Negative Comments/Support

Options
minnesota
minnesota Posts: 204 Member
in Motivation and Support
My weight loss journey started with a bet that I could lose more weight then my brother in law while he was deployed in Iraq. Well I didn't lose more then he did, but it started my journey. To date I have lost 71 pounds. I am very proud of myself and probably like a lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight like to talk about their accomplishments with their friends or family. Well now that I am 1lb away from my goal I called my sister yesterday to tell her how close I was and instead of her giving me some type of congrats she went on and on about how I can't get too skinny and that weight is just a number and how my head will start to look big if I get smaller and since I have lost so much weight that parts of my body are just loose skin and I won't be able to shed that part.... Yup that is what she said. I didn't say much in response just telling her that I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and that I feel pretty good and that as a runner it is better on my body now that I am lighter. BUT for God's sake couldn't she just say "good job!" Is that so hard to say? She is a size 2 after having two children and doesn't have a single stretch mark. Then she has the nerve to say "I'm not tiny." ahhhh!!!!!!

I also have coworkers that tell me that I don't need to lose and that I am too skinny and yesterday I was told I was anorexic since I don't eat the crap they serve us at work.

Why is it that when you accomplish something great that you get negative comments? I've worked so hard to get where I am today. I have ran 9 1/2 marathons, dropped 71 pounds and built up my self confidence. All positive things have come from my weight loss, but I've had a ton of negative comments.
«1

Replies

  • migoi357
    migoi357 Posts: 173 Member
    Options
    You're doing a great job, you're looking absolutely marvelous (that last part in my best Billy Crystal old man voice). There are some folks that just can't bring themselves to acknowledge the accomplishments of others...that does not diminish the accomplishment.

    Sorry to hear that you're not getting the much deserved support from those immediately around you.

    Keep up the good work, you're doing fantastic, you've worked hard to accomplish your goals and deserve every happiness that comes from being more comfortable with yourself.

    ..t
  • diam0nddagger
    diam0nddagger Posts: 45
    Options
    This will always happen unfortunately. As soon as you lose a noticeable amount of fat and you get really into being healthy, that's when phrases such as 'too skinny', 'don't lose any more' and criticisms of your eating habits begin to appear. I reckon it's from people's own insecurities about their bodies and health, as weight loss can be such a battle and many never even get started despite being unhappy. Just brush it off and continue what you're doing :)
  • Long2bslim
    Long2bslim Posts: 34 Member
    Options
    Fantastic achievement.....screw the begrudgers :))
  • migoi357
    migoi357 Posts: 173 Member
    Options
    Well said, long2bslim!:bigsmile:
  • almostfortysix
    almostfortysix Posts: 69
    Options
    YOU LOOK AWESOME! I'm sorry that your family and co workers are so heartless but you are an ispiration to us here. ONE pound away from your goal! Peaople that are around you all of the time remember you with extra weight and they need to get used to seeing the you that you are now. (Many you's, used lol) I know it hurts and I'm sorry.
  • aodc909297
    aodc909297 Posts: 86 Member
    Options
    Unfortunately some people have to put others down in order to build themselves up. Congrats on your hardwork and success. I'm sure that your fellow MFP's see you as an inspiration. And in reality, that's all that matters (that and how YOU feel)!
  • HLeAnn
    HLeAnn Posts: 261 Member
    Options
    I've had this issue too but interestingly enough most of the comments I get are from my bf lol. I think those closest to us get so used to seeing us a certain way, and they're thrown off by change, especially if it's a significant one like yours. I think my situation is a little different as I didn't have a lot to lose to begin with and my bf is just worried I'll go overboard. Also, like others have said, some people are just insecure with they're inability/unwillingness to change their own lifestyle and try to make themselves feel better by cutting others down that have made those changes.

    Bottom line, great job on all your success. If you feel good that's all that matters. :flowerforyou:
  • Kell_Smurthwaite
    Kell_Smurthwaite Posts: 384 Member
    Options
    I thin ka lot of people get a little jealous when they see us accomplish something huge like this and the only way to make themselves feel better is to make us feel a little bad instead, so they make snide or negative comments like those. The fact is, you have achieved something AWESOME! You are healthier, happier and looking fabulous. And you're running marathons!!! Has you sister been running marathons? I'm betting she hasn't. Or if she has, she's a little jealous of how far you've come and perhaps worried your accomplishments may eclipse her own. Let those comments bounce off you like a rubber ball, because you know yourself how great you've done and continue to do. You do not need the approval of your sister or her comments. If she can't say "Well done!" then she obviously has something in her head flicking the little jealousy switch and you can safely ignore that.
  • LondonEliza
    LondonEliza Posts: 456 Member
    Options
    As many others have said, it is begrudgery and jealousy, plain and simple.

    People who react like this are jealous of the way you look, jealous of the fact you have taken charge of your life, jealous of the attention that your new looks get you. They are stuck in their little rut and your success reminds them of that and they HATE it.

    To turn it on its head, I CANNOT wait to attract some begrudgers of my own. It will be a sign that I have got to the -81lbs that I aspire to.

    (I've lost 3lbs so far if anyone wants to tell me that I am now too skinny, have gone too far, have a body that makes my head look like a cabbage on a match-stick etc etc. go for it :):)


    xx
  • DebraAukett
    DebraAukett Posts: 128 Member
    Options
    Fantastic achievement.....screw the begrudgers :))

    This!
  • jaquwa
    jaquwa Posts: 99 Member
    Options
    Wow 9.5 marathons, thats AMAZING, what an inspiration, and to be 1lb away from your target must be such a fab feeling.

