Parents: how do you talk to your kids about weight issues?

I'm in my early 20s and I don't have any kids so I'm really not that much help but I can say that my mom being completely honest with me about my weight was really helpful to me. I've never been overweight but there have been times when I've gotten lazy and put on 5 lbs or so and she kind of gave me a nudge in the right direction.

It's hard.....I have the same situation at home....two teen boys...one is very fit, rarely gets into junk food. The youngest is the opposite, and he doesn't like to exercise either. I hit the gym 4 days a week. He used to come with me, but hasn't for a long time. He did do baseball conditioning which was great exercise, but didn't make the team. So, now I'm going to have to try to talk him into coming to the gym again.

I try to keep the house stocked with nutritious food, but I run a daycare so there foods that he sneaks that he shouldn't have. I try not to make a federal case about it because I don't want to make things worse, but I'm kinda like you. I have no clue what to do. I'm hoping to get him and his brother set up with a trainer at the gym for several sessions so they are more comfortable with the equipment. But, not sure I'll get them to go with me weekly.

sigh....it's hard to know what to do. My son's doctor also told me he needs to watch his weight. They tested him for diabetes and thyroid issues last time we were in for a check up. Everything was fine, but it scared me that they suggested. that.

I talk to my daughter about being healthy. She is high on the charts for height and weight and was just about a % or 2 above on weight for height. The doctor comment on it as well. We talk a lot about needing to be healthy . We talk about exercising and she does some exercise for me. She knows she can have just one dessert-ish snack a day. So if she has pudding after lunch she has fruit after dinner and for any other snacks. I am currently trying to lose weight so she know I am dieting but I have tried to focus on saying I want to get healthy so I can be strong and so my heart can be strong.

It's tough to deal with self image with all the pressure to diet. I was thin as a stick as a child, but my brothers teased me calling me fat, knowing it would upset me. My parents couldn't understand it.

My kids fortunately don't have weight problems. But one strategy that is helpful with difficult topics is to ask them about problems other kids are having. They may be very interested in talking about someone else in their class who doesn't eat healthy food, and it may allow you to get the subject out in the open without criticizing your daughter.

I would so love to hear what others have to say about this too. Im in the same boat... My oldest son and daughter love to eat and aren't that picky. My son is 7 and is a bit chubby my daughter is getting a little belly on her, she is 8. My youngest is 5 and skinny. He doesnt love food as much and is a bit more picky. All 3 are active and in sports and such. I don't want to give them a complex or hurt their self image in any way. I do try to make healthy meals and choose healthier snacks for them. My problem is this, when I give them a serving of food and they eat it. Then they ask for seconds is it okay to give them as much as they would like? or do I cut them off and say you've had enough? I just don't know. I feel like they are young and active so let them be kids and eat. Don't get on their case about food. Then on the other hand I don't want my kids to have weight problems when they get older because I didn't say anything now. I just don't know!? My husband or I have never had a "weight problem" really. My hubby is one that could eat and eat and not gain anything. I do have to be more careful as I do gain weight like most people! I've never been over weight though... Opinions and ideas would be appreciated!!

This is a tricky one and I don't really have the answers for you. My son is 12, naturally thin and runs cross country and track. When he was younger I did discuss what foods were healthy and we both always read nutrition info on food. I'm a teacher and also talk about this with my 5th graders b/c we have a snack time and sometimes they bring in pure junk food and seem shocked as if they have no idea.

Since your daughter is so young, I wouldn't use the words fat or skinny but I do think that parents should be honest with children. If you eat junk and don't exercise you will become overweight. I think they also need to understand what constitutes a healthy lifestyle. Maybe make a daily calendar where you include exercise along with sleep and brushing teeth. So, both kids know this is part of being healthy. And phrase it more in terms of being healthy and to make your body work correctly these are the types of foods we eat. And, of course don't bring the foods into the house. When my son and I choose to have ice cream or some other treat we only buy one serving so it doesn't linger around the house.

I will be interested in hearing what other people have to say. Good luck!

When I was 12 or 13 I came downstairs in a tight tank top and my dad made a comment about how it was inappropriate to wear it. I thought he meant because it was revealing, but as the argument continued... It was because it didn't look good. He told me "let's face it, you'll never be described as skinny."

I saw that as a wake up call. Weight issues had never been discussed before then. I knew my mom went for jogs and did weights but I was always under the disillusion that because I was a kid, I didn't have to worry about being active or watching what I ate.

