My stepdad is hurting not helping /venting

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  • AnnaTennent01
    AnnaTennent01 Posts: 4 Member
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    It's not much fun when you find your parents are directly ignoring and even contradicting your efforts; it seems that you are in a no win situation with him so stop worrying about it. My trainer suggests that one day a week I allow myself more than on other days and that way if I overload on one day then I can get back to normal and not feel too guilty.

    I notice that your family seems to be eating a lot of junk food, perhaps you could ask your Mom to get some more healthy stuff like fresh vegetables and cottage cheese. You also seem to be very carb heavy, which means that the volume that you are eating will be less than if you were filling up on raw carrots, tomatoes, etc... Just suggesting! I guess at you age you could start making responsible decisions for what you eat and also who cooks it, perhaps there is a cooking class near you which concentrates on dietary requirements as well as the basic cooking skills - it's a great and creative way to enjoy food at the same time as keeping control over what you eat.

    Hope that you have success, it takes time to change your diet and half of the battle is changing the sort of foodstuffs you eat. It is no joke that people say 'you are what you eat'. :flowerforyou:
  • Christineevenson165
    Christineevenson165 Posts: 1
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    Some people fear others success! It is time that you take control of your life and do not let the actions of others influence how your actions. Your health is your responsibility. Next time he brings pizza home and you feel that this is all there is to eat....pick off those nasty sausages and pepperoni and eat just one piece of cheese pizza but do not eat all the crust. Always keep fruit in the house; if necessary keep a bowl in your room. Always keep protein bars in your purse or workout bag. Today start cleaning up your eating habits...I did not check your food log but today choose to clean up your snacks. Once you've got that under control try cleaning up your breakfast. Not saying that I eat perfectly but feel free to checkout my food log anytime. Keep in mind I am a work in progress or I wouldn't be here. I have lost 70 pounds in 2 years and I have a long way to go. :blushing:
  • wildeone4
    wildeone4 Posts: 204 Member
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    Think of it more of eating healthier, not being on a diet. Everyone thinks of a diet in a negative way. Explain to them that you want to eat healthier because that is what our bodies need to fuel themselves. Any time "diet" is used, many people think of it negatively. This is a lifestyle change not a short term thing like a diet sounds like.
  • DivaDiane
    DivaDiane Posts: 73
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    I have also looked at your diary and you are not eating enough real food. If you can reduce the amount of processed food you eat and replace it with some real food made with real ingredients, you can actually eat a much greater quantity of food with a lot fewer calories/fat/sodium.

    By no means am I an expert, but try adding fruits, vegetables, and lean protein every day. You will feel better, look better, and probably lose some weight, too.
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 572 Member
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    That can be a bit frustrating, but I really don't think he is doing it to hurt you. I think he probably thought "well..McDonalds is just as bad as little Caesars....and you get more bang for your buck..WHY NOT?" Yup. Also, I checked out your food diary, it is not looking too great. Pizza for breakfast and corn pops will not get you to where you wish to be. But hey....good job so far..and just keep your goal in mind.
  • brearune
    brearune Posts: 26
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    Agreed with the others, and as someone living from home eating my parents food (oi.) Why not go shopping with them, and grab a few things just for you? I grabbed a nice low cal and high vitamin and fiber cereal, it's called Malt-O-Meal with honey. it tastes just like frosted flakes, but it gives me sooo many nutrients. I measure out a full cup, and a half cup of skim milk, and it's wonderful. I also get granola bars to have as snacks, and I get "chips" made out of air popped popcorn for when I get that urge to indulge :) So even indulging becomes less bad. Also, I looked at your diary... you NEED to be eating more calories!! I meet my goal every day, at least, even after a ton of exercise. I will force myself to eat more even if I dont feel like it, lol. Or ill have a glass of milk to up the calories. Also, make sure you drink plenty of water! the fluctuation is probably from water weight :)
  • ladykaisa
    ladykaisa Posts: 236 Member
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    Actually I am serious about the weight loss thank you. I have actually cut back because I would normally have eaten double that amount if it wasn't for this site and the friends I have on here that help me. Have you ever heard of cutting back in small steps before, and then get off of it?

