Bitter friend.

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Amanda_Rae_Rae
Amanda_Rae_Rae Posts: 109
in Motivation and Support
I have recently started shedding some VERY unwanted pounds and people are already starting to take notice! *yaaay!!* Anyways, I've gotten very supportive comments from family and friends, however, the one person who I thought would be the most supportive (my best friend) is actually very bitter with me. I never brag or boast about the accomplishments I have made (except on myfitnesspal heehee) but she constantly has this attitude with me that she's never had before. For an example, we and a couple of friends went to a party at a pizza place. My fiance and I decided to eat before we got there in order to abstain from temptations. We even informed her prior to leaving for the party that we weren't going to eat there. On the phone she sounded fine with it, but when we actually got there and DIDN'T ORDER anything she got MAD and couldn't stop insulting us about it. Lately she's been ignoring my emails and messages, however when she does answer she usually says something along the line of "Hey lets go get some icecream!" I've confronted her and told her that I really need her support because I'm trying VERY hard to stick with this this lifestyle but she usually rolls her eyes and says she is being supportive. Oh well, we'll see where this goes when I really start getting some big results. Anyone else have a friend or family member like this?
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Replies

  • Shelbert79
    Shelbert79 Posts: 517 Member
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    I understand, I don't have it as bad as you but I feel like it may get to that point. I wish friends (and family) would understand that we don't care what THEY'RE eating but don't give us crap because we care and worry about what WE'RE eating. Support is all we're asking for but its like they think we're trying to change them or make them feel bad about what they're eating. Hope it gets better for you.
  • vegasaims
    vegasaims Posts: 128
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    I hear ya! My best friend (at least I think she is still my best friend,,, who knows) is like that. She was supposed to start the weight loss journey with me, but for some reason she never did. SO, now that I am losing and she is acutally gaining, I find that I rarely hear from her unless it is to complain how unhappy she is, how stressed she is, how lonely she is, or how fat she feels.
    I have tried to invite her to go out and do things. I have tried to get her to be more active. I even bought her a copy of 30DS because she tried mine and thought it would help her, but I saw it still in the packaging. She complains that she needs to get out of her "funk" and surround herself with positive people, but she is the Queen of Negative Energy. It is becoming harder and harder for me to try and include her in my life since every time I talk to her or hang out with her lately, I leave feeling horrid. My other friends think it is a jealousy thing... (I am expanding my friend circle, losing weight, feeling great, etc. and she is not) but I think she is just so unhappy and unwilling to do anything to fix it.
  • Amanda_Rae_Rae
    Amanda_Rae_Rae Posts: 109
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    Exactly! Support is the only thing we need from the people we care about!
  • KPainter70
    KPainter70 Posts: 152
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    This "friend" isn't really your friend. Her insecurities are her own issues to deal with. I'm sorry you're going through this, because it sucks to lose friends, but you really don't need someone like her in your life right now.

    Congrats on your success so far! Keep it up!
  • Emmabulliemum
    Emmabulliemum Posts: 294 Member
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    If they can't support you as hard as it may be you need to get them out of your life. You need support not put downs and temptations good luck with your journey
  • Avandel
    Avandel Posts: 283 Member
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    Sounds like jealousy to me, be thankful you don't have to see her 24/7. My husband does that to me! :sad:
  • freezerburn2012
    freezerburn2012 Posts: 273 Member
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    Sometimes when you realize that someone has moved from the friend column to the frenemy column, you need to let them go. Don't let them get you down! It sounds like you're working hard and they're pissed off that you're making changes without them.
  • hippofabulous
    hippofabulous Posts: 54 Member
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    Oh, I'm so sorry. That must make things so hard. I told my friends in no uncertain terms: I need support. So your either going to be supportive, cheer me on or I'll have to take a break from people who couldn't do that. My friends have rallied around me, many have even offered to exercise/walk WITH me. My best friends all take turns walking with me 4 days a week. I felt lazy last night but my friend encouraged me to push past that and walk anyway.

    My success lies with myself but its certainly been more enjoyable knowing I'm not alone in my journey.

    I.hope you're friend has a change of heart, but if not, please don't let her get you down. If she really loved you she would be happy to see you getting healthier and would do what she can to be supportive.

    Keep going! With or without her! You CAN do it!
  • Donnacoach
    Donnacoach Posts: 540 Member
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    I certainly do have a friend exactly like this. I don't brag, I don't push her to lose weight, I don't push her to exercise, and I am very supportive of her life. She doesn't understand why I don't want to eat out all the time. She doesn't understand that I enjoy exercising instead of sitting in front of the tv. I have actually been distancing myself from her because of her negative attitude about everything all the time. It's like if you aren't happy with your life then change it, instead of trying to make those around you feel as miserable as you do. Good luck. A REAL FRIEND, will stand beside you and support you.
  • ka_bateman
    ka_bateman Posts: 230 Member
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    I don't necessarily agree that she's not really your friend...If she wants to lose weight and can't, it's only natural to feel resentment for others being able to do what she cannot. Especially when it comes to weight. I'll admit it, I've been jealous of my bestie before. I was never rude to her, or let on that I was upset. But I've had to distance myself, maybe that's all she needs right now.

    Sorry that you have to deal with this...it's no fun on either end.
  • BeeSunny
    BeeSunny Posts: 172 Member
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    This "friend" isn't really your friend. Her insecurities are her own issues to deal with. I'm sorry you're going through this, because it sucks to lose friends, but you really don't need someone like her in your life right now.

