Deleted MFP Friend who ate to little...wrong?
mollyjackson82
Posts: 128
I just deleted a MFP friend that I feel is doing this all wrong and eating less than 500 calories a day. All I ever saw was salads and veggies in general with little dressing. I tried saying something but didn't know how hard to push. I just mentioned that your body needs more nurishment than that. I also said that your body will go into starvation mode. Even after saying something with no response, the diary still looks the same. Was it wrong of me to delete this person and should I have kept pushing???? I want positive healthy support through this journey and I guess if someone isn't going to listen and they are a complete stranger...I didn't want to waste my energy on them. Is that wrong of me??? I just don't know how much I should put into a person I don't know and doesnt want to listen. I want to be supportive but with people that want to do it the right way and listen to help.
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Replies
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" I want positive healthy support through this journey... "
That's nice. What do you have to trade?0 -
I think you have to present the arguments, give them some links and if they don't respond or their diet doesn't improve then sadly yes I would delete them. I only have so much time to devote to my friends and I will spend a considerable amount trying to educate them but if after a couple of weeks there is not change then I delete them. I'll put up with crazy days but not a consistent issue.0
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It's their own battle to fight, you mentioned what u thought...and I think that's the right thing to do (privately is best)...that being said, u have the right to delete anyone u wish...and I have done the same thing.0
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I wouldn't say it's wrong... Unfortunately, the only person you have control over is yourself, so while you can give advice, you can't make them take it... I know some folks are on doctor-supervised 500 calorie diets, but if they haven't said so to you, then I can see where you would be extremely concerned.
I quit looking and/or commenting on people's food diaries. I congratulate folks on their exercise and their days of activity with MFP. I just found too many people don't want or appreciate the advice.0 -
this is a very personal journey for all of us....but ultimately its all about YOU! you were not nasty, you did not hurt this person but you need to do what is right and helpful to you. many of us are in the position of needing to lose weight because we have put too many other people and things in front of our own personal happiness and health....so do not feel bad. and you cannot help those who dont want your help.
P.S. if it helps i deleted a freind because she added her new weight loss every day...SOANDSO just lost 0.2 pounds....i got sick of reading it because i am pushing myself NOT to use my scale more then once a month...and my loss has been a bit slower then hers....i didnt want to be discouraged by her loss everyday.0 -
Yes. It's like telling a friend to get lost because she ate a candy bar. We're all in this together. Weightloss and fitness doesn't HAVE to be "This Way or the Highway!!".
Different things work for different people....but SUPPORT is good for EVERYONE.
I wouldn't delete someone for eating too little......I would however, delete someone for belittling another member or openly minimalizing someone's efforts.
That probably hurt your friend's feelings.....imagine how they might feel.0 -
I would have done the exact same thing you did. You gave them your input, they didn't respond or take into account you advice- you did all you could.
Personally, I came to this community for some positive feedback and motivation. Putting energy into someone that you hardly know and who is not acting like they are looking for any help is just not for me. So, as much as I may sound like a little bit of a biotch here.... I have enough drama in my real life to have someone in my internet life tire me out!0 -
this is a very personal journey for all of us....but ultimately its all about YOU! you were not nasty, you did not hurt this person but you need to do what is right and helpful to you. many of us are in the position of needing to lose weight because we have put too many other people and things in front of our own personal happiness and health....so do not feel bad. and you cannot help those who dont want your help.
P.S. if it helps i deleted a freind because she added her new weight loss every day...SOANDSO just lost 0.2 pounds....i got sick of reading it because i am pushing myself NOT to use my scale more then once a month...and my loss has been a bit slower then hers....i didnt want to be discouraged by her loss everyday.
Wow....you deleted someone for being proud of every bit of weight that she lost? Is this NOT a FITNESS website?
Geez, I stumbled onto the WRONG thread this morning.
