I absolutely hate myself for becoming fat again :I
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This isn't a joke, I honestly feel this way and maybe I need some therapy or something. I have a really unhealthy relationship with food, I always have. I can eat an incredible amount and still not feel full, I never get that feeling and it scares me. This morning I ate a large peanut and chocolate egg, half a block of chocolate and my cereal...it's insane.
I just worry so much that I'll end up like I was when I was little, I still remember being teased and taunted by the kids at school as I was really fat and it's only been the last couple of years that I've managed to get to a reasonable weight.
My whole family is so skinny, especially my sister who also gets a lot of attention from men all the time.
I just feel so depressed that I dont want to get dressed in the mornings and look nice anymore.0 -
I'd LOVE to be 120 lbs. I started here at 229lbs and worked my way down to 156 as of right now. My goal by June is 135 and maybe less after that. I'm sure 10 lbs doesn't show much on you so try not to worry too much, 120 lbs is a great weight.
I'd love to be as close to 156 as you are right now. Guess we all have our own troubles. :laugh:0 -
This isn't a joke, I honestly feel this way and maybe I need some therapy or something. I have a really unhealthy relationship with food, I always have. I can eat an incredible amount and still not feel full, I never get that feeling and it scares me. This morning I ate a large peanut and chocolate egg, half a block of chocolate and my cereal...it's insane.
I just worry so much that I'll end up like I was when I was little, I still remember being teased and taunted by the kids at school as I was really fat and it's only been the last couple of years that I've managed to get to a reasonable weight.
My whole family is so skinny, especially my sister who also gets a lot of attention from men all the time.
I just feel so depressed that I dont want to get dressed in the mornings and look nice anymore.
Don't get dressed then. At that weight, you look fine naked. You're not fat.0 -
This isn't a joke, I honestly feel this way and maybe I need some therapy or something. I have a really unhealthy relationship with food, I always have. I can eat an incredible amount and still not feel full, I never get that feeling and it scares me. This morning I ate a large peanut and chocolate egg, half a block of chocolate and my cereal...it's insane.
I just worry so much that I'll end up like I was when I was little, I still remember being teased and taunted by the kids at school as I was really fat and it's only been the last couple of years that I've managed to get to a reasonable weight.
My whole family is so skinny, especially my sister who also gets a lot of attention from men all the time.
I just feel so depressed that I dont want to get dressed in the mornings and look nice anymore.
If you can, find a therapist that specializes in eating disorders, specifically Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Avoid therapists that focus on weighing and food. Find one that focuses on self-image. Get help, if you can.
Self-hatred is seriously miserable. It colors how you view everything. It ruins relationships and if you obsess too much, will ruin your body.
And from what i've experienced/seen/read, self-hatred is pretty darned impossible to beat all on your own. You are your worst enemy here.0 -
This isn't a joke, I honestly feel this way and maybe I need some therapy or something. I have a really unhealthy relationship with food, I always have. I can eat an incredible amount and still not feel full, I never get that feeling and it scares me. This morning I ate a large peanut and chocolate egg, half a block of chocolate and my cereal...it's insane.
I just worry so much that I'll end up like I was when I was little, I still remember being teased and taunted by the kids at school as I was really fat and it's only been the last couple of years that I've managed to get to a reasonable weight.
My whole family is so skinny, especially my sister who also gets a lot of attention from men all the time.
I just feel so depressed that I dont want to get dressed in the mornings and look nice anymore.
I mean this in the kindest way, but you probably do need therapy. Most people could benefit from it, to be honest.0 -
This isn't a joke, I honestly feel this way and maybe I need some therapy or something. I have a really unhealthy relationship with food, I always have. I can eat an incredible amount and still not feel full, I never get that feeling and it scares me. This morning I ate a large peanut and chocolate egg, half a block of chocolate and my cereal...it's insane.
I just worry so much that I'll end up like I was when I was little, I still remember being teased and taunted by the kids at school as I was really fat and it's only been the last couple of years that I've managed to get to a reasonable weight.
My whole family is so skinny, especially my sister who also gets a lot of attention from men all the time.
I just feel so depressed that I dont want to get dressed in the mornings and look nice anymore.
It's totally understandable that you fear going back to how you were, especially when people were so mean to you. I think therapy would be helpful to come to terms with what happened then and to understand more about how it has affected your view of yourself and your relationship with food. I recommend cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for this as it has a record of effectiveness for problems of this type. The courses are fairly short. You've done so well in coming so far, please take these final steps to undo the damage from the past so you can live the happy life that you so deserve. Good luck mischa x0 -
First off 120 lbs is not fat! Second of all, if a man thinks you are fat (especially at 120 lbs) then he is not the man you want to be with! I used to weigh almost 200 lbs by the end of college. I had a boyfriend who loved me for me (and believe me he is skinny...like 5 foot 10 inches and 130 lbs) and weight never matter. I got down to about 135 lbs two years ago after having life changing (in a bad way) knee surgery. I thought being skinnier would make exercising much easier---I was wrong, but I don't regret losing the 65 lbs and becoming healthier. When I was at 135 lbs, I got a lot of attention from guys I had known for years. All of a sudden they wanted to be with me because I was skinny. Losing weight didn't change my personality, just my body! Any of those guys who suddenly had an interest in me because I wasn't "fat" were shallow and I would never ever waste a moment of my life on. If someone doesn't love you for who you are inside AND out, then why waste your time on them?!?! I can relate about gaining the 10 lbs. I gained about 15 after another surgery and moving/starting a new career. It is painful, but awareness is good. It sounds like you are very similar to me in the fact that you need to learn to love yourself first (at 110 lbs AND at 120 lbs) before looking for the "right guy". Also, if your friends don't tell you that you still look hot then you might want to reevaluate them as well! My boyfriend and friends have loved and respected me (and told me I was beautiful) when I was 200 lbs, 135 lbs and my current weight of about 150 lbs. That shows they love me for me, not my body! Now I just need to learn to love myself, as do you! Don't be so hard on yourself. You are beautiful!0
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also, feel free to add me. I'm about the same size you are, and I think I'm hugely overweight too.
