Am I just being paranoid?

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femmi1120
femmi1120 Posts: 473 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, I stared working out in early January and around that same time, I started going to my neighborhood's boot camp classes. They're only 30 minutes in the morning (Mon, Wed, Fri), but they have made a HUGE difference for me and aside from spring break when I was out of town, I have been to every Monday and Wednesday class. It makes me feel really great and while I've seen little progress in my weight/inches, I've noticed huge improvements in overall fitness which I owe mostly to this class.

Now on to the problem. My mom seems to be deliberately trying to keep me from going. Almost every morning before my class, my room is too messy or she needs help doing something or other, or when I have trouble setting up doctor's appointments (since myschool schedule makes it difficult) she always tells me to skip my boot camp class. It's only half an hour... 30 minutes I take out of my day for ME.

When I was super overweight, she would constantly make comments about my body and how much I ate, and now that I'm making a change, she can't let me have those 30 minutes?
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Replies

  • SusanleeBee
    SusanleeBee Posts: 144 Member
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    Sounds like sabotage. You should (nicely) confront her. She may not even realize she's doing it.
  • LesliePierceRN
    LesliePierceRN Posts: 860 Member
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    Yep, it's a control issue on her part. No matter what you do, it'll burn her hyde that she's not controlling it. I have a mom just like that. I just look at her and shrug and tell her that I've got this scheduled, I'm going and I'll do what it is that she wants me to do when I get back. If she gives me grief, I go anyway, and then don't do whatever it was she wanted. I will not be cowed or bullied, not even by my own mother.
  • 714rah714
    714rah714 Posts: 759 Member
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    You need to have a heart to heart with your mom and let her know not only how important these classes are to you, but how good they make you feel about yourself when you do them.
  • feistymoon
    feistymoon Posts: 152
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    Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? I would take the "softly softly" approach and ask her is she aware that the things she asks you to do seem to conflict with your workout time.

    Perhaps meet each other half way- tell her you'll set aside any time she wants, except for those times you're at your class. That way you're still doing what she wants
  • NYCDutchess
    NYCDutchess Posts: 622 Member
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    Maybe she is jealous, can you possibly invite her to go?

    But over all you are an adult, noone can stop you from going. Just stick to it. Then clean your room lol :)
  • Meloonie
    Meloonie Posts: 144 Member
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    Have you tried sitting down with her and explaining how important this is to you and how it makes you feel good? I'm sure if you tried explaining in this way she wont be offended and she might ease of a little.

    Good luck.

    xxx
  • Annette8479
    Annette8479 Posts: 82 Member
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    Hmmmm, just mention it to her. My mom is like that - one of those moms where it's always a no win situaton. For some reason, when I started working out, she gave me a hard time about leaving my kids in the gym's nursery for an hour and a half, five days a week. But then, when I'm fat, she gives me a hard time about that too! Ugh!
  • harley0269
    harley0269 Posts: 384 Member
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    everything else can wait for 30 minutes, but your health cant!
    you just keep doing what you need to do for you!! your doing great!!
    dont worry about your mom. her hang-ups are on her. she will come around sooner or later.
    you cant please anyone but your self.
    health, happiness & love starts with you first!!! :flowerforyou:
  • luckybunny84
    luckybunny84 Posts: 82
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    Tell her how important those 30 minutes are to you and maybe invite her to go with you. Sometimes people just dont realize that you enjoy or need something because they don't value it.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    Sounds like sabotage. You should (nicely) confront her. She may not even realize she's doing it.

    I agree. Change, even needed change, is really hard for some people to deal with. They can sabotage you without meaning to. Talk to her. Let her know how important it is to you.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    Your mom is probably not sabotaging you or jealous. You can talk to your mom about what is going on, or you can always find your own place. Many 22 year olds are going to school and not living with their parents. Freedom from parental nagging doesn't ever go away completely, but it does get to be less when you don't live in their house.
  • kassied09
    kassied09 Posts: 397
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    See, I know where you are coming from. When I was my heaviest I heard "you need to eat better" and all of that jazz. Nothing too rude, obviously, but the hints were always there. I have lost 70+ pounds, work out 5+ times a week, eat HEALTHY and live an overall healthy lifestyle. And now the song changes to me being "obsessed" and my dad actually tells me that he wants to see and my boyfriend "stop eating that healthy crap all the time" and purposely buys junk food and wants us to have it. I don't take it personally, I know that he misses cooking food for all of us and doesn't like to see that we eat a lot better than he does. Plus, he is probably a little worried that we have gone "too far". Just remember how you would look at super healthy people in the past- have you ever thought anything along the lines of, "I understand being healthy but that is just going TOO FAR"? I know I have and I realize maybe I was too quick to judge and they are too. Or maybe they wish they had the willpower that I do. Either way, I would take it with a grain of salt. :D
  • mrschappet
    mrschappet Posts: 488 Member
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    I would sit down and talk to her. Express your feelings but make sure you listen to her's as well. It may seem she is trying to "keep you from going" but in reality there is something else going on. Parents have a hard time communicating too sometimes ;-) It could be something as simple as she thinks you are slacking on chores or something.. Good Luck and keep up your great work :-) I <3 bootcamp!!!
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member
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    Have you tried having a civil heart-to-heart with her? Tell her how important these classes are to you and your overall health, how they make you feel and how you feel it's important to have some 'me' time and these 30 minute classes are them. Invite her to come along with you, even!

    If she still doesn't change after this, then it's probably best to just ignore her. You are 22 and thus an adult. Your mother can't stop you from doing anything. What she's doing may well be an attempt at sabotage, but only you can actually let her succeed.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Your mom is probably not sabotaging you or jealous. You can talk to your mom about what is going on, or you can always find your own place. Many 22 year olds are going to school and not living with their parents. Freedom from parental nagging doesn't ever go away completely, but it does get to be less when you don't live in their house.

    This.
  • chrisil25
    chrisil25 Posts: 6
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    Is your mom heavy? If she is she may be feeling jealous of your weight loss. Maybe eating food was something that you guys shared before and now she feels left out? Maybe get a good workout DVD that you enjoy so on the days she gives you a hard time you can have something to fall back on
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
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    After taking a break from the forums, I'm so glad to see that the MFP forums are still replete with persecution complexes.

    Everyone is jealous of MFP members, and working to sabotage them. :indifferent:
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Is it possible to move out? Regardless of her intentions, you're probably better off getting out in the world and making your universe your own.
  • 4FitChris
    4FitChris Posts: 10
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    Exact same issues with my wife. She encourages me to lose weight, but discourages a daily regimen. I tried to ignore the comments, but that didn't address the underlying cause, and created more stress. We assume it was that she wanted more of my time than I wanted to workout. So I gave up something else - sleep. I now workout at 4:30am and spend more time with her in the evenings (unfortunately, I'm in bed sleeping by 9:30). It's better, but she still feels her advice is right, even when doctors, trainers, and FDA disagree.
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    Your mom is probably not sabotaging you or jealous. You can talk to your mom about what is going on, or you can always find your own place. Many 22 year olds are going to school and not living with their parents. Freedom from parental nagging doesn't ever go away completely, but it does get to be less when you don't live in their house.

    This.

    It's not sabotage or jealousy - you live in her house and she would prioritize differently.

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