When your friends eat a LOT of CRAP

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Replies

  • hbm616
    hbm616 Posts: 377 Member
    I had a similar issue with my boyfriend who can be such a candy junkie! He would offer treats to me consecutively, so much so that it felt like he was trying to shove it down my throat. I had to explain to him that while I appreciate that he wants to share his tasty food with me, if I say "no" to the first offer then please don't offer again. It wears on my will power and is disrespectful to my right to make choices for myself. This must have made a lot of sense to him because I only had to have the conversation once, and other than that he has always been, and continues to be, supportive of me and my lifestyle choices.
  • charityateet
    charityateet Posts: 574 Member
    I have to watch out for alcohol pushers more than anything. It's like if they are drinking it makes them feel better if I do too? I don't know - I have tried to say I was on meds that interfered with the alcohol so I had an excuse but my husband said that sounds lame. So now I just say no thanks I'm not drinking tonight and I don't make a big deal out of it. In your case, I'd do the same thing, just say no thanks and change the subject.
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
    I've found that stroking someone's ego a little can help them back off of you. Just saying, "I'm sorry I'm not as lucky as you, with your metabolism and your natural twiggy-ness." Even if it's not 100% true, people respond better to 'compliments' than to outright resistance.

    This!! Flattery works everytime.
    They'll leave you alone about it if you make them THINK you are envious. Perhaps it might even scare them a bit if you recount a story, even if you have to "make it up" about how someone you know use to eat like that all the time..because they didn't think they would get fat.....but one day the indulgences caught up with them..and the weight piled on. Maybe it was an ingredient in pizza or raw cookie dough..that killed their metabolism. Hey, it could happen!!

    Hope this helps :-)
  • tashaa1992
    tashaa1992 Posts: 658 Member
    Here is what typical meals for three of my friends looks like: An entire sleeve of Lorna Doone shortbread cookies, 5 slices of triple pepperoni buffaque (buffalo and bbq) chicken pizza from dominoes, and an ENTIRE FAMILY-SIZED BAG OF FUNYUNS (dinner)

    A roll of uncooked cookie dough ice cream, a family-sized bag of cheetos, two cannolis, and two huge st. pattys day cupcakes WITH a shamrock shake (that was just dessert...after steak and potatoes)

    My other friend even deep fried a big mac, wrapped it in bacon, and *gag* ate the entire thing. Oh, and heres the kicker: NONE OF THEM ARE OVERWEIGHT WHATSOEVER. :noway:

    I love my friends so much, but it makes me uncomfortable when I am eating a salad and they are eating junk. The problem is that they pressure me to eat with them a LOT, saying things like ~just try it, whats it going to do to you~. Believe me, I LOVE TO EAT, but eating junky does not appeal to me. I just dont LIKE eating uncooked cookie dough but they try to guilt me into eating it (you go to the gym everyday, you always eat healthy, etc.). Its gotten to the point where I made up fake food allergies just so they could stop shoving their cheesecake down my throat.

    I know a little junk cant hurt, I just hate the way it makes me feel. I dont know what to tell them anymore, eating out with them is always uncomfortable because they always make me feel GUILTY for eating healthy. What can I say to them to make them just back off?!?!:explode:
    I completely understand this feeling, it is really hard because you feel embarrassed and it is really awkward. I'm a bit of a health freak, always have been like I would much rather eat a banana than a chocolate bar, not because the chocolate has added sugars in or the fat may be terribly high but just because it has some natural goodness in it, if that makes sense? I'm recovering from anorexia so I have alot of 'good excuses' but I don't think sharing them is the right thing to do as they are unhealthy tips. So what I will say is if you do want whatever they're having, have a normal portion size because balance is key, but if you don't want it and they won't back off about it, which alot of my friends do, all I can suggest is you think twice about going out for meals with them in the future. I've had to cut off alot of my old friends, even my sister because they were constantly trying to drag me down, I kept getting told I couldn't recover because I wasn't strong enough and this was who I was always going to be. It hurts because I love them so much but if they can't support me, I can't spend time with them.
    I do hope you find someway through this though xxx
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    ".. If you can't change something, change the way you think about it" Your friends are probably not going stop asking you to eat those foods.. Maybe they just want to include you in whatever they are doing. I know it probably gets annoying that its continuous, but unless they are in your shoes, they probably don't understand what your goals really are. Just keep a protein bar or something you consider a treat with you.. when they ask.. say you already have something. I'm still working out what I'm going to say this weekend for Easter, because i know the questions and offers will come"Why don't you eat some cookies/chocolate/pie?". Best of luck!
  • mcjmommy
    mcjmommy Posts: 148 Member
    If they are your friends, they aren't going to give you such a hard time about it. You need to do what is best for you. They should support that!
  • rmhand
    rmhand Posts: 1,067 Member
    My boyfriends family is all overweight and food is something to bond over for them. His mom is always trying to lose weight but continues to eat things that are not good for her. I'm finding a balance and they are learning to accept that I don't want to eat all of the things they prepare. I have always been a somewhat picky eater so I usually use "I don't like that" as my excuse. I have starting to bring a veggie tray to they family gatherings and that way everyone can partake. Once I brought a bunch of my own food and left like I was being rude for not eating what they had. So I bring enough to share. I fill up on veggies and then have a small portion of what they eat too.
  • Judanjos
    Judanjos Posts: 87
    I have a friend that has tried to take to "out to lunch"(ie fast food) several times in the last month and I politely refuse. She's getting irritated that I don't want to and I explain to her every time that they don't have anything healthy at del taco or Hawaiian bar b q. She even wanted to buy me this huge pastrami sandwich at school and I had to say no thanks. It's hard and I see she gets hurt but what can I do? I refuse to put that stuff in my mouth. I know how I am ...one bite and I'm face full nose diving into it...no thanks. If this severs our relationship then it was not a strong one to begin with. I'm 296lbs and I can't afford to gain again. If my friend can't understand that..she has no business being a friend.
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
    It sounds to me like your friends are feeling guilty about the way *they* eat. They see you eating healthy, and feel convicted about their unhealthy eating, so they want you to eat the junk to validate their behavior.