    For drugs, yes. For smoking, yes. For Alcohol, yes. For artery clogging grease? No. Especially if you're young enough to still be living at home with no driving license.

    Not to be mean, but allowing yourself to keep going with junk food is not the best way to go about things. One greasy meal a day causes the body to "crave" the grease. Cold turkey that stuff for a week or two, replace the "greasy" craving with nuts, and see how much you'll drop. And how much better you'll feel.

    Sorry, no sympathy. I was an alcoholic, and a smoker along with emotional eating, and had all my favourite excuses. Including this one.

    Walk to the store. Go shopping with mom and buy your own healthy stuff. Hit up Subway instead of burgers and pizza.

    It's hard, when someone is underminding you. Is really is, and I feel for you. My hubs does close to the same thing. Difference? He can have the bag of chips, and I'll have my Kale chips. It's MY mouth. He can't FORCE me to eat unhealthy. There is *always* another option.

    Junk food as a "treat" is fine, once in a while. Not on a daily "lifestyle change".
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
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    Did you eat 2lbs of pizza? I don't mean to sound rude, but don't put a less that stellar week on someone else. Own it and move along. 2 pounds is not that big of a deal.
  • fitterpam
    fitterpam Posts: 3,086 Member
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    Just a quick comparison between your choice and what you actually ate:

    1 slice medium sausage & pepperoni LC pizza = 248 calories
    1 grilled chicken snack wrap with no sauce from MD = 230 calories

    Now granted there is a LITTLE more veggies in the grilled snack wrap, but I think you're kidding yourself here. The pizza has more sodium, but not that many more calories. They are equally bad from a calorie count perspective.....Time to start taking a little more responsibility for your choices.
  • alisahaggard
    alisahaggard Posts: 29
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    Wow - people are being rather unforgiving here. Yes - diet needs improvement - I'm sure she's heard the message. At 18, I had no bank account and I didn't have my own car. Going to the grocery to go shopping for family food was not a feasible option for me. Step back and remember what it was like to be living with your parents. It's very sad if this was the only thing in the house though - not even a can of tuna for a sandwich? some cheese and vegetables? Even cheerios would be a welcome change. I do have to agree with other posters about getting mom on your side as well. Who does the shopping? If it's mom, you should make and effort to go with her and find some easy meal alternatives to stock up around the house. Read the labels on what goes into the cart and try to find less calorie-rich alternatives. Try adding some sort of fresh or frozen veggie at every meal (canned stuff is loaded with sodium as well) - limit the starches and pre-prepared foods.This sounds like a situation where the whole family doesn't know how to eat and buying inexpensive fast food is a regular occurrence. I'm 5'8 and weigh 142 and I myself have gained 4-5 pounds from one day to the next just from sodium, esp when I am close to my period. I am extremely sensitive to the stuff. That being said, your processed food and fast food diet is loaded with the stuff. Until you get off that kind of food, it's going to be very difficult for you to track losses with any regularity. Also, drink more water - it takes me 2 days of drinking 3+ L a day to flush water weight out for me.
  • annafuentes
    annafuentes Posts: 2
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    First of all CONGRATULATIONS, you have already lost over 20 lbs ! Loosing weight is a long process, and your body might be stalling, and not to mention that it is difficult when you do not have the support that you need.
    The relationship with family can also be difficult. Your step dad might not be too excited about your progress, after all it shows that he is a failure in loosing weight and he might recent your sucess. When you are in these situatation, you need to find the strenght within yourself not to allow him to spoil your efforts. I also agree with some of the other comments. Keep your own stach of food. I stock my freezer with Lean Cusine. When the family has steak night, I simply walk away because I already ate my lean cusine and I am good. Ultimately the weight loss is up to you and you need to be aware that there will be those that wlil try to tempt you and spoil your efforts. Writing in a journal can help you sort out some of the feelings you have about family, your weight loss journey and what triggers you to get off track. Good luck and keep it up !
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
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    I honestly do not have a choice because there was almost literally nothing but some chili powder, green onions, and a soda, and I didn't touch any of them. I cannot go get groceries because I do not have a license just yet. I did workout very well that day so basically you could be right, it could just be the bloated feeling, but I might just have some kind of fear of gaining weight easily. I honestly don't think it's anorexia though because I eat quite a bit of food.