    Sometimes people have to critisize to make themselves feel better, its easier for people to moan than congratulate! Just let their comments slide off you.....water off a ducks back!

    My family follow a compliment with a negative, they can never just say well done, it always has to be make sure you don't put all the weight back on etc, or laugh when I tell them I want to run a half marathon. Its a bloody good job I have an amazing set of friends who encourage me all the way!
  • carrie1013
    carrie1013 Posts: 129
    Options
    You've done great! In fact, you are a true inspiration to the rest of us that are trying to get there. The negativity is unfortunate, but you can't let it get you down. I'm sorry that it has to come from your family, that's what hurts the most. Bottom line, do what is right for you. Great job!
  • mom2kea
    mom2kea Posts: 33
    Options
    Since this is not the first time I have lost a significant amount of weight (80lbs in 2000, gained it back in 09) I am experiencing this phenomenon again, and I had forgotten all about it! I think for many people, they are very comfortable in their place in the relationship, and when you change, they no longer have the upper hand. I see this every day with some of my relationships, now that they are not the better looking one, the relationship has changed. With others, who also need to lose weight, it's jealousy and they can't bring themselves to be nice or supportive. You really find out who your true friends are. Chin up! Your doing awesome!!!!!
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    Options
    Those people are best simply ignored. They probably would rather bite their tongues off than say anything positive or encouraging. The world is full of that kind of person, sadly, who cannot deal with it when they see someone getting somewhere and doing things they cannot themselves do... ie, changing themself for the better.

    You look great, really fit and healthy, to me, so don't let anyone take away your sense of achievement and happiness at where you have got to.
  • ktrn0312
    ktrn0312 Posts: 723 Member
    Options
    Keep your chin up. You have achieved a wonderful goal. Very inspirational. The older I get, I have come to the conclusion I garner inner self satisfaction first and if others notice then it is just "added gravy." I banish negativity and focus on the good.
  • KitTheRoadie
    KitTheRoadie Posts: 641 Member
    Options
    First off, congratulations that is some achievment! You look great IMO! :smile:

    I agree with the other comments made here... I think it's jealousy too!

    I had a meal with my family, including my sister-in-law at the weekend and at the restaurant we were eating, it listed the calories next to the meal choices. My sister-in-law piped up saying that she didn't beleive in this calorie counting rubbish and what a load of bull**** it all was! :noway: Now, I know better than to rise to this sort of un-informed, mis-educated rubbish she comes out with but she knows it gets my back up and I am pretty certain that's why she does it. Ignore these people do not stoop to their level!

    On a side note, my sister-in-law is overweight and unfit, I am not, case closed.

    :flowerforyou:
  • smittygirl
    smittygirl Posts: 36 Member
    Options
    That is a wonderful achievement and all on here know how much hard work and dedication you put into it. Let's face it, it's hard, especially when you do have the nay-sayers around. Just keep those healthy minded people around, like us! :)
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    Options
    My weight loss journey started with a bet that I could lose more weight then my brother in law while he was deployed in Iraq. Well I didn't lose more then he did, but it started my journey. To date I have lost 71 pounds. I am very proud of myself and probably like a lot of people who have lost a significant amount of weight like to talk about their accomplishments with their friends or family. Well now that I am 1lb away from my goal I called my sister yesterday to tell her how close I was and instead of her giving me some type of congrats she went on and on about how I can't get too skinny and that weight is just a number and how my head will start to look big if I get smaller and since I have lost so much weight that parts of my body are just loose skin and I won't be able to shed that part.... Yup that is what she said. I didn't say much in response just telling her that I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and that I feel pretty good and that as a runner it is better on my body now that I am lighter. BUT for God's sake couldn't she just say "good job!" Is that so hard to say? She is a size 2 after having two children and doesn't have a single stretch mark. Then she has the nerve to say "I'm not tiny." ahhhh!!!!!!

    I also have coworkers that tell me that I don't need to lose and that I am too skinny and yesterday I was told I was anorexic since I don't eat the crap they serve us at work.

    Why is it that when you accomplish something great that you get negative comments? I've worked so hard to get where I am today. I have ran 9 1/2 marathons, dropped 71 pounds and built up my self confidence. All positive things have come from my weight loss, but I've had a ton of negative comments.

    Honestly, I dont talk with family when it comes to anything healthy, weight-loss, etc. Its a waste of time. I could easily live without them in a heart beat.

    My husband is the best supporter I have.. the fact the man will try new foods that he has never had before is awesome. As far as the rest of the family, they are never important to me when it comes to this. They never will be important
  • debrapeterson
    debrapeterson Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    Let those good feelings you have wrap around you and insulate you from the hurt that those negative comments cause. As long as you are healthy be happy with yourself. I look forward to the time when I can say I am 1 pound from goal. Also I'm beginning to understand how much better you feel when you control what fuel is put in your body. This is about you and how you feel. You are so fortunate to be able to jog. Only best wishes on that last pound being gone and your continued journey of feeling and being healthy
  • massagecailin
    massagecailin Posts: 19
    Options
    From the other side, I know that sometimes when someone starts to lose a significant amount of weight and begins to look very different physically, it can be scary and overwhelming. The person doesn't look like the loved one anymore, and sometimes if it's a lot of weight, it can look like they're "too skinny". But that's just because it's such a different look. Just give them sometime and show them that you're healthy and happy. The important thing is that you do this for yourself and want to live like this. I'm sure that they're just worried that you could become "too skinny" and unhappy, constantly obsessing over how to much to eat, etc. They want you to enjoy life and not have to worry about that stuff.

    Congratulations on the tremendous weight loss and I wish you the best of luck with everything that you do!!!! That one pound is reason to celebrate your life and happiness!

Categories