    Congrats on your success so far! Keep it up!


    Agree!!! You need to concentrate on you and your success if she can not take it , it is her problem not yours. You are doing great you need to be with SUPPORTING friends!!
  • Amanda_Rae_Rae
    Amanda_Rae_Rae Posts: 109
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    Thanks everyone. I'm glad other people can understand how I feel. It just really hurts when I try to go above an beyond to reach out to her. I really miss my friend so much but I understand that I can't let it inhibit my journey.
  • skinnieminniemouse
    skinnieminniemouse Posts: 118
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    That's awful. You should be able to count on your BEST friend to support you. Especially since you have even spoken to her and asked for support. I think it should (hopefully) be a temporary thing, when she realises that you are making and change and it is going to carry on she will realise she will have to put up with it, maybe even copy you and get healthy as well!
    Well done for keeping it up even though you didn't get any support from her, I hope she changes!
  • StartingAnewDay
    StartingAnewDay Posts: 319 Member
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    I went through this same thing, you have to accept you most likely will lose people on this journey. My friend and I started together but when we joined a contest in the beginning, everything was fine, then when I won and lost 30 lbs. in that 2 months and she lost 5. She stopped speaking to me. It hurt very badly, she's the mother of my nephew and nieces, we live 2 doors apart for cripes sake!! We talked and ultimately she told me she felt like I left her behind or something etc: I thought things would get better but they were never the same. I came to the conclusion, I was ok as long as I was "the biggest one" in the group.

    I had to come to terms with the fact that these are THEIR issues, not ours. those that love us will continue to love and support even if they feel a little jealous inside because their love for you is bigger than the jealousy. i know this because I have been there.

    Have a friend who lost tons of weight, hurts all the time when I see her getting surgeries for loose skin i know i'll never be able to afford, boob and butt lifts, listen to her talk constantly about her weight, when she's at goal and shopping etc. but you know what, I love her more than those pains and she will never have a clue of this, because it's my issue, not hers, she doesn't do it to hurt me. She feels good and I know she deserves it!!

    Love and embrace those who embrace you, allow her space, don't push, when she asks to go out for ice cream, either decline, or go and just have a diet soda or something light. pretend you don't see and stay on your course, it's just her pain showing, however, if she becomes negative or hurtful with it. steer clear until she wises up and accepts that your change is real!! Good luck!!
  • cln714
    cln714 Posts: 174 Member
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    This is about her feeling bad about herself. There's not much you can do about that. Hopefully, you can be an inspiration to her to make some positive changes of her own.
  • wendsong
    wendsong Posts: 33 Member
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    I think it's the "misery loves company" syndrome. Often times when people see you doing what they should be and having success, it makes them angry/jealous. Just give her space and concentrate on you and those around you who are supporting you. One day she will probably come out and say that she was just envious, but if she sees you aren't worried about her and have moved on with your own self she might change. Congrats on your success so far!!:flowerforyou:
  • HannahMarieMcDougald
    HannahMarieMcDougald Posts: 544
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    Can you say bye bye to that friend?
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    Take it from someone who has been the person in the "funk"... and sometimes for a long time... It's simply much easier to STAY there!!! Why??? Because recreating your happiness actually takes WORK! It's 1,000,000 times easier to sit around and say "Woe is me... blah blah blah... my life sucks... I'm fat... I never do anything right... etc.", especially when there will ALWAYS be people around to offer their sympathy.

    All you can do is encourage her... she is probably jealous... you're progressing and taking control of YOUR happiness, something she feels like she is currently unable to do.

    Great job, by the way! :)
  • ampa916
    ampa916 Posts: 189 Member
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    I had this problem before. I was going to a doc to lose weight and my step mom was paying for it. Now she was the one to even bring the idea up and offered and everything (I was still in High School). I stuck to the diet took the vitamins and b12 shots every week, I was losing and I was looking good! Everyone noticed and complimented me on it. But I wasn't really boastful or anything cause to me I just didn't see the loss. Anyways about 4 months and 50lbs later (this was dr. assisted weight loss) She got mad, and just started eating really bad buying really unhealthy foods for the house etc etc. She would tell me I shouldn't lose anymore weight because I was getting too conceited. She became so hateful, so I stopped going but I kept eating healthy. Things really got bad and we went into a kind of competition of who can not eat the longest. It was unhealthy and childish.

    For other reasons I do not talk or see her anymore. But that was one terrible time sometimes people just can't stand being "less than" someone else regardless of if it is true or not they feel that way and blame the person who they see as making them feel that way.
  • sam363
    sam363 Posts: 204 Member
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    I'm going to play devil's advocate - think about it from her side. She is used to going out for pizza or ice cream with you and now she can't. The things that you use to do together you no longer want to do. It might feel like you are participating by showing up but it might not feel the same to her. She is most likley feeling neglected. So try a compromise - she wants ice cream so why not suggest a park with an ice cream parlor near by? You get in your exercise in and then order a small treat afterwards. Or if there are nights that you know you are going to go out save up some calories or do an extra work out so you can eat/drink a little more. I'm sure that she won't notice that you aren't eating as much but she will definetly notice if your not ordering anything! And if you are feeling couragous - ask her about it. A simple way to start - "Hey, Since I've been losing weight I've noticed a change in our friendship. I really cherish our friendship and noticed that you seem angry at me. What can I do to make sure that we have fun together but still stick to my goals?"

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