what's fair? financial dispute, opinions wanted...

Options
2»

Replies

  • RenaPink11
    RenaPink11 Posts: 343 Member
    Options
    Maybe I read this wrong but if your friend already paid for the entire trip (the 535 dollars) and she found someone else to go in your place...why should you have to pay anything at all? She isn't losing any money if someone else is going in your place. I think she should ask the person who took your place to pay the other half since the other friend agreed to go.

    To agree with the others, why would she pay in full on 1st when you didn't give her an answer until the 3rd...that is her fault....

    I agree with this. It's not like she's out any money if she found someone to go in your place, so I absolutely would not pay for her other friend to go in your place. Not a single dime. If the other friend can't afford it and your friend doesn't want to pay for her, then she shouldn't go.

    And I agree you should've cleared all these details way before the payment deadline. But I am somewhat of a control freak. I cannot stand making plans with someone who volunteers to handle the details and then tells me "don't worry about it" when I check in with her to make sure I have done everything I need to do.

    The bottom line, though, is that the people above are right about deciding what your friendship is worth.

    ^^^this... if she's having someone take your place, then why does money need to be exchanged at all? Does she only have two friends, you and this other person that can only pay half? You aren't obligated to pay half for the other friend. IF no one goes at all, you're being fair in paying her the deposit. But like above, I'm a control freak with my $$.
  • RenaPink11
    RenaPink11 Posts: 343 Member
    Options
    Some people actually pay things BEFORE the deadline, which sounds like what she did. Just because YOU like to wait until the last day to do things doesn't mean that's what everyone else likes. Our ski trip was paid for months in advance and weeks before the deadline. So step out of denial and pay your friend back. You're being a jerk.

    Wow!!! Assume much? How do you know she likes to wait until the last minute? Did I read her post wrong? She said it depended on work, then work said she could go, the friend then said don't worry about $$ right now, then her work says she has to go to the conference, in which she immediately told the other friend... I don't see any where she was waiting till the last minute. Being judgemental and hateful is such an ugly trait!
  • RenaPink11
    RenaPink11 Posts: 343 Member
    Options
    Hate to say this, but also keep all those emails and the flyer incase she takes you to court of this. Good Luck, but I still wouldn't pay anything more than the deposit and if a friend goes in your place, I wouldn't even pay that.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Options
    .

    Today she told me she found another friend that can go, but can only afford to pay $260, so she wants me to make up the rest ($270). I don't know this other person, so why should I have to pay for them to go a 1/2 price ski trip? In my eyes, it's her friend, and if she really wants them to go, she should pay the extra for them to come.

    You could offer to split the cost of the remaining balance. To be fair, though, if you made the commitment, your friend shouldn't be held accountable for the balance.

    Good lesson. Might be an expensive lesson, but those are the ones that you remember.

    Is your friendshiop worth $270, because, regardless of how you feel this went, your friend is obviously financially responsible for the $270?
  • HotBodUnderConstruction
    HotBodUnderConstruction Posts: 420
    Options
    First of all, your friend's financial situation shouldn't even be a consideration for you when thinking about whether to pay something you owe her back or not.

    Second of all, I can imagine that she is pretty PO'ed with you if she would bring up that you pay her back for everything. Personally, I think your friend kept telling you "not to worry about it" because as you've stated, she's in a better financial position than you, and she was probably trying to minimize the sticker shock for you in order to get you to come along with her and have fun. So she did a nice thing, paid everything up front, told you not to worry about it, and then just expected you to come...and then your boss changes his mind a DAY before the final payment submission? Really? If I was your friend I would definitely be taken aback. If I were you, I would offer to at pay at least half back. And I say at least, because if I were in your position I would pay the entire thing back.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    Options
    in all honesty? Because she told you not to worry and you kept asking about the money and kept her in the loop about your JOB TRIP that your BOSS was FLIP-FLOPPING about, I think you are right in offering the $100 and should NOT have to pay for her friend to go on the trip. Had you had no involvement at all, would she have asked you to help her friend that you don't know to go on this trip?
  • PeggysDad
    PeggysDad Posts: 105
    Options
    I'm confused. When your manager told you that you didn't have to go to the conference, didn't you book the holidays at work? In which case they would have no right to change their mind and make you cancel your booked holiday.
  • Skeemer118
    Skeemer118 Posts: 397 Member
    Options
    Is your friendship worth $270?

