Yeah, but what if you LOSE weight?

2

Replies

  • Mkserpa
    Mkserpa Posts: 136
    I have found my husband to be most attracted to me when I'm happy with myself.

    After having my baby girl last October, I felt horrible about my body. He was super supportive but you could tell he was feeling how I was feeling. I've been feeling fantastic about myself the last few days and I can tell it's rubbed off on him. I'm not skinny and I appear the same as after I had baby (parts of my body not being where they once were, although 50lbs lighter) And he's been all over me. It isn't because I'm losing weight or because I'm skinnier, heck I still weigh over 150lbs. It's because I feel good about myself and I'm happier that he's more into me. He loves me no matter what I look like, but what seems to be most important is how I feel about myself.
  • bulletprooff
    bulletprooff Posts: 77
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.

    Agreed. You can't do it (or not do it) for anyone other than yourself and your health.


    Mine recently confessed that he didn't want to praise my loss because he didn't want me to think that he thought i "HAD" to lose weight, meanwhile to me it seemed like he wasn't proud because he likes me heavier.
  • robinogue
    robinogue Posts: 1,117 Member
    I think everyone's goal should be to get to a place that makes them happy, not anyone else.

    ^^ this... my SO didn't like me bigger, he didn't say anything negative but it came out how he felt. When I made the lifestyle change he didn't want me to get to small.. In the end, I did what was best for me.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,314 Member
    I've seen many people on this site lose significant weight and then get divorced. I don't know for sure if it played a part, or if people just get divorced.

    I've read in threads where the other half has gotten controlling during the weight loss, but I just figure they were probably controlling long before this.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    YES

    Each time Ive reached a mini goal, Ive lost someone and I still have about 20 pounds left to go. SO I stopped dating. I was tired of having someone that was attracted to me as I was, no longer attracted to me as I got healthier and smaller.

    Its left me lonely, shy, embarassed and sometimes very sad and alone.... but goddamnit I love rock climbing and when I DO get laid, I jump on top lik THAT was my minigoal.

    But yes, losing almost 100 pounds has left me very lonely.
  • PatasDeGallina
    PatasDeGallina Posts: 155 Member
    I actually had a situation where *I* was less attracted to my ex boyfriend when he lost a lot of weight, but he lost the weigh very quickly and not in a healthy way and did no exercise (no cardio, no weight training, no toning).

    So as a result, his hair all turned grey (ok, no problem, dye it), his skin was SO LOOSE, and he started criticizing me for my weight problem.

    When I mean loose skin, I mean ew omg he looked like a very old woman when he took his clothes off. All of the shape that on him that I thought was manly, broad shoulders, stoutness, was all weight, no muscle.

    His face looked gaunt. His color was bad. I mean, I didn't break up with him for that, but my attraction level dropped quite a bit. I was never in love with him.

    I'm in love with my husband. If he were to get cancer and drop another 200 lbs, I'd still find him beautiful. I'd still want him. If he lost an eye, he'd still have the most beautiful eye in the world. For me, really loving someone transcends the physical form. But that's just me.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I'm happy to say that my SO was attracted to me at my heaviest and lightest. I am a lucky person!

    If your SO becomes less attracted to you as you approach a healthier weight, my guess is that his/her ego probably took a beating.

    OR they just have a personal sexual preference for larger girls... not necessarily a flaw in their ego :(
  • jenluvsushi
    jenluvsushi Posts: 933 Member
    Mine doesn't care as long as I am happy and still have boobies.....he is simple like that.
  • lacewitch
    lacewitch Posts: 766 Member
    My ex thinks I'm getting too skinny. It's a good thing he's my ex.

    he's just jealous :)

    or insecure
  • eena56
    eena56 Posts: 1,456 Member
    In a healthy marriage part of what you do and who you are is for the other person, so why shouldn't they share be able to share what attracts them? My husband makes no secret of the fact that he is delighted that I am losing weight. I'm glad he can be honest with me, and I take it as a motivator, not an insult.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    My husband met me 40 pounds heavier than I am now, saw me through pregnancy and 70 pounds heavier than I am now. He tells me he is proud of me all the time. He has one aunt in particular that is awful and tells him things like, " becareful because now that she's thin and you've put on weight she's going to leave you for someone else". I want to smack her when she makes stupid comments like that, but her husband cheated on her and she's thin, so I know she's just got a ton of her own issues.

