Just An Observation

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Jipples
Jipples Posts: 663 Member
in Motivation and Support
Let me start by stating that I'm a proponent of trying to find motivation for/within ourselves. It's my life, it's my health, it's my 'diet'; therefore I feel I need to find for myself, what is going to motivate me and help me to stay the course. Anything outside of those things that I choose for motivation that ends up being beneficial to me, is lagniappe.

That said, since I've been on MFP which is approximately a 2-1/2 months, I find it interesting that GENERALLY SPEAKING, some of the more successful MFPers, are the worst motivators. Outside of the visual encouragement of looking at their before and afters, there generally isn't much more that they offer. In looking at friends profiles, as well as my own, and who comments on their achievements, few of them are those who have successfully lost a lot of weight. Now, I don't fault anyone for that since they still have their own journey and can't sha-sha everyone they are friends with, since most successful MFPers have plenty of friends BECAUSE of their success. I just find it interesting and makes me wonder if they have forgotten where they have come from....or if they lack empathy for those that are still working their way towards their own set of goals....or simply that just because they have been successful, that does not obligate them to be everyone else's personal motivators. To be fair tho, there are some I have reached out to with questions, and they have been very helpful......so maybe that's all it would take, is to reach out. Anyway......

Again, I'm just speaking in general from what I've seen. I'm not indicting anyone or faulting anyone........it's just an observation.
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Replies

  • HeyHeyRae
    HeyHeyRae Posts: 48
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    I messaged a woman who lost around the same amount i am trying to lose asking how she did it and what was most helpful for her.... her response was "That is none of your business"...... i asked what the point in being on mfp was if she wasn't going to share her tips for success and she said "so people can see that i did it"
  • lind3400
    lind3400 Posts: 557 Member
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    I found that I had a friend who lost like 250lbs
    and I was sooo proud of him don't get me wrong
    but he had like 800 friends
    and I felt I was always congratulating him on his successes
    and he never once congratulated me on mine
    so I deleted him....
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    I've lost a little over 60lbs, but still have about 60 to go, so I don't consider myself a big succes story.. yet. I think I am at that point where I still encourage my friends as much as I possibly can, but I have to balance that out with real life job, family and gym time.

    I do find I have some peeps who have lost big and b/c they have so many friends, you never hear from them persoanlly, they run their page like a 1-way blog, throwing out their latest and greatest acheivments, but rarely have the time to answer questions or speak one on one.

    I persoanlly try to keep my FL to 100, give or take. I find this makes it easier to stay connected with my FL and give the proper support. I honestly think those that have 500,700, 1000 friends can be great motivation in their accomplishemnts but aren't going to be able to give all their freinds individual support.
  • Sh0ewh0re7_BlingItOn
    Sh0ewh0re7_BlingItOn Posts: 501 Member
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    I messaged a woman who lost around the same amount i am trying to lose asking how she did it and what was most helpful for her.... her response was "That is none of your business"...... i asked what the point in being on mfp was if she wasn't going to share her tips for success and she said "so people can see that i did it"

    What a TOTAL *****! wow!!!!

    I for one try to keep my 'friends' below 100 ( I do this by deleting people that don't 'interact' with me regularly) so that I can keep up with them and their posts. I try to encourage them along the way by cheering on, giving helpful tips/constructive criticism and I ALWAYS answer messages from people to the best of MY ability and from MY experience for what has worked for ME. I want everyone to succeed at being the best most healthy version of themselves!

    I shoulda been in the fitness field...hmmm, missed my calling I guess....LOL!!!

    Carry on Jipples and HeyHey, you're both doing an amazing job!
  • Sh0ewh0re7_BlingItOn
    Sh0ewh0re7_BlingItOn Posts: 501 Member
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    I found that I had a friend who lost like 250lbs
    and I was sooo proud of him don't get me wrong
    but he had like 800 friends
    and I felt I was always congratulating him on his successes
    and he never once congratulated me on mine
    so I deleted him....

    Nothing wrong with that dear, I do it weekly! I'm not here to collect 'friends'....I'm here to encourage and help and interact!! :)
  • Sl1ghtly
    Sl1ghtly Posts: 855 Member
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    "... that's all it would take, is to reach out."

