not about weight..but about a creepy guy..advice please
Replies
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If it were happening to me, I would first start by checking to see if he is a registered sex offender or has a record.
Speak with your landlord about what is going on, see if they can be of help.
Not that the police can do anything because he is "creepy", but I would talk to my local police station and see what could be done - file a stalking report, have the police come out and check on you..not sure.
I would also take a picture of him (a really good photo) give it to the police and give it to your folks. Make sure his name on it and any other information about him is on it.
Do you have anyone that can come and stay with you for a few days? It might be a good idea to have someone else check this guy out. Make sure they get a good look at him and that he knows this person saw him.
Maybe get a really, big dog and train the dog to attack only him! :noway:
Hopefully, someone on MFP is with the police department and can give you some better advice.
^^^THIS!!0 -
report him. that's harassment!0
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This and report him for stalking you cause he isI wouldn't cuss him out. Who knows how unstable he may be. Doing things like that just makes me nervous becuase you really don't know how ppl are. I'd mention all this to your landlord. Tell them you don't feel safe.0 -
Pepper Spray. Next time he jumps out at you give him a faceful.
Exactly!0 -
Pepper Spray. Next time he jumps out at you give him a faceful.
I don't think you're over reacting at all. Listen to your intuition. This guy may at first just be a creeper. He's turning into a stalker. Please talk with your landlord. Please notify some authority about this person - I don't know what the police can do but maybe a friendly conversation from an officer might help him see that you aren't interested in his antics or company. Don't look at him and yes, carry your pepper spray.
Don't underestimate what this person will do. Be safe.0 -
I wouldn't cuss him out. Who knows how unstable he may be. Doing things like that just makes me nervous becuase you really don't know how ppl are. I'd mention all this to your landlord. Tell them you don't feel safe.
best advice. hope it turns out well.0 -
I wouldn't cuss him out. Who knows how unstable he may be. Doing things like that just makes me nervous becuase you really don't know how ppl are. I'd mention all this to your landlord. Tell them you don't feel safe.
this!0 -
Hes a creep. Dont mess around with your safety, you cant take this lightly. As someone who has dealt with this kind of thing before I understand that it can be very scary. I didnt follow my instinct and my old landlord came into my apartment when I was in the shower. Fortunately I was able to fight him off. Dont want to scare you but you never know who you could be dealing with. He could just be an old perv or he could be dangerous.
My best advice is first of all change your locks often. Make sure you have a dead bolt and a chain lock. Always be aware of your surroundings for example walk with your head up and undistracted, have your keys in your hand-they can be used as a weapon if need be, Pepper spray isnt bad but it can always be turned on you. Notify the police, they cant do anything at this point but make a record of harassment and keep a record of all of the incidents where he has any contact with you. I agree with the previous post to give his photo to someone you trust and make sure someone knows what is going or as well as a description of his vehicle/plate #. Getting a dog is a great idea if you can, I have always had a dog-especially as a single woman-plus if not only for protection a dog will give you companionship and a bigger reason to get exercise walking the dog.
You cant trust anyone and you can never be to careful. Being overly cautious and prepared is better than being underprepared and caught of guard. .
Good luck!0 -
The police CAN do something because this is legal harassment, and you shouldn't have to feel like this in your own apartment building where you PAY to live. Talk to the cops and landlord ASAP, but don't engage him in conversation.0
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Nothing good can come out of this situation. If moving is an option I would do that.0
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I think he's doing it because he knows he bothers you. If it was me catching him watching me in my own home doing exercise I'd probably snap and open the door and tell him to go loiter somewhere else. I swear, it sounds like some of my neighbors I used to have. I moved out of my condo and am renting it out. They sure don't mess with my tennant the way they used to mess with me! Everytime I go by, they're not parking on her spot behind her garage, but they always did that to me. Why? Because they saw me fuming every time and they got a kick out of it. I would call the cops when he's watching you just to have it on the record in case he tries anything stupid. Of course, as soon as they see the PoPo, they scram... suddenly scuttling like a cockroach trying to run from being squashed. My neigbors always walked around swaggering with a friggin' RED plastic cup. It was a party ever friggin' day. Yay-ahhhhh! Let's celebrate our unemployment benefits! Anyway, good luck with creepy neighbor. Have some mace ready and spray him if he gets too close!0
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If you decide to buy mace, please get bear mace. No coming back from that ****.
Pictures are nice, but video is better. You don't have to say a word. When he jumps out yelling, "BOO!" to your phone pointed at him, he'll think twice.