    Oh that's awful that she says that, Im sorry for both of you :(
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    My husband met me 40 pounds heavier than I am now, saw me through pregnancy and 70 pounds heavier than I am now. He tells me he is proud of me all the time. He has one aunt in particular that is awful and tells him things like, " becareful because now that she's thin and you've put on weight she's going to leave you for someone else". I want to smack her when she makes stupid comments like that, but her husband cheated on her and she's thin, so I know she's just got a ton of her own issues.

    Oh that's awful that she says that, Im sorry for both of you :(
    Because I refuse to air my dirty laundry, a good number of people in my life assume that's why I left my husband - because I lost weight and he was chubby. Not the case, but a lot of people believe it.
  • lisakyle_11
    lisakyle_11 Posts: 420 Member
    my husband, as he claims, has 'always loved my body'. he actually likes a little weight on me rather than being thinner (which i normally-for the most part-was). now he is really loving that i am not stick thin, but 'strong and sexy'. that is good enough for me...but either way, he doesn't really play into what i do for my health/fitness...the men in my life never have.
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    My (soon-to-be-ex) husband found me significantly more attractive as I lost weight. I mean, I was 100 pounds heavier than him when we got married and am now 40 pounds lighter than he is. I'm also 4 1/2 inches taller.
    He loved having a "trophy wife" but sometimes you have to do something to earn that trophy.


    (Purposely written to sound shallow, but it should still convey that he didn't mind me losing weight. That being said, if I got scrawny instead of just fit and healthy, he probably wouldn't have liked that, either)

    I'm sorry to hear that Cory.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    My (soon-to-be-ex) husband found me significantly more attractive as I lost weight. I mean, I was 100 pounds heavier than him when we got married and am now 40 pounds lighter than he is. I'm also 4 1/2 inches taller.
    He loved having a "trophy wife" but sometimes you have to do something to earn that trophy.


    (Purposely written to sound shallow, but it should still convey that he didn't mind me losing weight. That being said, if I got scrawny instead of just fit and healthy, he probably wouldn't have liked that, either)

    I'm sorry to hear that Cory.
    Eh. Thanks, but life moves on. :)
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    My husband met me 40 pounds heavier than I am now, saw me through pregnancy and 70 pounds heavier than I am now. He tells me he is proud of me all the time. He has one aunt in particular that is awful and tells him things like, " becareful because now that she's thin and you've put on weight she's going to leave you for someone else". I want to smack her when she makes stupid comments like that, but her husband cheated on her and she's thin, so I know she's just got a ton of her own issues.

    Oh that's awful that she says that, Im sorry for both of you :(
    Because I refuse to air my dirty laundry, a good number of people in my life assume that's why I left my husband - because I lost weight and he was chubby. Not the case, but a lot of people believe it.

    that is MESSED. UP.

    There are few things in this world that piss me off more than people who have never lived inside my brain, announcing what my motivations are/were.
  • fatboypup
    fatboypup Posts: 1,873 Member
    i used to always say I liked a woman I could wrestle with and not be sure I'd win, now I realize she doesn't have to be heavy to achieve this ;)
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    i used to always say I liked a woman I could wrestle with and not be sure I'd win, now I realize she doesn't have to be heavy to achieve this ;)
    You would hate me... not because you could not be sure you would win, but because you could be sure you would LOSE.
  • KariQuiteContrary
    KariQuiteContrary Posts: 274 Member
    My husband met me 40 pounds heavier than I am now, saw me through pregnancy and 70 pounds heavier than I am now. He tells me he is proud of me all the time. He has one aunt in particular that is awful and tells him things like, " becareful because now that she's thin and you've put on weight she's going to leave you for someone else". I want to smack her when she makes stupid comments like that, but her husband cheated on her and she's thin, so I know she's just got a ton of her own issues.

    Oh that's awful that she says that, Im sorry for both of you :(
    Because I refuse to air my dirty laundry, a good number of people in my life assume that's why I left my husband - because I lost weight and he was chubby. Not the case, but a lot of people believe it.

    And I applaud you for that Cory. It's not easy to go through a divorce as it is....but with people jumping to their own conclusions about why, it is frustrating. I went through some of the same type of situation and it's tough to remain strong and keep the private parts of you life that caused you to come to the decision just that, private. I'm sorry you have to go through it but at least you are doing it with grace and dignity.
  • fatboypup
    fatboypup Posts: 1,873 Member
    hah i never said i wanted to win :P

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