Curious - How did relationships change as your weight change
laineylynnfit
Posts: 369 Member
I am curious about this. I am wondering how my bf of 3 yrs and I's relationship will change (if it does at all)... I am trying to motivate him to join the gym with me but he hasn't yet but we have both been eating healthier. I am hoping as he sees my transformation, he will be motivated. I love the way he looks now but I know he wants to drop about 20-30 lbs for his health. I have much more to lose - around 70 lbs or so. Sometimes I think because I've "tried" and failed before, he doesn't truly think I can but that's just me assuming because he's not very verbal about it - like making it known that he notices.
Anyway, how did your relationships change? Doesn't have to be with significant other ---could be friends, family, etc?!
Anyway, how did your relationships change? Doesn't have to be with significant other ---could be friends, family, etc?!
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All my family is a healthy weight so they are very happy about me returning to join the flock and blend in again with my relatives. I've motivated others, awed some, and have become much closer in relationships since I've lost the weight. I'm not longer indoors on a video game hiding away because of my low self esteem. I also was able to find a great job and am doing well in school and really finding that I can handle balancing everything! So overall nothing bad whatsoever.
My husband has been the same since I started. Hoping to motivate him to lose some weight as well but he's only like 30lb over weight so nothing drastic.0 -
That is interesting! Thanks for sharing. I have never been small so I am not sure how people will react to me once I lose it all. I have been getting positive feedback from mostly everyone. My bf is more quiet about it. He's not very vocal but maybe he doesn't see a change in me as of now since we see eachother everyday.0
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When I was out of the army and in shape, I had good relationships. As I gained a lot of weight, the way people started treating me also started to get more hostile. My marriage broke up and she cited it was mainly because of my weight, and it was hard keeping relationships with women because I was too big.
As I've gotten smaller and more in shape I have found that people in general treat me a lot better and less hostile.
Take that for what you will.0 -
It took my husband about 8 months of me being on MFP and working out before deciding to commit himself to the process! He'd been eating healthier a fair amount because of the meals I was cooking, but once he got serious he took the meals he made into consideration as well as his snacks. It's been awesome! I didn't pressure him to get involved, I just let him see how much it was impacting my life to be healthier!0
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Well, my mum who has tried every "diet" in history started being more of a ***** to me cos she is jealous :l0
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well my bf is one of the kind of men eat everything & not gain weight ,but since i have changed my way of eating he has as well ,I just try not to constant say things it has to be when he is ready ,yes our partners know us better than we think ,show him consistency & he will see that youre serious & maybe then he will take your serious & it shoudl bring u closer0
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When I started dating my bf, I was 180 lbs, so I was never skinny, but a lot better. Last year, I went through a depression and I got up to 220 lbs and that's when **** really got serious! Now, I've lost only about 10 lbs, but I look a lot better, and now we have sex a lot more (possibly TMI, but it's true.) Not sure if that's from the weight lost or the added confidence (probably the confidence, he's pretty oblivious like any other man) but it's awesome!0
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My partner started mfp a week or so before me, but I liked it enough to start to. It's so much easier to do it together, and we've walked nearly 120 miles in 3 weeks, whereas before we would go everywhere in the car!0
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My boyfriend & I met while I was beginning all of this. I had lost around 10lbs. I've had my ups & down over the past year where I've stuffed my face with junk, but I always end up more strict about my food then before (I'm a big believer in eating as organic & pure & whole as possible-but I'm not a psycho about it) & he's all about the pizza pops & dry ribs
He'll eat the suppers I prepare which I usually make more to my taste than his, but I think that's as far as he's going to go. I wish he had the same outlook on food as I do (he thinks organics are a bunch of bull**** & not worth it), it would help with motivation, but @ least he eats what I make!