Every chance you have to video the behavior, it will tell the story for you: dates, times, exactly HOW *kitten* weird this weirdo is. This will eliminate some of the stupid responses you'll get from people who won't understand your situation.
I would put that *kitten* on YouTube if the authorities and your landlord won't assist you. I would also send it, along with your entire story, to the local news. Guess what? You'll get a response then.
ETA: I was not suggesting to video him in an antagonistic way, btw. No: Hey, fVcker, I gotcha!0 -
Call your local non-emergency police phone line, and ask them what you can do, along with talking to your landlord and other things that have been suggested. Even if there is no actual criminal activity, the police will often help you keep record in case it goes to civil court... and god forbid thing do become criminal (though this is borderline harrassment and may have already gone there) nothing helps win a case like a list of domestic disturbance calls. Landlords kick out tenants that generate multiple police calls.
Also, NEVER open the door at night without identifying who is there. If someone knocks and doesn't answer when you ask who it is, ignore it. If they continue to knock and run, then you call the cops. Most jurisdictions will send out a squad car to take a report and then patrol the area more... at least for that night anyway.
I agree, don't provoke him. Be curt and polite. These types can be harmless, but they can also been harmful, and being vengeful will only help him build an excuse for his behavior.0 -
OKAY. Here is the perspective of a young Psych student!
BE ASSERTIVE. You get some creeps that enjoy harassing women because they think there will be no consequences for their behavior. DO NOT NECESSARILY BE ANGRY. That will escalate this situation and make him angry. BE CALM and SPEAK SLOWLY AND DEEPLY. That said, don't be submissive or make it less of an issue than it is... choose your wording carefully. Keep in mind that your tone of voice and body language is important. (Stand up straight, etc.) Be polite, and not condescending, yet remain firm.
BUT.
TRUST YOUR GUT. You have insticts for a reason. All women do.
Report this to your landlord. If they don't do anything, report this to the police. They will probably roll their eyes at you, but this is a precaution because they have something on record if the worst should happen. I know it's morbid to think like that, but you have to protect yourself.
HOWEVER. THERE MUST BE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S BEHAVIOUR OR HE WILL KEEP DOING IT AND THINGS WILL GET WORSE.
You could try something like, "Sir, your behaviour is not appreciated. I am not going to tolerate you acting towards me in this manner any more. It makes me very uncomfortable. I do not like it at all. You are going to have to stop acting towards myself in this manner, or further action will have to be taken. I don't want to go to the landlord or police, but if you don't stop acting this way, I will have no choice but to do just that.'
Be prepared for an angry or irritable response on his part. You will probably get something like, "I was just joking, lighten up!" (That's usually the typical cop-out.) But STAY CALM, SPEAK SLOWLY AND DEEPLY, AND REMAIN FIRM. That's what you can best do to prevent any situation from escalating, believe it or not. AND ALWAYS APPEAL TO HIS SELF INTEREST. (For example, say I have a client that storms into the office where I work as a Psychometrist and demands that I assess him now so he can get his AISH money. I would never assess him or refer him to someone else to be assessed sooner; that reinforces his behaviour, and he will continue to be like that with other people he interacts with because that gets results. I would say, standing tall and speaking slowly and deeply, "Sir, I get that you're pissed off, and we want to help you out; but the AISH people aren't going to look kindly upon you acting in this way. If you continue to act this way, the AISH people probably won't let you have your AISH money." BLAH BLAH BLAH. Usually they will calm down.
Also, say I am in a situation with a potentially violent client who is storming around, I use a technique called a one-down. Say, "I get that you're pissed off, but I'm not sure what's going on for you right now." 19 times out of 20, they will calm down and start talking to you. I know that wouldn't be my first instict to do that, but trust me, it works. However, if you are about to be attacked, RUN. And ALWAYS FIGHT BACK. You will be more likely to prevent rape or anything.)
