The PCOS VENT YOUR FRUSTRATIONS ongoing thread:)

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  • ruqayyahsmum
    ruqayyahsmum Posts: 1,513 Member
    im hating the ingrowing hairs on my chin, i have black lumps and have to cut the skin to try and work it out

    talking to my consultant recently about it all and the fact i havnt concieved in 3 and a half years of try and she came back with good we dont want you to concieve. well cheers that sure makes me feel good about you

    no tips from her on helping me lose weight just a refusal to give me my medication back for the insulin resistancy/ metabolic disorder just no more babies for you!

    She didn't give you an explanation of WHY??????????? I mean no one can decide that FOR YOU.......You might need to look around for a better doctor...because that just seems wrong in many ways. Good luck dear!

    unfortunatly shes the only pcos doctor where i am, i live in england and with the nhs your lucky if you get to see a specialist at all

    what she doesnt know is i still have 5 months worth of clomid left over from when i concieved my daughter so if i get that desperate and still cant get any help from the doctors then i might just take the feker anyway
  • Is there a certain brand of epilator that anyone recommends?? Thanks a bunch : )
  • BritskyB
    BritskyB Posts: 13
    I was recently diagnosed with PCOS, and this week I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about Metformin.

    For those of you who are on Metformin, did you notice a difference? I am most frustrated with being unable to lose weight and my male pattern hair growth. Do you think it helps with those two issues?

    One last question, I am actively trying NOT to get pregnant. I am on ortho tri cyclen...will Metformin interfere with that?

    This thread was so frustrating to read, but also felt really good to see that I'm not alone.

    For those others of us suffering with the excess hair thing, I would highly suggest "Micro Tweeze" microwavable wax. I've had waxes at the salon before and they hurt far less than this stuff and work far less. My bf got it for me cause I've been complaining about the hair issue as well. After some time he spent researching, he found this to be the most liked. Good luck everyone and happy losing!
  • privatetime
    privatetime Posts: 118
    I'm new to MFP, and just found this thread.

    I have a PCOS and weight loss story to tell. I just hope I can make it more succinct than I usually do. ;-)

    I've had PCOS since I began menstruating, but was diagnosed maybe 20 years ago, or so. I only had the inovulatory dysfunction, but none of the other symptoms. I was thin without trying. My normal weight from about age 16 to early 30s was 97lbs. It never changed.

    In my 30s, I gained maybe 20lbs. But because I felt I looked better at that weight, it didn't bother me. That was my new normal weight for several years.

    Then, in my early 40s, the weight started to pile on despite no significant lifestyle changes. I tried aggressive diet and exercise, and couldn't lose an ounce. I'd evntually give up, only to have to try again at a higher weight.

    Last September, i began again. But, for some reason, this time was different. I was looking for answers, more than listening to the inexpert folks who think they know everything, and imply/suggest/insinuate/accuse me of lying about my diet and exercise claims. "Oh, just exercise more and eat less and you'll lose weight." Riiiiiiiiight...

    I was killing myself in the gym, and eating the healthiest food, in small amounts. I only gained weight. For 2 months, September and October 2011, it went on like this. Out of desperation, I did an online seach of terms like exercsing like mad, eating nothing, but gaining weight. The most common result? PCOS women echoing the same problem.

    That's when the light went on. I have PCOS! No doctor ever told me PCOS is linked to insulin resistance and, for sure, none of these self-described fitness "expert" losers were knowledgeable enough to recognize signs of insulin resistance, much less suggest a possible treatment.

    From there I learned more about insulin, the link between PCOS and insulin resistance, and various treatments for PCOS-related insulin resistance. I decided to try one of the most innocuous, yet recommended, treatments: cinnamon.

    It worked like magic!

    Literally, I took 3g of cinnamon supplements one day, and lost 1.5lbs by the next morning. Then I lost a few tenths of a pound the next day, and the next, and the next.

    I'd been keeping a weight graph, and from the day I started taking cinnamon, my weight has been in a steady, downward trajectory. It's undeniable.

    I've been averaging 2.5lbs lost per week for the past couple of months, beginning with the day I started taking a cinnamon supplement.

    Life is so different now than it had been for the past 5-6 years. I have some control. I'm nearly at my pre-insulin-resistant weight, and looking foreward to getting fit and DOING things. (I've been a virtual recluse because of my fat.)

