I want to have another baby but.....

JenMarie8781 · March 2012

I have been doing so great with losing weight! I'm not at my goal yet and I don't wanna mess it up now!

But... here is the deal. I am 24 years old and the mother of 4 (a 6yr old, a 4 yr old and almost 2 yr old twins). I have always said that I wanted to have just ONE more child but not right now. I wanted to wait a couple years.... when I had reached (or at least gotten closer to) my weight loss goal. But now I am faced with kind of a "now or never" situation because I was just recently diagnosed with Adenomyosis. It's just like Endometriosis but it's on the inside of the uterus instead of the outside. It causes horrible cramps and SUPER heavy periods that last up to 3 weeks... sometimes longer. My doctor says the only way to really "cure" it is to have a hysterectomy. So my options are have a hysterectomy now and never have another child... or deal with constant pain and bleeding for another year or two and THEN have another child. I am miserable with this and I don't want to put off the surgery for 1 or 2 more years! So my husband and I have been talking about maybe just having our last baby NOW instead of waiting so that I can go ahead and have the surgery. But I just can't make up my mind. I'm afraid if I get pregnant now I will totally screw up everything I've been working so hard for during this past year = /

If you've made it this far... thanks for reading. I don't expect anyone to have the magic answer... just venting. lol

JenMarie8781 · March 2012

Bump!

JenMarie8781 · March 2012

And since I'm on the subject... do any of you other ladies out there have this condition? I had never heard of it until I was diagnosed and can't seem to find many people on the message boards (on other sites) who have it. My doctor said it doesn't cause fertility issues so that's a plus.... but it still makes me miserable : (

christine24t · March 2012

I've never heard it but I think if you want another child, you should do it now! You can keep up healthy habits during pregnancy, and then the weight will be easier to lose after you deliver.

Skeemer118 · March 2012

I'm so sorry you're faced with this situation. All the best of luck & health to you.

I'm not nearly in the same boat but I lost 25 lbs before getting pregnant & gained it all back during pregnancy. 7 months later I'm 6 lbs shy of my pre pregnancy weight. What it taught me is that if I could do it once, I can do it again. I know the steps to take to being healthy. I know the road to travel & the determination it takes. I think you're actually in a better place to have a child now because you know you can do this weight loss journey. Do you think you could eat somewhat healthy during your pregnancy or maintain some kind of fitness routine? I realize that's easier said than done but it's something you might be able to do. I know my son sure didn't like the broccoli I had been used to eating weekly prior to being pregnant. Lol. For me, I think I would go on & have another child now. If it's your heart's desire to do so, I wouldn't let anything hold me back. You can & will be determined enough to do this again. And don't let anyone here or IRL make you feel selfish for asking yourself this question. You deserve to have all your wonders & thoughts put to rest before you decide to be pregnant again.

Good luck!

samf36 · March 2012

What does your dr say? I see you also have type 2 Diabetes. You will need to be very closely watched during a pregnancy. Then along with your dh and dr weigh the risks and rewards.

htmlgirl · March 2012

I think you should do it now. If you want another one anyway and you are in such pain now, it just makes sense to do it now so that you can be pain free sooner. I think that being in pain a lot would deter me from exercising as much.

karenwill2 · March 2012

if you really want a number 5 then go for it now. Just continue to be active and eat sensibly.

rextcat · March 2012

if your doc oks it and you realy want one then go for it:flowerforyou:

momma3sweetgirls · March 2012

Being pregnant doesn't mean you have to blow up like a balloon! You can continue to exercise and eat properly and really gain very little. I only gained 20 lbs with my last pregnancy because I had gestational diabetes and followed a diabetic diet and continues to exercise. If another baby is what you want, that baby should take priority over being 'at your goal weight' since you're so close. Go for it - get making a baby. You won't regret it!

Schnuddelbuddel · March 2012

You're 24. You WANT another baby. What would you regret more: never having that baby or having a minor setback in weight loss?

If you were to try for your baby now and be lucky to fall pregnant straight away, you'd have your baby in January maybe. Yes, you WILL gain weight during pregnancy, you know that, you've been there. BUT - you've lost weight, you KNOW how to eat healthily. You KNOW how to lose that weight after.

