Has your spouse ever given you THE TALK?

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caitlinsmom07
caitlinsmom07 Posts: 37 Member
in Motivation and Support
After being married 8 yrs and going through all the ups and downs of life and going through what having 2 kids can do to your body (I know this isn't the case for everyone, some people stay in fantastic shape during their child bearing years), my husband for the first time has told me he wants me to change. He told me last night that he wants me to be healthy and this is what got to me...he works out very hard and trys to look good for me and he wants me to do the same thing. I've been feeling a wide range of emotions from agreeing with him to feeling resentful.

So my question is, has anyone else received a talk from their husband/wife about their weight? Did it motivate or discourage you?
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Replies

  • mummyzena
    mummyzena Posts: 259 Member
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    An ex did this and it discouraged me, he was rude about it though. I'm sure.your hubby meant well as he mentioned health rather than I wish you looked like... If hubby already tries to.stay healthy I'm sure he'd support you through it.x
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I haven't experienced it, but from what you say I would think that he wants you to be healthy so you will be around a long time and with him. Sounds like he loves you very much. :flowerforyou:
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    NO!!!, but i sure as hell want to have the TALK with him!, he has let himself go, and does not care, he says i am obsessed!
  • Pawsntails
    Pawsntails Posts: 67 Member
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    I haven't had this but you need to think. Has he said this because he's worried for your health or because he wants you to look better? If its the former then be happy he cares and suggest that you start exercising together as he obviously wants to help. If its the later then you have every right to be annoyed and you should do what makes you happy (as long as you try and stay healthy too) :)
  • chele1028
    chele1028 Posts: 248 Member
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    Hi,
    Yes! I got that "talk" end of July 2011, and while I knew he was right, as I was unhappy being so overweight, and not healthy that way.. I agreed, but not after a good cry over it all. He explained he wanted me to be around for our little girls for a long time. So I got over it and the next day was Aug 1st, and it was a great day to start making a change for the better! So I re-joined the gym and went just about every day and still do.. I watched my calories, and then found this website in Sept. I have 107 pounds to lose.. and as of today, I have lost 55 so far! So I am doing it, and boy do I feel great! So yes.. it totally motivated me, and was the kick in the pants so to speak that I needed to hear to do so. Feel free to add me as a friend, we can do this!! You are not alone, and while he will be happy to see you get healthier.. YOU will feel even better for doing so.. do it for YOU!! :happy:
  • goodfido
    goodfido Posts: 127 Member
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    I haven't had such a discussion with my husband but if I did I may feel like you, the wide range of emotions. But if you listen to what he said: he wants you to be healthy, to me that means he wants you around a long time to be with him and your children. It's OK to feel hurt, I think I would as well, but perhaps you could talk to him. Let him know you're hurt but that you do want to be healthy and if he works out a lot perhaps you could start working out with him. Not only would you be working on getting healthy but you'd be doing it together. If you can, get the kids involved as well. Go for hikes, bike rides, walks. They are great ways to get time in with your family and being healthy.
  • tabithajoyy
    tabithajoyy Posts: 680 Member
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    I have never recieved "the talk" before. BUT, when i started losing weight he sorta talked to me about keep doing it etc. I think he didnt wanna bring it up and have me blow up at him even though i know im clearly overweight. I dont think your hubby means it in a rude way. I think, like you said, he wants you guys both to be fit & i also dont think he means it like he's not attracted to you. I however would be emotional in a lotta different ways if it had happened to me even if he meant it in a harmless, kind way! I think though it would motivate me. Hubby & I both work out and try to eat somewhat clean right now, ITS FUN! I love having a partner thats "along for the ride". Its nice to see both our bodies transform. He is smaller than me and is much stronger/fit but he isnt at his best yet, nor am I! I am so excited to see where it leads though! If i were you i would take it as motivation and have fun getting fit with him =)
  • alj322003
    alj322003 Posts: 11 Member
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    oh yes

    when I got married I only weighed 170 lbs and was in great shape. I now wiegh just under 250 My wife has given me the talk on several occasions and joined a couple different gyms in the last 7 years I have always been bull headed and when ever any one tells me what to do or what I should do I usually resist. a couple months ago my wife started to go to the gym and asked my to join her I resisted for amonth and a bit. but seeing her energy and successes finally agreed to join her. I have been goin for about three weeks and feel great dont let the naging in the back of your head that tells you not to stop you.
  • aj_gettingfit
    aj_gettingfit Posts: 257
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    No but I'm sure he wanted to talk to me many times.

    Now after losing 40 lbs he's told me how he wished I would have done this sooner and how he was worried that I would keep going up in weight. He loves that I'm so into exercising and he sees me totally different now. He's loved me at all sizes but now when I walk into a room and turn heads he can be proud that its because of how good I look and not because I'm the 'big' girl.
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
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    My husband never had "the talk" with me when I was my heaviest (324 lbs). But when I started to complain about my health, how I was aching & how I looked in my clothes he would chime in about me getting healthier. I know in the back of his mind he would want me to look better and that never bothered me because who wouldn't want their better half looking their best. But I also know that he wants me to be with him and our kids for as long as possible.

    The resentment you feel is a product of pride....it has nothing to do with what he said. You already know you are not in the greatest shape. It was the fact that he had the gall to say it to you. Look...you know what type of man you married. Don't allow your pride to cause unnecessary problems.

