Curious question about weightloss and dating

Options
24

Replies

  • lickmybaconcakes
    lickmybaconcakes Posts: 1,063 Member
    Options
    If you had interest in someone and told them but they rejected you because you were overweight but after you loss the weight they began showing interest in you would you turn them down or would you be understanding that they just have a preference and you now fit into their criteria?

    Personally, I am not at my goal weight yet so I haven't really ran into situation.

    I had a similar situation happen to me, I just couldn't look past how negatively she used to view me physically, so it was a no go.
  • darkmouzy
    darkmouzy Posts: 227 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't give them the time of day. A man OR woman for that matter is supposed to respect other people is they turned you down because of your weight than believe me they are not in it for the right reasons.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    Options
    Hopefully as you lose weight and feel better your confidence will increase and you won't want a guy like that anymore anyway. You'll want someone who wants you for you no matter your size!
  • brandyj89
    brandyj89 Posts: 29 Member
    Options
    But I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in dating me when I was obese, either.

    That's so sad that people think that being obese, overweight, or something disqualifies them from finding love.

    Actually, it pisses me off. I know so many guys who are less interested in a girl's weight than they are about other things about a woman. Unfortunately, people are often so concerned about what everyone else would think of them being in a relationship with a fat person that they ostrasize the fat girl and make her feel worthless.

    edited to add; there's nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone based on their body type. but i feel like no woman should just expect to be alone and that no guy will be interested in her because of her weight. that's sad and it pisses me off that we live in a society that teaches women no one can want them if they are bigger.


    I agree, i used to feel the same way that i was so fat no man could ever love me & that actually led me into being in an abusive relationship with someone who took my self consciousness as their upper hand to control me. but i finally realized so what im fat i deserve someone who is going to love me regardless of my size and i have found that person, he loves me just the way i am. curves and all. But to answer your question i would say heck no!! to someone who wouldn't love you for you!! Its not about looks people its about personality i believe!!
  • niknak30
    niknak30 Posts: 58
    Options
    "you would be perfect if you were thin" yes, its true, they do come flat out and say it and also, they have sex with you as a friend and then say it!
    Yes, it has happened to me. Best male friend who I have had sex with multiple times as a FWB over the last 25 years however he and I have never dated for the above mentioned reason.

    I know, I should hate him for being the way he is, but I don't,

    Shallow Hal the movie is pretty much the story of my life
  • Kissybiz
    Kissybiz Posts: 361 Member
    Options
    I can see both sides of the coin here. I have been rejected because of my size. What sucks is when they do it three months after boinking you and then tell you, oh by the way, your weight bothers me. Really??? WTF!!! (I digress). Anyway, it comes down to how you feel in your heart about the person. But I think if, hypothetically speaking, I had lost the weight and the guy I just described suddenly decided I was now good enough for him, I would then always worry about gaining weight again and/or have a trust issue about the whole thing, wondering if he really was into me for ME.
  • JadeRabbit08
    JadeRabbit08 Posts: 551 Member
    Options
    If you had interest in someone and told them but they rejected you because you were overweight but after you loss the weight they began showing interest in you would you turn them down or would you be understanding that they just have a preference and you now fit into their criteria?

    Personally, I am not at my goal weight yet so I haven't really ran into situation.

    Ok first to make sure people dont jump on me for this I just want to say I have met funny confident atttractive active large people HOWEVER....

    I think more things change than lost kilos when a person loses a lot of weight. Many become more confident, outgoing, smile more at people, want to do active fun things. Confidence is very magnetic and catches peoples attention.

    If when you where overweight you were selfconscious, lacking confidence, didnt smile at people because of those things and couldn't do much because your weight restricted you to 18 hours of online gaming well...which person that I have described sounds more attractive to you?

    So don't knee the poor sod and call him a shallow b*stard when some guy you know finally asks you out, he may be picking up your " I feel good about myself vibes" and find you more approachable. (Until you scream like a banshee and knee him that is)
    If your energy totally changes it will attract different people regardless of weight.
  • HenriLusk
    HenriLusk Posts: 2 Member
    Options
    I didn't love myself enough to get healthy, so why would I expect someone else to love me?
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    Options
    I think a lot of this "you didn't want me at my worse, you can't have me at my best" talk is pure garbage. At my worst, there wasn't much to like. I'd pretty much break a sweat walking across the street and was out of breath walking up a flight of stairs. Standing for more than a few minutes hurt my back, etc. Why would you expect someone to be attracted to that. Now that I have lost a lot of weight and am active I get a more attention. If I had the attitude that I won't accept anyone who wouldn't accept me at my worse, there'd be no reason to look because the only ones that would be eligible are incredibly desperate and/or unbalanced. As far a large women, I find that in addition to the limited ability to be physically active, there is a lot of insecurity in most cases. Anything from no sex because it's light enough out that you can see my body to feeling like any female friend I have is a rival.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Options
    But I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in dating me when I was obese, either.

    That's so sad that people think that being obese, overweight, or something disqualifies them from finding love.

    Actually, it pisses me off. I know so many guys who are less interested in a girl's weight than they are about other things about a woman. Unfortunately, people are often so concerned about what everyone else would think of them being in a relationship with a fat person that they ostrasize the fat girl and make her feel worthless.

    edited to add; there's nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone based on their body type. but i feel like no woman should just expect to be alone and that no guy will be interested in her because of her weight. that's sad and it pisses me off that we live in a society that teaches women no one can want them if they are bigger.


    I agree, i used to feel the same way that i was so fat no man could ever love me & that actually led me into being in an abusive relationship with someone who took my self consciousness as their upper hand to control me. but i finally realized so what im fat i deserve someone who is going to love me regardless of my size and i have found that person, he loves me just the way i am. curves and all. But to answer your question i would say heck no!! to someone who wouldn't love you for you!! Its not about looks people its about personality i believe!!

