The preaching has got to stop

pinksultana · July 2009

Now I know im going to get flamed for this but ive got to put my two cents in.

We are all here because we have all decided we want to make a change in our lifestyles, and become healthier. What is bugging me is that some people out there think that in order to do that we should all do things their way, and they like to make people feel like the efforts theyre making to change are not good enough!

For those of you that can just 'turn off a switch' and go from what im assuming is an unhealthish diet (because lets face it that why we are all on here eh), and can suddenly cut out all sweets, processed foods, yadda yadda yadda....good on you for making a decision about your way forward and sticking to it. Theres nothing wrong with it IF it works for you.

Personally for me, after years of having a unhealthy relationship with food, and through working with a counsellor I am SLOWLY working towards improving this relationship, and in the meantime trying to excercise more and eat less to begin the process of becoming healthier. Personally for me and my own mental health I could not go 'cold turkey' so to speak on anything that is not a whole food, although im working towards wholefoods as a base for the majority of my diet in the future (not my whole diet mind, because again i am being realistic) I would FAIL if I kidded myself into trying to do this now as its too much too soon.

I am annoyed that you cant put a thread on this board asking about a food or something without being preached at about how we should all cut everything 'bad' out and live the totally clean life and 'deal with it' so to speak. Some people cannot do this guys and you need to give them a break because im worried that its coming down like a ton of bricks on people asking quite simple questions, and you will scare them off. Its supposed to be an encouraging board and I would like to see people being encouraged in a way that betters their lives and experiences, rather than scares them off.

Everyone will make their own way, and some people will have a tough time dealing with breaking their relationship with food and that is natural. My counsellor / psychologist has warned me against trying to be so 'hardcore' because i have a lot of deep seated issues to deal with...I need to be realistic, and it will be a long journey for me.

Can everyone on this board keep this in mind. Opinions are ok, and seeing how different people do things. But to surmise on a thread that because someone has a lot to lose and is not eating fully 'clean' means they will fail is not on in my opinion. It helps noone. This is not a direct attack at anyone but rather an overall plea to people to respect that everyone is going at their own pace.

my two cents - and yes I am an uneducated fat girl whose not a clean eater but has begun my journey to change. But my opinion is just as valid as an educated skinny girl, or at least it should be on matters like this, because we all own our own journey.

xxPINK

JWarner1173 · July 2009

Amazingly said. I use to be one of those "cut out everything" kind of girls...it led to an eating disorder for me. People need to realize EVERYONE is different, and any "diet" can work/fail for someone else.
Keep up the great work, and do what is best for you! : )

slieber · July 2009

I can't cut it all out (especially at THAT time of the month) and even Weight Watchers doesn't suggest you cut everything cold turkey. They say if you want it, eat it, but do it in moderation.

That doesn't work for me, actually - if I have a box of 100 calorie snacks around, I'll eat all of them in one or two sittings (esp. at THAT time of the month!). So I make the choice not to have it around, for the most part, and replace my sugar craving with something that'll hopefully also give benefit.

But I'm not averse to having cotton candy (and I log it), my fave snack of sunflower seeds (NOT in moderation but I do log it) and the other day, "Sno Caps" candy - did you know that one of those boxes in Walgreens is only 7 points and has 4 grams of fiber, low sugar, etc.? It's a worthy indulgence!! I go by the box since there's no way I could only eat half of it. ;-)

BTW, overall I've lost 40 pounds and did NOT cut out all "bad foods." As a matter of fact, as I pointed out above, in moderation, just about everything can be eaten. I just make sure, now, to log it, no matter how painful it is!! *sigh*

gemiwing · July 2009

Good points and quite well put.

I think we have to be careful of frustration as well. We get frustrated fighting all the 'myths' and general mis-information floating around about 'diet' and weight loss. Espescially as women- because we're the targets of 90% of the 'information'.

That frustration can build up inside us until we don't realize what we're reacting so strongly to isn't the OP, or even the subject at hand. Rather, what we're reacting to is the buildup of seeing the lies propogated all around us. Then, once we have the chance to say something about it all- it can come across as cruel and inconsiderate.

We need to make sure we're responding to the OP, and not our own personal emotional response to the battles we each face.

A wise woman said 'Not everyone likes chocolate cake'. Simply means that what will work for one- will not work for all. We each have to find our own paths. Even a simple definition of 'clean eating' (or any lifestyle term) varies greatly.

While we should offer our experiences and insight, as well as support, we need to make sure that we are presenting them in a way that is helpful and uplifting, rather than judgemental and pressuring.

Besides, doesn't honey attract more flies than vinegar? By presenting your arguments in a calm and supportive fashion- you will 'convert' more people over to your way of thinking than you would by beration and judgement.