I hope that was helpful. GOOD LUCK0 -
Huh. Seems like a nice guy. Invite him out for drinks? :devil:0
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You should tell him that you will file charges against him for harassment. Just say.. don't look at me.. don't talk to me and just stay away and leave me alone or I'm calling the cops. However, make sure you have some pepper spray on you when confronting him. If nothing else.. MOVE... it's just better than staying around someone that makes you feel like that.0
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Write everything down. Every time you have an incident with him, write it down. If you can discreetly record anything with your phone, do it. Find out what your legal rights are. Keep yourself strongly composed, always walk with your head up, aware of your surroundings when you go out your door. When he says something inappropriate to you, tell him what he's saying is inappropriate and walk away. Confronting him with the landlord or your mother or both in a safe, visible area might be a good idea. At the very least, he is harassing you and I'm sure you can get something done to stop it. I would carry some mace or something when you go out. Learn a few self defense maneuvers, or better; take a class. Go for the eyes, nose, and balls if he assaults you. Don't bother cussing him out. I know this makes you angry and scared, but you need to try to be composed and aware around him. Speak clearly and with authority to him.0
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Seems like he has a problem like he doesn't know how to show someone he likes them so he plays the childish games. I would be a little worried if I were you. Honestly if he continues this and after you have asked him to leave you alone you should get a restraining order if need be. You just dont want to find yourself in a situation where it isn't safe.0
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Have you talked to the landlord yet? What's the update? Keep us posted because we are worried about a fellow MFPer!0
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OKAY. Here is the perspective of a young Psych student!
BE ASSERTIVE. You get some creeps that enjoy harassing women because they think there will be no consequences for their behavior. DO NOT NECESSARILY BE ANGRY. That will escalate this situation and make him angry. BE CALM and SPEAK SLOWLY AND DEEPLY. That said, don't be submissive or make it less of an issue than it is... choose your wording carefully. Keep in mind that your tone of voice and body language is important. (Stand up straight, etc.) Be polite, and not condescending, yet remain firm.
BUT.
TRUST YOUR GUT. You have insticts for a reason. All women do.
Report this to your landlord. If they don't do anything, report this to the police. They will probably roll their eyes at you, but this is a precaution because they have something on record if the worst should happen. I know it's morbid to think like that, but you have to protect yourself.
HOWEVER. THERE MUST BE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S BEHAVIOUR OR HE WILL KEEP DOING IT AND THINGS WILL GET WORSE.
You could try something like, "Sir, your behaviour is not appreciated. I am not going to tolerate you acting towards me in this manner any more. It makes me very uncomfortable. I do not like it at all. You are going to have to stop acting towards myself in this manner, or further action will have to be taken. I don't want to go to the landlord or police, but if you don't stop acting this way, I will have no choice but to do just that.'
Be prepared for an angry or irritable response on his part. You will probably get something like, "I was just joking, lighten up!" (That's usually the typical cop-out.) But STAY CALM, SPEAK SLOWLY AND DEEPLY, AND REMAIN FIRM. That's what you can best do to prevent any situation from escalating, believe it or not. AND ALWAYS APPEAL TO HIS SELF INTEREST. (For example, say I have a client that storms into the office where I work as a Psychometrist and demands that I assess him now so he can get his AISH money. I would never assess him or refer him to someone else to be assessed sooner; that reinforces his behaviour, and he will continue to be like that with other people he interacts with because that gets results. I would say, standing tall and speaking slowly and deeply, "Sir, I get that you're pissed off, and we want to help you out; but the AISH people aren't going to look kindly upon you acting in this way. If you continue to act this way, the AISH people probably won't let you have your AISH money." BLAH BLAH BLAH. Usually they will calm down.
Also, say I am in a situation with a potentially violent client who is storming around, I use a technique called a one-down. Say, "I get that you're pissed off, but I'm not sure what's going on for you right now." 19 times out of 20, they will calm down and start talking to you. I know that wouldn't be my first instict to do that, but trust me, it works. However, if you are about to be attacked, RUN. And ALWAYS FIGHT BACK. You will be more likely to prevent rape or anything.)
I hope that was helpful. GOOD LUCK
I'm sorry, but no. Engaging him in ANY way is reinforcing, trust me.0 -
^^ All great advise. Trust your gut! If he knocks on your door and then hides behind the door again you can actually call the police. Perhaps the scare of them showing up would frighten him, make him move... anything! I agree with the people who recommend that you not threaten him because you don't know how stable he is. But a record of a complaint may be a good idea under the guise of you being scared and you didn't know it was him. Pepper spray, small can of hair spray or anything that can spray in his eyes and momentarily debilitate him if he comes too close sounds good to me! Stay safe!!0
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1. Check to see if he has a record or is a sex offender.
2. Notify said landlord of any findings as well as anytime that he harasses you.
3. Purchase mase.
4.Get hand gun permit.
5. Purchase small handgun.
6. Contact law enforcement and register a complaint if nothing else, just incase and so they are aware of the problem. Could help if you ever need a restraining order.
