Unhelpful/hurtful Friends....Continued

Options
13»

Replies

  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    Options
    The older I've become, the more I realize it is completely OK to burn bridges. I've been much healthier happier cutting out some of the negative, jealous people in my life, and I also don't regret it for a minute.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    Options
    Guys are nicer...
    because they want to sleep with you.

    and yes, this is true. LOL
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    Options
    The older I've become, the more I realize it is completely OK to burn bridges. I've been much healthier happier cutting out some of the negative, jealous people in my life, and I also don't regret it for a minute.

    people that are a drain on you are not worth giving any of your energy to. I've had nay sayers and I just don't talk to them anymore
  • Artemis_Acorn
    Artemis_Acorn Posts: 836 Member
    Options
    Yes - I actually had a 'friend' who was going around to our mutual friends telling them that I thought I was 'too good for them now' and trying to turn them against me. I cut HER out of my life, and some of my other friends fell by the wayside because they felt a need to pick sides. I say that life is too short for this kind of drama to get you down.

    Who knew that improving yourself could expose the worst in others? I'm sure someone could have told me to expect it, but on a positive note, now I know who my TRUE friends are, which is a bonus.
  • SewerUrchin
    SewerUrchin Posts: 53
    Options
    I've recently moved, so have no friends that I physically socialise with, although a few friends have been of the "Oh, just eat some cake, real women have curves, come on, have a beer, one night pigging out on pizza won't hurt" persuasion.
    Sometimes, I get the feeling that my partner doesn't help much with my progress though. He's been known to physically stuff biscuits into my mouth. I think it's a case of him feeling that his unhealthy diet is validated if I eat the same one.

    I also have a friend who's very into the whole fat acceptance movement, which is fine; it's her body, she can do what she wants with it. Unfortunately, she's also developed this rather condescending attitude that, if you're trying to lose weight, you're a vain bimbo brainwashed by society's definition of beauty. As such, she keeps smugly going on about how she's fat and happy and doesn't need to "starve herself" to feel attractive. Kind of grating.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Options
    For the most part, everyone in my life has been supportive. However, I did have a friend that flat out told me that she didn't want me to lose weight because she liked having a "fat sidekick." Yeah, that friendship ended quickly.

    I had a friend like that. For all the years we knew one another I was short and overweight and she was tall and thinner, but by no means a healthy weight either. But basically I made her look good because I didn't dress to impress guys (I wasn't interested in dating at the time) and she wore clothes that were too tight and revealed too much and guys looooved her. When her last relationship ended badly she clung to that to the point she was letting her male coworkers call my cell at 9pm on Fridays to call me a hermaphrodite and ask me if I was a hooker. (I have a deep voice for a girl and I think they believed because she was as ready and willing as she was, I might be too) After I began dating a male friend I'd known almost as long as her she tried sabotaging the relationship by refusing to meet him and then turning around and telling me that I was "obviously just in it to lose my virginity" and he was going to rape and kill me. Her dumping me at a concert two months later was the breaking point. I'm asthmatic and didn't know the venue was smoker friendly and after 3 hours I was on the verge of needing an ambulance. She left me at the back of the place by the bar, got me one cup of water, then returned to where she was because she had flirted with a guy next to us all evening.

    Long story short I shifted my 'role' in our friendship and she took it about as well as a 5 year old does when you take their favorite toy. I bent over backwards for that woman. The day I ended our friendship she posted on Facebook she was going to get drunk and was blaming her "need to do it" on me. Pfft, whatever.

    Toxic friends are pretty much just that; toxic. If they're causing you a lot of stress, are hurting you, or just generally strain the relationship then you don't need them. Doesn't matter how long you've known them. If they can't cheer you on or be helpful, they're not worth it. Friendship is give and take.
  • CrazyDaisysMommy
    CrazyDaisysMommy Posts: 472
    Options
    Steer clear of frenemies! My philosophy on friendship is that it should be positive, supportive and respectful. If one person in the friendship isn't able to behave that way, then I'd rethink the benefit of having that relationship at all. At the end of my 20s I purged my life of toxic frenemies. I wish them well, but for whatever reason they were unable to be a real friend, so there was no reason to keep them around. I have absolutely no regrets.
  • Mcmilligen
    Mcmilligen Posts: 332 Member
    Options
    One very close friend of mine of about three years has been in a "self-loathing" rut for the past while, and it has been bringing me down. It seems as if I need to be as miserable as he is, in order for me to be "normal" or supportive of what he is apparently going through on a daily basis. When really, the fact of the matter is- HE'S the one with the problem. As close as we were, I didn't see the point in putting fourth any more effort to continue the friendship. After months of him being constantly annoyed at my efforts to track my nutrition and fitness, and him brooding over seemingly "important" issues that are eating both him and myself away (he was leaning on me for advice, yet, I never once heard him ask how I was)... I had had enough. I haven't severed him from my life, but I told him EXACTLY how I was feeling. He has since seemed to cut off all contact, because to him, I seem to have "deserted" his needs. But really, what kind of a friendship is that? It seems pretty one sided to me.