    Well, actually, we always have choices. But we have it drilled into us repeatedly that it's evil to skip meals. I'm gonna tell you what I've learned about people who sabotage you: they want you to fail. It sounds like your stepdad has given up and he wants you to fail b/c he failed. Don't give in. If there's nothing in the house, then fast and make a plan for the future.

    I know everyone is suggesting you talk to your stepdad, but I disagree. He has made his position known and clear. Your mom is your ally here and you need to make sure she realizes that. If your stepdad is going to sabotage you, cut him out. Next time he offers to get you something, say no thanks. Take the opportunity away from him.

    Who does the grocery shopping in your house? Sit down and decide what you DO want to eat for dinner for the next few days, figure out what it takes to make it, and talk to your mom about a grocery trip. Add a few items for "just in case" days, even if it's just bread and meat for sandwiches and some bananas. Include some healthy snacks, too. It's good that your cutting down on the junk food, but that's easier to do with healthier alternatives around.

    Where is the nearest grocery store? I don't know much about Shelby-in Durham I have one less than a mile away. If it's less than 2 miles, try walking there. Now you've got exercise and you're in control. If not, make a plan with your mom to get there.

    HTH
  • melanie_J
    melanie_J Posts: 136 Member
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    I have the same problem. But it's my husband bring in candy. However, if you are going to give into the temptation you have to learn to do it in moderation. My husband brought me 2 3-piece packs of turtles the other day. I've only eaten one, which I'm very proud of, as turtles are my weakness and I'd usually eat all 6 in one sitting if I went back to my old ways. Anyway, you just have to realize it's your choice as to what you eat. You can't blame others for it. Just hang in there and it gets easier!
  • SyntonicGarden
    SyntonicGarden Posts: 944 Member
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    I know this might sound terrible, but when I go grocery shopping I buy some stuff that only I can eat. Hubby and Son don't really care what is on the menu, but I will buy myself some things that (A) I know they won't like so (B) they won't eat it. OR if it might be something they would eat, I hide it from them. You might want to find a meal or some certain food that you can use to fall back on, in case this happens again. Even if it means some high protein bars, and maybe some fruit cups that you could put in a small container and keep in your closet, or some place that it won't be found. Something in an emergency, not as a regular meal.

    THIS!!!

    I try to keep the junk food out of the house and if I need it in the house, I'll pay a little more to have pre-packed portions (like paying $10 for 30 single-serving bags of potato chips). I also have stuff that my husband won't touch, like apples, bananas, and other things from the produce section. :)
  • fitterpam
    fitterpam Posts: 3,086 Member
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    Wow - people are being rather unforgiving here.

    I agree - but honestly, from my perspective, I'm giving the same advice as I give myself. I cannot put my poor choices on anyone other than myself - so I would hope, that the OP should be putting the end responsibility on herself. When I hear things like "I honestly did not have a choice" and then "I asked for snack wraps from McDonalds". That is a choice. There are other options and overall the perception that he was sabotaging her by getting her a pizza (which has relatively the same number of calories) is where I take exception. The snack wraps were not a great choice...own that! Notice that I marked them without sauce - when you add in the sauce, it's another 140 calories per wrap. So if that was the option, the 450 that she had just turned into a 1000 calorie meal for two small "snack" wraps. There was no sabotage except that she didn't get what she wanted...the pizza was actually a smaller calorie meal (2 slices vs. 2 wraps with sauce).