Even though the way my dad said it to me was harsh, I think being straight with me was a good idea. I had a tummy. I was not flattering myself in that shirt, and I was of course old enough to realize that weight is a result of eating/exercise habits. I only wish he'd done so when I was younger, before I could establish bad habits.

I think you should encourage watching foods and exercise, but with of course enough tact to ensure that she is seeing it as just a way of life, not as a consequence for having a big tummy. Don't make her feel like what she did was wrong. Just show her how things are going to be from now on.


P.s. I'm not a parent so Im sure I don't have quite as much insight as others... But I WAS a chubby kid!

When any of my 3 girls ask if the food is a "healthy choice" I feel proud that they are beginning to make appropriate choices for their bodies.

My girls have also learned enough to ask as well. Often disappointed with the "no that isn't healthy because..." answer but will always pick something else. In the store today my 4 year old was picking out granola bars and kept asking "does this one have a lot of sugar" "is this one healthy". We settled on the reduced sugar variety She also asked if gum was healthy, it was the sugar free kind so I told her yes.

Approach it like you would yourself. Really it's all about calories in and out. Personally I eat 80% good and 20% whatever. My 7 year old also eats this way. As long as daily essentials are met, exercise is met, and we do some stuff together at least once a week, I don't think it will be a problem.
It may be easier for me since I deal with kid athlete's too, but dealing with average kids might be different. Right now I'm not having an issue with my daughter. As of how she's considered underweight, but I don't worry about it since I know she's getting in all her essentials.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I've been trying to teach my kids from the time they could talk to what is a healthy diet. Thankfully, they both love fruit, veggies and good protein. I never have weighed myself in front of them...and I use the term "Mom needs to get in better shape so I can keep up to you guys when we're hiking". I never say I'm gross, or fat, or any of the harsh words we women call ourselves when we're unhappy with our weight.
We exercise a lot outdoors (not so much in winter...too rainy here). They love going for hikes, we all practice archery, son is in hockey. Finding a sport / activity they enjoy is the key.
They are allowed junk food, but they know that it is in fact, junk food. I explain consistantly about nutrition...showing them what is a good fat, carbs, protein sources etc. I tell them what can happen when people's diets only consist of unhealthy food choices. They have a great-aunt who must weigh close to 550 lbs....and thankfully they have never belittled her behind her back. They know she is unhealthy, and that food and not exercising contributed to that fact.
With my daughter especially, I stress the importance of her being funny, intelligent, a nice and empathetic person...want her to love herself from within, and not get caught up in the media chaos of what a girl should look like when she gets to be a teen.
Being a parent is one of the hardest things there is. We all want our kids to have a healthy mindset about food, of themselves etc...can only learn from OUR mistakes and do better for the next generation.

I'm not a parent, but I've always been the 'bigger girl' and I can talk about my relationship with my mother in regards to my weight. It's only been in the last maybe two or three years that I've really read up on nutrition and exercise and before that had almost no knowledge about it other then calories in must be less then calories out. Also that cookies are bad and fruits and veggies are good. I always knew that I needed to lose weight and that it kind of hindered my self esteem. I played sports in high school and while I had the talent and the skills, I just wasn't the fastest.

I don't think my mother really knew how to approach the issue with me. When we would go clothes shopping and I didn't fit in the sizes she picked out or picked bigger sizes she'd say something like, 'Oh my gosh.' Then she'd shake her head and I wouldn't really get anything because most of the stuff didn't fit right on me. It wasn't a big thing but it was something I noticed. She also would comment about how much food I ate or that maybe I should do some exercise. She even told me a couple of times if I could lose so much weight, she'd give me money. As kids it was easy for her to monitor our eating habits because she was a stay at home mom. She always kept fresh fruits and veggies in the house. We did a lot of stuff like bike riding, playing basketball and running around outside. After she went to work full time and we were alone for a few hours after school, we'd just make something quick and easy or run and get some fast food. That's when I noticed I was packing on more pounds quicker.

Something that has been working for me now, and probably would have help then is for her to maybe be a bit more conscious about the things she bought at the grocery after she went to work. Less chips and cookies and more fresh, ready to eat fruit. I always try to have fresh fruits and veggies available to snack on. Cooking dinner every night is a big thing and making small substitutes can have a great impact. Turkey meat instead of ground meat, wheat pasta and bread instead of white, and lower calorie sauces. It would also be easier if you wrote down a planned time every day to have snack time. Fresh fruits and yogurt perhaps and had what meals were planned for when. That not only helps you plan a menu and help yourself eat healthier but sets a routine that everyone can get use to.

