PRIVATE MESSAGE FROM A 'FRIEND' ON HERE

TrophyWifeSass · February 2012

I prefer friends like this to the ones that blow unicorn rainbow farts at you all day. Looks like they called it as they saw it and you can either take a look in the mirror and reassess and change, or not.

JAllen32 · February 2012

Sometimes we all need to hear someone say "just shut up and do it" regarding all sorts of things in our lives. That being said, I don't know your situation, and maybe this friend was a little out of line, but it really wasn't that harsh of a message, and I do consider it supportive. If something like that happened to me in real life, I would probably get a little pissy at first, because like I said, we don't like hearing it sometimes. But I know in the end I would end up thanking that person for caring enough to say "just shut up and do it". lol Good luck with your journey!

tiffanyvc · February 2012

I can see how that could be frustrating to get. I hit some pretty bad lows a few weeks ago, and I felt this was the place to vent my frustrations because that's what we're here to do - support each other. But I admit, it's hard to deal with friends who seem to be in a low spot a lot. I think she was trying to be helpful and supportive, but maybe it could have been presented in a better/easier to understand way.

Try to learn what you can from this experience and move along. Live your life. But don't lose hope in everyone here!

livinginwoods · February 2012

That is the kind of friend I want. If you are reading this please add me.

It was good advice. It was tough love too.

2bFitNTrim · February 2012

I have mixed feelings about this message. On some days, I would receive it well & take it as a much needed kick in the pants. Other days, I would be very hurt or angry, like "how dare you, you have no idea what I'm going through." Thing is, unless you really know someone, you can't be sure how a message like this will be received. The fact that it was sent as a private message leads me to believe that his/her intentions were good; they were not trying to embarrass you or make you feel bad. That's my gut reaction anyway. If you believe their intent was to make you feel bad, then delete them.

tig_ol_bitties · February 2012

Slap on those big girl panties and see this message for what it really is...SUPPORT. I would LOVE to have a friend like that (well, I have lots of them, because my friends are all supportive and awesome, just like this person)!

BigDaddyBRC · February 2012

LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!! I NEED ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!

thepetiterunner · February 2012

Support comes in all sorts of forms and means different things to different people. It seems as though you may have a different definition for the type of support you wanted to receive versus what you did receive.

I would address the issue with her directly if it's bothering you (which it obviously is as you have now posted it for the public to see). It's up to you to decide whether you want this type of support or this person as a friend. Sometimes it's hard to be confronted with a "tough love" kind of reality check. You may not be ready to hear it. She may or may not have been right in sending it to you - I'm not one to say how appropriate it was for you.

I think she has a good message, perhaps it just wasn't put in a tone you were ready to hear it in.

Krizzle4Rizzle · February 2012

If she's not the type of friend you are looking for, I say delete and move on. Wish we could do that in real life...

_SusieQ_ · February 2012

I'm confused, that sounds like a great message from someone who genuinely cares. *scratches head*

What do you want, all rainbows and unicorns, someone to jump around waving pom poms every time you complete your diary or burn 110 calories? Obviously you said something that prompted this. Perhaps you had a bad day, were feeling discouraged, wanted to give up. This person sounds like they are encouraging you to fight for YOU.

Personally you can keep the cheerleaders. I want some hard@ss b!tches telling me that I'm WORTH IT.

picassoadagio · February 2012

I think that is a supportive message, personally.

Me too.

sandown12 · February 2012

Yeah..although her intentions seem well, life isn't all fluffy clouds and rainbows, so for someone to assume someone should be optimistic everyday, well that will leave them with very few friends or quite a few fake ones. I am going through a divorce right now and I feel so overwhelmed most days, if I am positive, it is me faking it and that is only because I have 3 kids depending on me to hold myself together, so if she doesn't want to hear you on your bad days she doesn't deserve you on your good ones. Sorry, Id be annoyed to by that message. Hope things get better for you! *hugs*

This is exactly how I felt,she wasnt a friend Ive been here 5 weeks ,she doesnt know anything about my personal life as she didnt care to ask,the message wasnt supportive I never received any supportive ones from her no advice etc

This will be full of people saying tough love is good BUT I didnt deserve a message from a person who knows nothing about me,

Contrarian · February 2012

I'm sure the OP couldn't be more pleased with the way this is turning out.

OP, to many people, support doesn't equal agreeing with you all the time. To many of us, it means being told when we're not getting things right.

I feel that you posting this in the forums is actually worse than what your friend said.

juli3b2011 · February 2012

I know that we're all different; and although one may consider this message to be negative, another may perceive it to be constructive criticism. I personally think that this person's response is what I would want out of a real friend. One of my really good friends goes harder than this on me when I get down in the dumps...and it's just what I need to keep pushing forward. I don't need a 'yes' person on my team; I need someone who will keep it real.

If their response truly offended you, then I would say to unfriend them. But in my opinion, this is the type of person that you need on your team.

LabRat529 · February 2012

What are you doing posting this? A private message is private. That's a pretty serious violation of trust, in my opinion. And a bit childish (harsh.. I know...) Adults handle private disputes in private. They don't drag a whole forum community into it.

And your friend is right. Attitude IS a huge part of weight loss.

Maybe your friend's approach was the wrong one for you... maybe you need more gentle handling, but that doesn't make the words less valuable. If I'd received a message like that, I hope that I personally would have taken a deep breath, evaluated my life, and made changes if I needed to make them.

terrellc1 · February 2012

Personally, that sounds like a great friend. You on the other hand, not so much.

They took the time to send you a private message, which you could either heed or ignore. You in turn took that private message and posted it on the forum for others to read...and are whining at the "audacity" that your friend had in calling you out.

wantasmallbummum · February 2012

She sounds like a good friend, but maybe she shouldn't have put it where everyone can see it

ccarre81 · February 2012

Shouldn't you ask yourself what you contributed to cause her though love response? From your profile it appears you joined in january of this year and you already have something close to 300 posts... in many of the recent ones you seem to be frustrated with your progress, but at the same time perhaps not taking the advice well. Obviously this is your journey and you can do with it as you see fit... but if you ask for feedback and you don't like what you hear should you really be getting frustrated in return? In my opinon, it's certainly not how it works around here... sometime you get what you give. Perhaps you should reflect on that.