We're all trying the best we know how- and that should be respected. As The Penguin says- The miracle is not that I finished- it's that I had the courage to begin. :flowerforyou:

ColinQ · July 2009

It's difficult to cut out something that you have been eating for the best part of your life:frown: and I appreciate where you are coming from, but i also think its okay to have treats as well, in fact I think its important. If you try and cut out all the supposed junk straight off you are aiming to fail. Some people can do it and good for them:flowerforyou: But you are right take it at your pace, unless the doctor has said dont eat it it will kill!:noway: you take it easy and cut it out gradually. I still have to have the occasional chocolate:bigsmile: I had a mexican on sunday:bigsmile: but I'm back on course this week and running it off:grumble: I wont ever criticize just encourage:drinker: :bigsmile:

arewethereyet · July 2009

I try to always be encouraging, and to remember I started somewhere and have gotten to where I am one step at a time.

That being said-there are times I need a bit of a kick in the pants to get over myself, if you know what I mean.

I have 20 more to lose. I LOVE where I am now, I LOVE buying clothes!! 32 pounds is aMAZing....but I know I need to lose 10-20 more to get rid of the fluff:blushing:

My point is...I posted awhile back that I just cant get rid of it, no matter WHAT I do. Someone asked about my exercise, I proudly told them.............they said NOT ENOUGH!!:noway: WHAT

I was PO....to say the least.

This was an AHA moment for me. I stopped and looked at the reality of what I was saying in my post. I was saying : I am incapable to doing more.

I then kicked up my exercise and surprise, surprise....I started to lose again.

Sometimes an opposite view can help us to snap out of a thought process we have been in for years.

It cannot be all sugar and spice and everything nice...........sometimes we need Jillian Michaels!

:flowerforyou: Jeannie
(btw the op was well written and brought a very good point, without being judgement, thank you!)

pinksultana · July 2009

Arewethereyet...I hear what your saying and its a good point in that we all benefit from hearing about other peoples ways of thinking and how they got to where they are!

Opposite points of view are fine, theyre welcome in fact when theyre given in an encouraging way, I suppose its as much around the spirit of the way it is said as a form of education and personal experience, rather than a harsh and uncompassionate tone of 'get over it', or making someone feel like if they dont do things a specific way they will fail, arent good enough, arent commited enough ect ect ect

xxPINK

gemiwing · July 2009

This was an AHA moment for me. I stopped and looked at the reality of what I was saying in my post. I was saying : I am incapable to doing more.

Sometimes an opposite view can help us to snap out of a thought process we have been in for years.

It cannot be all sugar and spice and everything nice...........sometimes we need Jillian Michaels!

I think the issue is not with having an opposite view, or keeping everything sugar and roses- moreover about *how* we go about it.

There is a difference between "I don't think you are exercising enough" and "You aren't serious about weight loss and you don't care because you're not exercising enough".

I think that's what the discussion is about. Not about agreeing all the time (who wan'ts that? boring!) or not giving someone a little push- just that there is a difference between giving someone a push and pushing them to the floor and kicking them while they're down there.

That's just how I see it.

Everyone needs a shove- it's just in how we're shoved lol

CasperO · July 2009

Well put and thank you, (though a total waste of time,,, sorry. The strident preachers don't even realize they're doing it),

We have to be realistic if we're going to sustain this. I don't want to live in a world where I can never again have a Twinkie. If we make our regimen unreasonable we'll fall off.

I don't really like Twinkies, but I like to have the option open.

BrenNew · July 2009

Arewethereyet...I hear what your saying and its a good point in that we all benefit from hearing about other peoples ways of thinking and how they got to where they are!

Opposite points of view are fine, theyre welcome in fact when theyre given in an encouraging way, I suppose its as much around the spirit of the way it is said as a form of education and personal experience, rather than a harsh and uncompassionate tone of 'get over it', or making someone feel like if they dont do things a specific way they will fail, arent good enough, arent commited enough ect ect ect

xxPINK

I think sometimes it's very easy to read a post differently than it was intended. Words in print can sound completely different that words spoken, and the tone used can possibly be misinterpreted as harsh.
MFP members overall are all just trying to be helpful, and encourage others to get more healthy.

arewethereyet · July 2009

Arewethereyet...I hear what your saying and its a good point in that we all benefit from hearing about other peoples ways of thinking and how they got to where they are!