Weightloss is a byproduct of effort, dedication, sacrifice and will power.........it should be congratulated..NOT condemned :-(0 -
I love when this topic comes up. That person is eating what THEY want, it's not YOUR mouth to worry about. Just help them along the way no matter what they decide, it's their body and they will deal with it how they'd like to. That's how I see it.0
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her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you check your friends list everyday?0
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I can't sit by and watch someone starve themselves and I can't bring myself to congratulate them for it either. IMHO you did the right thing. Next time, send a PM asking if they are on a doctor supervised diet first, if not try and help them and if you get no response then give up and move on. Find people with similar goals and lifestyle commitments and you will be fine. Do not feel bad. I deleted a person who was eating somewhere around 500 cals a day and when I asked they told me they were "challenging themselves" :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Needless to say, they were gone...0
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in all fairness I said MFP friend. sorry to say this but i never talked to this person, becuase they never talked back. I was only a friend for a short period. I dont' think that just becuase I accepted a friend request or requested one on a online weight loss site...we are bound by blood. I get 100% annoyed with people that think they can get a quick fix, this should be a lifetime journey and something you can keep up with your whole life so you don't gain back. because we apparently do not agree on our lifetime goals, i deleted the person.0
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Personally I think it was your choice to make and if you was spending time worrying over someone then you were in your right to delete them. Spend your time concentrating on yourself and let other people make their own mistakes.0
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in all fairness I said MFP friend. sorry to say this but i never talked to this person, becuase they never talked back. I was only a friend for a short period. I dont' think that just becuase I accepted a friend request or requested one on a online weight loss site...we are bound by blood. I get 100% annoyed with people that think they can get a quick fix, this should be a lifetime journey and something you can keep up with your whole life so you don't gain back. because we apparently do not agree on our lifetime goals, i deleted the person.
I meant this as a response to NU2U...apparently hit the wrong hyperlink...lol0 -
her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you check your friends list everyday?
No, I don't...
And although I told myself not to reply to this thread again......OMFNG...I COULDN'T RESIST!!
One question....
What in the hell does HER constant weigh-ins have to do with YOU?
she has every friggin right to step on that scale as often as she pleases...it's HER body...HER scale...and HER business.
If her WEIGHTLOSS bothers you that much....YOU have a serious problem.
Hmmmmm..I think I will go and weigh myself..she inspired me to weigh early this week.0 -
Definitely your choice to make, and it's not like they ever interacted, so who is to say they ever noticed the unfriending.
I would be torn. I'd probably not unfriend them, because I'd hope that someday they might look at my diary and see that I'm getting better results at 1590 than I ever got at <1200.0 -
While yes, we are all on this site to get support, I also want to keep my friends list manageable. Maybe some can, but I cannot adequately (sp?) support and encourage everyone if I have too many friends or I have friends that are not responding or equally supporting me. If I had a friend like that, I couldn't support their eating or actions and I would be lying commenting on their finished diaries that are under calories by saying "good job!" I've never known someone with an eating disorder, and I don't know how to properly help that person. I can suggest counseling or make suggestions on their eating, but after that, they're better off to have another friend that could help them.
It sucks, but I love the friends on my list that comment on my diary and say "watch that sodium" or "more water today!" or "yikes, you went a little crazy on those hot wings, huh?" I NEED accountability for my actions, and that's why I'm here. To have more than just me critiquing my choices and helping me along and making suggestions. I'm a needy friend, lol. So if have someone not communicating, or not engaging with me, then I delete them. It's nothing personal, I just try to keep my friends list small. I'm the same with Facebook.0 -
WOW! i had no idea that my words could compel such a strong responce. i am sorry that you seem so upset by my reaction. but when it comes down to it i am honest with myself about my feelings...right or wrong....they are still feelings that i experienced and they were effecting my own personal journey. i am not here for anyone but myself. its ME time. call me a $hitty friend if you would like but i dont really care....esp since this term "friend" for you means a totally different thing to me. have a beautiful and blessed day and try not to carry your annoyance with much further. xoxo0
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I don't think anyone can tell you whether it's right or wrong to manage your friends list. Removing someone from your MFP FL is not as drastic as terminating a personal IRL friendship in most cases.
However, I do think you were wrong to scrutinize her so much. My mother went about 4 months working out like mad and eating nothing but raw veggies as she is vegetarian and not a fan of "veg protien substitutes" like soy meat and tofu. She improved her health drastically over those 4 months because she cut out all junk food and required minimal protien from a lack of strength training and a high cardio regime. You need to eat a lot of veggies to hit that 500 calorie mark so my mother probably had a similar diet to your friend's. She never went into starvation mode and lost 30 lbs over 3 months. and has managed to keep it off after changing her diet and exercise post transformation.
Because someone has a different weightloss strategy compared to you, does not make it wrong, or indicate an ED. At the end of the day, each knows their bodies best.0 -
Delete who you want. It's MFP. You probably don't know this person in real life. If they suck at dieting, don't make it your problem. Stick with the people who make you feel good and who have similar goals to you - even if that goal is to lose weight in a healthy manner.
I have deleted people for less. And sent friend requests for more!
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WOW! i had no idea that my words could compel such a strong responce. i am sorry that you seem so upset by my reaction. but when it comes down to it i am honest with myself about my feelings...right or wrong....they are still feelings that i experienced and they were effecting my own personal journey. i am not here for anyone but myself. its ME time. call me a $hitty friend if you would like but i dont really care....esp since this term "friend" for you means a totally different thing to me. have a beautiful and blessed day and try not to carry your annoyance with much further. xoxo
My day was blessed the moment I opened my eyes this morning.0 -
I have been lucky. I have met people here that are amazing and when I send them a suggestion, even if they don't like it, they usually respond and let me know what they are doing and why.
