Curious question about weightloss and dating

DameVenus
DameVenus Posts: 70
in Chit-Chat
If you had interest in someone and told them but they rejected you because you were overweight but after you loss the weight they began showing interest in you would you turn them down or would you be understanding that they just have a preference and you now fit into their criteria?

Personally, I am not at my goal weight yet so I haven't really ran into situation.
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Replies

  • SeanIsMyHomeboy
    SeanIsMyHomeboy Posts: 107 Member
    I would personally revenge smash and then never call them again.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I would definitely consider dating them. I have a body type that I find attractive and am not interested in dating an overweight man. Hypocritical? I guess so. But I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in dating me when I was obese, either.
  • vanishingirl77
    vanishingirl77 Posts: 37
    But I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in dating me when I was obese, either.

    That's so sad that people think that being obese, overweight, or something disqualifies them from finding love.

    Actually, it pisses me off. I know so many guys who are less interested in a girl's weight than they are about other things about a woman. Unfortunately, people are often so concerned about what everyone else would think of them being in a relationship with a fat person that they ostrasize the fat girl and make her feel worthless.

    edited to add; there's nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone based on their body type. but i feel like no woman should just expect to be alone and that no guy will be interested in her because of her weight. that's sad and it pisses me off that we live in a society that teaches women no one can want them if they are bigger.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    How would you know that they rejected you because you were overweight? Unless they came out and said it, of course, but most people probably don't say, "No, you're fat," when asked for a date.
  • DAM_Fine
    DAM_Fine Posts: 1,227 Member
    I don't quite think that's what she meant. You might be the most wonderful person in the world, but if the person you're interested in is initially attracted to a different body type, you aren't going to get very far. I was lucky in that I like tall, dark, broody looks and he liked pocket-sized and cute (well, I was 17 when we met, lol), but what if he had preferred statuesque blondes? Even though we are as happy now as we were, would we even have dated if he preferred tall blondes? I doubt it.
  • erin_zuk
    erin_zuk Posts: 226 Member
    they say revenge is a dish best served cold.

    personally, I'm looking forward to eventually seeing an ex of mine (he didn't break up with me because I was overweight, was unrelated) but I can't wait to see his jaw drop when he sees just what he gave up and can't have back!
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    I wouldn't give them the time of day. Not because I would blame them for not being attracted to me...more because the rejection part would hurt my feelings enough to be completely over them. Some people have a dire need to win other's affections, but if someone doesn't like me I tend to get over them quickly.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    It wouldn't make me that mad. I have kind of had a couple of situations like that, and I understand where the person is coming from. If they rejected me rudely, that is one thing. But if they just didn't like me because of me being fat, then I get it.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I don't quite think that's what she meant. You might be the most wonderful person in the world, but if the person you're interested in is initially attracted to a different body type, you aren't going to get very far. I was lucky in that I like tall, dark, broody looks and he liked pocket-sized and cute (well, I was 17 when we met, lol), but what if he had preferred statuesque blondes? Even though we are as happy now as we were, would we even have dated if he preferred tall blondes? I doubt it.

    That's basically what I meant.

    But I think it's different when you are in a relationship and your SO accepts you when you gain weight as opposed to meeting someone for the first time. Maybe I am shallow, but I like an attractive, athletic man. When I was obese, I didn't have an attractive, athletic body. I used to a long time ago and I do now.

    I don't notice men that don't meet what I find attractive. I don't ignore them, I seriously don't notice them. I am sure that it's the same way when it comes to me, especially when I was obese. I wasn't noticed by men because I wasn't what they were looking for in a woman.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    i wouldnt even friggen talk to them after giving such a shallow reason in the first place
    my boyfriend fell in love with me when i was around 100 lbs
    i am now 180. he still deeply loves me.
    find someone who likes you, not appearences.
  • Dawn200321
    Dawn200321 Posts: 64 Member
    If I wasnt good enough for them when I was overweight...why should I be good enough for them when I am not???
  • mamalade1
    mamalade1 Posts: 42
    I have seen this in a friend, and it set up a rather unfortunate dynamic. She liked him, they were friends, he didn't date her until she'd lost a lot of weight.. She came into the relationship feeling like a slightly inferior partner, like she had had to "fix herself" to be up to his standards, and that she was always on a slippery slope with him. It may have caused her to be slightly more clingy and caused him to push her away a bit. Ultimately, they had a (for her) very unsatisfying dating relationship, wherein she always wanted more from him and he wouldn't give it to her. I know this happens without weight issues as well, but I think you have to be very careful about the dynamics.
  • Dogwalker1989
    Dogwalker1989 Posts: 15
    Depending what the circumstance were.