    While I agree that you're right and that your friend jumped the gun & paid the fees too soon, there really isn't a good solution to this problem. If you don't pay, there will be a weirdness between you two that could eventually end the friendship, so you have to ask yourself, "Is your friendship worth $270"?

    ^This

    If you totally feel it's unfair & you're willing to lose the friendship then stand your ground. The way she went about everything isn't right but it all depends on how far you're willing to push this & if you're willing to lose her. Good luck!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Options
    THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T LEND MONEY TO FRIENDS, OR PAY FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!!! If you paid the money for the trip yourself, there would be no dispute. I don't lend money, been screwed before, ruins friendships. I can give you a 100 woulda-shoulda-coulda situations, but if you had OTHER POSSIBLE COMMITMENTS, you should have declined.

    Amen - it just gets too messy. I say everyone deals with their money. Don't let friends lend you money even if you think you can pay it back or vice versa.
  • katherinemm31
    katherinemm31 Posts: 163
    Options
    You shouldn't have to pay. You were honest throughout, and you have an obligation to fulfill. It's not like you dissed so you can go on a better vacation. In the future, though, you might want to ask her/friends for something in writing from the travel agency or whatever entity is running the trip. That way, business doesn't get in the way of friendship.
  • NicolePatriot
    NicolePatriot Posts: 621 Member
    Options
    I say pick up the phone and explain this to her...sounds like there's a communication issue. That can happen through email/texting. A lot of the conversation can be misunderstood. I would offer the deposit, and that's it. A few people are asking what the friendship is worth to you..but what is the friendship worth to her? If she's asking you to pay half for another friend of hers to go...that is completely ridiculous. She should find a friend that can afford to pay the whole amount, not just half. That's just my 2 cents. Good luck! Money+friendships don't usually go together well :/
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    Options
    If you knew on the third you wouldnt be going to the conference for work you should have taken the days off for the trip by then....and your boss wouldnt really be able to make you attend if you previously had those days off ....I personally think you do owe her the money ...the intention was for you to go Im sure you spoke with her about the trip up until the day before the payment was due..I dont think your friend was wrong to pay ..surely she wasnt going to wait until the deadline date to reserve the spot for you both..and you clearly hadnt paid her anything yet...even if she said dont worry about it..perhaps you should have just paid her from the start because you knew what was due...come on who waits till the deadline?? She paid because she could afford it and wanted to go and wanted to ensure you were going with her .....270 bucks we could spend at Mickey Ds for a year ...pay her and end the drama.....in addition it doesnt matter when she paid because you "agreed" you were going.
  • mixedfeelings
    mixedfeelings Posts: 904 Member
    Options
    There are so many different responses and it's quite hard to know when just having the facts from one person but what I can make out is she was always aware that there was a work commitment that you wouldn't be able to get out of if your boss said you had to attend, so you would have been unable to book days off also. You confirmed with her on the third of January that you would be able to attend and then made enquiries about paying the money, with her not making out that she was paying for either of you just that there was still time to pay? Even though you pulled out the day before the deadline you were not aware any money had been paid at this point? or at least just the deposit?

    If this is the case I would think paying just for the deposit is fair enough, I'm even cynical about that, as you say she paid the deposit for both people two days before you confirmed? Maybe she had always had two people in mind or knew that she would only go if she could get someone else to go with her, you pulled out and now the other person is saying she can't afford, she might be worried that she'll end up with nobody to go with and is trying to make you pay the difference as she doesn't want the extra charges.

    As many other people have said how much of a friend is she? Is she worth losing? If she's a close friend I'm sure you would be able to talk it out and come to some conclusion. Keep any proof you have in case it gets nasty.
  • kaits108
    kaits108 Posts: 305 Member
    Options
    Why is she letting another friend go who can't afford it? Can't she find someone else to go who can afford it? Then there's no money lost. I would be annoyed if I was paying 1/2 for someone else to go on the trip. If someones going in your place, they should pay, and it's between her and that friend to work out payment.