The real question here is should I feel bad about what I did.
This is not complex. If someone is doing something toxic to you... even if it is causing you stress because they eat too little, or weigh themselves everyday and complain..... or juggle cats.... delete them. Unless they are your best friend in real life, it isn't the end of the world.
That said, I take an active interest in those that communicate, and those that don't I leave to their own devices.0 -
Some of us dont have a computer at home or access to the app- so we dont track everything we eat every day- we just make healthy decisions once we get home and track it the next day. I hope no one unfriends me because I only usually have breakfast and lunch logged and that's like 500 cals
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Support: to endure; tolerate,to be capable of bearing; withstand, to hold in position so as to keep from falling, sinking, or slipping.
There have been many times in my life that I have been given advice by others and although I may not have been able (emotionally or otherwise) to respond to them as they would have liked, or even follow the advice at that time I did listen to them and take their advice to heart. And later followed that advice. I am thankful to those who didn't give up on me during those times!
Although I may get frustrated with someone I would probably back off on offering any advice for a while rather than delete them. Especially if I didn't know them personally and what was going on in their life. I have found that people have a tendency to give up on others to easily rather than stick it out through good and bad as you would if you were really wanting to be supportive.
That said, you have to do what makes you feel good about the situation.0 -
I deleted someone once becasue their statuses changed every 5 minutes and they were always very negative....
and every time I read them I would get all angry with her attitude towards her own lack of effort towards her weight loss...
I wouldn't have deleted your friend for eating less than 500 cals but more for the reason that she obviously wasn't on this site to support you or herself...as apparent in her lack of response to your concerns....0 -
I really appreciate all the comments on both sides of the story. Maybe I would feel different if this person seeked out my friendship but becuase I requested it, they may not have been on the same page as me and that is fine. can't always find someone that agrees with your same lifestyle changes by just a picture. I also agree that this person never talked to me either and this may have just been the stick that broke the camels back.0
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OP I sent you a friend request. I eat food. :-)0
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If they didn't ask for your input, then it's a bit rude to give it. Yes, we can have public diaries, and yes, the idea is to be able to track what's going on and get help BUT if she never said "I don't know what's wrong, please look at my journal, help me!" Then maybe you should have left it alone?
It's possible that she chooses to log only certain things. What if she chose to log only the veggies she was eating because she was trying to be accountable to her veggie intake? People use this site in all sorts of ways. Without clarifying it with her or approaching it in a non-lecture manner, she may have said, oh that message doesn't matter because I know what I am doing.
I've been deleted because people got mad that I allow myself sweets and super yummy things, though all within my calorie limits. It's a shame when people delete others out of jealousy but call it something else to justify it. I'm not saying you were jealous of her but I think if she wasn't bothering you, then why bother her?0 -
I don't feel it is my job to judge others on this site. I would not delete anyone unless they were causing problems with what they post.. i.e. hurtful or mean comments. I am an adult and can take what I like and leave the rest. I make my own decisions. I don't allow others to make them for me. I can't always post as much as I want and sometimes I just don't have anything to say. But I certainly wouldn't want to be deleted by someone that didn't like that I ate something I shouldn't have or went over or under my calories or did not comment for a few days. I have a life and have to take care of my commitments and this is JUST one of the many I have to manage. To each their own.0
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her weight loss was making me feel discouraged and since this is my personal journey i did not think it was benefitting me. we are all on such different diet plans...exercise differently....and none of us are right or wrong but i am the only one responsible for my well being. i am very happy for everyone to lose weight...but her daily weigh in conflicted with my once a month weigh in...it was a temptation that i didnt need. besides if someone "unfriended" me im not even sure i would notice...i mean do you check your friends list everyday?
No, I don't...
And although I told myself not to reply to this thread again......OMFNG...I COULDN'T RESIST!!
One question....
What in the hell does HER constant weigh-ins have to do with YOU?
she has every friggin right to step on that scale as often as she pleases...it's HER body...HER scale...and HER business.
If her WEIGHTLOSS bothers you that much....YOU have a serious problem.
Hmmmmm..I think I will go and weigh myself..she inspired me to weigh early this week.
I agree. If someone posts too much, you just go and hide their newsfeed posts. Simple as that. I did that to a friend that constantly flooded my screen with forum posting. Quick, simple, and you don't hurt anyone's feelings because they don't know.0
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