    Good luck to you in your journey :)
  • caitlinsmom07
    caitlinsmom07 Posts: 37 Member
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    He was trying to say it in a nice way but I couldn't help but be a little hurt. But on the other hand I do know its true. He got heavy himself after we got married and then 2 yrs ago he started running and has never looked back. He is in the best shape of his life, and I am extremely proud of him. I tried to start running but during the end of my pregnancy and up until now (the little guy just turned one) I've been dealing with a painful case of plantar faciitis and running didn't agree with me. So I'm still trying to find something and stick to it. I know excuses, excuses.

    But thank you for the respones. I helps to talk to others about it.
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
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    my husband does and I'm glad, he really notices the improvements too. It s a postiive thing. How can you really love someone and not be worried if they are obese. They need to be able to tell you everything the good and the bad.
    but my husband also supports me, he says he'll eat whatever I eat so I don't get caught cooking two sep;arate meals etc he works out too. we work out together I love it!
    its got to be positive, if he wants to give you the talk he also has to be willing to help youmake changes, get active with you, help more with parenting so you can work out etc
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    No, but I've had it with my husband. I am constantly after him to exercise more. Honestly if he'd stick to an exercise routine I wouldn't care whether he lost weight or not. He is overweight, but not by a lot since we eat healthy most of the time, and he is very good looking. But I want him to remain healthy and I don't believe that is possible without regular exercise.
  • mummyzena
    mummyzena Posts: 259 Member
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    He was trying to say it in a nice way but I couldn't help but be a little hurt. But on the other hand I do know its true. He got heavy himself after we got married and then 2 yrs ago he started running and has never looked back. He is in the best shape of his life, and I am extremely proud of him. I tried to start running but during the end of my pregnancy and up until now (the little guy just turned one) I've been dealing with a painful case of plantar faciitis and running didn't agree with me. So I'm still trying to find something and stick to it. I know excuses, excuses.

    But thank you for the respones. I helps to talk to others about it.

    It's not an excuse, it's true. People lose weight in different ways because some diets work for them others don't so no point picking one and then give up a while later. You need to find one that you can manage for the rest of your life... Same with exercise good luck chick.x
  • azeria
    azeria Posts: 535 Member
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    I have had many different variations of a talk with my fiance. Sometimes I got mad, while other times I felt supported. He is learning how to approach things with me. I have also had similar talks with him about his health. He or I, never use the word weight or anything, but I have often said that I want him around for a long time. The way I see it, when you are in a relationship with someone and you love them, you should be able to have those hard conversations. In fact, it's important! I think of my dad that now had type 2 diabetes, my mom is always watching what he eats for him and gets mad when he had too much sugar, because sure does love him. I don't want somebody else to feel responsible for my health and I don't want to feel responsible for someone else's health either. So, discussing things before they get out of hand is important.

    However, this is a very touchy subject and there is a right way and millions of wrong ways to say things. Bottom line is that the message must come from the heart and probably more indirect of an approach would be less insulting.
    Such as: I want you to be around for a long time or I read this on MFP... What do you think?
  • MaggiePuccini
    MaggiePuccini Posts: 248 Member
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    Wow that must be so tough, to be on the receiving end of that talk. It depends how overweight you are I think. I mean, bringing a few kids into the world is a big deal, and if he's expecting you to have the body of shakira after that, in your 30s and 40s then I'd be tempted to say, off you go mate, and good luck with shakira! but if you are comfort eating and you aren't even motivated to be slim and healthy then I guess, to be honest, I wouldn't find that attractive in a man. Still, I wouldn't do 'the talk'. I think I'd just be really passive and let them figure it out.... i think. That'd be awful too.
  • japruzze
    japruzze Posts: 453 Member
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    Hasn't happen to me but I've been thinking about doing it to him! I lost weight because I wanted to live to see our grandchildren, retire and travel with him...At the rate he's going, I'm going to be alone. I don't care what he looks like...I love him and want to spend the rest of our lives together. I'm concerned that the "rest" is going to be all that long if he keeps on the road he's on. I haven't had the"talk" because I remember how resentful I was when anyone commented on my weight and health. I had to come to the "ah ha" moment on my own. You can't do it for him. You have to do it for yourself. But on a positive note...you know he's going to support you and help you because he cares about you!
  • soho71
    soho71 Posts: 6
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    Wow! I'm impressed at what seems like so many healthy marriages. It's great to have positive communication over the difficult issues. I love marriage!! Glad to see so many here benefiting from support of their spouses.
  • ShellyParrish
    ShellyParrish Posts: 4 Member
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    The nicest thing my husband of 23 years said to me after a lifetime of yo-yo dieting was "Babe, you look beautiful but i just want you to be as happy as you were when you were eating healthier, getting stronger by exercising and enjoying reaching each of your weight loss goals." He was right and it was nice to be reminded of what makes me happy and to refocus on that. Now, if he would of said, "get off you lazy bum and drops some weight or else" -- I would have tossed boxes of cookies at him on is his way out the door! 8-) Sounds like your hubby just wants you to be healthy for you, him and the kids. I'd take it with the good intention it sounded like he meant.
  • hapoo100
    hapoo100 Posts: 940 Member
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    If your husband/wife/significant other has given you the talk, you are extremely lucky. It takes courage, love, worry, and care to actually help someone come to grips with something so sensitive. There is often shame involved, but you are here making a difference for yourself.

    If your husband/wife/signficiant other needs the talk, try it. Even if they dont listen, trust me, they hear the message and understand. Even though the repsonse may be anger, its not intended for you, its often aimed at themselves.

    Honesty rules.

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