Bad relationship with parents ):

I'm so sorry that you are struggling with your relationship with your mother. I know how difficult it can be. My mother and I haven't gotten along for as long as I can remember, and of course it is ALL my fault. Society tells us that we have to be loyal and supportive of our parents. Sometimes that just isn't possible. There comes a point where you have to take care of yourself. Please remember that her issues are not yours. And no matter how she feels about herself, or what she projects on you - you are worth it. You deserve to be happy and to work on yourself. I can only recommend surrounding yourself with very good friends, and try to separte yourself from her as much as you can. You are of great value and should definately strive to achive your goals. Good luck to you, you won't live with her forever. It does get better.

I'm so sorry. I do know how you feel. Thankfully I am free of having to live with my mother now but her and I only have as much of a relationship as I have to tolerate to not send her off the edge. And even that is only while my grandma is still alive (she has cancer and it's not something they can get into remission or anything).

I'm sorry you feel it hinders you in your weight loss efforts. Just remember that you are worth it! You deserve the best life possible and no one should hold you back from that or keep you down. Anyone who doesn't isn't worthy to be in your life, and sometimes unfortunately that applies to our parents too.

I can completely relate to this. My mother and I recently stopped talking because she has problems with lying and I just got to the point where I had to basically push her away. My brother doesn't talk to her either. It's very hard, I know but don't let it get you off track to what you want to do. Honestly.

Sometimes we need to realize that just because these people are our parents doesn't mean they deserve to treat us badly and we don't have to put up with it. I hope you can get through it and don't let her problems hurt you or your efforts to do what you want.

hope things get well with you

I can relate to your relationship with parents. My mom is very verbally abusive and has been my whole life to everyone including my dad but he stays with her. It has ruined my love relationships along with friend relationships because I wonder why people want to be around me and tend not to believe their reason. It actually has helped my weight loss because my mom use to be over 300 lbs until she got cancer. In my head I say I never want to be like her overweight and mean as hell to everyone, so I try hard to be healthy eventhough I am still overweight I try hard.

My best advice is work your hardest to move out.

You've lost 2 lbs and you're well on your way to making your goal. Don't let anyone interfere with your success!!

Sorry to hear! I cant say that I have that extent of problems. I went through a period when my parents seperated that I blamed my mother and sort of resented her for it, so I can kind of understand, but im sure your problems delve a little deeper.

My advice would be: dont let your parents define you.

my thoughts exactly. Just because someone is your parent does not mean you have to accept their treatment of you. After 28 years i learned this finally.

Same here. I take care of my mom whom has advanced Alzheimers. My Dad whom is elderly called me and told me "That I am Dead Meat to Him" and "Never to speak to him again"..I'm 43 years old, and I have been dealing with this all my life. Now that I have a young son, I know can see that this stuff has the possibility of repeating, and I would never speak to my child no matter his age like that. If my Mom was of sound mind, and heard the crap that comes out of my dads mouth, she would have put him in his place...this idea makes me want to over eat..it is how I became over weight in recent time..pushing down feelings with food..

My relationship with my mom is strained too. It definitely gets better after you move out and can remove yourself from the situation.

Anyone else have a bad relationship with their parent/s ??
My mom and I have a very complex relationship..
My mom struggles with addiction and it has just ruined our relationship.
I can't trust her and it's interfering with my efforts to lose weight and be this healthy happy
Person I so badly want to be! I live with her and my siblings and it's just so hard on me.
Sometimes I ask myself why I even try to lose weight? Like I don't deserve it.
I don't know what to do? Every time I feel a little better about myself, it goes to crap.

Can any of you relate?

Please no judgemental or rude comments..

No judgments here. Sorry for the crappy relationship stuff. I'd recommend a therapist--in all sincerity and honesty. Someone who can help you establish boundaries with your mom and help you deal with her addiction. It can also help you prioritize yourself, your health, and your self esteem.

Peace

I just want to say that you deserve to be happy and healthy. Please remember that as selfish as it sound you need to do you....If you cant take of you there will come a time where you'll see that you wont be able to care for anyone else. I hope you see that with all these comments that YOU are special and YOU do deserve everything life has to offer with or without the help or support of your mother. Just try to seperate yourself as much as possible ok. Good luck to you and I will keep you in my thoughts and will look forward to new posts from you.

I can't trust her and it's interfering with my efforts to lose weight and be this healthy happy
Person I so badly want to be! I live with her and my siblings and it's just so hard on me.
Sometimes I ask myself why I even try to lose weight? Like I don't deserve it.
I don't know what to do? Every time I feel a little better about myself, it goes to crap.

Can any of you relate?

In situations like this, it sometimes helps to realise that the old way of thinking (I don't deserve happiness) actually helped ease your path through childhood. To have thought otherwise and expected more may have increased the level of conflict at home. Children are remarkably adept at reading the emotional tone in a household, automatically lowering their profile and fitting in when it helps keep them safer and more secure - even if the cost is feeling bad about themselves.

This is an old record, your happy future is entirely yours to create. You won't live at home forever. Try seeing weight loss and feeling a little better about yourself (even when it goes to crap) as the first steps in a new. healthier way of life and make active plans for your future away from home, even if they are some way off. It's very common for trust issues of this type to get mapped on to other relationships, if you notice this happening then please get help as these patterns of relating to others can be changed. Working on improving your self esteem is a wise investment too. There are some great online course, please let me know if you'd like me to post a link.

As with your weight loss, it sounds like you are on the right track - the most important step is behind you - deciding to make the change. We all get discouraged from time to time and need encouraging words, as you have sought here. You're doing fine, this is a hard road but you are on the right path Don't give up :flowerforyou:

My father has spent my entire life telling me how worthless I am. I am too ugly/smart/shy/quiet/fat/(insert any and every other insult you can think of) to ever be loveable.

That is a big reason why I struggle so much with my self-image - it is ingrained in me pretty deeply that I am unattractive and unlovable - but I've started learning over the past few years that I have a choice in how I deal with his criticism -
I can believe it and internalize it, and basically live down to his expectations, or
I can acknowledge that, for whatever reason, he has a negative opinion of me that most people, fortunately, don't share.

More often than not, I choose the latter. It is still hard, because parents are SUPPOSED to love you and nurture you, but my father's nasty attitude towards me does not determine my worth as a human being.