Vegetarians (?) & Venting

LindaLouLu
LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
in Food and Nutrition
Ok. So I've got a family member that SWEARS she is a vegetarian now.... Only problem is... She doesn't even eat vegetables!?!?!

Seriously? I told her I was making chicken tacos for the rest of the family (they are coming for a visit) and what would she like to have on hand for HER to eat? She says "Buy a can of beans. I'm going to have beans, cheese, and some lettuce as a taco."
Is this even a meal? I'm NOT a vegetarian. I'm a meat eater, so I honestly have no clue.

While my cupboards are full of dried beans, rice, oatmeal, whole wheat pastas, etc. My fridge is stocked with fresh fruits, veggies, dairy, eggs, and the like & yes. My freezer has meats and frozen veggies.
I know that HER cupboards are full of hostess snack cakes, High sugar cereals (think Fruit Loops, & Captain Crunch) & white bread. Her blender is full of snack size candy bars. The freezer has tater tots, hash browns, toaster waffles, & 4 different half gallon flavors of Ice Cream. The fridge is cheese, corn tortillas, 4 things of mayo, chocolate milk, and Sunny-D.
Now, I already said I'm not vegetarian, but I'm also not completely stupid. She's been eating this way (what she calls her "Healthy Diet") since 2008 when a family member died from heart disease she swears was caused by consumption of meats.
I've TRIED talking to her (this isn't healthy for you. Just LOOK at all the chemicals!!). I've tried setting a good example of things she might like to try (took her to a vegan restaurant- which I thought was actually pretty yummy) she refused to try ANYTHING! At "normal" restaurants ordering something colorful that has one of every food group, taking her shopping with me and reading the labels....
I'm at a loss as to what to DO with her. I'm afraid for her health (she has been sick more in the last 4 years than the rest of the 11 years I've known her), her cholesterol is through the ROOF (and she can't figure out why) and the Dr. is threatening drug therapy, she's gained just shy of 20lbs from the beginning of last summer to now.
I can't approach her eating habits directly (I've tried). She gets defensive and says that I'm "Picking on her because I don't like vegetarians" <-- NOT true.
I try to buy good food for her house(telling her it's for me & my kids, but making sure there will be "left overs") & she gives it away when we leave. Even the KIDS have tried talking to her (Hey, can we have veggies today instead of chocolates?) and she acts like they don't know what they're talking about. Her brother (my husband & her favorite sibling) has tried talking to her about it. Her sisters. Her mother. Her friends.
I am afraid that I may just scream at her the next time she says she's a vegetarian now. HOW can you be a vegetarian if you REFUSE to even EAT Vegetables?!?!?!?!?!

Ok. My rant is done. Thanks for "listening". Any helpful suggestions?
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Replies

  • vegan1975
    vegan1975 Posts: 6 Member
    Has she been a vegetarian for long? I know she's not vegan but I'll give you my example as I think it could be similar. When I first went vegan, I cut out every non-vegan thing from my diet (without replacing it with an equivalent) and then quickly lost a good 20 pounds, making me a bit underweight. Then I started noticing that many chips, desserts etc were in fact vegan and started overloading on them. I had the "omg it's vegan so obviously I have to buy it" mentality. This lasted for a few years (and I still fight it today) and I gained upwards of 40 pounds doing that. Now I'm back down to maybe 20 pounds of excess weight, but it's a constant struggle to make the right decisions and eat healthy. I am "forcing" myself to put stupid kale in my smoothies and choose whole grains or quinoa instead of white rice, and so on, but it doesn't come easy. I laughed when I saw your post because my dad loves to call me a "vegan who hates vegetables". So I can relate...

    But I guess my point is that you likely can't force healthy-eating on her, and likely (or hopefully) she'll come around when she gets enough bad report cards from the doctor, or when the scale keeps going up. You mentioned you bring food to her house. Do you just bring various bulk items or do you bring a dish or meal that's already made? Maybe she's at a loss for how to cook healthy vegetarian meals? Maybe the food at the vegan restaurant you brought her to was weird (often it can be) and if you made her (or for "you and the kids") a vegetarian dish that has some healthy items you know she already likes, she might be willing to try it.

    Lastly, the bean thing you mentioned at the start seems ok to me. Beans are a good source of protein. I actually made vegan soft tacos last night but used tofu prepared with taco seasoning instead of beans. Then added on everything else (veggies, vegan cheese, salsa, etc). It ends up being just like the regular thing...
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
    Sadly, you aren't going to be able to convince her on how to be a healthy vegetarian. Sure cookies, Fruit Loops, some Hostess treats and some ice creams are vegetarian, but they aren't healthy. You know that and I know that, she seems to think anything without meat is. I have been a vegetarian for a long time and yes, I have eating poorly, but I still eat fruits and veggies, I just ate a lot of junk as well and too much of it.