    So long story short: Although it is difficult, you DESERVE to have positive and loving people in your life who support you and want only the best for you. If this person is damaging, draining or consistently negative... Chances are, you will be much happier and better off without them. I know I am.
  • Allegra289
    Allegra289 Posts: 48
    Options
    It is amazing how similar people's experiences are. I have plenty of girlfriends who tell me what a good job I am doing, or whatever. My boyfriend cheers me on every time I go on a long run and tells me how impressed he is. My brother, my dad, and guy friends are nothing but supportive. It was this one girl - I offered to workout with her every single time I went, but after months of her saying no I gave up. Then she started to get rude, petty, and I guess jealous. It was hard to see when it was happening but now that I've moved on I can see it for what it was.
  • monicaroozo
    monicaroozo Posts: 200
    Options
    I agree that this is a lifestyle thing. Friends (and yes, even very good and emotionally supportive friends) who are not watching what they eat or do not have to watch what they eat may encourage you to slip and break your habits by splurging on that icecream with them or those extra fries. Who knows... our diets might even be making them feel guilty about their lifestyles too??

    Just be strong and say thank you for the offer - or offer up an idea of a treat that can be healthy for you both!! Either way, if they are the good friends you love and trust, they will still be there for you when you really need them most.
  • samiam321123
    samiam321123 Posts: 38 Member
    Options
    I have a very hard time thinking anyone could ever be jealous of me. But that's usually exactly what it is. You are working hard and achieving your goals and some people just don't want you to succeed because it shows how lazy they are.

    The people who have made negative comments to me are the people I no longer speak to. If you are going to take something positive in my life and try to make it negative to make yourself feel better then I don't have time for you.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
    Options
    I had one friend like this, not as it pertains to weight loss, but she was just truly negative energy in my life. To remedy this, I severed our friendship. It stung a bit, but I have not had a moment's regret, and I feel so much better. Personally, I think it just boiled down to plain ol' jealousy.

    I went through the EXACT same thing. This girl was just SO negative about everything at all times and it got to be exhausting.

    I was friends with her for a long time then she lost a ton of weight (but in a really unhealthy way--I outweigh her by 40 lbs now and she has almost the same body fat % as I do!) and all she did was hardly eat and walked on the treadmill like 3 times a week, and did 5 lbs dumbbell curls. That's it. Every time I would hit the gym hard or lift heavier weights or something she always had something to say like "you're not gonna lose weight that way, you just have to eat less" or "you're gonna get all bulky like that" and stuff. It got SO annoying. Just super negative and finally I realized she's jealous that I'm in such better shape than she is even though she's so much skinnier.

    She got to be a drain on my energy altogether, and we don't even speak anymore because I got so tired of her bad attitude. The way I see it, embrace people who lift you up and improve your life and make you feel good about yourself. People who do not add anything positive to your life and who drag you down aren't worth your time.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 994 Member
    Options
    I agree that this is a lifestyle thing. Friends (and yes, even very good and emotionally supportive friends) who are not watching what they eat or do not have to watch what they eat may encourage you to slip and break your habits by splurging on that icecream with them or those extra fries. Who knows... our diets might even be making them feel guilty about their lifestyles too??

    Just be strong and say thank you for the offer - or offer up an idea of a treat that can be healthy for you both!! Either way, if they are the good friends you love and trust, they will still be there for you when you really need them most.

    Not necessarily, though I understand where you're coming from, as a lifestyle thing. My two best friends are both over weight, both want to do something about it, but don't, and they both know what I'm doing because I've told them. But when I say, hey I had a great run! Or, I've lost X pounds! They're right there for me! Cheering me on, telling me how great it is. Neither are ready to make the journey themselves (though one eats rather healthily but for some reason thinks that it doesn't matter then, how much she eats, so long as it's healthy :S) But both are there for me, true best friends.
  • Calipalm
    Calipalm Posts: 114 Member
    Options
    Bump! :)
    I really like ready what your guys are saying as far as positivity ! :)
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
    Options
    I am glad I am a guy. I had one friend make a crack about me trying to "get all fit... again" as if this was just another phase.

    I just asked if he was nervous because I was going to be able to whoop is *kitten* again on the field soon. :smile:

Categories