    And in case anyone doesn't know or is curious, the science behind cinnamon as a natural insulin sensitizer is pretty well accepted at this time. It was discovered by accident, in a study of insulin resistant people. Those study participants who hapoened to eat apple pie were found to have better fasting glucose levels. With further study, it was found that it was the cinnamon in the apple pie that was doing the trick.

    Caution, though. If you aren't insulin resistant, cinnamon won't have any effect. All it does is improve fasting glucose levels closer to that of people who aren't insulin resistant. Also, even if you are insulin resistant, you won't lose weight without caloric deficit. Cinnamon's affect on insulin sensitivity is what makes it possible for insulin resistant people to lose weight through diet and exercise. As women with PCOS-reated insulin resistance know, it's nearly impossible to lose weight if you're insulin resistant.

    Insulin resstance is linked to PCOS, but is not automatically present. For maybe 20 years I had PCOS but (apoarently) wasn't insulin resistant.

    Learning about PCOS-related insulin resistance and cinnamon has changed my my life.
  • kemeko
    kemeko Posts: 158 Member
    Fellow cyster here... and like most of you, I've suffered with the mood swings, excess weight, chin hair, etc. What I haven't seen anyone else post, and which truly frustrates me is that I also have (what I consider to be) the worst PCOS side effect: androgenic alopecia. That's right ladies... I've lost most of my hair. So on top of already feeling fat/ugly/infertile, PCOS has also taken my thick, radiant hair (a symbol of beauty and femininity). :cry: I'd gladly endure everything else for the rest of my life if I could only have my hair back. Sure I wear wigs all the time, but it's not the same thing as having your own hair.

    (Yeah, it seems my body didn't miss one PCOS side effect... I swear I have them all.)

    I'm being seen by an incredible endocrinologist now, but Metformin did nothing for me. Well except for the violent gastrointestinal issues it caused. I'm now on Spironolactone and things have improved drastically. I'm losing weight for the first time ever, my mood is improved, the chin hair/shaving is less frequent and I'm starting to feel better. My scalp hair however will likely never return. Oh well. :frown:

    PS: For those newly diagnosed, please do not treat PCOS lightly. Do what you can to improve your health today. Exercise, eat well and take those meds. Trust me!
  • i've never known this many women with PCOS! it's nice to know i'm not alone!!!!!!!!! it can really suck sometimes, but i'm glad it's not anything worse!
  • joeylu
    joeylu Posts: 208 Member
    Always looking for support . Friend me :smile:
  • msbanana
    msbanana Posts: 793 Member
    Dear PCOS,
    I have lost an entire person despite you- thanks for rearing your ugly head when things are the most difficult for me.
    If you decide to blow another gasket in the middle of the night and leave me in such a state that I have to make an emergency doctor visit, can't lift anything or workout for a week, cause me to blow up like a balloon and generally feel like sh*it one more time I may be forced to take measures into my own hands. SERIOUSLY. I will punch you in your little cyst-y face.

    Consider this fair warning

    Thanks,
    the body you take great pleasure in wreaking havoc on.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    I have PCOS, I don't take any treatments for it, no health coverage. I'm still paying off a emergency room bills from when I had a cyst burst and was in the worst pain of my life, a year ago. That's with the 50% discount the hospital gave me for being low income, sigh, the joy of poverty. I struggle with losing weight, I don't even know when I'm going to get my period or when I do get them how long they gonna last, they sometimes go 2-3 weeks, 3 weeks only happened once, though. I can get pregnant, but all 6 times ended in miscarry. Yes it sucks, but I think I manage it pretty well. I just hate explaining it to people who have no problem popping out kids, like some of my husband family. I get "you can adopt", alot too. Which is true, but If I can't afford fertility treatment and medicines, I sure the heck can't afford to adopt a kid, besides we currently live in a tiny 1 bedroom apt. so I would have no place to but a kid anyways. Sorry that turned into a vent, feel free to add me.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    i've never known this many women with PCOS! it's nice to know i'm not alone!!!!!!!!! it can really suck sometimes, but i'm glad it's not anything worse!

