Dating Question... More for the ladies

Hmm, if a girl likes you, she'll say something more like "I can't go out X time, but how about Y time." If she's not doing any suggesting of times that she might be available, I'd say that she's just not that interested... sorry!

Hmm, if a girl likes you, she'll say something more like "I can't go out X time, but how about Y time." If she's not doing any suggesting of times that she might be available, I'd say that she's just not that interested... sorry!

I agree with this!!

I think she doesn't want to go out with you but doesn't know how to handle it properly. I have been asked out a couple of times in the past few months but there was no connection there. BUT, I still feel awful declining because I know that it took courage to ask. Hey, it's like the deli counter, just grab another ticket and go "Next"!

Hmm, if a girl likes you, she'll say something more like "I can't go out X time, but how about Y time." If she's not doing any suggesting of times that she might be available, I'd say that she's just not that interested... sorry!

I agree with this!!

Yes.. this is my take on it as well. If I guy I was into asked me out, especially the first time I would do whatever I could to make that day/time work. If I knew there was no way that day/time could work, I would offer up a time I had open.

Not a lady, but...

Does a few times mean 3 times?

I have a 3 time rule: if I ask 3 times, and get refused, no matter the reason, I ain't asking a 4th. It works for me. The 4th looks like begging and gets annoying for the other person, IMO.

If she really wanted to, she would offer alternatives, like, "i can't go on Saturday, but I have some time Wednesday to hang out for a bit." but, if she's not trying, then it's not likely she's into it. Just my opinion. People make time if they wanna.

Yup, what He said.
If you keep asking you run the risk of looking desperate, or worse, a stalker.

If you really want to know what what's thinking,you can always say:
Ii really enjoy your company and would like to take you out for dinner, I know you have a bust schedule, whats a good time for you?




As a side note...
I was "that girl" And i made sure the guy knew why i couldn't make it on those particular evenings. Both being very busy, we kept talking & eventually got to do on that date. Three years later, we're so happy we got the chance to talk on the phone and really get to know each other before that 1st official date.

Yea she did offer a different time when she couldn't make the dinner. We played frisbee golf and went to some St. Patties Day parties this past weekend in a group.

Wait, so you did go out with her after the refusals? I don't really understand the problem then.

Think about this though: if she's so busy that she has to turn down multiple offers with someone she wants to go out with... she won't have time for a boyfriend.

In the immortal words of Joe - from Say Anything - "find a girl that looks just like her, nail her and then dump her".

No really - I agree here with all above. The signals point to you coming right out and asking her. Good luck, she sounds cool.

I know for a fact that med students are BUSY. (I was not a med student but have close family members and good friends who are/were.) I'm sorry, but my gut feeling is that if she really wanted to go out with you, she'd have found a way.

That said, when I was in the middle of my appellate brief in my first year of law school, a guy whom I was into asked me out, but I had to decline because it was CRAZY then. I basically told him I would love to but was so busy (which was true); however, I kept talking to him regularly (and made certain that he knew I was looking forward to finally going out with him) until we were finally able to go out. I made it pretty clear that I wasn't trying to give him the slip. Most (not all) women are not going to let a good thing go just because we have to study, meaning that even if we don't want to/can't give up the necessary studying, we'll still make it clear that we like you and want to go out when the timing is better. (I don't mean to imply that women are willing to (or should) give up school, good grades, etc, because of a guy but just that we will try our best to get together if we're really interested.)

If I were you, I'd give her one last chance before I wrote her off as potential girlfriend material. Ask her out, and if she declines in a general sense, then let it go. If she declines for a specific reason (e.g., "I have a class that night and have an exam the next day"), then ask her if there's another time/day that would be good for her. If she doesn't come up with anything at that point, you should be able to tell whether she is hemming and hawing because she doesn't want to go out with you or if she is hesitating because she honestly cannot predict her schedule very far in advance. Like I said, though, she should be enthusiastic in her desire to go out another time, and if she's not, it might be that she doesn't want to go out with you.

Try not to take it personally, too. She may think you're boyfriend material but be really, really dedicated to school to the point where she has basically vowed not to have a love life. It is really, really hard to maintain a relationship when you're in a tough academic setting like that, so adding personal stress to professional/academic stress may not be what she wants or needs. My 3-year relationship was a casualty of law school, and most people I know who started law school in a relationship were no longer in said relationship by the end of the first semester. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend became a major strain on my academics during that semester (and vice versa), but once I got over the break-up, I was so relieved to be able to focus almost completely on school. (My grades were MUCH better second semester.)

Even if you don't work out as a couple, she'd still be a good friend, though, right? At best, you'll stay friends, and hopefully she'll eventually come around!

ETA that I apologize for the novel. I'm wordy. I know it. I get paid to write, then talk, in case you couldn't tell!

No really - I agree here with all above. The signals point to you coming right out and asking her. Good luck, she sounds cool.

Yep. Outright ask her.

And don't believe all the "friend zone" hype. Not that it doesn't exist, but I've been friends with guys for years before developing an attraction on a couple of occasions. It happens.