7. Mase that dude STRAIGHT in the stinking face next time he decides to be a creeper.
8. Make sure you keep your handgun on you.
Feel free to omit 4,5, and 8 if you aren't as southern as I am...lol.
But seriously, that's what I'd do.
Love this comment....
Can you enroll in some self defense classes? Many community centers have free/low cost self defense classes.
I would notify my landlord in writing and verbally (squeaky wheel).
If your landlord will permit it - get a dog....a large dog. I'm thinking a rescued Rottweiller.
I had a guy like that at my old residence, he was a creep. As soon as I got a dog, he left me alone and stopped trying to mess with me.0 -
Please don't take my next statement wrong: Check what you are wearing (clothes) while working out--some outfits can make crazy guys crazier. I say this because I work on a college campus and some of the outfits these girls wear --well lets just say the outfits look like nothing more than tights, and not all of them are working out.
even with the disclaimer, this comment is inappropriate. Whatever she wears, is fine. Nothing she wears gives anyone the right to harass her in any way. Please do not further this victim-blaming mentality. This kind of thinking is why women tell themselves they won't report the harassment or rape they suffered because somehow their clothing means they deserved it. Nothing could be further from the truth. This creep is harassing her because he is a creep. NOT because of her clothing choices.
You are right it's not the victims fault, but it is how the crazies think, isn't it? Do we not wear low cut, tight, super short clothes to get looks? I do it. So a person who doesn't appreciate boundaries may think that she wants to be watched, touched or taken. It is an excuse they use. Maybe he doesn't look at the other young woman in the building because she dresses in looser clothing. Dressing for safety is no different than avoiding bad neighborhoods. You can not control the inappropriate behavior of others, just make sure you do what you need to to be safe. And get some pepper spray. He deserves a face full next time he jumps out at you or comes to your door.0 -
Any update?0
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I have to agree, and take it a step further...even with the disclaimer, this comment is BU11$HIT. I can not evern comprehend how, in this day and time, anyone could even think to make this type of comment regarding this situation. I don't care if you are wallking around topless in a thong, there is no place for this kind of behavior, nor this kind of commentary.
There are things that people can do to help avoid a potential attack. That does not mean someone who doesn't do the things on the list is asking to be attacked, just that the person who does is taking extra precautions to stay safe. The problem arises when people impart inaccurate or misinformed suggestions to others. That can either lull someone into a false sense of security or perpetuate the ideology that the victim was somehow at fault for getting attacked.
With respect to clothing choice. It's actually pretty low on the list of things to do. The main reason it's ever even mentioned has to do with the risks it poses to the would-be attacker and not the sex appeal it gives to the wearer (someone in high heels would have more difficulty fleeing and the gait of that person tends to make them look more vulnerable is a classic example). Furthermore, the fact that the person in question is being approached at her residence takes away just about all claims to clothing being an issue. There are so many more important things that you could do to increase your safety levels than worrying if your top is cut too low.
Stay alert at all times. Have contingencies planned for emergency situations. If you come home and think someone has broken in what will you do? If you notice someone following you on your way to your house what will you do? Where is the nearest police station and how long would it take for them to get to you if you called in an emergency? If you do get attacked and are able to flee, where will you go and what route will you take to get there? Things like that. These aren't 'fun' things to think about but it's better to figure out the answers now than trying to on the fly when you're in the middle of a bad situation.
Whenever possible, avoid traveling alone and stay in well-lit and well-trafficked areas.
I hate the phrase, but "don't let yourself be a victim." It's got such bad connotations but I don't know of a better way to put it. Assault, especially sexual assault, is a very psychological thing. A criminal is going to prey on someone that they think is weaker, someone that they don't feel will cause them problems. It is important to remember that at all times. Avoid situations that would take you out of control (have your keys in hand and ready when walking to your car/door, plan routes you'll be taking ahead of time and especially at night, etc). It is OK to be afraid in an uncertain situation, but learn to mask that fear and give off a display of confidence.
No one deserves to be attacked. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take steps to increase your own personal safety though.
This is also not a women only issue. There are lots of scenarios that can put a man in danger too. Having a **** doesn't mean you don't have to worry about safety.
I've taught self defense classes at the community college near me and grew up in a law enforcement household. If anyone has ANY questions about this sort of thing feel free to message me. According to the CC, I have at least 2 college credits worth of info I can bore you with
. A self defense class that you go to in person is obviously better, and I'm sure there are many people here as knowledgeable or more so than I, but I feel very strongly about this issue and would gladly help in any way I can.
