Fed up with having my sis tell me to STOP working out!!
DorisR184
Posts: 471 Member
I really need to vent, so I'm apologizing in advance for my grammatical errors...
I'm so DONE with having my sis tell me I need to give it a rest and stop working out already. In the beginning, she was very supportive, always saying I'm doing a great job but more and more it's been nothing but negativity from her. I'm by no means starving myself nor do I look emaciated, so WHY is she doing this? I've explained on numerous occasions to her that my focus is not my weight on the scale but more my body shape (inch loss) and my health! I'm also focused on a having a nice tummy, and of course I know there is no such thing as spot reduction, so I continue to cardio & lifting because that's my goal... So NO, I'M NOT DONE!!
But she WON'T stop! Just yesterday, I was in my kitchen (my back was to her) and she says... Wow you're waist is so tiny (then she puts her hands on my waist) and says, I can feel your ribs... If someone were to give you a bodyshot, (as in PUNCH me in the ribs!!) you would pass out!... SERIOUSLY, who even thinks that?! Immediately, I turned around and said... "I'm proud of having a small waist now! I've worked HARD for this change in my body! Don't you remember me at 205lbs?" ... She then, touches my chin and says, aww look at your face (with this sad puppy look) :explode: ... By this point, I'm angry but trying to keep my composure.. So, I simply said, I'm not DYING woman! And I walked out... I don't understand, she's not overweight, but she is what many might call skinnyfat (IMO it's because she drinks ALOT)... she used to tell me she wanted to join me in my workouts, but now she calls me obsessed! I just don't get it!
We don't see eachother that often, but lately everytime we do, she's ALWAYS being negative. And honestly, the ONLY time she does compliment me, is when she's had ALOT to drink!
It feels really good to let this out and to whoever took the time to read this, thanks for "listening" I feel MUCH better! :flowerforyou:
I'm so DONE with having my sis tell me I need to give it a rest and stop working out already. In the beginning, she was very supportive, always saying I'm doing a great job but more and more it's been nothing but negativity from her. I'm by no means starving myself nor do I look emaciated, so WHY is she doing this? I've explained on numerous occasions to her that my focus is not my weight on the scale but more my body shape (inch loss) and my health! I'm also focused on a having a nice tummy, and of course I know there is no such thing as spot reduction, so I continue to cardio & lifting because that's my goal... So NO, I'M NOT DONE!!
But she WON'T stop! Just yesterday, I was in my kitchen (my back was to her) and she says... Wow you're waist is so tiny (then she puts her hands on my waist) and says, I can feel your ribs... If someone were to give you a bodyshot, (as in PUNCH me in the ribs!!) you would pass out!... SERIOUSLY, who even thinks that?! Immediately, I turned around and said... "I'm proud of having a small waist now! I've worked HARD for this change in my body! Don't you remember me at 205lbs?" ... She then, touches my chin and says, aww look at your face (with this sad puppy look) :explode: ... By this point, I'm angry but trying to keep my composure.. So, I simply said, I'm not DYING woman! And I walked out... I don't understand, she's not overweight, but she is what many might call skinnyfat (IMO it's because she drinks ALOT)... she used to tell me she wanted to join me in my workouts, but now she calls me obsessed! I just don't get it!
We don't see eachother that often, but lately everytime we do, she's ALWAYS being negative. And honestly, the ONLY time she does compliment me, is when she's had ALOT to drink!
It feels really good to let this out and to whoever took the time to read this, thanks for "listening" I feel MUCH better! :flowerforyou:
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Replies
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*hugs0
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Well, its a GOOD thing that you don't see her that much! Just TRY to ignore her negative comments. Maybe if she sees that she doesn't rile you up, she will just shut up. You need to surround yourself with more supportive people. *I* am jealous of your 74 pound weight loss. I am at a friggin platou now and am wondering if I will ever get to the 50lb weight loss, lol.
Jan0 -
There are probably all sorts of pop psychology reasons we could collectively come up with for your sister's actions/words. In the final analysis though...it doesn't matter. You've done an wonderful job at achieving YOUR goals. Woot!
Just smile, nod, and say, "Thank you for the input." then move on to another subject. Nothing she can say will change the fact that you're looking great, you're feeling great, and you're doing what is best for you. As I tell my students, just think of someone's negative words like a magpie chattering at the window...a bit annoying but it doesn't change YOU.