    I guess I need to explain that I am married (not happily, but that has nothing to do with my weight) and my spouse has never disparaged me because of my weight. Partly because it allowed him to become obese, too. But in meeting a new man, I would never have expected anyone to initially be attracted to me the way I was before.
  • katmix
    katmix Posts: 296 Member
    Options
    I was talking to someone about this today, if a guy doesn't want me when I am at my worst then I don't want them around when I am at my best. I want a relationship where it's more about my personality than my appearance. If I'm not their type before then I just think they're a little shallow and all about appearances.

    Playing Devil's Advocate...(and basing some of this off my own almost-26-year marriage)... As my mother told me when I was young, men are by nature, visual creatures. It is the way they are made - and most men, won't stick around to find out about your wonderful personality - unless they are attracted by what they see. (Of course there are exceptions, can't think of any guys I know that fit that, but I'm sure some men will post here!) Women, tend to be attracted by the men that have the pleasing personalities and confidence - and by what they hear (again, some women are attracted visually first)...

    Does this offend me? Of course not! I love men and love that they are different (and think different) than women! While I lost this weight primarily for myself, and hubby has always told me I was beautiful no matter my size, I cannot even begin to say how my hubby reacted to me getting down to my "newly-married" weight this past winter...we'll just say he was very pleased!

    12029845.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
  • tiffnkailey
    tiffnkailey Posts: 150 Member
    Options
    I would personally revenge smash and then never call them again.


    lol awww.
  • hapoo100
    hapoo100 Posts: 940 Member
    Options
    most times weightloss improves confidence and that is the difference to me what is sexy. Bigger with confidence is sexier than smaller without, but that happens less often.
  • tmoyer1209
    tmoyer1209 Posts: 215 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't be interested. What if the weight came back, pregnancy, illness, etc? I would want the person to like me for who I am, regardless of weight change, although I do know that's not how most of the world works. Hey, I can be a dreamer. My husband met me about 5 lbs lighter than I am right now, still loved me and found me attractive 15 lbs heavier, and I'm sure that he will at goal weight.
  • nicehormones
    nicehormones Posts: 503 Member
    Options
    I would flaunt my sexy body and never let them touch it because they don't deserve it.
  • tiffnkailey
    tiffnkailey Posts: 150 Member
    Options
    This is a topic I have issues with. When I was a teenager I was very skinny, I looked like a barbie doll. I got lots of attention from cute guys. Well I got married at 18, divorced at 26 due to abusive marriage. During my marriage I gained alot of weight thinking it would keep hubby away from me. And also since I was married I didnt want to attract other guys. Hubby was a very jealous guy. After we divorced I was so used to a man. That I went on a dating spree that left me heart broken. I found that the cute guys only wanted big girls for sex. I am attracted to skinny men, just because it seems to be better with my body type in bed. I dk yes I have issues lol. Im working on them. My point. I have been so scared to lose the weight for many reasons. One I have alot of really hot friends at church. But none of them will ask me out. Because they are all realyl in shape. Im not. IF I get in shape, and they are suddenly interested in me. I don't know I kind of find that shallow? Or hurts my feelings. I gained this weight for protection. I have a beautiful heart and wished sometimes they would see through to my heart, instead of the outside package. But prolly overweight men think that way too. I also have been raped, 3 times before. So I am scared to lose my weight because I feel like I will be raped agian. Alot of male attention now scares me. So I have been abstinent for six months and haven't dated for six months either just working on me. Alot of my guy friends tell me I have it all wrong. That the girls most likely to get raped, or abused or whatever are the overweight ones, they said guys prey on them, because they think they are weaker. But in shape girls the guys would be intimidated of. I hope someday I can find the right man that will love me for me, and if I have some weight on me, he is supportive and motivating. Just my two cents.
  • kayla7303
    kayla7303 Posts: 154 Member
    Options
    I would definitely reject them, and I would not think twice about it.
  • martin_chicago
    martin_chicago Posts: 263 Member
    Options
    revenge
    they should like you for you as a person not appearance
  • DameVenus
    DameVenus Posts: 70
    Options
    If you had interest in someone and told them but they rejected you because you were overweight but after you loss the weight they began showing interest in you would you turn them down or would you be understanding that they just have a preference and you now fit into their criteria?

    Personally, I am not at my goal weight yet so I haven't really ran into situation.

    Ok first to make sure people dont jump on me for this I just want to say I have met funny confident atttractive active large people HOWEVER....

    I think more things change than lost kilos when a person loses a lot of weight. Many become more confident, outgoing, smile more at people, want to do active fun things. Confidence is very magnetic and catches peoples attention.

    If when you where overweight you were selfconscious, lacking confidence, didnt smile at people because of those things and couldn't do much because your weight restricted you to 18 hours of online gaming well...which person that I have described sounds more attractive to you?

    So don't knee the poor sod and call him a shallow b*stard when some guy you know finally asks you out, he may be picking up your " I feel good about myself vibes" and find you more approachable. (Until you scream like a banshee and knee him that is)
    If your energy totally changes it will attract different people regardless of weight.


    I didn't call anyone shallow. I said I haven't been in the situation that's why I didn't state my own opinion.
  • slightlycrunchy
    slightlycrunchy Posts: 42 Member
    Options
    If you had interest in someone and told them but they rejected you because you were overweight but after you loss the weight they began showing interest in you would you turn them down or would you be understanding that they just have a preference and you now fit into their criteria?

    Personally, I am not at my goal weight yet so I haven't really ran into situation.

    If they said they were uninterested because of the weight, I would not date them. What happens if you gain weight again? Would they stop wanting to see you?

Categories