    I think the more you try and tell her what she should and shouldn't eat, the more she will eat junk. It is sad that she hasn't figured out that her vegetarian diet is just a junk food diet without meat.

    Maybe you could explain that some of those chemicals and things like gelatin are made from animal products. I know there are these Hostess coffee cakes that have beef fat in them. Also with cheese, rennet can be made from animal, vegetable or microbal. You could tell her that she is still eating consuming animal products through her cheese.

    I feel bad for her kids. I am sure they do want fruits and veggies and for her to deny them that is just terrible parenting. They need those nutrients to grow.

    She has to come to the realization that she is doing a great deal of harm to herself due to her eating habits. Would she be willing to read a book about being a vegetarian. There is a lot of there that give advice on what to eat to have a healthy diet.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Honestly, you seem pretty judgmental. Being a vegetarian just means she doesn't eat dead animals. Ok, so her calling it healthy isn't true, but why are you so hung up on it?

    P.S. She should know Twinkies and the like contain animal fat.
  • weathergirl320
    weathergirl320 Posts: 331
    i know what you mean sort of. when i got diagnosed with celiac, i went and replaced EVERYTHING with gluten free stuff because hey if its gluten free its ok! but then i had to realize a gluten free chocolate chip cookie is still a cookie and not healthy. just because something is vegan doesnt mean its healthy. i often wondered the same thing about vegetarians. why do they call themselves vegetarians when the eat all sorts of foods that arent vegetables? it needs a better name that implies "non meat eater" lol because twinkies are most certainly not connected to a vegetable in any way haha
  • beckys19
    beckys19 Posts: 119 Member

    Maybe you could explain that some of those chemicals and things like gelatin are made from animal products. I know there are these Hostess coffee cakes that have beef fat in them. Also with cheese, rennet can be made from animal, vegetable or microbal. You could tell her that she is still eating consuming animal products through her cheese.

    Though this may be true, considering how she eats I don't think this is a good idea. At least with the cheeses, etc she is hopefully getting enough complete proteins. Considering her eating habits, unfortunately I don't think she would be concientious enough to make sure she is eating a good combination of foods to make sure she is getting complimentary proteins should she ditch dairy (and eggs, if she hasn't already) completely instead of trying to figure out which cheeses are vegetarian..
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I was a vegetarian for eight years. I can understand the aversion to eating meat for moral reasons, but the vegetarians and vegans I currently know are the most sickly looking people I've ever met - Skin and hair that looks malnourished - because their diets are pretty much just beans and grain. I'm sure you can be a relatively healthy vegetarian, but it takes a lot of education outside of Conventional Wisdom.
  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    Yeah, I work with a few vegetarians. I eat far more fruits and veggies than they do.
  • Charliesuccess
    Charliesuccess Posts: 181 Member
    I grew up Vegetarian then I went away for college began eating meat, tried going vege again as an adult and put on a ton of weight. I remember a nutritionist told me at the time that if your body lacks protien it will begin to crave carbs....!
    Now im a pescatarian and so far so good, im only 1 month in!
  • tig_ol_bitties
    tig_ol_bitties Posts: 561 Member
    It's just as easy to be an unhealthy vegetarian as it is to be an unhealthy omnivore. It's as simple as that.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
    Not all vegetarians eat tons of fruits and veggies. Sadly, my kids are like that.

    But, you may not be seeing the whole picture. When I'm invited out, particularly to eat at someone's home, I try to make do with side dishes, and the like, in an effort not to inconvenience my host too much. No one should think that those simple diet choices are all I make on a daily basis.

    Also, you may not think of beans as a 'vegetable' per se, but they have a load of phytochemicals, fiber, and protein. As a near-vegan, I eat mostly plants--some fresh and whole, and others incorporated into dishes. Even something like marinara sauce is really a 'vegetable' when you think of it. If you think of the major healthy food groups for vegetarians, they tend to fit into one of these categories: veggies, fruit, grains, legumes, nuts.

