what's fair? financial dispute, opinions wanted...

First off, thank you to everyone who has replied. Everyone makes some great points. In situations like this I think it's important to bounce your thoughts off someone else, because sometimes you have your blinders on and don't realize.

Why is she letting another friend go who can't afford it? Can't she find someone else to go who can afford it? Then there's no money lost. I would be annoyed if I was paying 1/2 for someone else to go on the trip. If someones going in your place, they should pay, and it's between her and that friend to work out payment.

OTHERWISE, if she can't find anyone else to go, then personally I'd pay her because she would be out that money that she put down for you. And like others said, it all comes down to how important your friendship is. Fight her on it if you don't mind losing the friendship, but if she's important to you, then I think you should repay her if she can't find anyone else to go.

This is pretty much spot on with what I was thinking, you just articulated it better. She did find someone else to go, so why is it my problem that they can only afford half? She was going to make me pay the full amount, if I could only have paid half, it's not like she would have asked this person to pick up the rest of *my* tab. If I told her back in December that I could have only paid half, she probably would have just looked for someone else. I agree that they should work it out between the two of them.

I say pick up the phone and explain this to her...sounds like there's a communication issue. That can happen through email/texting. A lot of the conversation can be misunderstood. I would offer the deposit, and that's it. A few people are asking what the friendship is worth to you..but what is the friendship worth to her? If she's asking you to pay half for another friend of hers to go...that is completely ridiculous. She should find a friend that can afford to pay the whole amount, not just half. That's just my 2 cents. Good luck! Money+friendships don't usually go together well

I also really like the point made here ^. Many asked if our friendship is worth the money, but I think someone needs to ask her that question as well. I totally get why she thinks I'm not holding up my end of the deal, but she needs to understand how much money she's really asking for and why it's a financial burden.

And as far as "taking time off work" I agree that it is responsible, but my job doesn't work that way. Sometimes we are asked to travel with less than a week in advance, and you just have to go. If I don't, I lose my job. So unfortuantely that is not an option. I told my boss about the ski trip, and he said "too bad, I can't help you."

I think there is a lesson here to be learned for both of us. I am a control freak with money also like many of you have said, and would have much preferred to just deal with the trip organizer myself. But trying not be too uptight about this one, and not wanting to step on her toes since her work was organizing, I let her handle it. Now I've realized, I shouldn't have done that and made 100% sure at every step I knew what was going on financially. She should learn that it's not her job to pay for other people, and that if she wants to front the money from someone else, she needs 100% confirmation in writing that they will pay her back before she goes ahead with it. Otherwise she can't hold people responsible for payments she made in their place without their knowledge.

I'm going to stand my ground, pay the $100, and if she doesn't want to accept it than I guess the friendship will end. I feel really bad about the whole thing and don't want it to be that way, but I feel strongly that because she found a replacement, the burden is now on them, and not me.

Thanks again everyone for your help and good wishes. Hope everyone is having a happy Friday.