How do I get him to understand?

Right!!! Now I understand better forget my last post. He is an *kitten*.

And you should tell him so!

Thank you for all of the advice so far. I wasn't going to go into deep details of our relationship, but something keeps urging me to. We were separated for a little over a year about 3 years ago. Since then, he has been with 4 or 5 escorts. I have blamed myself for being overweight and not having a lot of time for him because of the kids and forgiven him. He still texts and calls girls he finds online and now my head is spinning. I know it's not a healthy situation for the kids to be in, but it's so hard for me to just kick him out today because of the kids. I can't stop shaking and crying this morning. He works nights, so he got in at midnight and went to bed at 2 and probably won't get up until around 2 this afternoon. That's what he does on the weekends...stay away all night and sleep until afternoon.

Well, now there's a whole new dimension .... if half of what you're sharing is true, then that changes everything.

Ask yourself, is this the type of relationship you'd want for your daughter? Is this the role model of what you want your children to see how a marriage should be? If you'd be happy for her to be treated in this manner, then do what you've been doing. If you would say, "No! She deserves better than this," then you need to reevaluate your current situation.

Thank you for all of the advice so far. I wasn't going to go into deep details of our relationship, but something keeps urging me to. We were separated for a little over a year about 3 years ago. Since then, he has been with 4 or 5 escorts. I have blamed myself for being overweight and not having a lot of time for him because of the kids and forgiven him. He still texts and calls girls he finds online and now my head is spinning. I know it's not a healthy situation for the kids to be in, but it's so hard for me to just kick him out today because of the kids. I can't stop shaking and crying this morning. He works nights, so he got in at midnight and went to bed at 2 and probably won't get up until around 2 this afternoon. That's what he does on the weekends...stay away all night and sleep until afternoon.

He sounds like a spoiled mommy's boy that never grew up. He is trying to keep you under his thumb. Put it this way...what kind of an example is he being for your kids? Your boy(s) are getting the message that men are the boss and your daughter(s) are getting taught to be subservient to men. This is none of my business but since you put it out there. My son and daughters BOTH do laundry and BOTH take out trash. No gender bias in my house. My son respects his mother and daughters respect me. Put it this way, r u happy? R your kids? No? Then make it so. Whether you stay with hubby or not. You can't live unhappy all the time. No wonder your self esteem is taking a beating! Whew! Sorry about that! Just had to vent. I will be quiet now! Just can't stand guys like this!

Thank you for all of the advice so far. I wasn't going to go into deep details of our relationship, but something keeps urging me to. We were separated for a little over a year about 3 years ago. Since then, he has been with 4 or 5 escorts. I have blamed myself for being overweight and not having a lot of time for him because of the kids and forgiven him. He still texts and calls girls he finds online and now my head is spinning. I know it's not a healthy situation for the kids to be in, but it's so hard for me to just kick him out today because of the kids. I can't stop shaking and crying this morning. He works nights, so he got in at midnight and went to bed at 2 and probably won't get up until around 2 this afternoon. That's what he does on the weekends...stay awake all night and sleep until afternoon.

I say unacceptable on his part!! Honestly, you DO NOT need to feel for him nor blame yourself sweetie.........HE is in the wrong, not you. And if you DO want to be in this marriage with him, I agree with everyone else here.........seek professional help. Tell him that texting and calling OTHER WOMEN is NOT okay by you. YOU have nothing to be sorry for.........YOU did not do anything wrong. He is totally and completely in the wrong. Personally, I wouldn't have forgiven him for that.

Again, from a naive perspective, BUUUUUUUTTTTTT.......you are supposed to be there for your partner one hundred and ten percent. You stick by them through thick and thin, struggle to understand each other when you two are at odds, and you do stuff for each other. That is what it is all about. And all I see him doing is take, take, take........

Because stress can tear down our ability to take care of ourselves. Until this is fixed she will have a hard time focusing on food and exercise when her family life is upside down.

As a wife, I would never tell another woman to leave her husband, but I will tell you that you have to stand up for yourself, your beliefs and your children. Respect is earned and while you appear to show him respect, he obviously doesn't respect you and not to sound mean, but you don't demand respect from him. I say that because you allow him to do these things (talk to other women, text, etc.) You have to set an example for your children. You don't want your daughter to think this behavior is acceptable nor do you want your sons to think this is how to treat women. Counseling will be key in getting this marriage on track, but it will take two to make things work. I don't know what your belief system is, but I would PRAY and even FAST and wait on direction from God. BE blessed...