So basically: if your boyfriend's outlook on food doesn't change then your relationship will change a bit, but as long as he's supportive of your new eating habits (mine will remind me that I said I wasn't going to eat ____ anymore) then you two will be fine
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all of my family teases me about being a freak with my calorie counting and carb counting and high protein, but I do not care. My hubby is into eating well anyways, and if anything I used to be the one to encourage him to indulge but now we are on the same page. We have more in common now that I have hopped on the healthful lifestyle thing. I love it and he does too. We can lift weights together, enjoy the same foods, and feel good too. I think it boosts our confidence as well, and it is neat to have something like weights in common with him- even if I am not lifting like he is! Anyways, it is fun and our relationship will probably continue to get better.0
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With my ex, i decided to get fit and eat healthy and go to the gym often... he wasn't down and we eventually parted ways. it wasn't the only reason but it was a big factor since we no longer shared the same lifestyle and he even told me i spent too much time at the gym and he was annoyed he didn't see me as much (although i did invite him along!)
Sometimes people don't like change and it can be tough! but not saying this will happen to you but it is important to communicate and evolve together :-)
also, men can become insecure in relationships if you begin to "look hotter" but again, communicating will help that :-)
good luck with your goals!0 -
Maybe he doesn’t really notice a difference and he is afraid to offend you, if he says anything or the flip side of it he, dose notice the transformation and he is scared himself of saying anything that he may hurt your feelings if you really are not losing the weight.
It could be many different reasons as to why he hasn’t said anything. I know in past relationships I thought I was healthy when I really wasn’t that my significant other never said a word to me about it then I started to change and it frightened them for whatever reason they were scared of the change. Good Luck to you in your Journey it is always more when sharing with others.0 -
My husband and I are both eating healthier now and losing weight, but he can be really obnoxious about it. Were doing low carb, however our diets are slightly different. I work out and do a lot of cardio so I eat more carbs than him. He's back doing 20 carbs or less and has no energy so he doesn't want to do anything. He will sit on his computer ALL day long. I almost prefer the fat version of him (personality wise) because at least before we would do things together.0
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I feel that my relationship with my wife has gotten better. Over the last 6 months we have embarked on the weight loss journey as a couple. We've both lost weight before, but not doing it together, we would gain at least some of the weight back, and at times more than we had lost. Doing it together, we are talking more. I admit that it's mostly about things here on MFP, food, and workouts, but it is more communication between us. Despite our fitness level differences, we sometimes workout together just to spend more time in each other's company.
We are also feeling better about ourselves, therefore carrying ourselves in a higher manner. I think that changes how people look at us. We are not just some over-weight couple anymore. Sure we both have a ways to go, but we will face it together staying side by side as we go. Also, the approximate combined total of 80 lbs has helped in more intimate areas of our relationship.0 -
My hubby works out a lot and looks really good for doing it. To be fair to him, he has always taken pride in working out and looking good. I still fancy the pants off him since the day we met :blushing:
I however weighed 122 pounds when we met and now weigh 143 (having lost 15 pounds). I felt unhappy with myself and felt really fat at my heaviest.
I decided last summer that "enough was enough" and started eating better and working out, and I am pleased with the results.
Looking back I don't think my husband loved me any less because of my gain in weight, however I think that I can say that he is "enjoying" the results! :bigsmile:
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Personally, my 4 year relationship has been dreadfully bumpy to begin with. Recently (since maybe last September) I started noticing that my boyfriend brings home tons of chocolates and sweets (I am a sweet-*kitten*). Over the last year I've gained about 30lbs (140 to 170) I always fluctuated about 140-150 but then I noticed things got real. I honestly believe that my boyfriend prefers me to be overweight because when I'm overweight I do not want to go to parties or to the bars or have a social life of any kind, that makes things easy for him because he's INSANELY jealous. Now I'm eating healthier, counting all of my calories, going to the gym religiously and while my boyfriend SEEMS to be supportive I think that he resents me. He does not like the gym because he feels like people watch him while he works out (insecure much?) and he thinks the fact that I count calories is somewhat silly and that I shouldn't have to. I suppose things are different for us because I've tried to break up with him numerous times over the last few months and he wont let me leave. Sounds weird, but we argue then things go back to being good then we argue, etc, etc. It's a stupid cycle and I'm sick of it. But, it does make me kick *kitten* at the gym since he pisses me off.