Opposite points of view are fine, theyre welcome in fact when theyre given in an encouraging way, I suppose its as much around the spirit of the way it is said as a form of education and personal experience, rather than a harsh and uncompassionate tone of 'get over it', or making someone feel like if they dont do things a specific way they will fail, arent good enough, arent commited enough ect ect ect

xxPINK

agreed:drinker:

pinksultana · July 2009

[
[/quote]

Everyone needs a shove- it's just in how we're shoved lol
[/quote]

Haha...yes exactly!

arewethereyet · July 2009

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
I am a very sensitive person who hates confrontation. I believe encouragement is the best medicine.
(if you knew what I did for a living, you would LOL............God only knows how I got into it!!)

If I dont like what someone is saying, I have the choice to not read it. Everyone has their opinion, and has the right to express it.

If you are on diet drugs, and ASK everyones opinion, then expect it.
If you are ASKing what everyones opinion is on eating icecream toppings, then expect an honest response.

Now I have posted threads and was specific about what I am looking for, especially if I dont want a negative response. I know it gets out of hand sometimes, and ppl go over the top, but isnt that the case at a party where everyone doesnt know each other???

We cannot expect every answer to be what we want to hear, and sometimes hearing what we DONT want to hear is exactly what the doctor ordered.

I would quit this site if :flowerforyou: was the only smiley to use (although, she is my favorite!)
The

:grumble: are there for a reason, it is a part of human nature.

"Take what you want and leave the rest"

July24Lioness · July 2009

I think sometimes it's very easy to read a post differently than it was intended. Words in print can sound completely different that words spoken, and the tone used can possibly be misinterpreted as harsh.
MFP members overall are all just trying to be helpful, and encourage others to get more healthy.

I believe this to be very, very true. People on the internet take things differently than what I see in real life..........

I see this on several boards that I belong to for different things.

Shakes · July 2009

I had the same feeling I felt like ideas where being shoved/forced instead of encouraged and helpgul. And at times their are those other who ARE motivating and helpful and reason why we stay :flowerforyou:

Poison5119 · July 2009

Pink -- I agree that the tone around here has been 'Drill Seargent' in nature, and it's offensive, even to someone like me whose been on the boards for some time. Chime in by all means, but do it in a manner that is supportive and not judgemental. There are those 'losers' who are going to want and need to go 'hardcore' at once in order to effect that change; others, not so much. It took a lifetime to learn bad habits and self-indulgence. Those bad habits don't leave overnight. If I had taken that hardcore approach immediately, I would have given up months ago.

Oh, and PS... Jillian Michaels is an obnoxious, well paid entertainer. I am not impressed.

arewethereyet · July 2009

I think sometimes it's very easy to read a post differently than it was intended. Words in print can sound completely different that words spoken, and the tone used can possibly be misinterpreted as harsh.
MFP members overall are all just trying to be helpful, and encourage others to get more healthy.

I believe this to be very, very true. People on the internet take things differently than what I see in real life..........

I see this on several boards that I belong to for different things.

I try to picture a friend with that personality type, then read it again. Usually.......not always I admit......the poster is just trying ro relay some info and/or is very concerned for someones health.

arewethereyet · July 2009

Pink -- I agree that the tone around here has been 'Drill Seargent' in nature, and it's offensive, even to someone like me whose been on the boards for some time. Chime in by all means, but do it in a manner that is supportive and not judgemental. There are those 'losers' who are going to want and need to go 'hardcore' at once in order to effect that change; others, not so much. It took a lifetime to learn bad habits and self-indulgence. Those bad habits don't leave overnight. If I had taken that hardcore approach immediately, I would have given up months ago.

:smooched: Russia........you EVER see me be too hardcore you PM my butt and I will go for a recheck!! Ok??

denitchy · July 2009

Very good points brought up by everyone!! All of our journeys are going to have bumps and turns in it, and it's all in how we deal with them. Everybody is going to deal with them differently because it is how it works for the individual! Good luck to everyone on your travels :bigsmile:

Tigger1968 · July 2009

:bigsmile: Nicely put! I have done the cut everything out before and all that does is come back to bite you in the butt or the gut! You go for a week or two with NO sweets or "bad" foods and then you go to a restaurant, movie or what have you and BAM you gourge like a pig at a picnic! So I have also taken the weening approach. I am eliminating "bad" stuff slowly and walking and cutting my portion sizes. I may not be eating all of the best foods everyday, but I am conscious of all that I am eating and I have never done that before! I am cognitive because I journal my food and think before I eat!

KatWood · July 2009

I think we should all just have a glass of wine and relax :laugh:

Seriously, no here means to offend everyone and is hard to undertstand the tone of a written post. I completely understand your point but at the same time the "preachers" mean well and tend to have a lot of experience and education behind them.