    OTHERWISE, if she can't find anyone else to go, then personally I'd pay her because she would be out that money that she put down for you. And like others said, it all comes down to how important your friendship is. Fight her on it if you don't mind losing the friendship, but if she's important to you, then I think you should repay her if she can't find anyone else to go.
  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
    Options
    First off, thank you to everyone who has replied. Everyone makes some great points. In situations like this I think it's important to bounce your thoughts off someone else, because sometimes you have your blinders on and don't realize.
    Why is she letting another friend go who can't afford it? Can't she find someone else to go who can afford it? Then there's no money lost. I would be annoyed if I was paying 1/2 for someone else to go on the trip. If someones going in your place, they should pay, and it's between her and that friend to work out payment.

    OTHERWISE, if she can't find anyone else to go, then personally I'd pay her because she would be out that money that she put down for you. And like others said, it all comes down to how important your friendship is. Fight her on it if you don't mind losing the friendship, but if she's important to you, then I think you should repay her if she can't find anyone else to go.

    This is pretty much spot on with what I was thinking, you just articulated it better. She did find someone else to go, so why is it my problem that they can only afford half? She was going to make me pay the full amount, if I could only have paid half, it's not like she would have asked this person to pick up the rest of *my* tab. If I told her back in December that I could have only paid half, she probably would have just looked for someone else. I agree that they should work it out between the two of them.
    I say pick up the phone and explain this to her...sounds like there's a communication issue. That can happen through email/texting. A lot of the conversation can be misunderstood. I would offer the deposit, and that's it. A few people are asking what the friendship is worth to you..but what is the friendship worth to her? If she's asking you to pay half for another friend of hers to go...that is completely ridiculous. She should find a friend that can afford to pay the whole amount, not just half. That's just my 2 cents. Good luck! Money+friendships don't usually go together well :/

    I also really like the point made here ^. Many asked if our friendship is worth the money, but I think someone needs to ask her that question as well. I totally get why she thinks I'm not holding up my end of the deal, but she needs to understand how much money she's really asking for and why it's a financial burden.

    And as far as "taking time off work" I agree that it is responsible, but my job doesn't work that way. Sometimes we are asked to travel with less than a week in advance, and you just have to go. If I don't, I lose my job. So unfortuantely that is not an option. I told my boss about the ski trip, and he said "too bad, I can't help you."

    I think there is a lesson here to be learned for both of us. I am a control freak with money also like many of you have said, and would have much preferred to just deal with the trip organizer myself. But trying not be too uptight about this one, and not wanting to step on her toes since her work was organizing, I let her handle it. Now I've realized, I shouldn't have done that and made 100% sure at every step I knew what was going on financially. She should learn that it's not her job to pay for other people, and that if she wants to front the money from someone else, she needs 100% confirmation in writing that they will pay her back before she goes ahead with it. Otherwise she can't hold people responsible for payments she made in their place without their knowledge.

    I'm going to stand my ground, pay the $100, and if she doesn't want to accept it than I guess the friendship will end. I feel really bad about the whole thing and don't want it to be that way, but I feel strongly that because she found a replacement, the burden is now on them, and not me.

    Thanks again everyone for your help and good wishes. Hope everyone is having a happy Friday.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
    Options
    First off, thank you to everyone who has replied. Everyone makes some great points. In situations like this I think it's important to .

    And as far as "taking time off work" I agree that it is responsible, but my job doesn't work that way. Sometimes we are asked to travel with less than a week in advance, and you just have to go. If I don't, I lose my job. So unfortuantely that is not an option. I told my boss about the ski trip, and he said "too bad, I can't help you."

    Totally agree with you here. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a job that is so inconsequential that they can say "Get someone else to do it. I'm going skiing."
    I think there is a lesson here to be learned for both of us. I am a control freak with money also like many of you have said, and would have much preferred to just deal with the trip organizer myself. But trying not be too uptight about this one, and not wanting to step on her toes since her work was organizing, I let her handle it. Now I've realized, I shouldn't have done that and made 100% sure at every step I knew what was going on financially. She should learn that it's not her job to pay for other people, and that if she wants to front the money from someone else, she needs 100% confirmation in writing that they will pay her back before she goes ahead with it. Otherwise she can't hold people responsible for payments she made in their place without their knowledge.

    And I definitely think you are right on this point, as well. You cannot spend other people's money without getting their permission first. You just can't. And that's what she was doing. That is her fault, not yours.

Categories