PRIVATE MESSAGE FROM A 'FRIEND' ON HERE

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  • JoJoDoerr
    JoJoDoerr Posts: 173 Member
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    All I can say is "WOW"! Maybe the intentions were good?....but I would definitely un-friend and move on!

    A wise man once said "we judge in others what we are most afraid of in ourselves" - sounds like she/he is fighting some demons of her/his own!
  • Angie80281
    Angie80281 Posts: 444 Member
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    While there are certainly nicer ways to convey the message, I think your friend meant well. Unfortunately, tough love can be taken out of context and is probably best reserved for those people we actually know rather than online friends. She makes some good points, but that doesn't mean you're not entitled to bad days. Obviously, I can't judge her comments about you as we aren't friends and I don't see your posts. I really do think she had good intentions, but she should've asked if you were ok or needed support before she tore you down like that.
  • neversettle
    neversettle Posts: 168 Member
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    I think that is a supportive message, personally.
    Now that is a REAL friend - you should be happy someone can be so honest with you.

    Couldn't agree more.
  • bellevie23
    bellevie23 Posts: 208 Member
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    Yeah..although her intentions seem well, life isn't all fluffy clouds and rainbows, so for someone to assume someone should be optimistic everyday, well that will leave them with very few friends or quite a few fake ones. I am going through a divorce right now and I feel so overwhelmed most days, if I am positive, it is me faking it and that is only because I have 3 kids depending on me to hold myself together, so if she doesn't want to hear you on your bad days she doesn't deserve you on your good ones. Sorry, Id be annoyed to by that message. Hope things get better for you! *hugs*
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    I think that is a supportive message, personally.

    Me too.
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
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    I dont winge and moan I asked for help yesterday as I only lost 0.5lbs and was 100% on plan ans all I put today was I feel :( I wish I was at goal :(
    If thats winging and you think this is support then I know Im in the wrong place.
    No she doesnt offer support
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    Wow. That...well, love, I cannot speak for that person or where they are coming from.

    I can say that you may friend me and whatever you do to lose weight in a healthy effective way will be applauded because we all start at different places.

    Keep kicking @$$ and don't let the haters bring you down, not matter how "nice" they are being by telling you that you aren't working hard enough.
  • elly68
    elly68 Posts: 39 Member
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    sounds like personal trainer talk ,or a 30 day shred talk .do you know this person i would like to befriend her as i could do with a kick up the *kitten* .
    have to say if this is a friend outside of mfp i wouldnt be best pleased however if they are from just here and your'e not happy delete and move on .:smile:
  • asudheimer
    asudheimer Posts: 82 Member
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    Different people need different types of support, maybe you were looking for someone to back you up and validate how you feel and tell you it's ok, and he/she is the type of person who prefers a direct approach and to be brutally honest. I don't have you on my friends list or know what most of your posts are like, but there are a few people in my life that I have to be that kind of brutally honest with because they lie to themselves and need the reality check. I would much rather have someone tell me the truth even if it stings than to sugar-coat it for my feelings, that doesn't help, the cold hard truth does motivate some people. Hopefully you have other friends on here and in your personal life that can fill the void of the support you are looking for. :)
  • cds2001
    cds2001 Posts: 769 Member
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    Did you unfriend her? Did you reply back?

    Since being on here I've been unfriended by a good number of people. Not sure why though. It did take me 5 months to finally get serious. But, that was my path. I've seen it several times on here -- people who are successful and seemingly is easy for them to lose and stick with it and can come off as high and mighty. But they fail to remember their starting points and detours along the way. Every person is different. What they may be going through in their personal lives can have a direct effect on weight loss journey. I think that person falls into the category of people I mentioned above. One day when she's down on her luck and needs support hopefully she will have better friends on here than she decided to be when she messaged you.