    I know right, I've only met 2 people with it, in real life. My cousin (hubby's side) she said she's been pregnant 15 times, but she has 4 kids. The other is an old co-worker of mine, who just keeps having miscarries like me. I had no idea this many people have this same issue as I do, its kinda nice to know I'm not alone.
  • Trallaurrum
    Trallaurrum Posts: 25 Member
    I was recently diagnosed with PCOS, and this week I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about Metformin.

    For those of you who are on Metformin, did you notice a difference? I am most frustrated with being unable to lose weight and my male pattern hair growth. Do you think it helps with those two issues?

    One last question, I am actively trying NOT to get pregnant. I am on ortho tri cyclen...will Metformin interfere with that?

    This thread was so frustrating to read, but also felt really good to see that I'm not alone.

    Metformin treats the insulin resistance, so it will help with slowing the weight gain, but it doesn't treat the hormone imbalance that causes the other symptoms (hair growth, irregular periods, etc.) To treat those, they'll put you on certain kinds of birth control (with me, they also supplemental with spironolactone (sp?)), so I don't imagine Metformin will interfere with your birth control pills.

    The one thing to keep in mind about Metformin is that it can make your body behave much more like a diabetic. If you're in the habit of skipping meals (like breakfast!) DON'T. I crashed severely a couple times when I first started on it and had to carry around hard candy for a while before I stabilized.
  • Joannie30
    Joannie30 Posts: 415 Member
    I've been diagnosed recently with PCOS but because a blood test revealed minor abnormalities in my liver function, the gp won't give me Metformin etc to treat it.

    I've been dieting recently and have been slowly but steadily losing weight and i hope that will continue...

    What upsets me most about it right now is the hair growth!!! I feel like everyone is looking at me all the time. I've just started a new job and i am so self conscious about the way i look. Its affecting my ability and confidence a LOT. I spend ages EVERY NIGHT with my tweezers in my hand getting rid of as much as i can, but by the morning, it's all back again!!!!!! For the past couple of weeks i've been taking herbal supplements which i have read may help to reduce the testosterone but i read that they may take 3 months to start working!!

    If anyone knows of anything that helps with this (apart from shaving/epilation) i would be glad to hear about it because i feel at rock bottom about myself recently. :(
  • pamperedlinny
    pamperedlinny Posts: 1,688 Member
    I just found this thread and have about 100 lbs to go. It's nice to see the other posts and know I'm not alone!!!
  • j_emerson
    j_emerson Posts: 48
    Love this thread and so glad I came across and I'm not the odd one out anymore. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 15 years old just through ultra sounds on my ovaries; When I was 18, I went to a different doctor and had blood work completed. At that time, I had the testorone levels of a woman going through menopause, so at that time, I was told children would like never be a possibility. This was heartbreaking information as I was engaged to be married. I, like many other posts I've seen, am so sick of the unnatural hair growth all over my body. I've resorted to "shaving my beard" area every morning. I know that I've probably made it worse by resorting to that, but I don't have insurance and can't afford to have laser treatments. Now, at 31 years old and single (as I'm horrified to let myself get close to anyone as I don't want them to find out my secrets), I've pretty much given up hope on having children of my own, but I spend as much time with my neices and nephews as possible. Its hard to get involved in realtionships with people who want children and know should it get to that point, you can't give them that. I wish every good luck on their weight loss journey and not letting PCOS get the best of us!!
  • plucking has become an obsession...I keep tweezers everywhere.
    the weight loss complications are SO frustrating.
    I hate the big belly - i wouldn't mind being overweight if I didn't have so many instances of strangers thinking i was pregnant - which hurts even more since i probably will need fertility meds to even GET pregnant - still doesn't stop me from buying pregnancy tests when my period decides to go MIA (I don't know why I bother - it's always negative) - and then I get PMS for like 2-3 weeks. (GOD BLESS MY BOYFRIEND WHO PUTS UP WITH THAT!!!) only to finally get it and be completely doubled over in pain. The bloating, the mood swings, the carb cravings, the skin tags/discoloration...Hair growth, thinning hair...

    I hate it all.

    I'm going through one of those phases where I get really depressed about the fact that I have this disorder. Hoping the upswing comes soon...
  • BritskyB
    BritskyB Posts: 13
    I was recently diagnosed with PCOS, and this week I have an appointment with my doctor to talk about Metformin.

    For those of you who are on Metformin, did you notice a difference? I am most frustrated with being unable to lose weight and my male pattern hair growth. Do you think it helps with those two issues?

