Men vs. women- perspective?

hbrittingham
hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
edited November 12 in Chit-Chat
I work out at a great gym. I am there 7 days a week and the employees all greet me by name. The manager is a really, really nice guy with a very loud, penetrating voice who yells a hello to me every time I get there and goodbye every time I leave.

So on Monday I checked in and was walking past him. He greets me by name and then says, "look at you, you are starting to slim down!". In his booming voice. In front of everyone.

As a woman, I was mortified. I felt like he was implying that I am fat and am just starting to get slim.

My logical side says that he was trying to give me a compliment and I should accept it as so.

How would other women take it? Do men think he was just being nice and not implying that I am fat?

FWIW, I know I am not fat, but I have been fat and it still nags at me sometimes.
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Replies

  • rammsteinsoldier
    rammsteinsoldier Posts: 1,552 Member
    Take it as a compliment and move on. Don't over think it.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Take it as a compliment and move on. Don't over think it.

    This.
  • k8lyn_235
    k8lyn_235 Posts: 507 Member
    i think when you have been overweight in the past, you associate a comment like that with being called fat. also, as women i think we are more sensitive to comments of that nature.

    but guys are simple and sometimes words don't come out right! i'm almost positive he meant it in a nice way to just say - way to go! i don't think he meant you were fat before, maybe he meant you are getting leaner and more fit :) that's how i would take it! don't stress about it. :)
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    He was only trying to say something positive, even if it came out wrong. Take it as a 100% well intended compliment, even if he could have phrased it better.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I'm certain he meant it as a compliment. They always do. But I'm a weirdo and hate hate hate when people notice my weight loss and say something about it. Makes me all kinds of uncomfortable.

    But I'm a great actress. I smile and say thank you. I've got a great smile.
  • Tari_D
    Tari_D Posts: 121 Member
    take it as a compliment :-) I think it's just a general nice thing to say in a gym, it doesn't mean your fat it just means he think everyone would like to hear that.
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
    He was only trying to say something positive, even if it came out wrong. Take it as a 100% well intended compliment, even if he could have phrased it better.

    Agree with this!
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
    Take it as a compliment! For sure.

    also, isn't that what you are trying to do? slim down?
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I agree with everyone else... Guys are more blunt than women... they don't try to hide different meaning in what they say (unless of course they are politicians, but that's a different subject all together)... I would take it as a compliment as well.
  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
    Any man over 5 years old knows better to intentionally call a woman fat. Being an employee I would reckon he was sincere and trying to pay you a compliment. He seems like a jovial individual. Take it for what it's worth! He has probably noticed your slimming down as a result of your hard work which he has seen the progress in. Outside of the gym and a person not seeing you for awhile? Maybe unsensitive but even then. If it were opposite (man, you've gained a little weight), then I would be pissed.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Take it as a compliment and move on. Don't over think it.

    This.

    Times 3.

    (And for the record, to all the people who complain that "no one says anything" when they lose weight, this OP's reaction is why!!)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    It was a compliment. Don't over analyze it at all.
  • chrimsonfyre
    chrimsonfyre Posts: 21 Member
    I think he meant it as a compliment and it should be taken that way. I don't think he was wanting to embarrass you. Sometimes people speak before they think...
  • Julzanne72
    Julzanne72 Posts: 468 Member
    don't over think it, it was a complient, and you should take it as such!
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    This is why I use cat calls and shout out.
    "Hey baby, you got some fries to go with that shake"
    Also I have been knows to yell out variations on "you looking so fine doll face"

    I would never be so rude as to mention that a girl has slimmed down.
  • izzydino
    izzydino Posts: 254 Member
    Compliment:)
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Take it as a compliment and move on. Don't over think it.

    This.

    Times 3.

    (And for the record, to all the people who complain that "no one says anything" when they lose weight, this OP's reaction is why!!)