    Initially some relationships are based on physical attraction.

    If we didn't know eachother that well when I'd shown an interest in them then my weight may have made them rule me out without them staying around long enough to find out if there was more to me that just that.

    But if I'd known them a while and we were close, then they'd be no excuse for dismissing me based on my weight because they would have already known enough about me not to let my weight effect the decision.
  • DameVenus
    DameVenus Posts: 70
    How would you know that they rejected you because you were overweight? Unless they came out and said it, of course, but most people probably don't say, "No, you're fat," when asked for a date.

    Well that's what I was implying. It doesn't have to be as blunt as that but I have had guys politely come out and say "I'm sorry but I usually date smaller girls."
  • DAM_Fine
    DAM_Fine Posts: 1,227 Member
    In that case, f**k them - you're too good for them anyway.
  • gangstagirl625
    gangstagirl625 Posts: 187 Member
    personally i'd get all the free **** i could without giving them the golden ticket...... they suck
  • Sunscreenandsweat
    Sunscreenandsweat Posts: 190 Member
    I was talking to someone about this today, if a guy doesn't want me when I am at my worst then I don't want them around when I am at my best. I want a relationship where it's more about my personality than my appearance. If I'm not their type before then I just think they're a little shallow and all about appearances.
  • Randomness74
    Randomness74 Posts: 12 Member
    i would turn the down...if i was not good enough for you then....why would they be good enough for you now???
  • armyangel88
    armyangel88 Posts: 19
    If I wasnt good enough for them when I was overweight...why should I be good enough for them when I am not???
    I'd agree with this 100%. Why should they have you at your best when they don't want you at your worst? I gained weight like crazy because I put my body into starvation mode (trying like hell to undo this now...not easy at all) but yet my bf still loves me for me.
  • elcieloesazul
    elcieloesazul Posts: 448 Member
    The time of day has passed. You are the same person; your outsides have just changed. If they can't see your worth the way you are/were, then they don't deserve you either way. You have to love yourself enough to realize you deserve MORE.
  • lickmybaconcakes
    lickmybaconcakes Posts: 1,063 Member
    If you had interest in someone and told them but they rejected you because you were overweight but after you loss the weight they began showing interest in you would you turn them down or would you be understanding that they just have a preference and you now fit into their criteria?

    Personally, I am not at my goal weight yet so I haven't really ran into situation.

    I had a similar situation happen to me, I just couldn't look past how negatively she used to view me physically, so it was a no go.
  • darkmouzy
    darkmouzy Posts: 227 Member
    I wouldn't give them the time of day. A man OR woman for that matter is supposed to respect other people is they turned you down because of your weight than believe me they are not in it for the right reasons.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    Hopefully as you lose weight and feel better your confidence will increase and you won't want a guy like that anymore anyway. You'll want someone who wants you for you no matter your size!
  • brandyj89
    brandyj89 Posts: 29 Member
    But I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in dating me when I was obese, either.

    That's so sad that people think that being obese, overweight, or something disqualifies them from finding love.

    Actually, it pisses me off. I know so many guys who are less interested in a girl's weight than they are about other things about a woman. Unfortunately, people are often so concerned about what everyone else would think of them being in a relationship with a fat person that they ostrasize the fat girl and make her feel worthless.

    edited to add; there's nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone based on their body type. but i feel like no woman should just expect to be alone and that no guy will be interested in her because of her weight. that's sad and it pisses me off that we live in a society that teaches women no one can want them if they are bigger.