    One last question, I am actively trying NOT to get pregnant. I am on ortho tri cyclen...will Metformin interfere with that?

    This thread was so frustrating to read, but also felt really good to see that I'm not alone.

    For those others of us suffering with the excess hair thing, I would highly suggest "Micro Tweeze" microwavable wax. I've had waxes at the salon before and they hurt far less than this stuff and work far less. My bf got it for me cause I've been complaining about the hair issue as well. After some time he spent researching, he found this to be the most liked. Good luck everyone and happy losing!

    This should have been.. The Micro Tweeze hurts far less than the salon waxes and seems to work so much better! My wonderful bf got it for me as a surprise Christmas present, and I was afraid to try it, but I love it. I would suggest it to anyone who has to deal with the excess hair issue. It's truly been amazing! HUGE hugs to all the supportive bf/hubbies/ SO's!
  • BritskyB
    BritskyB Posts: 13
    plucking has become an obsession...I keep tweezers everywhere.
    the weight loss complications are SO frustrating.
    I hate the big belly - i wouldn't mind being overweight if I didn't have so many instances of strangers thinking i was pregnant - which hurts even more since i probably will need fertility meds to even GET pregnant - still doesn't stop me from buying pregnancy tests when my period decides to go MIA (I don't know why I bother - it's always negative) - and then I get PMS for like 2-3 weeks. (GOD BLESS MY BOYFRIEND WHO PUTS UP WITH THAT!!!) only to finally get it and be completely doubled over in pain. The bloating, the mood swings, the carb cravings, the skin tags/discoloration...Hair growth, thinning hair...

    I hate it all.

    I'm going through one of those phases where I get really depressed about the fact that I have this disorder. Hoping the upswing comes soon...

    Reading your post sounds sooo much like what I've thought/felt/been through. Hang in there! I go through those times too where I just get so irritated and depressed about EVERYTHING with this and the weight.. and as an emotional eater.. it's like a vicious cycle that's a horrible ride. Amen to having a boyfriend (and family) who puts up with the mood swings and all of it. If you need to vent or additional support, feel free to friend me!
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    we are getting a boxer puppy tomorrow! My first puppy:) Im excited! I will deffinately be walking him ALOT this spring summer! Can't wait! On top of my morning elliptical workouts, I should be getting in shape quickly I hope! PCOS will not beat me this year! Hope all my cysters are doing well! Stay STRONG!
  • Usbornegal
    Usbornegal Posts: 601 Member
    RANT WARNING - Amazon had a Kindle book special the other day on a short story about the trials of women with excess hair.

    REALLY? People - this is a SYMPTOM of a DISEASE that affects so much more than how many hairs you can see on my chinny chin chin! How can you imagine one short story about chin hair will adequately address (even in a literary fashion) the pain of infertility, debilitation of being overweight, the heartbreak of infertility, the frustrations of NOT being in control of ONES OWN BODY no matter how hard we try???? GET OUT OF MY DISEASE if you only want to titilate, make money, poke fun or 'imagine you know what it feels like'!!! I have been dealing with PCOS for 40 years and YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

    Now I could write a book...... and I'd have to include all the Warrior Princess Cysters I see here who battle daily, who triumph, encourage others and defy the odds of what doctors tell them, who relentlessly search for answers and solutions and live quite a fine life whether they have chin hairs or not.

    Just sayin'.
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    RANT WARNING - Amazon had a Kindle book special the other day on a short story about the trials of women with excess hair.

    REALLY? People - this is a SYMPTOM of a DISEASE that affects so much more than how many hairs you can see on my chinny chin chin! How can you imagine one short story about chin hair will adequately address (even in a literary fashion) the pain of infertility, debilitation of being overweight, the heartbreak of infertility, the frustrations of NOT being in control of ONES OWN BODY no matter how hard we try???? GET OUT OF MY DISEASE if you only want to titilate, make money, poke fun or 'imagine you know what it feels like'!!! I have been dealing with PCOS for 40 years and YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

    Now I could write a book...... and I'd have to include all the Warrior Princess Cysters I see here who battle daily, who triumph, encourage others and defy the odds of what doctors tell them, who relentlessly search for answers and solutions and live quite a fine life whether they have chin hairs or not.