You're doing great..:bigsmile:0 -
Doris,
All I can said is "Hater"
Of course she was supportive when you were big, because people don't think you can reach your goals,
Once you're there, they try to discourage you not to continue just because you look fabulous
You ROCK girl. Don't let that bother you, This is a lifestyle, is not temp. Not everybody understand that.
Keep up the good work, you are very motivational. Just say thank you and keep it moving.
She'll get it one day.0 -
@ swedishwillow, Thank you! {HUGS} back 'atcha
@ TIDDYBEAR, Thank you.. Don't give up, I've hit my fair share of plateaus and eventually you'll SMASH it to pieces!
@ migio357, Thank you very much You're kind words make alot of sense! 0 -
she is just jealous, ignore. :-)0
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Thank you so much alexa It's sad for me to think of my sister that way, but I know deep down inside you're right! This is why I prefer to post on MFP, the support is most definitely here! 0
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Just remember:
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My sister told me that it didn't look like I had lost any weight because my arms were big (I have muscular arms). So I responded by telling her, "how's about I wrap one of my 'fat' arms around your skinny neck and squeeze and then we can determine just how fat they really are.
Turns out she was REALLY jealous because when we were growing up, I was heavy and she wasn't. Now the tables are turned and she doesn't like that. Too bad!0 -
Thanks Lisa
:laugh: daffodil, I LOVE that... Thank you so much for the laugh... I'll definitely have to borrow that 0 -
LOL! poustotah, that's a GOOD ONE!! :laugh:0
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She's jelly. She doesn't want you to be hotter than her. I have a sister. I know how it is.0
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ignorrrrrrrrrrrrr. if thats what you look like now in your picca, shes just jelous because you have a good shape. working out isnt about loosing weight exactly!! its about health as you said. we only get one body. so we have got to look after it through good diet and health. if she wants to really feel some ribs tell her to come feel mine then she'll get a shock and shush up
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she is just jealous, ignore. :-)
100% jealous. She doesnt like how well youve done, as you probably get more attention now with family members commenting on your weight loss??
Just ignore her, although easier said than done. The next time she says something, just say "thank you for your concern, however Im happy with what I am doing so I would appreciate it if you could keep your opinions to yourself". The just change ths subject. People dont like to see other people suceed if they arent 100% comfortable within themselves,0 -
Doris...I don't know what your relationship is like with the Sis but....if she loves you and cares about you then maybe she is just concerned...some people see others losing weight and think something MUST be wrong...try to educate her and tell her why you are losing the weight...and then tell her that it hurts to hear her saying negative things about such a good thing you are doing for yourself!
BTW...I think you look great and should be proud of what you have done!0 -
Every family has a button-pusher! Try to take it in stride. It is afterall YOUR body, and if she wants to comment on it, don't give her the satisfaction of a reaction. A simple. "Uh-huh. That's an interesting point." will send any button-pusher over the edge! :-) Keep doing what you're doing!0
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Tell her that you've heard her message, you appreciate her concern, you've incorporated it into your decision, as an adult you are capable of making your own decisions, and you would appreciate if she didn't discuss the topic any longer.
She likely won't listen, especially if she's jealous, but then the next time it comes up you can just tell her that you've already asked her not to discuss it and ignore her.0 -
Well, the fact that she compliments you only when she has had a lot to drink (we do, after all, express our TRUE feelings when we hide behind alcohol/drugs), tells me that she IS very happy for you, but perhaps feels inadequate with her own self. She probably knows she needs to work out, stop drinking so much, etc., but lacks the self-control/will power (or whatever) to do that. Then, she sees YOU doing EXACTLY what you intended to do, and successfully, I might add, and it sends her in to a slow burn. So, if I were you, the next time she starts in on you, throw her a towel and say, "Hey, wanna come work out with me?". Jealousy sucks--especially when it is so easily remedied!0
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My sister is similarly irritating!!
Maybe:
Just point blank tell her to stop talking about your body in any way shape or form.
Calculate your BMI and shut her up with facts - your BMI is within the healthy range and you're not at risk for being underweight so she can shut up.
Tell her you're packed with muscles so you could take a bodyshot any day and then break the person who gave it to you in half.