    I agree, i used to feel the same way that i was so fat no man could ever love me & that actually led me into being in an abusive relationship with someone who took my self consciousness as their upper hand to control me. but i finally realized so what im fat i deserve someone who is going to love me regardless of my size and i have found that person, he loves me just the way i am. curves and all. But to answer your question i would say heck no!! to someone who wouldn't love you for you!! Its not about looks people its about personality i believe!!
  • niknak30
    niknak30 Posts: 58
    "you would be perfect if you were thin" yes, its true, they do come flat out and say it and also, they have sex with you as a friend and then say it!
    Yes, it has happened to me. Best male friend who I have had sex with multiple times as a FWB over the last 25 years however he and I have never dated for the above mentioned reason.

    I know, I should hate him for being the way he is, but I don't,

    Shallow Hal the movie is pretty much the story of my life
  • Kissybiz
    Kissybiz Posts: 361 Member
    I can see both sides of the coin here. I have been rejected because of my size. What sucks is when they do it three months after boinking you and then tell you, oh by the way, your weight bothers me. Really??? WTF!!! (I digress). Anyway, it comes down to how you feel in your heart about the person. But I think if, hypothetically speaking, I had lost the weight and the guy I just described suddenly decided I was now good enough for him, I would then always worry about gaining weight again and/or have a trust issue about the whole thing, wondering if he really was into me for ME.
  • JadeRabbit08
    JadeRabbit08 Posts: 551 Member
    If you had interest in someone and told them but they rejected you because you were overweight but after you loss the weight they began showing interest in you would you turn them down or would you be understanding that they just have a preference and you now fit into their criteria?

    Personally, I am not at my goal weight yet so I haven't really ran into situation.

    Ok first to make sure people dont jump on me for this I just want to say I have met funny confident atttractive active large people HOWEVER....

    I think more things change than lost kilos when a person loses a lot of weight. Many become more confident, outgoing, smile more at people, want to do active fun things. Confidence is very magnetic and catches peoples attention.

    If when you where overweight you were selfconscious, lacking confidence, didnt smile at people because of those things and couldn't do much because your weight restricted you to 18 hours of online gaming well...which person that I have described sounds more attractive to you?

    So don't knee the poor sod and call him a shallow b*stard when some guy you know finally asks you out, he may be picking up your " I feel good about myself vibes" and find you more approachable. (Until you scream like a banshee and knee him that is)
    If your energy totally changes it will attract different people regardless of weight.
  • HenriLusk
    HenriLusk Posts: 2 Member
    I didn't love myself enough to get healthy, so why would I expect someone else to love me?
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    I think a lot of this "you didn't want me at my worse, you can't have me at my best" talk is pure garbage. At my worst, there wasn't much to like. I'd pretty much break a sweat walking across the street and was out of breath walking up a flight of stairs. Standing for more than a few minutes hurt my back, etc. Why would you expect someone to be attracted to that. Now that I have lost a lot of weight and am active I get a more attention. If I had the attitude that I won't accept anyone who wouldn't accept me at my worse, there'd be no reason to look because the only ones that would be eligible are incredibly desperate and/or unbalanced. As far a large women, I find that in addition to the limited ability to be physically active, there is a lot of insecurity in most cases. Anything from no sex because it's light enough out that you can see my body to feeling like any female friend I have is a rival.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    But I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in dating me when I was obese, either.

    That's so sad that people think that being obese, overweight, or something disqualifies them from finding love.

    Actually, it pisses me off. I know so many guys who are less interested in a girl's weight than they are about other things about a woman. Unfortunately, people are often so concerned about what everyone else would think of them being in a relationship with a fat person that they ostrasize the fat girl and make her feel worthless.

    edited to add; there's nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone based on their body type. but i feel like no woman should just expect to be alone and that no guy will be interested in her because of her weight. that's sad and it pisses me off that we live in a society that teaches women no one can want them if they are bigger.


    I agree, i used to feel the same way that i was so fat no man could ever love me & that actually led me into being in an abusive relationship with someone who took my self consciousness as their upper hand to control me. but i finally realized so what im fat i deserve someone who is going to love me regardless of my size and i have found that person, he loves me just the way i am. curves and all. But to answer your question i would say heck no!! to someone who wouldn't love you for you!! Its not about looks people its about personality i believe!!

    I guess I need to explain that I am married (not happily, but that has nothing to do with my weight) and my spouse has never disparaged me because of my weight. Partly because it allowed him to become obese, too. But in meeting a new man, I would never have expected anyone to initially be attracted to me the way I was before.

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