    Just sayin'.

    all I can say is RIGHT ON THE MONEY HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well said Cyster!
  • BritskyB
    BritskyB Posts: 13
    Love this thread and so glad I came across and I'm not the odd one out anymore. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 15 years old just through ultra sounds on my ovaries; When I was 18, I went to a different doctor and had blood work completed. At that time, I had the testorone levels of a woman going through menopause, so at that time, I was told children would like never be a possibility. This was heartbreaking information as I was engaged to be married. I, like many other posts I've seen, am so sick of the unnatural hair growth all over my body. I've resorted to "shaving my beard" area every morning. I know that I've probably made it worse by resorting to that, but I don't have insurance and can't afford to have laser treatments. Now, at 31 years old and single (as I'm horrified to let myself get close to anyone as I don't want them to find out my secrets), I've pretty much given up hope on having children of my own, but I spend as much time with my neices and nephews as possible. Its hard to get involved in realtionships with people who want children and know should it get to that point, you can't give them that. I wish every good luck on their weight loss journey and not letting PCOS get the best of us!!

    Don't give up! Hang in there cyster. You never really know unless you try! There are others out there who have been told they'd never be able to have children and miraculously have a handful! Best of luck to you, though I know the feeling. I am worried too that this will affect being able to have children, so I'm trying to do something about it now to increase my chances of achieving that goal.
  • filomenae
    filomenae Posts: 110 Member
    I have been diagnosed with PCOS and I didn't know that the hair growth was associated with it! I get these thick black hairs that grow sporadically on my face- I pluck them. I check my face almost daily for any new hairs, but I only get them every couple weeks or so.. I do have growth on my lower abdomen, almost like a happy trail.. It's very upsetting, I hate the hair growth!!
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    I have been diagnosed with PCOS and I didn't know that the hair growth was associated with it! I get these thick black hairs that grow sporadically on my face- I pluck them. I check my face almost daily for any new hairs, but I only get them every couple weeks or so.. I do have growth on my lower abdomen, almost like a happy trail.. It's very upsetting, I hate the hair growth!!
    yes unfortunately pcos causes a male hairgrowth pattern on us ladies....its just awful! no one understands until you walk in our shoes.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    I guess I'm lucky, I have 1 black chin hair I pluck, every time it grows back in. I, not to be gross, have over abundance down below though, I think having pubic hair extent to you thighs is so gross. I hate swimsuits cause I'm always scared I missed a spot. Weight loss has been such a b**** for me. I'm eating and exercising to loose 2 pounds a week, but still only losing 0.5-1 pound a week. I hate that my belly looks like I could be pregnant, 24/7! I hate that people think that because you don't have kids, its intentional, and think, we aren't trying. My boss keeps telling me, "if you ever decide to have kids...." its so annoying! I want kids, but I've had 6 miscarries and its not like I don't have sex. I hate that I don't ovulate, and when I do have my periods, I pass blood clots like crazy and usually have horrible cramps. I hate the weird looks I get when the parent of a student of mine hears, I don't have kids. Just because I don't have kids of my own don't mean I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I've only been taking care of kids since I was 10! Professionally since I was 18, it's my passion! I just HATE not being normal, most of all :frown:
  • lonestarlada
    lonestarlada Posts: 15 Member
    I was reading an article a few days ago. Here's another bummer regarding PCOS - we're more susceptible to stress. A German study found that women with PCOS also produce more Cortisol (which is a stress hormone). And stress can be a causal factor for weight gain, or prohibit weight loss. So that's another kick in the teeth to add to the already insurmountable list already...

    I actually have to force myself to stop thinking about it. It makes me depressed. Like today, I mourned the years of electrolysis and laser I've done, and the countless amounts of money I've spent (that could have been spent on shoes, or whatever other lucky non-pcos ladies get to spend their money on), and how the damned hair keeps regrowing because it's a hormonal thing, which can never be stopped, and so while it's improved, it's not great... so I have to stop thinking about it, or I get too bummed out.

