Un supportive husband anyone??

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nataliefamily3
nataliefamily3 Posts: 190
in Motivation and Support
It's so much tougher for me to keep motivated because my husband just does not want me to loose weight!! He thinks I care to much about it look great all that but i am just not happy. He says that he can't see the 35 pounds I have held onto, even after showing him pictures depicting a huge difference pre to post baby... Does any one else have a husband who wants them to stay the same weight they are and makes it hard for them to loose anything? He always offers me junk food wants me to hang out with him instead of exercise etc... Any ideas on how to get him behind me?!?!
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Replies

  • Donnacoach
    Donnacoach Posts: 540 Member
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    My husband loves me the way I am. I HATE me the way I am. He tends to bring home chips, chocolate, and other yummy's while I am trying to lose weight. He thinks he is being nice by buying me treats and I don't want to hurt his feelings. It's frustrating to say the least, since I really have no will power. Finally, I had to tell him to please stop. He has for the most part, but occasionally will still bring me home chocolate treats. I just have to learn to say no.
  • sevencallmemom
    sevencallmemom Posts: 505 Member
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    My dh (who really is a great guy) was a serious jerk about any attempt I made at weight loss for YEARS. Finally, about 14 months ago, I just stopped letting his attitude get to me. He tried everything...my favorite junk food, picking fights...and somehow I was able to stick to my guns. About 50 pounds later people started really noticing what I was doing and talking to him about it and he's been supportive ever since. Not perfect, but no longer actively standing in my way at every turn.

    I know it's hard, but you really can do this even without his support. Hang in there!
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
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    I have some of that. You may want to consider building a network - to get support from and to give it back. I believe that is important. If possible, find some that are in person as well as online.

    You can do this. Don't let him stop you. This is a way to gain some independence from the hubs and family... do it for yourself and with those that want it as bad as you do.
  • FairyTerri
    FairyTerri Posts: 22
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    sounds like he is afraid that if you look good he will loose you. Does he have insecurity problems? Some men just don't like change at all.
  • bander21
    bander21 Posts: 40 Member
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    My boyfriend is not unsupportive, but sometimes he tells me I'm fine the way I am, He will love me no matter what I weigh. But I realized it is HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF. I have to love myself, in order to love other people and to love life. He is getting better, and he is realizing how important health is. It is hard, and when he is drinking soda, beer, and eating pizza I HAVE TO DIG DEEP and find MY will power to drink my water and eat my grilled chicken breast. It is a challenge, but it will make you feel great when you reach your goal. Be happy he loves you, for you! Thats how I see it. I believe when Brandon (my boyfriend) see's my results, he will see how hard I have worked he will start easing up, and start putting some effort in to! ONE STEP AT A TIME, YOU CAN DO IT!!! DO IT FOR YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE! YOUR HEALTH MATTERS!
  • cheree1969
    cheree1969 Posts: 98 Member
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    My husband loves me the way I am. Its not that he is unsupportive, but he is afraid I am going to lose too much weight and dump him. I have explained that I am doing this for me. So I look and more importantly, feel better. But I think deep down he is worried.
  • sevencallmemom
    sevencallmemom Posts: 505 Member
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    sounds like he is afraid that if you look good he will loose you. Does he have insecurity problems? Some men just don't like change at all.

    I know in my case that was true...i called him on it recently and he admitted it.
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    Whether or not your husband needs to lose weight, he needs to be healthy so he can be a father to your child. So maybe try to include him in exercise when you can (but not when it's your alone time) and the cooking for the family. Also, he might just be missing you on some level...afraid that you're growing away from him. That doesn't mean you need to stop what you're doing, but remind yourself, you're doing it for you, and your baby and husband. If you're happy and healthy, so will everyone else be healthy and happy, even if it doesn't seem that way at times.
  • sunnynsac
    sunnynsac Posts: 1
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    I think part of it is that even though ultimately, they want us to be healthier and thinner, they don’t want to have to sacrifice as we do it. Especially when you do the shopping and cooking plus now disappear to exercise…that puts less attention on them and maybe more responsibility. Never met a man who took that well. Just ignore him.
  • teenya20
    teenya20 Posts: 73 Member
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    My husband is JUST starting to turn around.....and I think that it is totally because I refuse to back down or give up. For him it was totally an insecurity thing, he could not accept me wanting something for me - felt that if it was not good enough that HE thought I looked good that I must be doing it for the attention of other men. I had to fight being really pissed at his chauvanistic attitude and just keep talking in positive terms....how great I was feeling, each milestone I hit.

    In the last 2-3 weeks he has even started taking an interest in his own physical health. He has started watching what he eats, hitting the weights a bit and even went for a run with me last week! He has stopped insulting my reasons and started praising my accomplishments.

    STICK WITH IT! Talk about your goals and reasons openly and someone who loves you will come around and want to be part of your success! In the meantime, lots of us here to help! :)
  • addman72
    addman72 Posts: 220
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    Im in a similar position but its my wife.

    She's all for me losing weight but brings bad food into the house and unintentionally sabotages me. She needs to lose weight and talks about losing it but its more talk than walk.

    What you need to remember is you are doing it for you , not him , he is the one with the problem.