Again, you're only 24 now. You've got a lifetime of losing and maintaining your weight while watching all your children grow up. If I were you, I wouldn't let a bit of extra weight stop you from that.

Also I would go for the baby now, not in a couple years time. There's no point torturing yourself with pain along the way

In essence though, none of us here can give you an answer, we can only say what we might do. You need to ask yourself

a) could you live with NOT having another baby or would you regret that decision?
b) if you could, go ahead with surgery now
c) if you couldn't, go ahead with the baby now and surgery sooner rather than later.

As for the weight - that shouldn't even be in this equation. Because you can always lose the weight. And there's a whole community here who'd happily support you for that

Hope that helps you a bit and that you get to make a decision that you can be happy with and live with.

KathieSwenson · March 2012

I agree. I don't think you would be hurting what you have done. If you keep up the healthy stuff you have been doing then you will be fine. Exercising is easy that you just need to make sure your walking. Eating healthy is easy because you need to eat healthy for the baby as well. My Sister didn't gain a pound at all during her pregnancy because she watched closely what she ate and ate very healthy nutritious stuff. The only weight she did gain was pure baby.she gaind 10 lbs and the baby was 9 ish something. The ob called her her pregnancy to loose weight pupil. Lol. Anyways. I think everything will be good as long as you maintain a healthy eating pattern.

Articeluvsmemphis · March 2012

I say after 69 pounds you know what works for you, and should have full confidence that you will know how to lose it once you have the baby. pregnancy isn't synonymous with weight gain especially if you're already very overweight. my sister was actually told to lose weight, and she loss a significant amount while pregnant, and my niece is the cutest butterball, healthy. hope this helps, congrats if you choose to have the baby, and I hope you feel better. those issues are not fun, even for us with "normal" flows.

inittothinit42 · March 2012

If I were in that situation, I think I would go ahead and have another baby. You can lose weight at any time in your life but once you've had that surgery you can never have another child. If you will be as happy adopting or just considering your family complete, that's another story -- but if you really want that baby, you should do it.

bfbooty · March 2012

Go for it if you want another baby and it's now or never then do it now while you can or you will regret it, continue with your healthy eating as best you can during your pregnancy, it is a myth you need to eat for 2 so set your cal goal to maintain your weight rather than lose maybe, and stick with your daily allowance and hopefully you won't have much extra to lose once baba arrives

Would also 2nd the advice to speak to you dr about it fully too for professional advice xx

Qarol · March 2012

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

FlyByJuly · March 2012

I've never heard it but I think if you want another child, you should do it now! You can keep up healthy habits during pregnancy, and then the weight will be easier to lose after you deliver.

I agree with this.
Seriously...can you even deal with a couple more years of the pain and heavy bleeding? I know this is easy for me to say, but if I were in your shoes, I'm pretty sure I'd opt to have a baby sooner than later. :flowerforyou:

TiredOfBeingFAT130 · March 2012

I think I would have another now. You can keep up with MFP throughout your pregnancy, too! I have two ladies on my friends list who are expecting and both stay around 1800 calories/day and exercise a few days a week. They eat healthy and have kept their weight gain under control... and I am sure that once they give birth, they will be back down within a couple weeks. I would add some ladies who are expecting to your friends list also and get to know their routines and goals to give you an idea of what to do!

Good luck

Meggles63 · March 2012

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

Or adding one more, and enjoying the FIVE

Austin1988 · March 2012

Have you ever thought of adoption? You wouldn't gain weight, would be able to have the surgery and still be able to shower a child with love.

nerdyandilikeit · March 2012

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

I agree with this in that if there was a reason you wanted to wait in the first place, are you really ready for that last child to come now? I don't think you should torture yourself by waiting for the sake of waiting, but you're discussing this kid like you're not sure if you want to buy a smaller dress now while it's on sale, or later when you fit in it.

All I'm saying is don't impulsively do something that might not be a good choice later. That's never a good plan in my opinion.

girlwapp · March 2012

Have you ever thought of adoption? You wouldn't gain weight, would be able to have the surgery and still be able to shower a child with love.

^ should definitely be in consideration.