    P.S. Re: The cruel "mistaken for pregnant" irony - Now, every time someone puts their hand on my belly and asks me when I'm due, I reply as factually and bluntly as possible and explain to them that I'm fat and have PCOS and then go on and on. Some poor fellow (a stranger!) at Walmart meant well, but the fool touched my tummy while in line, and asked me my due date, and I made him suffer listing to my reply the entire time we were in line for the check-out. He started it, and the pain I dished back was a fair tit-for-tat, in my opinion. I figure if anyone is rude enough to presume I'm pregnant, then that gives me permission to "clarify" the situation. Hopefully the mistake will imprint on their stupids minds enough that they'll never do it to another woman again! (Let's blame the unkindness in my response to my mood swings! ha!)
  • so happy I found this!!

    I was diagnosed when I was 17 but my parents/doctor did not think it was a big enough deal to do anything. now I am 25 and am trying to figure it out.

    my hair stuff was undder control until my daughter was born, now its so friggin thick!
  • KayteeBear
    KayteeBear Posts: 1,040 Member
    so happy I found this!!

    I was diagnosed when I was 17 but my parents/doctor did not think it was a big enough deal to do anything. now I am 25 and am trying to figure it out.

    I was diagnosed at 15, went straight onto the pill just because I hated worrying about getting my period at weird times but my doctor didn't think it was that big of a deal either. I recently went off the pill (last June/July) and haven't my period since. Now I'm trying to force myself to find a new doctor (I hate doctors) to try to do something about this because I haven't had my period since going off the pill.

    And of course I want nothing more than to have children to be honest...but I have a huge fear of not being able to get pregnant. As of now all I know is I can't seem to have my period at all since I went off birth control (didn't have my period for 8 months before the pill) so when I can try for children, will I be able to get pregnant? Will I only have miscarriages if I do get pregnant?

    I don't have too many problems, just the random stray hair and non existent periods right now but I fear it getting worse and fear not getting my period, if that's healthy or going to cause problems...ugh. And I hate doctors!
  • Usbornegal
    Usbornegal Posts: 601 Member
    Katybear - take heart. I had irregular or nonexistent periods for long stretches of time. After 4 years of wanting to get pregnant, concieved my first son. Three years later I used medication to assist with my second pregnancy. Both went just fine, no miscarriages, just close to prediabetes with the second. Each person experiences PCOS differently and it changes severity and forms throughout the years. Now that I am close to menopausal (another joy is not really being able to tell if its meno or pcos) hair growth is slowed a lot and so have other negative symptoms. Now it is mostly the weight and IR issues. But my life is full and happy with so much positive in it that is not overshadowed by PCOS. I know that in your younger years the thoughts and fears of having babies and dealing with the symptoms can seem like the focus of your life. But reach out, stretch out, and don't let it rob you of the joys in life.

    PCOS Granny
  • KayteeBear
    KayteeBear Posts: 1,040 Member
    Katybear - take heart. I had irregular or nonexistent periods for long stretches of time. After 4 years of wanting to get pregnant, concieved my first son. Three years later I used medication to assist with my second pregnancy. Both went just fine, no miscarriages, just close to prediabetes with the second. Each person experiences PCOS differently and it changes severity and forms throughout the years. Now that I am close to menopausal (another joy is not really being able to tell if its meno or pcos) hair growth is slowed a lot and so have other negative symptoms. Now it is mostly the weight and IR issues. But my life is full and happy with so much positive in it that is not overshadowed by PCOS. I know that in your younger years the thoughts and fears of having babies and dealing with the symptoms can seem like the focus of your life. But reach out, stretch out, and don't let it rob you of the joys in life.

    PCOS Granny

    THANK YOU! It's nice to hear. Right now I just have no idea what to expect from my future if things will get worse or not or what...
  • mattie733
    mattie733 Posts: 27
    I usually try to make myself feel up beat about life but today... I feel like I hate everything PCOS makes me go through. I hate those ugly skin tags on my neck and I hate the dark skin that looks dirty.. Most of all I hate being scared to be close to another man. After I chased away my ex-husband because we couldn't get pregnant I have not been able to let anyone near me. I don't want to go through the whole ordeal of telling them that I have long periods or no periods, I have mood swings and when you see me crying it really is just for no reason. .. I weep when my friends get pregnant and know that I will never carry a baby inside of me.. don't get me wrong I love my 3 boys I have been very lucky to been able to adopt them but I would really love to feel what it is like to bring a new life into this world...
    Just being sad today and not being able to pull myself together. I know tomorrow will be another day and hopefully I will be my almost normal self..
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