    Stay strong and you will succeed , hubby will eventually appreciate the result.
  • W0zzie
    W0zzie Posts: 262 Member
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    @Addman - "What you need to remember is you are doing it for you , not him , he is the one with the problem." Hear Hear!!!

    & there must be cloning or something going; I have the exact same issue with my lady - "needs to lose weight and talks about losing it but its more talk than walk." And unfortunately my eldest son too - who is in most need of dropping kilos :( They talk & sort of try but no conviction & carry through. I don't cop so much sabotage anymore - they have finally got the gist - but it still does happen...
  • MonkeyMoo08
    MonkeyMoo08 Posts: 24
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    My husband tells me I'm beautiful and loves me no matter my appearance, but because I hate the way I look, he understands that I want to change. That's not to say he is totally supportive, as he will give in really quick when I mention ice cream or going out to eat! That's my own fault though...I have to be stronger and cannot expect him to do that for me.

    My only advice is to either try talking to him so he can understand where you are coming from and why you want to lose the weight. It isn't just about you feeling you need to lose the pounds to look better, it's also about feeling better and being healthier. If he can't understand that, hopefully you can push past his offers for junk food and lose weight on your own! :)
  • momof8munchkins
    momof8munchkins Posts: 1,167 Member
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    My husband was the same with the junk food . He wasn't intentionally sabotaging me but he wasn't much help either. He was fine with me losing weight as long it it didn't interfere with how he wanted to eat... UNTIL we realized I have Celiac disease and half the children are having food issues as well.Eating healthy has became about keeping us safe first and foremost,.. He is very supportive NOW and mosty eats like the family does.. he is much more thoughtful about his food choices as well.. it just took him a while to get on board. Keep at it.. hopefully your hubby will come around when he sees how important it is to you.
  • katemiddletonisawesome
    katemiddletonisawesome Posts: 152 Member
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    My boyfriend used to be that way, until I lost the weight. Now, he actually pushes me to go to the gym.

    I think it's just a guy thing - they're trying to be supportive by being loving instead of honest.
  • Lyra89
    Lyra89 Posts: 674 Member
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    I've been with my partner for 2 and a half years, and was much heavier when we first met. He always looks healthy and fit and doesn't have to watch what he eats, he doesn't pig out but he eats whatever he fancies on the day. He also walks a lot.

    With me, it is SO hard to lose weight, let alone maintain the weightloss! He constantly offers me things he knows that I'm trying to avoid, and he wont eat the same dinners as me as they are too healthy/low calorie for his liking :noway:

    He also constantly tells me he doesn't want me to lose any more weight & doesn't think I need to, but I'm also not happy. I want to be fit and toned.

    I'm getting really into fitness and running, be he isn't, and I sometimes I wish he had this newfound hobby too as it would bring us even closer together!
  • rayvaughn76
    rayvaughn76 Posts: 4 Member
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    My husband loves me the way I am. Its not that he is unsupportive, but he is afraid I am going to lose too much weight and dump him. I have explained that I am doing this for me. So I look and more importantly, feel better. But I think deep down he is worried.

    I think this is the root of the problem for most non-supportive spouses, male and female - insecurity. But, it is a health issue, and anyone who attempts to obstruct progress, even by saying "I'll love you at any weight" is wrong.
  • CCChaos625
    CCChaos625 Posts: 55 Member
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    I agree with StacieL. Get a support system that has a good give and take. Inperson friends will help keep you motivated by going for that walk or job with you, while online they can help with words and additional emotional support needed on our journies for healthier selves.

    My husband in the begining was supportive of me, but didn't realize by bringing home the 2 L bottles of reg soda, chips, cookies, ect, that it was a temptation. A temptation that in many years previously I had given into. Somehow since I really started this time on my treck in Sept 2010 I have been focused. I can say no to the goodies, I can let him sit/sleep on the couch and do my wii zumba/EA Sports/ JM ultimatum/ Jenny McCarthy workouts. I just don't care if he is having a lazy day.

    I am doing this for us, and the family I hope for us to have- but ULTIMATELY for the FIRST TIME..... I am doing this for ME.
    and it is a great feeling!!!!

    Today marked 6 months and I hit my 60 pound mark! Good luck, if you need that online support- feel free to add me!
  • Polly758
    Polly758 Posts: 623 Member
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    If he can't see the weight you've gained, then he won't notice when you've lost it back, right?

    He's bull****ting you. It's a kind and loving bull****, and maybe he really thinks he's doing what's right, but that's what it is. Call him on it.

    As someone else on this thread pointed out, he's acting as though his version of reality should be good enough for you-- like his opinion is more important than yours. You might not be able to change HIS mind about that, but you have to change your mind. If you wanna do it, and he's gonna block you, then PLAN FOR THAT. He might never support you and it'll be easier if you accept that possibility.

    And if he's bringing you junk food like it's a gift, look him strait in the eye while you put it in the trash. I dare you! :D
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
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    I'm struggling with having a new partner in my life and having that fit with my health goals. He has bought me stuff that didn't fit in with the plan, and discouraged me from getting up early in the morning for my workouts.

    However, recently I was sad because I had put on weight, and he started to feel guilty that it had only happened since we've been together. So, it has helped him understand where I am coming from and he is now more on board, but it is a work in progress.

    Sometimes we actually give out mixed messages, and they think we don't really mean it. I suggest if we stick to our guns they'll eventually get the hint.

    GG

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