    I remember what it was like to have little to no cash for groceries ($20/week), no car, etc and was living on my own. It wasn't the healthiest time in my life, I'll admit that, but I focused on eating at home. I made the effort to cook and have leftovers. I walked to the grocery store and back. I made a small treat last longer than one sitting. One night a week was a treat night - it was pizza ($5 little Caesar) which helped with lunches for a few days past. I don't see much of that happening here......She relies on her parents to bring the food in, at which point, it becomes their choice......
  • ChihakuZeal
    ChihakuZeal Posts: 65
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    Ok, I'm going to lay down some stuff.

    1. I'm a guy, not a girl.

    2. The pizza and mcdonald's thing was just a one time thing. We rarely go get anything to eat, but due to lack of groceries to make any dinner, I had to pick one or the other, and I thought the snack wraps without the sauce was a much better choice because I personally thought that was the best thing you can get there. (Unfortunately, I didn't check the value.)

    3. The reason why I keep on eating the stuff that is in my diary is because that's normally what we get. I don't indulge on it fully, but partially. That's better than just goming the whole thing down. Now, my parents sometimes leave to go to the boat on weekends, and my mom and I go to the store and I do go grab lean cuisine and lean michelina's whenever I can. I'm not a guy that indulges on just junk, but I have to eat it most of the time because they think healthy food is expensive, and I honestly think they're right about that.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    He always does this to me when I want something... There was nothing else in the house to make something good, and I had no choice but to eat it since I only had about 450 calories inside me for yesterday. And now this morning was my weight day, and I weighed 208.5lbs. Last week I was 206 and there was no pizza that week...

    First things first - if he is always doing this to you - then BOTH you and your mother need to sit down with him.

    Secondly - you always have a choice. Was there nothing in the house because you didnt want to cook anything? Was it time to go grocery shopping? You cant use the excuse that the pizza was the only thing you could eat. I dont know if you have your driver's license ( I see from your profile youre 18), but if you do, you could always go out and grab some groceries to make a healthy meal that was within the calories left for the day. You could go get a good workout in to earn some calories back to have a decent meal.... you could always get more exercise to accomodate the fact you ate the pizza.

    If you are 2.5lbs more, its because of the salt of the pizza (you had sausage and pepperoni, the pizza sauce, salt in the pizza dough). Your bloated from the food and the fact you still have the food in your system until the next day you go to the bathroom. You didnt gain weight at all.

    Yes - your stepfather is being a jerk IMHO... but you need to hold yourself accountable for putting anything and everything in your mouth.

    Good luck with the discussion with your stepfather - he better get his act straightened out.
    I honestly do not have a choice because there was almost literally nothing but some chili powder, green onions, and a soda, and I didn't touch any of them. I cannot go get groceries because I do not have a license just yet. I did workout very well that day so basically you could be right, it could just be the bloated feeling, but I might just have some kind of fear of gaining weight easily. I honestly don't think it's anorexia though because I eat quite a bit of food.

    I never said "Anorexia" so I dont know where that is coming from (????)

    As far as the 'weight gain' you think you had, actually I know Im right. Pepperoni and sausage are preserved meats that contain sodium and nitrates. The pizza sauce also has salt and so does the crust.

    You always, always, always have a choice. You do have to accept responsibility. Youre at an age where you do know right from wrong, and to hold yourself accountable for the choices you make for yourself. Your the same age as my daughter actually.

    I highly doubt your home only had a condiment, a soda and a seasoning. Seems to me you really truly didnt want to make the effort. No home will let everything become that empty, especially if your stepfather can afford pizza for takeout. So, I think you really need to be much more honest with yourself.
  • sweettthings
    sweettthings Posts: 157 Member
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    My best advice would be to learn how to cook. It is a skill that will serve you well your entire life, will bring you great enjoyment, and it definitely impresses the ladies. ;) Try it once or twice and see what you think. Roast a chicken, it is incredibly easy and your family will think you are awesome!