Fat_2_Fit_Mommy · March 2012

I think I agree with every one on here. You have some really good advices that's been giving. I think you should go ahead for another one and since your Dr says its ok than go for it then have the surgery.

mom22qties · March 2012

I had Adenomyosis- it was horrible!! I am 40 (in 4 days) and after my son was born I noticed more problems. Horrific pain daily and I had 17 cysts inside my uterus. I had absolutely no room in there for anymore babies. So last year I had a radical hysterectomy with removal of everything including my cervix (also had cervical cancer.) I love my children (2 ages 9 and 4) but under no circumstances would I put my body through more. I always wanted 4 but the Lord blessed me with being able to have 2 and I am more than happy with that. No regrets. Feel free to add me if you want to chat some more and I can offer help for after the hysterectomy also.

Feathil · March 2012

Is surrogacy a common thing? Would that be an option? Implant your eggs and go with the surgery straight away, two birds with one stone if you could.

nerdyandilikeit · March 2012

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

I agree with this in that if there was a reason you wanted to wait in the first place, are you really ready for that last child to come now? I don't think you should torture yourself by waiting for the sake of waiting, but you're discussing this kid like you're not sure if you want to buy a smaller dress now while it's on sale, or later when you fit in it.

All I'm saying is don't impulsively do something that might not be a good choice later. That's never a good plan in my opinion.

I just don't understand why she wants another kid if she already has 4.

That's her choice if her family can give it what it needs, but rushing into it because of current circumstances might not be worth it if she's not completely ready. That's all I'm saying.

KristenStone · March 2012

First off-terribly sorry you are having to deal with this condition-sounds terrible!!!

Here is my opinion:

If you are absolutely sure you want to have another baby-go for it now! Here are my reasons for saying this. One, you already have young children-and waiting another 2 years you will just put a larger gap in between the ages. If your youngest are 2-sounds like now is a good time! Also, who would want to live with that terrible bleeding for 2 more years? And I don't know how old you are-and it doesn't matter because in general, you will be two years older-which will subsequently lead to a lower metabolism and you more tired-no matter how slight. Also, you have your head in the game right now! You know how important it is to be healthy and lose weight-which although it would difficult you CAN be healthy and still continue your journey while you are pregnant. Whatever you choose-good luck to you girl!

MomofAnt · March 2012

How about just enjoying the FOUR kids you have now...

I agree with this in that if there was a reason you wanted to wait in the first place, are you really ready for that last child to come now? I don't think you should torture yourself by waiting for the sake of waiting, but you're discussing this kid like you're not sure if you want to buy a smaller dress now while it's on sale, or later when you fit in it.

All I'm saying is don't impulsively do something that might not be a good choice later. That's never a good plan in my opinion.

I just don't understand why she wants another kid if she already has 4.

Because some of us want large families.

I only have one right now, and my husband and I are facing infertility issues (which could be solved by losing weight according to my doctor - thus my decision for a change of lifestyle). It's one thing to make the choice to cap our family at a certain number of children, whether it is one, two, three, four or more. It's a whole different ballgame to be told that you CAN'T have any more kids. I think what she's mostly worried about is regretting the decision to not have another child while she still can. At least that's how I interpreted it.

To the original poster - I think there are a lot of good suggestions thus far. I, personally, would talk to the doctor first. If there's no problem with you having another child now, go for it. If there could be major complications, then you would need to weigh (no pun intended) the pros and cons to make a decision. If it will be dangerous to you or the baby, I would suggest adoption or surrogacy, as some other people suggested. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

Schnuddelbuddel · March 2012

I understand it's her choice, and she does have free will. I am just wondering what the motivation behind having kids is for her, she's young, already has 4. Some people are grateful to have 1.

Everybody has different motivations. Some people never want kids. Others feel their life isn't complete before they've a certain number. Either way, her motives to have another child shouldn't concern us. And you may never understand them even if she did explain why.

Jarvis95 · March 2012

Hey, i'm not a doctor, but i'm doing a master's in health science.

I actually did a project about adenomyosis for grad school. There's a very small amount of research into the use of an IUD such as mirena to treat adenomyosis, you could ask your doctor about this as another option.

DominiqueSmall · March 2012

I agree. Having another baby doesn't have to derail your weight. Eat a clean diet, exercise as much as you can, and get back on track as soon as you can. If you did this once, you have the determination and character to do it twice.

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. That has to be very difficult news.

I want to have another baby but.....

Replies

Categories