    This is the same way that, for example, a woman who had an epidural when giving birth might get offended by a woman who isn't planning to have one, and try to convince her that she should. Or a working mom might get upset if her friend decides to be a SAHM. I'm not saying epidurals or working moms are bad, but people who are secure in their decisions don't get offended just because someone else makes a different decision.

    I agree with the compliment solution. Say, "I'm not lucky to have a great metabolism like you. I have to work really hard to stay fit. If I eat junk food, it undoes some of the work I did at the gym. I know that you are fortunate enough to be able to eat whatever you want, but for me it's just as bad as if I was allergic. Please stop asking."
  • kateroot
    kateroot Posts: 435
    Doesn't bother me what my friends eat. If they're eating junk, I just don't eat it. If they offer it to me, I say "no thank you." And I don't care that some of my skinny friends can eat all kinds of junk food, because my journey is about me. I want to be healthy and fit because it makes me feel good, and I know eating junk food all the time will keep me from that goal. What my friends choose to do with their diets is irrelevant.
  • LordBezoar
    LordBezoar Posts: 625 Member
    Seems to me that they aren't very good friends if they are actively trying to derail you in something that you really want to do...
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
    PS, if you tell your friends what I said above, or some other way of telling them that their behavior hurts you, and they don't care, I would say they aren't very good friends. They're putting their own desires above your well-being.
  • pullipgirl
    pullipgirl Posts: 767 Member
    sounds like they are skinny because they are malnourished from eating junk food
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
    What about if your friends happen to be your roommates and like to have communal dinner together? What happens if the same people who eat greasy/oily/salty food always cook such dinner and you have no choice but to eat them? How can you keep rejecting their offer when they ask, "Joining us for dinner at the dinner table later?"

    Make yourself something healthy and sit at the table with them.
  • KristalDawnO
    KristalDawnO Posts: 154 Member
    I bought this thing called the ActiFry from a friend for next to nothing. It is pretty neat and you can make those fried things with a tbsp oil or less. So when they're making that kinda stuff - make your own healthier version :)
  • daisymae9801
    daisymae9801 Posts: 208 Member
    I mean no offense at all here, but I looked at your pictures and if that is what you look like now, you are very thin. Maybe they think they're helping?
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
    I have a friend that has tried to take to "out to lunch"(ie fast food) several times in the last month and I politely refuse. She's getting irritated that I don't want to and I explain to her every time that they don't have anything healthy at del taco or Hawaiian bar b q. She even wanted to buy me this huge pastrami sandwich at school and I had to say no thanks. It's hard and I see she gets hurt but what can I do? I refuse to put that stuff in my mouth. I know how I am ...one bite and I'm face full nose diving into it...no thanks. If this severs our relationship then it was not a strong one to begin with. I'm 296lbs and I can't afford to gain again. If my friend can't understand that..she has no business being a friend.

    Have you considered inviting her to eat someplace that has healthier foods?
  • kekl
    kekl Posts: 382 Member
    I want to hang out with your friends! :love:
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I know a little junk cant hurt, I just hate the way it makes me feel. I dont know what to tell them anymore, eating out with them is always uncomfortable because they always make me feel GUILTY for eating healthy. What can I say to them to make them just back off?!?!:explode:

    Why not tell them what you said in the second part above. I don't like the way it makes me feel. And you guys need to back off. I don't tell you what to eat, so stop telling me what to eat.

