Deleted MFP Friend who ate to little...wrong?

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  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
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    WOW! i had no idea that my words could compel such a strong responce. i am sorry that you seem so upset by my reaction. but when it comes down to it i am honest with myself about my feelings...right or wrong....they are still feelings that i experienced and they were effecting my own personal journey. i am not here for anyone but myself. its ME time. call me a $hitty friend if you would like but i dont really care....esp since this term "friend" for you means a totally different thing to me. have a beautiful and blessed day and try not to carry your annoyance with much further. xoxo

    My day was blessed the moment I opened my eyes this morning.
  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
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    I have been lucky. I have met people here that are amazing and when I send them a suggestion, even if they don't like it, they usually respond and let me know what they are doing and why.

    The real question here is should I feel bad about what I did.

    This is not complex. If someone is doing something toxic to you... even if it is causing you stress because they eat too little, or weigh themselves everyday and complain..... or juggle cats.... delete them. Unless they are your best friend in real life, it isn't the end of the world.

    That said, I take an active interest in those that communicate, and those that don't I leave to their own devices.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Some of us dont have a computer at home or access to the app- so we dont track everything we eat every day- we just make healthy decisions once we get home and track it the next day. I hope no one unfriends me because I only usually have breakfast and lunch logged and that's like 500 cals :(
  • Dare2Believe
    Dare2Believe Posts: 140 Member
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    Support: to endure; tolerate,to be capable of bearing; withstand, to hold in position so as to keep from falling, sinking, or slipping.

    There have been many times in my life that I have been given advice by others and although I may not have been able (emotionally or otherwise) to respond to them as they would have liked, or even follow the advice at that time I did listen to them and take their advice to heart. And later followed that advice. I am thankful to those who didn't give up on me during those times!

    Although I may get frustrated with someone I would probably back off on offering any advice for a while rather than delete them. Especially if I didn't know them personally and what was going on in their life. I have found that people have a tendency to give up on others to easily rather than stick it out through good and bad as you would if you were really wanting to be supportive.

    That said, you have to do what makes you feel good about the situation.
  • lind3400
    lind3400 Posts: 557 Member
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    I deleted someone once becasue their statuses changed every 5 minutes and they were always very negative....
    and every time I read them I would get all angry with her attitude towards her own lack of effort towards her weight loss...

    I wouldn't have deleted your friend for eating less than 500 cals but more for the reason that she obviously wasn't on this site to support you or herself...as apparent in her lack of response to your concerns....
  • mollyjackson82
    mollyjackson82 Posts: 128
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    I really appreciate all the comments on both sides of the story. Maybe I would feel different if this person seeked out my friendship but becuase I requested it, they may not have been on the same page as me and that is fine. can't always find someone that agrees with your same lifestyle changes by just a picture. I also agree that this person never talked to me either and this may have just been the stick that broke the camels back.
  • CMmrsfloyd
    CMmrsfloyd Posts: 2,383 Member
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    OP I sent you a friend request. I eat food. :-)
  • Quasita
    Quasita Posts: 1,530 Member
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    If they didn't ask for your input, then it's a bit rude to give it. Yes, we can have public diaries, and yes, the idea is to be able to track what's going on and get help BUT if she never said "I don't know what's wrong, please look at my journal, help me!" Then maybe you should have left it alone?

    It's possible that she chooses to log only certain things. What if she chose to log only the veggies she was eating because she was trying to be accountable to her veggie intake? People use this site in all sorts of ways. Without clarifying it with her or approaching it in a non-lecture manner, she may have said, oh that message doesn't matter because I know what I am doing.

    I've been deleted because people got mad that I allow myself sweets and super yummy things, though all within my calorie limits. It's a shame when people delete others out of jealousy but call it something else to justify it. I'm not saying you were jealous of her but I think if she wasn't bothering you, then why bother her?
  • catramsey2
    catramsey2 Posts: 24 Member
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    I don't feel it is my job to judge others on this site. I would not delete anyone unless they were causing problems with what they post.. i.e. hurtful or mean comments. I am an adult and can take what I like and leave the rest. I make my own decisions. I don't allow others to make them for me. I can't always post as much as I want and sometimes I just don't have anything to say. But I certainly wouldn't want to be deleted by someone that didn't like that I ate something I shouldn't have or went over or under my calories or did not comment for a few days. I have a life and have to take care of my commitments and this is JUST one of the many I have to manage. To each their own.
  • Quasita
    Quasita Posts: 1,530 Member
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    her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you check your friends list everyday?

    No, I don't...
    And although I told myself not to reply to this thread again......OMFNG...I COULDN'T RESIST!!
    One question....

    What in the hell does HER constant weigh-ins have to do with YOU?

    she has every friggin right to step on that scale as often as she pleases...it's HER body...HER scale...and HER business.

    If her WEIGHTLOSS bothers you that much....YOU have a serious problem.

    Hmmmmm..I think I will go and weigh myself..she inspired me to weigh early this week.