    I'm not defending a 'junk food' vegetarian diet. Anyone trying to survive on French fries, chips, white bread, margarine, gumdrops, oreos and beer may be vegetarian, but isn't doing herself any favors.
  • erh12275
    erh12275 Posts: 40 Member
    I have a friend that decided in high school she wanted to be a vegetarian. Well, she was about a size 10 at the time. She is now probably a 26/28. Just because a person is a vegetarian doesn't mean they eat healthy. She eats a lot of junk food. She might eat a salad for her meal but then she has a HUGE piece of cake or a bag of chips for a snack. Oh and my friend's cholesterol is high. I get not eating meat although I am not vegetarian...however, the junk food can't be justified because you only eat veggies. I don't have an answer for you because...your family member is obviously not going to get it. She has to come to the realization that eating the junk is as unhealthy for her as eating the meat she thinks is going to kill her. Sorry.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    I've met other vegetarians who don't eat vegetables, I don't get it, but I figure, it's not my problem. Not everyone is vegetarian for health reasons. Not every vegetarian eats a healthy diet. I know it's hard when the person is a family member who you care about, but the bottom line is, it's her body, not yours. You cannot control her behavior, however illogical or self-damaging it may be. Take a deep breath, and move on.

    Also, you seem to be questioning that she is a vegetarian "she swears that she's a vegetarian." A vegetarian is, by definition, someone who does not eat meat. Anyone who does not eat meat, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy their diet is, is a vegetarian.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    But, you may not be seeing the whole picture. When I'm invited out, particularly to eat at someone's home, I try to make do with side dishes, and the like, in an effort not to inconvenience my host too much. No one should think that those simple diet choices are all I make on a daily basis.
    This is an excellent point, what I eat when I am at a restaurant or someone's house is very different from what I eat at home, for the very reason that I am trying not to impose on others. I likely would have given a similar answer about the tacos. If I was eating at home, I might eat tacos loaded with veggies and/or another veggie on the side. At "your" house, I'd eat my bean-taco and be happy I had something to eat at all.
  • sunnykt
    sunnykt Posts: 66
    You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
  • PeaceLoveVeggies
    PeaceLoveVeggies Posts: 673 Member
    When I first became a Vegetarian (been one for almost four years), I also didn't eat vegetables. My diet consisted mainly of cheese, starch and carbs (hence why I gained weight). Now I eat every single veggie and fruit put in front of me. It's just a process. After a while, your taste buds open up to new things.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
    You can whack it over the head and make it fall in the water though.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    When I was first a vegetarian I ate just like that. I didn't like veggies at the time and no one was forcing me to eat them. When I became a vegetarian no one b!tched at me because I didn't eat my veggies since It is none of their business :huh:
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    The only suggestion I have is don't worry about it. She'll figure it out.
  • dypab
    dypab Posts: 19
    It's just as easy to be an unhealthy vegetarian as it is to be an unhealthy omnivore. It's as simple as that.

    Second that ! Have been a vegetarian all my life and still here trying to loose weight :)
  • amicklin
    amicklin Posts: 452
    It's just as easy to be an unhealthy vegetarian as it is to be an unhealthy omnivore. It's as simple as that.

    Precisely. Just as there are unhealthy meat eaters there will be unhealthy non-meater eaters. Diversity and groups within all the different eating styles.

    Not eating meat does not instantly equate to sustaining primarily off of vegetables and fruits.
  • PeaceLoveVeggies
    PeaceLoveVeggies Posts: 673 Member
    When I was first a vegetarian I ate just like that. I didn't like veggies at the time and no one was forcing me to eat them. When I became a vegetarian no one b!tched at me because I didn't eat my veggies since It is none of their business :huh:

    I wish this was how it would've happened for me. My mom liked to throw it in my face that I was a vegetarian that didn't like veggies. Every time she talked to someone "oh, my daughter is a Vegetarian. But she doesn't eat vegetables" and she'd laugh about it. :grumble:
  • jackiesaurus
    jackiesaurus Posts: 42 Member
    I've been vegetarian for 10 years and I learned early on (when I put on seven pounds) that there's a difference between being a vegetarian and a carbetarian. I know a lot of people - myself included - who are guilty of eating grilled cheese, cheese pizza, macaroni and cheese, french fries, pastas, ice creams/frozen yogurts, pretzels, crackers, cheeze its, etc. because it was the tastiest to eat even though not really so good for you, I justified it that "well i'm not eating meat, so it's okay if I eat this it'll just replace the calories from not eating meat."

