Is he cheating?

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neverlookingback
neverlookingback Posts: 8
in Chit-Chat
Today is my boyfriend and I's 7 year anniversary. We have a 5 year old child together and have been living together for nearly 6 years. Ironically, last night I discovered that he's been talking to another woman on a daily basis, several times a day, usually during every single work break he has. Also, late at night on the weekends. As far as I know it's been going on for at least a week, but I wasn't able to find out any more than that. This isn't the first incident, he's been known to talk with females when he shouldn't be, there have been multiple discrepancies throughout the course of our relationship, although it's been a very long time since the last one and has never been anything as serious as me walking in on him or anything that extreme. He's naturally very outgoing and friendly, and does know a lot of people. I don't know anything else other than they talk on the phone very often and text as well. He hasn't told me anything about her, and she's definitely not a family member.

We've recently been talking about getting married, buying a home together, and having another baby. I'm torn and don't know what to do. Things have seemed really great and I don't want to jump to conclusions but I also don't want to fool myself. He's very loving, kind, patient, attentive, playful and supportive. He's my best friend. And today we're supposed to be celebrating our relationship and I can't help but act awkward and sad. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I confront him, and how? Should I gather more info first? Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.
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  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,119 Member
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    um, nice first post. Welcome to Myfitnesspal.

    Good luck with your fitness goals, and the man.
  • Cooriander
    Cooriander Posts: 2,848 Member
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    From you story it sounds like he is cheating, at least emotionally and it may progress. I am guessing he would deny it if confronted, so it is probably useless to ask him anything. Perhaps wait until you are really sure what is going on and confront him when you have solid proof.

    Sorry you are going through this it must be absolutely awful.
  • neverlookingback
    neverlookingback Posts: 8
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    um, nice first post. Welcome to Myfitnesspal.

    Good luck with your fitness goals, and the man.

    Thank you, I am a very regular MFPer but created this profile for privacy's sake and out of humiliation.
  • Pepper2185
    Pepper2185 Posts: 994 Member
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    there have been multiple discrepancies throughout the course of our relationship

    If you're looking for the opinion of a random internet woman: he sounds like and *kitten* and I doubt you'll ever really trust him.
  • neverlookingback
    neverlookingback Posts: 8
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    From you story it sounds like he is cheating, at least emotionally and it may progress. I am guessing he would deny it if confronted, so it is probably useless to ask him anything. Perhaps wait until you are really sure what is going on and confront him when you have solid proof.

    Sorry you are going through this it must be absolutely awful.

    Thank you very much, I really appreciate your sincerity. :)
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,119 Member
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    um, nice first post. Welcome to Myfitnesspal.

    Good luck with your fitness goals, and the man.

    Thank you, I am a very regular MFPer but created this profile for privacy's sake and out of humiliation.

    ((hug)) understandable. I do hope you can get to the bottom of this. I know how painful it can be.
  • Vanessa_lilia
    Vanessa_lilia Posts: 58
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    I agree he probably is cheating
  • neverlookingback
    neverlookingback Posts: 8
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    um, nice first post. Welcome to Myfitnesspal.

    Good luck with your fitness goals, and the man.

    Thank you, I am a very regular MFPer but created this profile for privacy's sake and out of humiliation.

    ((hug)) understandable. I do hope you can get to the bottom of this. I know how painful it can be.

    Hug very much needed! I appreciate the responses, they help. :)
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
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    As a guy I have to say that Im a bit suspicious. There is likely no need for those late night talks but it may not be all his fault. Who calls who, as some people are looking for a friend and can be very forward and clingy. Maybe he does not know how to get rid of this person.
    How did you find out those details? Hmmm, makes me wonder as to the source and its credibility.

    I dont like the word confront at this point. Watch for more signs and log the details, and ask him for an explanation if it continues. Confronting him may just get him to clam up and/or lie.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    No, I think they are platonic.....has to be
  • DulceDollie
    DulceDollie Posts: 115
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    It definitely doesn't sound good. Try to evaluate if your relationship is worth wondering if he's cheating all the time. Like you mentioned, this isn't a first. Best of luck.
  • neverlookingback
    neverlookingback Posts: 8
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    As a guy I have to say that Im a bit suspicious. There is likely no need for those late night talks but it may not be all his fault. Who calls who, as some people are looking for a friend and can be very forward and clingy. Maybe he does not know how to get rid of this person.
    How did you find out those details? Hmmm, makes me wonder as to the source and its credibility.

    I dont like the word confront at this point. Watch for more signs and log the details, and ask him for an explanation if it continues. Confronting him may just get him to clam up and/or lie.