I have a daughter about to go to college. Scares the hell out of me. This is exactly what I tell her. It is never, ever the victim's fault. But you have to do all you can to avoid becoming one. Even if it seems unfair, if it saves you the heartache and distress of suffering something worse, it is worth it.
I wouldn't recommend the gun unless you've received extensive training or have a lot of experience with them. My daughter has been shooting since she was 8, and I will get her a gun as soon as she can legally carry one on her if that is what she wishes. It's not as easy to shoot a person as you might think, even in such a situation, and if you don't know how to handle a weapon it can easily be turned on you. Big dog, definitely.0 -
@Countryboy65....you must not have read all of the comments, I did explain why I said what I said....so before you and the rest of the folks start attacking comments you really should read all of them and respect that others can and do think differently...So please explain why you all are taking this in a bad way instead of another option for her to look at to help keep her out of danger, like the comment was meant for. Why be on the look out for negative....
What I said came from a good place, and in no way implied that it is her fault for this crazy person to be stalking her.
If you are doing something that might put you in danger would you not try to change it? Notice I did say "might"....
Does it make it right--NO it doesn't she should not have to change it is her freedom to do as she pleases, however she did ask for help and that was just ONE of the things I said.....if changing outfits helps to keep her safe then maybe just maybe she might want to think about that....
You all should stop jumping so fast to think bad about things, there was no hidden agenda in what I said.
If she had said I go jogging in the dim lit park at 2AM and this man is stalking me....No one would have had an issue if I had said try jogging in a different place or at a different time.
Like I said before we all have the right do go and do what we please, however we still need to think about our safety....
I totally agree with you.0 -
Creepy guy in your apartment complex or not -- never open the door to someone you can't see.
Don't engage him -- he really might be mentally unstable (I know -- I've had a crazy neighbor, but in our case, he thought my husband was stalking him).
Tell everyone you know about him. Check with the police (although in my experience a visit from the police only made things worse).
Be careful. Good luck.0 -
According to a 2002 report by the National Center for Victims of Crime, "Virtually any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking
1st- do not cuss him out- next time you see him, tell him in a respectful way that what he is doing makes you uncomfortable, please stop. Hard to do but necessary. He could think he is flirting with you if he is a drunk and you have to let him know in no uncertain terms that you are not interested.
then,
write him a cease and desist letter, be logical, and explain that his behavior is menacing and you would like it to stop. LET HIM KNOW YOU FEEL HE IS STALKING YOU (WRITE THAT IN THE LETTER) and detail the dates and time that you have asked him to stop the behavior. have it notarized and send it certified or overnight, signature required. SEND A COPY TO THE LANDLORD, also certified, signature required. ** when you type the letter include the tracking number of the package or certified tracking number in the body of the letter.....
keep copies of everything and a detailed log about what he does and when he does it. (see the link below for a downloadable log sheet) take pictures to add to the log.
the next time he scares you, hides and says boo, CALL THE POLICE. AND KEEP CALLING THEM EVERYTIME HE DOES IT. Call them if he is walking around drunk, etc.
If it continues, you will have evidence of stalking, and will be able to get an order of protection.
visit the stalking resource center: http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_IncidentandBehaviorLog(goodone)759
If he has a record, is a sex offender etc, the first call to police will most likely land him in jail.
DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH THIS STUFF...0 -
We had a problem with a neighbor last year and after trying to resolve it on my own with several different non-confrontational techniques I finally called the police.
I am so happy that I did. They sent a special kind of police officer - a community mediator. She talked to me about what was going on and really listened. Then, she went to the neighbors house and talked to them. On her instruction, each time we had an issue, I called the police. And each time they sent a mediator. The police knew the situation, sympathized with the distress it was causing and they helped the situation immensely!
Within 2 months those neighbors moved out. It never would have happened if I hadn't turned to the authorities for help.
This guy is a CREEP. Don't make creeping easy for him. Call the police. They will help you.0 -
Pepper Spray. Next time he jumps out at you give him a faceful.
OH YAAAAA!!!!! Also, find out what you can, like if he is a sex offender, find out his name, google and facebook search. Be in the know......keep track of his daily routine. Make sure that your own personal daily schedule changes all time. Honeslty, majority ppl will say oh dont worry its harmless, but I trust NOBODY, watch your back and everymove, people are unpredictable....especially the creepy ones. I wish you the best, dont take it lightly.0
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