Also, something that may have been fun was doing something every other night that's fun but good exercise. Yeah my mom would walk on the treadmill every night, but as a kid, who wants to do that? Maybe instead, play some catch or basketball. Plan a bike trip with a healthy picnic on the weekends if you have a local bike path. Do things that get you moving but are fun for everyone. Maybe there's a summer sports team in your city that does T-ball or softball that might be fun for the kids. Or even just going to the park for 'mother daughter time' can cultivate the bond with her as she gets older. Those will also be things she'll remember always.

I'm not sure if any of this helps, but I do know one thing. 'Telling' isn't going to get anything but feeling bad about something you already know is true. I always knew I was bigger and that I needed to lose weight and just being bribed or having my mom buy smaller clothes just made me feel more bad then I already did about my size. Always try to avoid telling her how big she's getting and that she needs to lose weight or that she's bigger then everyone else and this is unhealthy. This just lets her know that somehow she's wrong but it doesn't give her the tools to fix it Letting her know that she is perfect the way she is and that you'll always love her will give her confidence that may help her be pushed in the right direction..

If you want to teach your kids healthy eating habits, then don't make it be about being skinny. Make it be about being healthy first and foremost. I see absolutely no problem in telling them that being a bit heavier is ONE indicator that maybe something is out of balance. However, it is only ONE indicator, so teach them some others. For example - how many push-ups can they do? How many jumping jacks? etc. How far and how fast can they run without being out of breath?

As far as food goes - tell them that junk food is junk food for a reason. It's ok to have it in small quantities, but if they are eating more than a few junk food choices a week, they are eating too much. That's another indicator of health that you can talk about that's not directly dealing with weight, but can affect it. Excess sugar is not just bad for gaining weight, but also for increasing your risk of diabetes. Excess fat is bad for cholesterol. Phrase it that way.

The biggest thing you can do as a parent though is to lead by example. Your kids learn best by watching you eat well and exercise often. Include them in your exercising whenever possible.

As for the outside pressures that you can't do a lot about - the break in the middle of the one hour game for example - just prepare a healthy snack. Carrot sticks might not be so popular, but if it's either that or have nothing, what do you think your child will choose?

I am soooo right there with you! We usually have really healthy options available regularly and it's a non-issue, but occasionally, there is a treat in the house and we're all working on not abusing it. Packaging snack buckets is a FANTASTIC IDEA that I'm definitely going to start doing. THANKS!

I just got done having a conversation with my 6yo daughter who has a chunk punkin (tummy). She had been sneeking Thin Mints after I had told her no. I didn't get upset, but I did bring out the other full package to show her how many cookies she had eaten. I told her about the serving size and why cookies are a "red light" food.

I explained that it's okay to have these kinds of treats, but we need to think about how much and how often we eat them. When she offered one to me, I told her that I like them, but I ate too many "red light" foods yesterday and it made me feel sick (samoas are my nemisis). I told her I don't want to feel like that again, so today, I'm choosing "green and yellow light" foods.

I'm finding that grouping foods makes it a lot easier for my kids to catch on. They are learning which foods are okay to have lots of every day like whole grains, lean meats, fruits and veggies, which are okay to have some of every day like cheese, milk, yogurt, nuts, eggs, and oils and sugars paired with higher nutrients, and which are okay to have in reasonable poritons once in a while like cookies, cakes, candies, and fried or processed foods. The lesson I want to teach is that ALL food is okay, but yellow and red light foods will make you sick if you eat too many of them too often.

I'm also experimenting with the lesson that having too much fat on our bodies is a sign that we are nutritionally sick... that our bodies aren't working as strong and as fast as they should because they are getting stopped by all those red light foods too often and for too long.


Good luck to you.

Monkey see monkey do. I remember a few years back, my mom was losing weight and I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to eat what she did and do the workouts like she did. If you set a good example it will rub off.

Do try to keep a positive attitude about it though. My dad made a comment about my weight once (in MIDDLE SCHOOL!) and it haunts me to this day. A part of me is on my weight loss journey just to prove him wrong, to prove that I am not like him or my family.

Haha, sorry for the anecdotes there, but I hope it helps even a little!

My oldest daughter is an extremely picky eater. She could thrive on pizza, burgers, carbs forever. She is overweight and needs to lose at least 40lbs. She 5 ft 5 and 160. She has a gorgeous frame, just the wrong foods. This Spring Im getting her into tennis and getting her a gym membership. I'm looking for a nutritionist now . She'll eat some fruits and some veggies, salad and celery.