and get him off the rig"
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
    I would say that this has more to do with you, than with your ex. You might want to ask yourself, how do you want to be treated? Then, the people who don't treat you that way (I'm assuming you want to be treated kindly, with respect, etc), then you either minimize your interactions or completely drop them.

    It sounds like you are both in an unstated agreement to sort of be there for each other, but in different ways.

    If you can, I would be all business. Pay him back what you owe him as soon as you can, and move forward. There are a lot of other people in the world who would like to be your friend, or ask you out, or whatever. But if you're locked into this unusual relationship, you're not going to be emotionally available to these other people.

    Good luck!
  • kellz330
    kellz330 Posts: 19 Member
    There is no such thing as "change" once you have reach 20 years. Your ways are set (in my opinion)

    I had an ex boydfriend that tried the same tactics, but my current boyfriend grabbed the phone from me and personally taked to the guy. I guess my current boyfriend spooked him, because upon hearing that strong male voice, he refrained froom calling me or bothering me. '

    Im lucky to have this man at my side. I wish you the best

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