    I sympathize with the baby steps approach to weightloss and fitness (I'm slooooowly easing into exercise myself), it can help, but you need to keep pushing yourself forward, trying to make each day or week a little better than the last.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Ok, I'm going to lay down some stuff.
    3. The reason why I keep on eating the stuff that is in my diary is because that's normally what we get. I don't indulge on it fully, but partially. That's better than just goming the whole thing down. Now, my parents sometimes leave to go to the boat on weekends, and my mom and I go to the store and I do go grab lean cuisine and lean michelina's whenever I can. I'm not a guy that indulges on just junk, but I have to eat it most of the time because they think healthy food is expensive, and I honestly think they're right about that.

    Sorry - but healthy food is not expensive if you know how to shop, where to get the sales, or even grow your own produce.

    You dont 'have' to eat junk food most of the time.

    And I do agree with the other members here.. you do, eat way too much junk type foods. If its coming from a drive through, a joint or out of a box of Hamburger Helper, that is all junk food.

    Its really time to take responsibility, stop creating excuses and really deal with the reality that you and your family need to make the necessary changes.
  • MrsLeibas
    MrsLeibas Posts: 43 Member
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    I have to agree with what most everyone has posted here, you have to take ownership of your choices! You decide what to put in your mouth, no one is forcing you to eat it. If you have gotten your mom to allow you to get Lean Cuisene and Lean Michealinas for when they go out on the boat, it shows that she's at least willing to negociate on what she buys for you to eat. However look at the amounts of SODIUM in those frozen dinners when you buy them ... some of them have 800-1000mg or more in one meal ... which isn't helping your weight loss at all.

    I'm sorry that you don't have parents that are more supportive with your weight loss goals, but you need to start making choices and I don't just mean food choices that will get you to your goals with weight loss and whatever else you want in life. Since you are 18 you don't HAVE to live under your parents roof any more ... sure this would mean getting a job that you can make enough money to move out into a place of your own or with a roommate but it is an option. Also you say you don't drive and I can understand that is a circumstance you can't change, but you could get a bus pass and use the mass transportation system within your town to get to and from work or to and from the grocery store to buy healthier choices. Also I like the suggestion of walking to the grocery store, because I will tell you that I have fortunate to have the option of driving to the store, but I have recently made the choice to walk to the store once in a while, and it helps with picking out the things that you NEED and not the things that you WANT because you have to be able to carry whatever you purchase home .... which means the walk home you will burn a few more calories than the walk there from carrying the items home.

    If moving out isn't an option due to finances or any other reason ... consider getting a job that you can earn enough money to buy your own groceries and enough money to buy a mini-fridge (like the college kids use in their dorms) so that you can keep the food you purchase in your room, and then take portion by portion to the kitchen to cook. Yes this would require you to have enough self control to not eat it except for at meal times.

    I am by no means perfect, and I know that my diet has plenty of room for improvement, but I don't blame my weight gain on anyone, when I stand on the scale, I know that the reason it has gone up is because I haven't followed my calorie allotment for the week. I don't think of it as DIET ... I think of it as LIFESTYLE CHANGE ... because that's what it really is. You should be eating the things that you are going to eat for the rest of your life if you plan on maintaining your weight loss.

    Oh and one final thing .. quit with the excuses ... it may sound mean but I read the entire thread of responses before I posted and I found one trend ... alot of people giving you the HONEST TRUTH about how to be successful and yes I know that the truth can hurt sometimes but it's still the truth, and what did you do every time you replied ... CAME UP WITH ANOTHER EXCUSE of why their advice wouldn't work! Start looking for SOLUTIONS to your food problems and not excuses!

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