I hope your relationship ends up better than this mess that I'm in.0 -
Well, my mum who has tried every "diet" in history started being more of a ***** to me cos she is jealous :l
Same..it's very sad. We used to be close but now she just drives me crazy. I think she has a lot of internalised problems that I don't have.0 -
I was in an unhappy marriage for years and my weight climbed. I used that as an excuse to withdraw farther from my marriage. About two years ago we had commited to both if us getting healthy and things improved for a while. Unfortunately, the marriage could not be saved. Now that I am out of the negative environment I have been able to come to a much better place emotionally and physically. This has helped me form new relationships and strengthen ones with the people who really matter in my life. I don't think they weight loss made these relationships stronger, but in fact, having these healthy relationships made the weight loss easier. I still have moments where I revert and withdraw for fear of getting in the same situation...but that is something unrelated to my weight.0
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My Partner has been blessed with a rock solid incredibly hot body since the day he turned 12 without ever having to work a day at it.....when we met I was 320 pounds..... 180 pounds heavier than he was......
He rarely used to say anything, and when I complained to him one day about his lack of attention... he looked stunned.... he said that he had always loved the me inside.... he didn't think of the outside as any more than a change of clothes.....
He is proud of the changes I've made and it's inspired him to make changes in his own life.... and I love that he truly loves me for me.....
.What he loves about me, is that I looked past the incredibly hot body and saw the lost little boy inside.....he did the same for me....that's when you know it's love
it's what works for us0 -
my relationship with my husband has got a lot better . . .but I'm not sure that its because I'm smaller, I think its to do with the bit of confidence I've managed to claw back!! Infact I can say that about most of my relationships with family and friends aswell . . .I didn't realise quite how unhappy I was till I started to feel better . . .if that makes sense!0
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Met my ex at 15 stone, i'm now 19. I've gone thro phases of holding fat and dropping it. Leanest and biggest now. However the ex (or on/off gf) went from 133lb in 2007 up to 182lb late last year, down to 122lb now. So she's looking amazing and just left me. Boo!0
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My family thinks its wonderful, my friends think its silly and dangerous.
My boyfriend is somewhere in the middle I think, he does the 'happy dance' with me every time I lose a new pound and he never complains when I talk too much about it (which happens often). But I think it worries him a little bit to, he gets sad when I count small things (like the ring pop he gave me the other day :P) in my calories and for example, the other day I told him I wanted an excuse to wear my new medium sized skirt and he told me that he thought medium was good, maybe I should stop. He said he was worried that I would get tiny and he would be scared to break me. Its cute, but on the flip side I have about 40 more pounds to lose so I hope he comes to terms with it.
All in all, I can't complain. Most people in my life have been fantastic.0 -
It didn't change for the best thats for sure! I started exercising and eating healthy when my boyfriend told me that because of the weight gain he just didn't find me attractive enough to have sex with me anymore. I'm smaller now, he tries... but now, I'm not interested.0
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Interesting question! Some of my extended family members picked at me and used the "you're getting to skinny, stop losing weight now" when I still, clearly had weight to lose. Some of the same family members used to give me a hard time about weighing more, too.
As for friendships, I lost one friend because they were too jealous and insecure with themselves to treat me with respect when it came to this positive change in my relationship with food. That was unfortunate! As for the other people in my life, most of them have treated me with respect and, at times, support.0 -
I would love it if my husband joined, he needs to lose weight, but he won't. But he told me the other day that he is making healthier choices because of me - portion sizes, going up for 2nds, should I have that - kind of choices. He says he can feel a difference in how his pants fit, which is great! He's not a scale kind of person, so the success will be measured in NSVs.