    I feel your pain on this, because even though we’d all been friends years before, when I started losing weight my friends were constantly offended that I wouldn't eat the Walmart fried chicken and drink the strong red Kool-aid with them. It took about 2 years of sticking to my guns for them to finally back off and respect my opinion.

    I find that strangers are more respecting than friends. Even if you’re not trying to be judgmental, they might subconsciously feel that if you can do it then they have no excuse to continue hurting their bodies.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I have found the best response to be that "Oh.. it looks good and I wish I could but my stomach has been on strike and when I eat like that I usually spend the rest of the night on the toilet..... sure wish I could, but I better not" :wink:

    love this!

    By the way, I fast 2x/week for religous reasons. And so it's really no big deal for me to go "out to lunch" with friends and not eat. Or, if I am eating that day and there's no healthy options, to just get something small to tide me over.

    But man, if you can't just do that w/o offending them, that response above is awesome!
  • allisonmrichard
    allisonmrichard Posts: 64 Member
    When I moved in with my housemates, I actually gained more weight than ever in college. Sheetz runs became a nightly thing, I would be eating junk all the time not even because I was hungry, just because I felt like it and it tasted good. My habits have changed but it was hard because I had become so addicted to food and all the stuff that I still loved was around me so often. I've changed, a lot of other things haven't, but I can't force my new habits on anyone. Even if someone is your friend and you want them to be happy and healthy, you can't make them change. They have to want to change themselves. That's one big thing I've learned.
  • ahipsher
    ahipsher Posts: 46 Member
    I also have this problem with my boyfriend's family.

    His mother gets really offended if I only take a very small portion/don't finish everything on my plate/or if I go with, "I already ate, I'm not that hungry!"
    But, y'know, if you didn't cook with so much salt and butter, I might eat more of it. It's just very awkward. She's very, very overweight, and she perceives it as a judgement of her cooking/lifestyle/her personally.

    But really it's just me looking out for my waistline (and heart!).

    Oh my! We are in the same boat then. It's so hard to tell my roommate that his cooking is actually unhealthy. He kept claiming, "I think our meal in this house is quite healthy. We have veggies, fruits, meats, and even brown rice." O.o Yeah .... but all those salt and oil? When I commented on how much oil he put in the frying pan, he went, "Nah ... it's not that much at all." I could TASTE the sodium in my mouth that my lips dried. O.o How's that "healthy"?

    If I do not eat with them, I'm seen as an anti-social-person-refusing-to-fellowship-with-roommate. If I eat, my body get all screwed up and all my workout goes to drain. O.o

    YES. EXACTLY.
    Like, brown rice isn't healthy if you use a ton of chicken broth and then eat like, four servings of it.
    It's about moderation too.
    She recently started Weight Watchers but still doesn't weight/measure food, and she's always bragging that she's under her points. You can't just eye-ball a cup if you've never measured your food before. :grumble:
  • ahipsher
    ahipsher Posts: 46 Member
    My boyfriends family is all overweight and food is something to bond over for them. His mom is always trying to lose weight but continues to eat things that are not good for her. I'm finding a balance and they are learning to accept that I don't want to eat all of the things they prepare. I have always been a somewhat picky eater so I usually use "I don't like that" as my excuse. I have starting to bring a veggie tray to they family gatherings and that way everyone can partake. Once I brought a bunch of my own food and left like I was being rude for not eating what they had. So I bring enough to share. I fill up on veggies and then have a small portion of what they eat too.

    I'm so glad I can relate to other people on this issue. It's not like I'm ungrateful; you obviously took the time to prepare a meal for your family and for myself, but I'm sorry, it's just not very healthy.
    They mistake it for snobbery, like I'm "too good" for her cooking. I always eat a little bit, I just never take more than a bit because I don't want something on my plate I'm not going to eat, y'know?
  • fitnesspirateninja
    fitnesspirateninja Posts: 667 Member
    The only thing I can control is myself - what I eat and how I feel about what I'm eating.

    Sometimes I do feel weird about bringing my own snacks to parties or family events, or eating a salad when my friend is eating fish and chips, but I get over it. I'm not going to eat something I don't want to eat because my friends want me to join in.

    Most people are focused on themselves anyway, and probably aren't worrying about what you're eating.
  • jenluvsushi
    jenluvsushi Posts: 933 Member
    Not saying you should cut them out of your life but maybe you should make some new friends that you have things like this in common with...people change. I have a couple friends who eat like crap, are fat and do nothing but complain about it. They do not want any advice and seem to be irritated more and more with every pound I lose or workout I do. Although I still love them and we occasionally hang out, it is not the same anymore. I want friends who appreciate the hard work I put in and who have similar goals....not who treat me like a food natzi or who love to flaunt junk food in my face to tempt me (although, at this point not much tempts me anymore).
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