Go to counseling, it will either help repair or help terminate. Don't wait, go without him if necessary. You need help, not all our opinions. Even if it a local pastor, you need an un involved 3rd party. Sounds like both of you have some issues to deal with. Bless you and good luck.

I didn't want to use this as a counselor, but since I've already put this on here....he woke up and I told him I don't like going to bed mad at eachother. He asked me if I saved that for when he got up and he started physically pushing me. I cried and he called me a baby and started packing up to leave. The kids saw it and started crying because they hadn't gotten to see him this weekend yet. He drove around the block and came back saying that he'll stay the weekend for the kids, but I better not talk to him at all. That's all I'm going to put on here about our situation. I just thought with all the advice, I would let you know how things turned out after I tried to confront him.

Personally, if I were you..........for the sake of your kids..........you need to pack up their stuff and take them with you. If I had kids, in that kind of situation, I would be in fear for them if he was pushing ME around. What's to happen next? Him physically or verbally abusing his kids? NO.......you can't let that happen. Go........take the kids..........and talk to someone for your sake and theirs........please.

Man or woman, when physical abuse starts, get the hell out! Not a healthy environment. His little tantrum of driving around the block to keep u under his thumb is pathetic. We are products of our environment. He obviously learned his behaviour somewhere. Ensure your kids do not and it ends here.

I didn't want to use this as a counselor, but since I've already put this on here....he woke up and I told him I don't like going to bed mad at eachother. He asked me if I saved that for when he got up and he started physically pushing me. I cried and he called me a baby and started packing up to leave. The kids saw it and started crying because they hadn't gotten to see him this weekend yet. He drove around the block and came back saying that he'll stay the weekend for the kids, but I better not talk to him at all. That's all I'm going to put on here about our situation. I just thought with all the advice, I would let you know how things turned out after I tried to confront him.

Personally, if I were you..........for the sake of your kids..........you need to pack up their stuff and take them with you. If I had kids, in that kind of situation, I would be in fear for them if he was pushing ME around. What's to happen next? Him physically or verbally abusing his kids? NO.......you can't let that happen. Go........take the kids..........and talk to someone for your sake and theirs........please.

This.

There are clearly lots more details and no point in going into them but at the moment you need to contact family and friends that you know so others in your circle are aware,get someone with you so you are not alone with him.

Like others have said, if what you have said is all 100% truth you need to get out now.

Physical violence just escalates. How is it healthy for your children to see this happen? If you have sons, do you want them to treat their wives/girlfriends that way? If you have daughters, do you want them to be with a boyfriend/husband that treats them this way? Probably not.

It's hard to leave, especially when you don't have an income yourself. There are women's shelters, etc that you can go to. If you don't feel comfortable with getting ready to leave while he is around wait until he goes back to work Monday. Spend the day getting things in order and packing up your stuff and the childrens things. Than go get the oldest from school andleave. Go to a family members place for the time being. Search out a women's and children's shelter. Find something else. This is not a healthy relationship and not something the children should be around for.

This is not the forum to discuss a serious issue like this.

I haven't read the other responses, but him lashing out at you was probably from the stress he's feeling. He knows he's the main provider for his family and deep down I'm sure he knows that you going to work would be counterproductive. But, he's stressed right now. His hours have been cut and he knows that $252 isn't going to feed, clothe and house his family. He's feeling the pressure to provide and he's feeling the pinch from not being able to do so. Men feel like they are taking care of us when they can provide for us - when that stops, well.. something changes inside them. They start to wonder about their self worth if they can't provide for their family.

That all being said. His treatment of you when he's home is ridiculous. You are NOT his servant, you are his WIFE. Honestly? If my husband asked me to get his food, scratch his body parts or wait on him hand and foot - I would laugh in his face. He's a grown man, he can place his own food on his own plate and if he thinks he can't - well, I guess he won't be eating. I don't mind doing things for my significant other, but I won't be treated like I'm hired help.


I would suggest counseling, but I suspect he probably wont' go because HE doesn't see a problem with how things are. You can try talking to him, but again.. he doesn't see a problem with things.


I'm not really sure what to say.

This is not the forum to discuss a serious issue like this.

It is if its affecting her health..........and especially her kid's health.........she is reaching out to someone because she is at odds what to do. At least she is saying she needs help. Most women, in this kind of situation.........wait, strike that........most PEOPLE in this type of situation get so mugged down in all of this don't speak out for fear that their abusive partner is going to find out, get more angrier than ever, and quite possibly do something or say something damaging.

Speaking up is the first positive thing that anyone could ever do...........and it shows tremendous strength and courage.