    I have to disagree. He had absolutely no idea that I might have taken it any way except for a compliment. I smiled and told him thank you. I would never let him know that it might have embarrassed me because I was pretty sure he meant it as a compliment.

    As I said in my OP, he is a really, really nice person and would never intentionally say anything mean to someone.
  • L2M1D52
    L2M1D52 Posts: 616 Member
    I'd take it as a compliment and have done so when ppl tell me. Since he does know you are going to the gym, I'm sure he wanted to show you appreciation for your efforts. :happy:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Take it as a compliment and move on. Don't over think it.

    This.

    Times 3.

    (And for the record, to all the people who complain that "no one says anything" when they lose weight, this OP's reaction is why!!)

    I have to disagree. He had absolutely no idea that I might have taken it any way except for a compliment. I smiled and told him thank you. I would never let him know that it might have embarrassed me because I was pretty sure he meant it as a compliment.

    As I said in my OP, he is a really, really nice person and would never intentionally say anything mean to someone.

    I don't mean your reaction in the moment. I mean that clearly you didn't ACTUALLY take it well. People don't know what kind of reaction they'll get commenting on someone's weight, no matter how much they mean it as a compliment. So they say nothing.
  • BeingWiser
    BeingWiser Posts: 65
    Take it as a compliment and move on. Don't over think it.


    AMEN SISTER!! Your over thinking this!
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    I think it's a total compliment. He's commending your hard work.
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
    Proof we are doomed as a species and men have no chance. Even a seemingly innocuous compliment can be completely taken the wrong way.
  • HealthyAlison
    HealthyAlison Posts: 112 Member
    Take it as a compliment and move on. He sees you working out everyday so he knows it's probably something you've been working on. (As a former teacher, it's one of those finer points you have to learn, who likes their praise in public and who prefers it to be more private.)
  • jdbaker01
    jdbaker01 Posts: 41 Member
    from my experiences men always seem to notice, how much weight you have put on, i would love to walk by and have a bloke say wow look at you, you've lost so much weight....take it as a compliment!!!!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    from my experiences men always seem to notice, how much weight you have put on, i would love to walk by and have a bloke say wow look at you, you've lost so much weight....take it as a compliment!!!!

    I must date men who lie or are just oblivious because I've never had a man I was involved with say anything when I've gained. When I reached my heaviest (about 20 pounds more than when I met the current SO) and said I needed to get serious about losing, he was shocked.
  • _HeathBar_
    _HeathBar_ Posts: 902 Member
    Let me guess, you also get mad at people for complementing your cloths because it implies you usually wear rags.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I think that is a lovely compliment. I suspect that he wanted to tell you that you look good while encouraging you to keep up the excellent work.
  • Fubar_Bill
    Fubar_Bill Posts: 120 Member
    Okay, I have to ask: What is the correct way to compliment someone who looks great and is obviously working hard to get there?

    As I guy I always find that it is a bit of a mine field trying to figure out the "right" thing to say to compliment a lady without sounding like you are coming onto them.
  • fourluvbugs
    fourluvbugs Posts: 194 Member
    This is why I use cat calls and shout out.
    "Hey baby, you got some fries to go with that shake"
    Also I have been knows to yell out variations on "you looking so fine doll face"

    I would never be so rude as to mention that a girl has slimmed down.

    Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!!

    OP, I agree with the others that it was intended as a compliment to you and all the hard work you are putting in. I'd certainly take it that way. :) Congratulations!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Okay, I have to ask: What is the correct way to compliment someone who looks great and is obviously working hard to get there?

    As I guy I always find that it is a bit of a mine field trying to figure out the "right" thing to say to compliment a lady without sounding like you are coming onto them.

    When I lost 34 pounds, my male coworkers took a LONG time to say anything. When they did, it was just along the lines of, "Have you lost weight? I noticed before, but wasn't sure if I should say something."

    It was non-creepy, office-appropriate and let me know people could see my results.
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