Support and encouragement comes in many forms. For some people it is just lending an ear, for others it is a few kind words and for others it may be a kick in the pants. The point is, it is all well intentioned and no need to take offense.:flowerforyou:

pinksultana · July 2009

I think the thing I left out of my OP is that I dont think that people delibertaley mean to come across harshly in this forum. I think everybody is quite friendly, and there is not deliberate disrespect. i think people genuinley want to help others. But i think if people genuinley do want to help then they should be aware that certain ways of approaching threads arent encouraging - so if theyre trying to be encouraging then I suppose they will appreciate knowing that some ways of encouragment are more effective than others, and that wording is very important especially on boards where all you can go by is the words written when you dont know the people behind the words. I know if I came across as harsh on these boards I would want to know so I could alter the way I express myself so as to come across more encouraging.

xxPINK

Lets have verbal

in the threads, not verbal :explode:

xsargex · July 2009

This thread is lame. I wanna shoot everyone with nurf-bullets right now. *POP POP POP POP POP*
:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

hasiangirl · July 2009

This thread is lame. I wanna shoot everyone with nurf-bullets right now. *POP POP POP POP POP*
:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

everyone just blame sarge

and some people are just blunt by nature...and then again i think sometimes we just need to be criticized to get us back on track, but if someone says "cut out every bad food for u" then no offense to them, but they must be high :laugh: because if u go from having a diet of nothing but junk to super healthy all the time it's not going to work well i guess it could work but u have to have amazing will power....and congrats to those that do it...but we are normal human beings who have normal cravings...but i must cut this short and go because my baby is tearing apart all the neatly folded clothes i just put in the basket :explode: :grumble:

Poison5119 · July 2009

Pink -- I agree that the tone around here has been 'Drill Seargent' in nature, and it's offensive, even to someone like me whose been on the boards for some time. Chime in by all means, but do it in a manner that is supportive and not judgemental. There are those 'losers' who are going to want and need to go 'hardcore' at once in order to effect that change; others, not so much. It took a lifetime to learn bad habits and self-indulgence. Those bad habits don't leave overnight. If I had taken that hardcore approach immediately, I would have given up months ago.

:smooched: Russia........you EVER see me be too hardcore you PM my butt and I will go for a recheck!! Ok??

DROP AND GIMME 20, &%#(*!!!! Just kidding!!! xoxoxo

You are just the right mixture of firm and sweet!

xsargex · July 2009

This thread is lame. I wanna shoot everyone with nurf-bullets right now. *POP POP POP POP POP*
:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

everyone just blame sarge

its a little hard to play the blame-game when your dead in the nurf-world. duh

hasiangirl · July 2009

This thread is lame. I wanna shoot everyone with nurf-bullets right now. *POP POP POP POP POP*
:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

everyone just blame sarge

its a little hard to play the blame-game when your dead in the nurf-world. duh

dude i got super sonic powers and can dodge all ur nErf balls :bigsmile:

xsargex · July 2009

its a little hard to play the blame-game when your dead in the nurf-world. duh

dude i got super sonic powers and can dodge all ur nErf balls :bigsmile:

Riiiiiiight.....

You were always the last one picked in kickball at afternoon recess, weren't you?

TheMaidOfAstolat · July 2009

I try to eat 'clean'...but it doesn't happen. I'm a vegetarian...I need to eat soy based products sometimes. Also...during TOM....I will have doritos or cheetos...no doubt about it...I need the artificial cheese crap. It's my once a month bust. It's not healthy or even remotely good for me...but I'll eat it anyway.
I try not to shove my preferances down someone elses throat. I'm a vegetarian and eat as clean as possible...most people cannot live my lifestyle. I've been a vegetarian my entire life...so it would be a shock if someone who has always eaten a meat and potato diet to switch to eating the way I eat.

hasiangirl · July 2009

its a little hard to play the blame-game when your dead in the nurf-world. duh

dude i got super sonic powers and can dodge all ur nErf balls :bigsmile:

Riiiiiiight.....

You were always the last one picked in kickball at afternoon recess, weren't you?

:sad: :sad: how'd u know?....but wait a second reccess was over 12 yrs ago...since then i've found my super powers...puppy dog eyes with just a single tear from EACH eye and say ..."puh-puh-pwease mista dont peg me with that nerf ball *sniffle*" hahaha the super power of being a female :bigsmile:

xsargex · July 2009

:sad: :sad: how'd u know?....but wait a second reccess was over 12 yrs ago...since then i've found my super powers...puppy dog eyes with just a single tear from EACH eye and say ..."puh-puh-pwease mista dont peg me with that nerf ball *sniffle*" hahaha the super power of being a female :bigsmile:

Right, super powers. Reality check, there is no Santa Clause or Easter Bunny.

The preaching has got to stop

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