Bridesmaids

My girls bought their dresses and shoes, but they were able to choose both themselves. I didn't mandate that they buy a crazy expensive dress or shoes. I bought their jewelry. I told them if they wanted their hair or makeup done, they could pay for it, but I didn't mind if they didn't get professional hair and makeup done.

In our wedding, everyone was responsible for their own dress, shoes, tux, etc... I gave our bridesmaids their jewelry as a gift, paid for their hair and makeup day of and gave each a gift card for their favorite store.

I paid for all my bridesmaid's dresses and they paid for me to go to my hen-party, my hair/makeup and bought their own accessories, which looks to be the opposite of what everyone else decided but my number of bridesmaids was set by my budget because I wanted it to be a really special thing to ask them, and they know how much they meant to me because I was paying for them to be there (and they helped with loads of the planning, organised an amazing hen party for me etc etc).

My situation was a little different. I told my girls to just pick whatever black dress they wanted and they all ended up with the same one (one girl bullied the others into getting the same thing) and the dress was on sale for $20. I couldn't have afforded to help them buy a dress and I didn't care what they wore really so it worked out. If you can afford to help them out, do it. They're going to wear that dress once, no matter what anyone says bridesmaids rarely if ever wear their BM dress again.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! :flowerforyou:

In all of the weddings I have been in, I had to purchase my own dress and shoes. The bride in one wedding gave us the jewelry as a gift. Another wedding I was in, the bride told us exactly what accessories to purchase and we did. In each wedding I also paid for my own alterations.

For my wedding I had my bridesmaids purchase their own dress and shoes. I gave the jewelry as part of their bridesmaid gifts. However I did purchase two dresses for my jr. bridesmaids - my husband's sisters. His dad, stepmom and sisters live in another state and were coming in from out of town. Considering they had to pay for air fair, hotel and a rental car I did not feel right about having them pay for the dresses too. The dresses were around $150 plus alterations. I made sure I picked out a dress that my bridesmaids could wear again if they wanted to. (I did this because I had a stack of dresses in my closet that were too bridesmaid-esque and could not be worn again.) Our groomsmen paid for their tux rentals.

I think it is extremely generous that you want to help pay for your bridesmaid dresses. If you are able to budget for it and help them out then do it. But keep in mind weddings can be very expensive for the couple getting married. It is not nor should it be expected that the couple getting married pays for the dresses/tuxes. (At least in my experiences) When it comes down to it, it is your wedding. You can pretty much do whatever you want.

When my best friend got married she had the girls pay for their dresses. However, it was a beach wedding and she found really simple sundresses that she loved and they were only $60. They are actually dresses you would wear again! She did buy everyone's jewelry and flip flops (again, beach wedding only wore the flip flops before and after ceremony) as the bridesmaids gift. I thought that was fair.

I can't imagine friends being hurt how you go about your special day if they find out.

Haha seriously?

My bridesmaids paid for their dresses and my groomsmen paid for their tuxedos. I did pay for one of my friends because she had lost her job and didn't have the money and I wanted her in my wedding so it was worth it to me

^^^ I did the same thing.

ETA: I also gave the jewelry as a gift.

Im in my friends destination wedding in florida in march. Im paying for my dress.. and my plane ticket.. that is their wedding gift.... 700.00 laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. whew!

Yikes :ohwell: You're a good friend!

I paid for the bridesmaid dresses when I got married, also paid to have their hair and makeup done and jewelry. They only had to buy their own shoes.

I realize I'm probably the exception to the rule though.

Bridesmaids buy there own dresses and shoes.

I paid for the dress and shoes for my sister's wedding in July. The last time I was a bridesmaid, the bride's mom made these awful things for us to wear, so it was a non-issue.

I really didn't mind, because a) it's my sister and I'm honored to be in her bridal party, b) my sister's a tight wad, so I knew it would be a good deal, and c) the dress and shoes are both GORGEOUS and I can totally wear them outside of a wedding situation.

Win-win-win.

Well, I am old-school, but I think it's incredibly rude to ask someone to do you a favor, tell them they have to wear THIS dress, and THESE shoes, and THIS jewelry, and force them to pay for all of it. And if they can't afford it, you're putting them in a position of having to say "Sorry, I can't be in your wedding."

I believe you do not have the right to impose financial hardship on other people and use the friendship as a weapon (i.e. if you were really my friend, you'd understand that this is my special day, and I should get what I want, and you should just deal with it).

But again, in today's "ME ME ME! EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ME!" generation, most people don't look at it that way.

This is a total it depends question.

Ultimately - you and your fiance are asking people to be in your wedding who you are close with. That type of relationship makes it easy for the couple and the wedding party to have honest discussions with one another.

If a member of the wedding party thinks they can't afford something - they should be willing to tell you, and politely offer to step down if you also cannot afford to help them out. It's then up to you to decide if you can arrange your budget to have them be in your wedding or not. If you (or your husband, or mother - or whomever is the person who selected that person to be in the wedding party) doesn't have that type of relationship with the person - then maybe that person shouldn't be in the wedding party.

To the OP - it's awesome that you're willing to kick in, but whether you need to will simply depend on the person. I've been in two weddings; one while still in school and one after. While in school, the bride was super understanding about me not being able to afford certain things, and helped out where she could. She was considerate on picking a low-cost dress, and understood when I couldn't make it to her shower because I was in school out of state. For the one after school - I fully paid for everything, including all the gifts/food/drink for the bridal shower. I was able to afford it and it was my pleasure to do so. But even if I couldn't have afforded it, I know the bride well enough to have easily told her I needed help - and she would have understood.

I can't imagine friends being hurt how you go about your special day if they find out.

Haha seriously?

Yes. Seriously.

If you have friends who can't get a grasp around finances, then you really don't have a friend. You have an acquaintance and should strongly consider changing the line up of your Rolodex.

I have a situation like this now, my Fiancee's sister pretty much demanded she be in our wedding and is now complaining about the dress I like and everything else we are doing. She also doesnt understand why she has to pay for her dress and other things, she feels we should pay for it all. It kills me cause all I want to do is tell her, if you have an issue with it dont be int he wedding but its his sister so my hands are kinda tied