I know, rationally, I'm not (and neither are you), but it doesn't make looking in the mirror any easier.
Most people on weight loss forums will try to tear you a new one. A lot of people on here have tens of hundreds of lbs to lose, and lifetimes of being treated terribly because of their size to contend with. They hate people like you (like me?) almost as much as you hate that 10 little lbs you put on.
Talking like this is like rubbing their struggles in their faces, and you may not mean it to be, but it's incredibly rude/hurtful/insensitive/oblivious.0 -
120 is not fat. Unless you are 3'11. You do have an unhealthy relationship with food and your self perception. I remember being young and 118 and thought I was a cow. I hated myself because I was not 98 lbs like my shorter friends. At 118 I was an anorexic. I have come to the belief just today that anorexia is like alcoholism and you never fully recover. Try eating healthier. Find foods that are filling like broccoli, brown rice, and while you are depressed that you and your man are not together all the time find something to fill your time instead of self doubt. Join a gym, make up a walking club and yes get some therapy for your unhealthy self image. I feel like I am the pot calling the kettle black here but I would kill to be 120 lbs again. Honestly will be lucky if the last 10 lbs comes off and I can see 135. So be happy with you and if all he loves you for is your body he isn't worth it. And your sister does not get attention because she is thin. She is probably getting the attention because she has confidence. I have friends far heavier than myself that get far more attention than I do and it all has to do with confidence and how you carry yourself. Good luck and please address your ED before it pulls you under.0
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you're def slightly overreacting. becoming fat again?? you gained 10 pounds, you've already lost two of it. you're fine. am i fat because i'm 128 pounds, or the other people here super fat cause they're in the 200's? maybe post this on a diff forum because you're way tinier than the others on here, and they WISH they could be you.
lose your other 8 pounds and LIVE your life. i totally have BDD right there with you and think i look terrible sometimes and i am honestly petrified of gaining (as i sit here with wine, totally going over calories) but there are people DYING to look like you.
i'm totally not trying to be mean to you, but re-evaluate your attitude. i'm sure you look fabulous and amazing in a bikini still!0 -
(post I replied to was deleted)0
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also, feel free to add me. I'm about the same size you are, and I think I'm hugely overweight too.
I know, rationally, I'm not (and neither are you), but it doesn't make looking in the mirror any easier.
Most people on weight loss forums will try to tear you a new one. A lot of people on here have tens of hundreds of lbs to lose, and lifetimes of being treated terribly because of their size to contend with. They hate people like you (like me?) almost as much as you hate that 10 little lbs you put on.
Talking like this is like rubbing their struggles in their faces, and you may not mean it to be, but it's incredibly rude/hurtful/insensitive/oblivious.
thank you for this. I was tiny at one point and my ED crashed my entire system and I have battled 10 years of obesity because of what I did to my body. Some of us like the two of you realize at 10 lbs it is time to do something. Some of us like me and some of the others trying to loose mass amounts of weight get pulled down into the cycle and it takes something bigger to wake us up. But crying about how fat you are 10 lbs above where you would like to be does make people feel horrible about themselves and their own trials. We all have a cross to bear and demons to fight. Good luck fighting yours and remember we all are our own worst critics!0 -
Honey, you aren't actually fat. You may not be where you want to be, but you're being awfully hard on yourself. Stop it.
Yes I agree. 90% percent of us on MFP wished we were 120 pounds!! :huh:
me included!!0 -
120 lbs? *sigh* I wish0
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If she does have actual issues she does need to get help.0
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Just start over! You will do well this time.0
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micha, I'm so sorry you hate yourself so much. You are a beautiful girl. Please talk to your doctor about these feelings, The strength of your self hatred, the effect it is having on your life and the fact that you are not at all fat means that it is very likely you may have an illness which affects your perception of your body image. There is good treatment available for this, so I advise you to ask for an assessment. I hope you have a great time with your boyfriend and that his love for you makes you feel a little better about yourself :flowerforyou:
^^This. Mischa, please get some help. Hating yourself is a horrendous way to live, but you can change your thinking. If you're still seeing yourself as a fat person (even though you are not fat) and you're using food to cope with stress, you will hate yourself back to being fat. I know firsthand how it's done. Good luck & God bless. :flowerforyou:0 -
If you've been working out, keep in mind some of it may be muscle. I've gained 10 lbs in a few short months and all the same clothes fit. Don't focus so much on the scale. Just breathe. You're at a healthy weight. If you want to lose and keep it off, you're going to have to put in more effort to be below your body's own idea of it's ideal weight. So put your feet on the ground and get movin!
And if your boyfriend is like most men, he's not gonna notice a few pounds unless you point it out...and he'll love you the same I hope! I think most of us struggle with our body image sometimes...I'm right there with you. Just try to keep it in perspective. Feel free to add me if you need extra support. :flowerforyou: 0 -
In response to all the people offering therapy: I completely agree. I've been going since last year and it has helped to put so many things in life into perspective. It really helps to have a safe place to talk and get healthy and intelligent feedback. 0
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I think you've been given some great advice, hope you follow it because you are a beautiful girl.0
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