Relationship advice please :( - we're fighting about marriag

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Replies

  • m4wbag
    m4wbag Posts: 8 Member
    What he's really telling you is that he doesn't want to marry YOU. But he doesn't want to be single, so he's going to keep you on a string until someone better comes along.

    Sorry. :-(

    Sorry but this is exactly the right answer.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    What he's really telling you is that he doesn't want to marry YOU. But he doesn't want to be single, so he's going to keep you on a string until someone better comes along.

    Sorry. :-(

    Sorry but this is exactly the right answer.

    Sorry I agree to. U deserve better. Get out! X
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,298 Member

    The special girl in my life, would be the first part of my plans.... Not playing second fiddle.

    Oh and this. Completely this.

    Ever thought of visiting Australia? ;p

    Seriously though, as teripendleton said , it's the guys that are telling you to resist hanging around in your current situation. It's because we have been in situations that generate those same feelings. I can tell the difference between the convenience of being with someone for the sake of it or actually dying to want to be with them. Don't settle for someone that won't make you a priority in their life.
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 928 Member
    what are your ages? i think that will clarify a lot.
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
    Not wanting to get married in general, and not wanting to get married to you are two different things to think about. If he really is apposed to marriage, don't push him on the topic. A relationship doesn't 'need' a piece of paper. However, if he wants to get married some day, but says you aren't the one, then I would just say, "Thanks, but no thanks" and call it over.

    As for the whole moving to another state thing, have you ever straight up asked him, "Hey, do I fit into these plans?" Maybe he thinks you wouldn't want to move? There could just be a whole mess of misunderstandings.
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member

    The special girl in my life, would be the first part of my plans.... Not playing second fiddle.

    Oh and this. Completely this.

    Ever thought of visiting Australia? ;p

    Seriously though, as teripendleton said , it's the guys that are telling you to resist hanging around in your current situation. It's because we have been in situations that generate those same feelings. I can tell the difference between the convenience of being with someone for the sake of it or actually dying to want to be with them. Don't settle for someone that won't make you a priority in their life.

    Haha, if you meant me, sorry. I have a lovely boyfriend!

    Wasn't it Maya Angelou that said 'Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option'? OP, take this wise lady's advice!
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
    Whatever stage your relationship is in the feelings need to be mutual or it won't work.


    I was in a long distance relationship, It lasted about 5 months. That's when we both decided we couldn't spend one more day without each other and moved in together. That was 2 1/2 years ago. And we couldn't be happier. The relationship works because we want the same things. We have talked about marriage, but there is no need to rush. We are already enjoying growing old together :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,298 Member

    The special girl in my life, would be the first part of my plans.... Not playing second fiddle.

    Oh and this. Completely this.

    Ever thought of visiting Australia? ;p

    Seriously though, as teripendleton said , it's the guys that are telling you to resist hanging around in your current situation. It's because we have been in situations that generate those same feelings. I can tell the difference between the convenience of being with someone for the sake of it or actually dying to want to be with them. Don't settle for someone that won't make you a priority in their life.

    Haha, if you meant me, sorry. I have a lovely boyfriend!

    Wasn't it Maya Angelou that said 'Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option'? OP, take this wise lady's advice!

    Oh well, you never know hey haha. Got to try lol.
  • stephensmith0929
    stephensmith0929 Posts: 160
    Is this really what MFP has come too!?!?!? I think this is a FB issue!
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
    This sounds to me like he's trying to let you down slowly.

    If I was saying this to my girlfriend (I'm married, BTW), it would mean that I was no longer interested in our relationship and was already considering something else.

    The best advice? Talk to him about it. Ask him straight up.
  • CaoimheAine
    CaoimheAine Posts: 195
    You're asking complete strangers, over the internet to give advice about YOUR personal relationship???

    As if that doesn't speak for itself... Anyway he sounds like a douche, move on and find someone who is perfect for you.
  • mischa_12
    mischa_12 Posts: 126 Member
    Thank you so much for all your insightful replies. He did previously mention marriage quite a bit, that is until he started having all these massive changes in his life with his career and sadly a family member passing away.

    We have only spent a month living together so I think when I go back to his state again we will have a better chance of seeing how things will work. I don't want marriage at this stage, of course it would have been nice to have that option because I do love him a lot...who knows, maybe he might change his mind after we get to spend time together in person again.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Thank you so much for all your insightful replies. He did previously mention marriage quite a bit, that is until he started having all these massive changes in his life with his career and sadly a family member passing away.

    We have only spent a month living together so I think when I go back to his state again we will have a better chance of seeing how things will work. I don't want marriage at this stage, of course it would have been nice to have that option because I do love him a lot...who knows, maybe he might change his mind after we get to spend time together in person again.

    I hate to say it, but it is highly unlikely that he will change his mind. People just don't change their opinions and beliefs on a whim. If you want to get married, and he doesn't, that will create resentment in your relationship for as long as it survives. I understand that you love him, but if your goals and his don't match, it's not meant to be.
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
    One of the hardest lessons to learn.. when someone tells you they don't want to marry you, (especially after talking about marriage with you before), they are telling you the truth. He's trying to word it in a way that he has his disclaimer out, so he will not feel guilty for using you when he wants you.
  • bluberrygoo
    bluberrygoo Posts: 222 Member
    If you are in relationship with him, then he should already be commited to you. Marriage is just the next step. If he's saying he doesn't want be commited to you, then break up with him. Simple.
  • peekaabooo
    peekaabooo Posts: 19
    I did the long distance thing a few years back and trust me its not the road you want to go down. If its been years of this and you guys aren't together physically yet then my suggestion is move on. You say that you spend a month together which is great but if he isn't including you in his future plans then that's your answer. Hun, if he really wanted to be WITH you then he would be.Don't waste your time or your heart on someone who doesn't sound very serious right now about you. Its hard to move on from love and the what ifs with long distance but you deserve someone who cares and wants to include you IN their life.

    All the best :)
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