    Fortunately in my mid-teens I realized veggies are a part of being vegetarian...
  • healthybodyhealthymind
    healthybodyhealthymind Posts: 92
    Was vegan for 8 years, vegetarian for two, and I the only 'animal' I eat is fish. I'm trying to add in healthy meats in to my diet now because soy is bad for my kidney. I still eat a ton of vegetables and fruits. I'm actually quite addicted to them.
  • Sweet_Potato
    Sweet_Potato Posts: 1,119 Member
    I've found that MOST vegetarians are like this. To each their own, but don't go around claiming your diet is healthier if it contains more carbs and packaged foods than mine. And don't expect me to cook for you if you're going to be that picky.

    Anyway, I don't think being a vegetarian is the reall issue here. It sounds like she's going to have these problems regardless of whether she's eating meat or not. If she's truly concerned about her weight and health and is willing to do something about it, perhaps you can get her on MFP. Once she sees how many calories, fat, cholesterol are in the foods she's eating (make sure her account is setup to show these) she might make better choices.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    When I was first a vegetarian I ate just like that. I didn't like veggies at the time and no one was forcing me to eat them. When I became a vegetarian no one b!tched at me because I didn't eat my veggies since It is none of their business :huh:

    I wish this was how it would've happened for me. My mom liked to throw it in my face that I was a vegetarian that didn't like veggies. Every time she talked to someone "oh, my daughter is a Vegetarian. But she doesn't eat vegetables" and she'd laugh about it. :grumble:

    Man thats just rude!! My family was more concerned that I wasn't eating meat then cared about my veggie intake xD For a long time the only veggies I would eat was green beans and potatoes!

    Eventually I just had to figure it out on my own what I liked and how to eat healthier. People nagging at me wouldn't help much.

    I see people who don't eat veggies all the time. SO many people go days without a single veggie in their tummy. And its their decision. Giving up meat really shouldn't call for extra judgement IMO
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Sounds like she doesn't want to listen to you or anyone else. I would leave it alone, you obviously haven't changed her mind one bit and you won't. She has to come to this conclusion on her own.
  • StarvingKyy
    StarvingKyy Posts: 88 Member
    Well I'm vegetarian and I'm totally in yoru friends boat. I don't eat many vegetables and I eat a lot of sugary foods.

    But I do it because I'm against animal curelty. It was never a health choice.

    If i were to eat a piece of meat I'd feel guilty for eating a dead animal, not guilty for being "unhealthy".

    I think it's nice that you're concerned about your friend but I honestly think you should leave her food preferences to be her desicion and not yours. It good that you want to be a good friend and want her to be healthy, but all of the desicions that she makes concerning her food are up to her.
  • elsalily
    elsalily Posts: 47 Member
    I'm a pescetarian (but don't eat that much fish so call myself a vegetarian) and I got to say that that doesn't necessaraily mean eating more vegetables for me, since there are a few I like the taste of. Sure I eat those, and I don't eat as unheathily as your sister in law but I just want to point out that being a vegetarian just means that you don't want to eat meat. Period. It doesn't mean you are supposed to eat more vegetables than everyone else. Now some vegetarians choose healthier food options, some don't. That really depends on what they like and their approach towards health.
    The part I agree on with you is that if she calls what she is doing a healthy diet, then she's wrong. But if she doesn't eat meat she's a vegetarian (barring the partial animal gelatin as other posters said).
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Well I'm vegetarian and I'm totally in yoru friends boat. I don't eat many vegetables and I eat a lot of sugary foods.

    From your profile:

    My Inspirations
    Size 0
    Weighing 112lbs

    You may not want judgment, but you realize you're on a site for healthy nutrition right?
  • sundancer1966
    sundancer1966 Posts: 478 Member
    Not all vegetarians eat tons of fruits and veggies. Sadly, my kids are like that.

    But, you may not be seeing the whole picture. When I'm invited out, particularly to eat at someone's home, I try to make do with side dishes, and the like, in an effort not to inconvenience my host too much. No one should think that those simple diet choices are all I make on a daily basis.

    Also, you may not think of beans as a 'vegetable' per se, but they have a load of phytochemicals, fiber, and protein. As a near-vegan, I eat mostly plants--some fresh and whole, and others incorporated into dishes. Even something like marinara sauce is really a 'vegetable' when you think of it. If you think of the major healthy food groups for vegetarians, they tend to fit into one of these categories: veggies, fruit, grains, legumes, nuts.

    I'm not defending a 'junk food' vegetarian diet. Anyone trying to survive on French fries, chips, white bread, margarine, gumdrops, oreos and beer may be vegetarian, but isn't doing herself any favors.

    ^^ This
    Perfectly worded my friend!

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