For ME - I am definitely more confident, as I lose weight, but I still have to work through a lot of issues in my mind, that will follow as the weight loss drops. even when I was smaller than I am now I kind of always thought of myself as the fat girl. It's hard to get past the mentality.0 -
If you have already insecure family/friends, there's a decent chance they will react to your weight loss/fitness/great bod with concern... be it, how you look beside them or that you'll abandon them, etc. I dealt with some of this, initially, but I talked about it when needed, ignored it otherwise, and with time, all who felt insecure have adapted and realized I'm going nowhere and I'm still me, no matter how the exterior of me has changed.0
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Thanks for the response! It seems like for the most part-relationships were improved. My boyfriend never knew me to be skinny. In fact, when we met, I was probably close to the highest weight I've ever been. He's made it clear that he loves me regardless.
He is very easy going so when I make my low calorie meals, he'll eat it. And enjoys it. I'd like to be more in a routine for our meals, pre-planning, etc. I think it will come in time. He has lost weight just by eating differently and if he does eat unhealthy things - watching portion size.
We are planning on doing the Couch to 5k program whenever the time changes so we can do it in the afternoon together. I really think that when he sees the changes in himself that will incur, he won't want to STOP exercising. He is not that much overweight, only about 30 lbs or so and he's almost 6' so it doesn't look that bad on him but he wants to lose weight for health reasons (I think I'm repeating myself from original post!) I, on the other hand, wake up at 4 AM to get to the gym for 4:45 AM. He doesn't come with because sometimes he goes to work early in the AM. I couldn't see myself making time to go to the gym in the afternoon plus I rather not go when the gym is full of people. I also considered getting P90X or some sort of other work out program we can do at home too. All I know is that I am definitely changing physically and mentally. I do not want to sit on the sidelines of my own life.
We have a very good relationship. We can do a little better on communication but since we know that, we can work on it. I guess though that I have to realize he is supportive just not as vocal as "I" would like him to be. But as someone says, maybe he really HASN'T noticed a change yet and that's OK.
All other relationships in my life (family & friends) are good. They are all supportive. I tend to be a home-body and introverted.. I believe self-confidence has something to do with that. I can already feel myself wanting to be more sociable then I usually am!0 -
my husband works away during the week so every friday when we see each other again its great, he can see the results of the previous week better than I can. and he's loving the results! Its been great for our relationship.
But he's working out hard too, we are slightly competitive I think in a good way.
I guess its going to be bad for couples where one person makes a major lifestyle change but the other half wants to stay the same, as jeolousies and resistance will be the result.0 -
my husband works away during the week so every friday when we see each other again its great, he can see the results of the previous week better than I can. and he's loving the results! Its been great for our relationship.
But he's working out hard too, we are slightly competitive I think in a good way.
I guess its going to be bad for couples where one person makes a major lifestyle change but the other half wants to stay the same, as jeolousies and resistance will be the result.
I agree with your last point. People will have a new focus and old compatibilities may not be the same. Luckily I feel like I am with someone who is interested in being healthy as well even if it hasn't fully "blossomed" yet.0 -
Well, with my ex, as soon as he began to suspect that I was eating more healthily, he would suddenly appear with ice cream, chocolates, bring home takeaway meals, fry everything - just pushing food at me at every occasion. It would work out that he would go to the kitchen and come back with a high calorie snack/meal every 90 minutes, and at every point, if I said I didn't want it, he would act mortally wounded that I should reject his being nice to me.
I'd make a perfectly nice meal, and ten minutes after eating it (or him pushing it around the plate like a two year old), he would claim to be still hungry and go out and come back with about 3 meals' worth of food.
The real lightbulb moment, as opposed to feeling suspicious he just happened to do this things if I wasn't eating as much as him, was when he offered to serve the jacket potato and beans I had been preparing, and as I glanced into the kitchen, he was systematically adding chunks of butter to the beans and melting it in so I couldn't see it there.
He wasn't particularly large, and normally dated skinny girls, but he could not stand the idea that someone might look at me. Perhaps they dumped him and he thought I was less likely to - so long as I got fatter.
It took about 6 years and nearly 6 stone to realise just how bad he hated me looking healthy.
So I eventually lost 13 stone of dead weight before I could start addressing the weight I carried myself.0
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