    They both call each other equally. A lot of the time one will call the other but the call is missed, and then the other calls right back. I saw his call log, that's how I discovered he'd been talking to her. I agree with you that he could possibly clam up or just lie about it to get out of it, so I want to make sure I go about it the right way and at the right time. Thank you for your advice.
  • Dilfster
    Dilfster Posts: 434
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    why don't you just ask what's up? Since you've known him for so long it shouldn't be hard to just say "I noticed you've been talking to Jane a lot lately. What's the deal?"
  • neverlookingback
    neverlookingback Posts: 8
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    Agreed. I just wouldn't want him to brush it off and lie about it if I come at him so casually. But I'm at the point where that is what I might have to do.
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 899 Member
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    If you think he's cheating, he is probably cheating.
  • Dilfster
    Dilfster Posts: 434
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    eve if he does brush it off, at the very least you planted a seed in his mind.
  • kriskaryl
    kriskaryl Posts: 120 Member
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    IMHO I think there is a lot of jumping to conclusions and a ton of insecurity. My man & I have been together for over 15 yrs. He came home from work talking about a female co-working. He talked to her several times a day, every day. Never once did I feel like there was anything going on...because I trust him. When he said his co-worker was diagnosed with cancer and was out of her own personal time, I asked him what he planned to do. He told me he had already donated 2 weeks of his saved personal leave so she could have adequate time to recceive treatments. I commend him for his generosity. When her husband was diagnosed with cancer a few months later, we gave them the support they needed to get through this double tragedy. I trust him. While I don't know her well, when I see her, she is grateful that someone cared enough to help. I trust her.

    I work with men all day in our company and our vendors. I chat casually as well as professionally. I have lots of their phone numbers in my phone, call them & text on occasion, from home. I have developed a strong friendshipo with one gentleman at work. I found out during a break and casually chatting that we are related by marriage and know alot of the same people. My man trusts me.

    Just because men and women talk, doesn't mean there is anything sexual intended or implied. You said this has been going on for a week. You two have been together for 7 years. You imply there is infidelity, but no proof other than he talks to a female. Sad, I'd hate for you to throw away 7 yrs. Rethink and re-evaluate.
  • kb455
    kb455 Posts: 679 Member
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    This is merely my opinion, but I think if he ISN'T cheating, he's toeing the line or at least entertaining the idea of cheating. If he's calling her late at night or on work breaks it sounds like he's only doing it when he thinks you won't find out, right? So, if he's not cheating, why would he try to hide it?

    Its not something you should shrug off. You need to talk to him.
  • firesoforion
    firesoforion Posts: 1,017 Member
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    What were the discrepancies? From your post it sounds like just talking to women, and if that's the case, I pretty much think people are allowed to have whatever friends they want, and that if you haven't caught him doing anything actually wrong, just trust him until you see something actually wrong.
  • neverlookingback
    neverlookingback Posts: 8
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    IMHO I think there is a lot of jumping to conclusions and a ton of insecurity. My man & I have been together for over 15 yrs. He came home from work talking about a female co-working. He talked to her several times a day, every day. Never once did I feel like there was anything going on...because I trust him. When he said his co-worker was diagnosed with cancer and was out of her own personal time, I asked him what he planned to do. He told me he had already donated 2 weeks of his saved personal leave so she could have adequate time to recceive treatments. I commend him for his generosity. When her husband was diagnosed with cancer a few months later, we gave them the support they needed to get through this double tragedy. I trust him. While I don't know her well, when I see her, she is grateful that someone cared enough to help. I trust her.

    I work with men all day in our company and our vendors. I chat casually as well as professionally. I have lots of their phone numbers in my phone, call them & text on occasion, from home. I have developed a strong friendshipo with one gentleman at work. I found out during a break and casually chatting that we are related by marriage and know alot of the same people. My man trusts me.

    Just because men and women talk, doesn't mean there is anything sexual intended or implied. You said this has been going on for a week. You two have been together for 7 years. You imply there is infidelity, but no proof other than he talks to a female. Sad, I'd hate for you to throw away 7 yrs. Rethink and re-evaluate.

    Thank you, I am trying to be careful in handling this considering we have a life together. On one occasion, for example I found a condom in his pocket. Another example is that he was going to a woman's house on the weekends until 3 and 4 in the morning, all the while lying about where he was. Multiple people have seen him with different woman at places like the club, or eating lunch together somewhere. I've read sexually explicit text messages. These all being different women. It's been at least 3 years since anything like that's happened, and I thought we'd moved past it. His call log was only showing a week's worth of calls which I why that's all I know about. I agree that not all woman/man relationships are sexual. He has female friends that I know about and have no problem with. It's the fact that this seems to be a secret. When I used to be the one he called during breaks, now he's calling someone else. And it's throughout the day, sometimes several times a day. I'm absolutely hoping that it's something like you mentioned. I don't want to be naive, and I don't want to throw a relationship away unless I absolutely have to. Thank you for the time you took in responding.

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