    I agree. If someone posts too much, you just go and hide their newsfeed posts. Simple as that. I did that to a friend that constantly flooded my screen with forum posting. Quick, simple, and you don't hurt anyone's feelings because they don't know.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    I don't see anything wrong with deleting someone like that. It would make me feel awful to see someone going down that path, but if they ignore attempts to point out what could happen eating like that, I wouldn't want to continue watching as someone is en-route to a train wreck.
  • Alicia_Monique
    Alicia_Monique Posts: 338 Member
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    I couldn't be friends with somebody with an ED.

    It's nothing personal because I know these men and women have their own demons, but it just breaks my heart and I know there's nothing I can do about it.
  • skylark94
    skylark94 Posts: 2,036 Member
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    I think the point of this site is to find friends with similar goals and plans. If their goals don't match yours, you're free to delete.
  • sixisCHANGEDjk
    sixisCHANGEDjk Posts: 243
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    Since we don't generally know anyone personally on this site I guess we're all virtual friends. Dropping one that does nothing for you and which you can do nothing for isn't a big deal in my opinion. Is it rude? I wouldn't say it's any more rude than someone not replying to something you've said. If they don't have a reason and logic behind their decisions in life why should they require one from you?
  • Colbyandsage
    Colbyandsage Posts: 751 Member
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    I would have done the exact same thing you did. You gave them your input, they didn't respond or take into account you advice- you did all you could.
    Personally, I came to this community for some positive feedback and motivation. Putting energy into someone that you hardly know and who is not acting like they are looking for any help is just not for me. So, as much as I may sound like a little bit of a biotch here.... I have enough drama in my real life to have someone in my internet life tire me out!

    ^^^^ This :)

    So if I sound snotty, I am okay with that. I love my group of friends for the reason that we all have similar goals. Most of the are moms, or full-time workign adults in their 30's, or similar stats/ goals. We struggle with a lot of the same things so we support each other. We are all adults and understand we have bad days and good but if one of my friends was really negitive constantly or eating relatively nothing, then I would probably delete them. If I knew them IRL, that would be a very different situation.
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
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    Nope nothing wrong with that at all...you had nothing to offer her in the way of friends.
    What are you supposed to say to her "great job starving yourself today" or "way to go depriving your body"
  • Bridget0927
    Bridget0927 Posts: 438 Member
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    I wouldn't say it's wrong... Unfortunately, the only person you have control over is yourself, so while you can give advice, you can't make them take it... I know some folks are on doctor-supervised 500 calorie diets, but if they haven't said so to you, then I can see where you would be extremely concerned.

    I quit looking and/or commenting on people's food diaries. I congratulate folks on their exercise and their days of activity with MFP. I just found too many people don't want or appreciate the advice.

    This! Its best not to dig into other diaries unless they ask. Maybe in general only dole out advice when asked for it. I try to stick to encouraging comments only like on exercise and progress. & it is your right to remove anyone you want.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I deleted a few people like that because they cluttered up my news feed with things like, "Omg 200 calories in, I am such a fat loser failure!!" like literally every few minutes. It was just too much bs.
    I don't blame you for deleting them, I'd of done the same.
    On the other hand, I deleted a person for constantly messaging me regarding my calories in. He'd tell me how on (insert date as far back as three months) I finished the day with (insert calorie number) left and that wasn't supporting my weight gain goal. Then I'd get a link to articles about anorexia. I mean it was a constant thing. I had diarrhea one day and barely ate and he went berserk on me. Keep in mind my calorie goal is set to 2100...so the minimum I eat and this is the worst case scenario that I don't eat well, is 1750 calories. Homie was just trippin'.
  • amosch23
    amosch23 Posts: 9
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    her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you check your friends list everyday?

    No, I don't...
    And although I told myself not to reply to this thread again......OMFNG...I COULDN'T RESIST!!
    One question....

    What in the hell does HER constant weigh-ins have to do with YOU?

    she has every friggin right to step on that scale as often as she pleases...it's HER body...HER scale...and HER business.

    If her WEIGHTLOSS bothers you that much....YOU have a serious problem.

    Hmmmmm..I think I will go and weigh myself..she inspired me to weigh early this week.

    I honestly think that you are the one with the serious problem. You are extremely belittling and disrespectful. She was not being mean, she was trying to be supportive. This has nothing to do with the scale, it has to do with being healthy. 500 calories is not enough to support your body, even for the smallest of people. This is exactly how anorexia starts. So yea, it was HER business what she does with her body, but it is other's business to help her realize that she has a problem. We are all on here to give and recieve advice not belittle.
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
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    personally I wouldn't delete a friend unless they were abusive in some way ...

    I try and encourage my friends in anyway I can ..... most of my friends eat more than I do ... I regularly net under 1000 cals ... this is not because I want to "starve" myself ..... but simply because I couldn't eat any more ... I am full and wont force feed myself for anyone .... however if someone wanted to delete me as a friend because I wasn't eating at much as they think I should then I would wish them luck on their journey.

    I think some ppl eat too much, but I certainly wouldn't un-friend them, they are doing what works for them, and at the end of the day if they are getting results that they like then they are doing it right ............

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