    That's right. Because without asking, its just criticism.. :flowerforyou:
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I never really motivate people I guess. If someone asks questions I'll answer if I have useful input. I never grew up being rewarded for mediocrity so I dont think it helps to say "way to go!" on every post. I didnt do it when I was heavier and I still dont do it now. I do recognize that its hard but I dont understand the use in gushing over someone for doing something theyre supposed to be doing anyway.
  • SSampley
    SSampley Posts: 153 Member
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    I try to keep my list small, and I always try to comment on questions and struggles...I do have some friends on my list that seem to never comment anything on me and I think..maybe I should delete them if I am not learning anything from thier journal or actions......but then maybe they are seeing something from me that is encouraging...who knows. I do definatly delete if they have not logged in for awhile. (unless ofcourse they are my real life friends and I think they should log in! haha )
  • razorbecky
    razorbecky Posts: 134
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    I messaged a woman who lost around the same amount i am trying to lose asking how she did it and what was most helpful for her.... her response was "That is none of your business"...... i asked what the point in being on mfp was if she wasn't going to share her tips for success and she said "so people can see that i did it"


    wow, now that was rude of her
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
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    I add friends, and then some are supportive, others not. I just do my thing. And I support people who are making an effort. but I'm probably not doing it every single day. If people come to me with advice or seeking help I am open.
    I have some great very successful people on my friends list who are always there to cheer me on with my work outs and when I have a good day food wise. I hope I am just as motivational. I do know that OP you are always there with great comments for your friends!
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    If someone chooses to help or motivate that is great. But I'm confused why people assume that just b/c someone has had success that they should become some role model for everyone else struggling. Personally I think it would get tiring to have to repeat the same things over and over to people, who barrage them with unsolicited comments and questions.

    If they put themselves in a position to offer help, either by profile or blog or posts, that is one thing. But to criticize people for not being your cheerleader is rude, sad, and insulting to all those who have worked so hard to get where they are.

    Maybe you need to look in the mirror to find your motivator.
  • GemmaRowlands
    GemmaRowlands Posts: 360 Member
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    I try to comment on all updates I can, but I have very active friends and my newsfeed often updates faster than I can type, haha. But people should be more supportive :D.
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    I have several friends who are inspiring and successful. A few that come to mind, teagin, gleechick, kittygamer. They've all lost a lot of weight and they all comment on my stuff with encouraging things and help me out when I need it.

    ETA: They're not my only friends who are successful and helpful, they're just the ones that came to mind in the 30 seconds it took to type this.
  • Anelda
    Anelda Posts: 99 Member
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    I never really motivate people I guess. If someone asks questions I'll answer if I have useful input. I never grew up being rewarded for mediocrity so I dont think it helps to say "way to go!" on every post. I didnt do it when I was heavier and I still dont do it now. I do recognize that its hard but I dont understand the use in gushing over someone for doing something theyre supposed to be doing anyway.

    ^I'm the exact same way.

    But then again, I started using MFP as a calorie counter to really keep track of my consumption. I don't find it necessary to have a bunch of anonymous people to cheerlead me on. My husband and myself are all the motivation I need.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    I'm here to count my calories, log my exercise, and goof off with my friends. I learned very quickly after joining MFP that the only TRUE motivator in my life is going to be my own success. Sometimes I feel blue or discouraged and I ask my buddies for a quick pep-talk (and any good friend, regardless of their accomplishments can tell you "chin up!")... but when it comes to being accountable for my health, that's all on me. It doesn't matter if you've lost 1 or 100 pounds, if I like you as a person, I want you on my list so that I can be friends with you. The fitness is secondary.
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    I found that I had a friend who lost like 250lbs
    and I was sooo proud of him don't get me wrong
    but he had like 800 friends
    and I felt I was always congratulating him on his successes
    and he never once congratulated me on mine
    so I deleted him....

    This is pretty much what I'm talking about.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    I try to comment an encourage my mfps by commenting on their updates. When I have some time in the evenings I'll try to go in and troll diaries or walls specifically. I have to say, however, that my more active mfp's do get more attention. I do, however, get on the boards quite a bit and try to comment on mfp's posts as wells as others both silly and serious. Also, I never ignore a direct question.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    I have a bunch of friends on here, and I try hard to comment on the ones that interact with me, or comment on my stuff. and those 5 minutes or so when I log on in between doing things at work I comment on whoever just posted something.

    I try to be a good cheerleader but just don't have time to some days. but I do respond to every message I get. and i still have a long way to go
  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
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    I recently deleted all of my "friends" except for people that I know personally because I suck at motivating people and I know it. It's also exhausting having to say "WTG!" on everything and then someone gets their feelings hurt because you didn't make it through your list to congratulate them, but you congratulated a mutual "friend".

    Bottom line is I'm here because *I* need to lose weight for *MY* health and *MY* family. If I can offer some help on the boards or whatever, great. I just can't keep up with a list of "friends" that I don't know. LOL
  • Makethefatcry12
    Makethefatcry12 Posts: 133 Member
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    I am here to lose weight, yes. But also to help motivate and encourage others. I think some people do forget how they used to be and become rather rude. When I first started on my journey, I had 3 or 4 different people who were mean to me when I asked how they had done so well. It's sad. But I finally found a great support system on here and everyone is great about motivating me and I try to motivate my friends as much as possible as well. And when people aren't eating enough, I try to address that too. I want all my MFP friends to be healthy =) I only want serious, positive people as friends.

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