Respond to all the negativity with a steady stream of unbreakable positivity: "omg you're SO skinny! you look sick" --> "I don't look sick, but thank you, I've worked really hard on my body." Or, even better, "huh. that's weird. I think I look great." SHRUG and walk away. 0 -
I'm gonna tell you that people will eventually understand. With my first daughter I had gained so much weight and it took so long to lose that after that I worked out 6 days a week since then. My sister in law would constantly tell me I was obsessed. They don't realize how important to stay fit. After years of me being this way she finally realized its the way to live and now she says she wishes she was like that. We are doing this for our health so nobody else truly understands. You be proud of yourself! You are doing what a lot of people wish they could do. Great job! 0
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Thank you all so much for the support :flowerforyou: I have to learn to let it roll off my back and not give her the satisfaction, it's just hard for me because I have the short temper to go along with my short stature LOL0
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Do your thing! Maybe she will eventually decide to make the change that SHE needs to make. These comments she's making aren't about you, they are about her. She is trying to make herself feel better by talking negatively to you. Try to let the comments roll off your back - or even take them as a compliment.... she wants to be YOU! 0 -
Do your thing! Maybe she will eventually decide to make the change that SHE needs to make. These comments she's making aren't about you, they are about her. She is trying to make herself feel better by talking negatively to you. Try to let the comments roll off your back - or even take them as a compliment.... she wants to be YOU!
Thank you :flowerforyou: I love the pic & I'll definitely work hard at letting it go. It's not worth the aggravation 0 -
This is coming from a straight girl....You are smoking hot.... She has to be jealous of you! Heck, I am jealous of you! I agree that the alcohol shows what she really feels, she wants to be you. I have a family member that I resent only because I wish I had it as easy as she did, I am jealous she doesn't have to work for a dime and I kill myself at work. That is jealousy. We all want something better. She is probably unhappy with her life (like I am) and she feels high and mighty when she puts you down. I think that if you turn it around on her and say that she is looking thinner as well, or just tell her you feel great and tell her you'd love a workout buddy. If my family member offered to help me instead of complaining about her life, then I wouldn't resent her so much.0
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Some good suggestions here.
I would add: try to remember that whatever is going on is HER issue, has to do what's going on in HER head (and not your body).0 -
That sucks! If she has always been thin and you have not, this could be fear of her no longer being the skinny sister or the more attractive sister, even if only in her own mind. Change, even change for the better, does funny things to people. Try to just ignore it as much as you can. After you stick with your goals for a while she will likely get used to the new you and lighten up.0
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"What other people think of me is none of my damn business!" -RuPaul
It's kind of my mantra lol. So when she starts in on you, just shut her down. Re-direct the conversation to something safe. She's the one with the problem, not you.
Keep up the good work! lol but if you're Dr. tells you need to take it easy, do it. Otherwise - keep it up!
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Maybe she does not have the courage to do what you are doing! I don't know about the rest of you but changing your life takes a lot of courage. I have always been overweight and a foodie! Yes I love my food, especially sweets and chips. My husband is a big man 6' 250lbs. I used to think it was ok for me to be larger because he is a larger man. He has always said that he loves me whether I am 100 lbs or a1000 lbs. He has seen me at my best and at my worst, he is 100% supportive of my decision to get healthy but... he still eats chips and stuff in front of me and I find that hard. So now because of MFP I actually will look at serving sizes and determine based on my calories whether or not I want to eat them.
Today we were on the run and he was hungry got himself a big bag of chips and I (proudly) ate only 9 chips because it was half a serving and I could! The best part is that I could stop too. This site has helped me so much .
As for your sister, relationship dynamics change as we do... I am still fundamentally the same person, but I have more pep in my step. I am more likely to go for a walk at night rather than sit and watch tv. Or I go downstairs to my elliptical and spend an hour there while my tv show is on. Every little bit helps. Maybe she does not know/have the determination to make the changes in her life to become more healthy0 -
I've suggested many many times we should get together for workouts, but her reply is always the same... "I don't need to workout like that, because I don't have to lose weight!" I've heard that so many times, it's been at least 6 months since the last time I asked her and unless she suggests it, I won't ever invite her again.
But, thank you all so much for the positive feedback :flowerforyou: You have no idea how much better I feel reading all of your replies. I know I have to let it go and I WILL do just that
At least if/when it happes again, I'll have plenty of things to come back with... Thanks to all of u Or I might just let it burn and ignore her comments altogether. :bigsmile: 0 -
I'd just be her drink supplier. Problem solved.
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0
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