    I myself have never deleted any friend I've added. To me that's not what this is all about. But some people need to see you killing yourself and then there are those that need a constant ra-ra cheerleading section. The times people have deleted me I can only figure they didn't think I was losing fast enough or coddling them 24/7. Who knows?!

    Feel free to add me. I consider myself to be supportive and understanding.
  • Spayrroe
    Spayrroe Posts: 210 Member
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    You know, I thought this was supposed to be a really positive and supportive site too, but I have seen my share (both on the forums and things 'friends' have said to me) of disparaging remarks on here. I think with a different tone, that message could have made the same point, but been less nasty (i.e. I know you're having a hard time fitting in work outs, but here are some things to try to get some extra activity in [insert list of add ins here]).

    In any case, it doesn't matter what kind of problems you are or aren't going through right now. We all have slumps where we just can't seem to get motivated (or life starts slamming itself in your way), and to approach it like that is terrible. I mean, it's even worse because you have stuff going on that this person didn't know about, but even if you were just having a low motivation issue or whatever, there was no need to be so snarky (in my opinion). Feel free to friend me if you like, I promise to never send you messages like that one!
  • yummy♥
    yummy♥ Posts: 612 Member
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    :participationtrophyforyou:
  • Fat2FitChick
    Fat2FitChick Posts: 451 Member
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    The tone of that message to me would only be ok coming from mom or other close family member or truly a friend. No one else in my opinion has the right to use that tone. Call it tough love but only people who actually love you can call it that!

    I don't consider everyone on here real true true friends. Support buddies yes for encouragement, but only those few people that truly love you can go there!!
  • Happymom12
    Happymom12 Posts: 114 Member
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    I can see both sides. Everyone needs encouragement in different ways but in my opinion you shouldn't send that type of message to someone that you don't know well. Not everyone takes that type of information as encouragement but as criticism. I am blunt and to the point but also try to take people feelings in consideration. I would only say something like that to someone that I know real well and knew it would help them and not hurt them. We all go through things and have our good weeks and bad weeks. Just keep doing what you are doing and keep the faith and it will all work out. Don't let one person bring you down and hinder you more. If you need anything (support, motivation, whatever) let me know and I will try to help if I can.
  • jonski1968
    jonski1968 Posts: 4,498 Member
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    well you have 2 choices, be pissed off at the audacity of this person or appreciate the "support" and move on.

    Ditto
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    its important for friends to support you with encouragement as well as tell you get stop moaning and go move...

    i agree! (although sometimes the latter is hard to hear, it's usually the most beneficial in the long run.)
  • FlyByJuly
    FlyByJuly Posts: 564 Member
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    I think that is a supportive message, personally.

    ^^^^^^^I agree. I think she/he took the "tough love" approach and laid out the "harsh realities" in the first part. He/she then followed up with caring, sound advice. Have you unfriended this person? If I were you, I wouldn't do that. Have you replied to that message? I think he/she did a good thing by sending it privately. I don't think this person is out to hurt you. I think some back 'n forth follow-up messaging will be beneficial to you. Good luck.
  • FORIANN
    FORIANN Posts: 273 Member
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    Heck....I wish whoever that was, was on my friends list. That sounds like the kind of person I want to associate with, personally. Life's short...either make excuses or make things happen.
  • SarahRuth♥
    SarahRuth♥ Posts: 609 Member
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    Maybe that's not the type of support you need, in which case you should just delete her. Period, end of story. Find the people who support and motivate you in the way you need, and don't worry about the rest. We all need something different from our friends.

    In all honestly, I'm more appalled that you would post her private message in a public forum than I am with the message itself. She was trying to help, and she did so discretely. I would rather have someone who is honest with me, even if harsh, as a friend over someone I can't trust to keep private messages private.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Everyone has a different opinion on what support is... and clearly a slap in the butt and tough love isn't for you. There's no problem with that, just delete the person that you choose not to hear from anymore.

    IMO, publicly re-posting her message seems to support her argument that you need to quit looking for sympathy and put on your big girl panties.
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